


Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

by jennycaakes



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, District 2, F/M, Post-Canon, Post-Games (Hunger Games), Post-Mockingjay, Post-War, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 128,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been four years since the Mockingjay took down the Capitol, and both Gale Hawthorne and Madge Undersee have been working with the new government to make a better future. Unfortunately, they're both in District 2. The two of them have been doing a great job at avoiding each other and minding their own business, but a chance string of events brings them together again and again. It isn't until Madge starts feeling strange after one late night with Gale do they accidentally become permanent people in one another's lives. How will the two of them balance their careers and their increasingly complicated personal lives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hangovers in New Panem

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! I've been working on this fic (on and off) for the past couple of years and have really rewritten it thanks to inspiration from one of my parenting classes. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> A lot of this chapter is setting up the world. The only real change from the books that you need to know of is that Madge (and her father) survived the bombing of District 12. They weren't given any special treatment, they just went to District 13 with everyone else. I hope that's all the clarification you need to get started - let me know if you have any questions!
> 
> If you hadn't picked up from the summary - this is an accidental pregnancy fic! If that's not your thing I understand, but that is the main premise of this story. No hard feelings if you want to bail. 
> 
> Other subject matter contains PTSD, mentions of abortion and adoption, extremists/terrorists, and conversations about personal self-worth. Most of your favorites will make an appearance at some point (save for Finnick and Prim, because they're both well... you know), so stick around for that!
> 
> I hope you stick around! I've been working on this fic (on and off) for a couple of years now, and I'm super excited to be posting it. The goal is for one chapter a week but we'll see how that goes. Enjoy - let me know if you like it!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games

Madge wakes up with the worst headache she’s ever had. She can hear her roommate moving around their small kitchen just outside her door, presumably getting ready for her day. With a groan Madge rolls to look at her clock hanging on the wall. She has work in an hour or so which means she _really_ should get out of bed.

It’s been four years since the war and Madge still can’t believe how much things have changed.

She rolls another time to sit up and her mattress squeaks loudly under her weight. Madge is a long ways away from her old life as the mayor’s daughter (though Leon Undersee is _technically_ still the mayor of District 12, happily restructuring and reshaping their once rubble riddled home) and lacks almost all of the luxuries she had in her mansion. Her new apartment is actually pretty old. It was built long before the war with bricks and wood and the pipes are constantly settling and resettling. The list of repairs that need to be made get longer every day. The sinks leak, the hot water heater is broken, and the electricity barely works.

But Madge (and her roommate) pays for it all on her own and she’s proud of that.

She scrubs at her face and stands from her bed before padding out to greet her roommate. Lora, a peppy girl with long blue-black hair from District 6, is standing at the counter and angrily hitting their small and inefficient coffee pot. The two of them work together at the Panem Outreach Program (POP for short) and met right after the war had ended. Both had left their homes looking to start fresh, and both had ended up in District 2 in their search for something new. They’ve been roommates ever since.

“Is it broken again?” Madge asks tiredly, and Lora answers her with a groan. That means they’re going to have to leave a few minutes earlier and stop at the shop on the corner of the street. “I really could’ve used that today,” Madge murmurs.

“I’ll bet,” Lora says. “I heard you come in at… what was it, four in the morning? Five?” Madge ignores her friend and opens one of the cabinets before pulling out a chipped glass. She runs the water for a few seconds before filling up her cup. “Where were you?”

Madge drinks her water in three big gulps before placing her cup in the sink. She tilts her head at Lora and makes a face. The water has an aftertaste of copper – another thing they should add to the list of repairs.

“I was out,” Madge answers. Lora rolls her eyes very obviously before whacking their coffee pot another time. “I don’t really want to talk about it,” Madge continues.

“That’s because you smell like vodka and look like you were hit by a bus,” Lora says. Madge mimics her friend and rolls her eyes as well.

Madge had a late night. It doesn’t happen very often, or _ever_ really, and so she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Along with her living conditions and her move out to District 2 rather than returning home with her father after the war ended, that’s another thing that’s changed. Madge is noticed by people. By men, specifically, and it’s amazing. She went her entire childhood being ignored and teased for being the mayor’s daughter but now people _see_ her. The attention is refreshing, it makes her feel important on her own terms.

She disappears into the bathroom without responding to her roommate and turns on the shower. Madge doesn’t wait for the water to get hot because she knows it isn’t going to, and then she climbs into the tub. Her shower is quick but afterwards she feels clean and awake even though her headache is still there. She also doesn’t smell like vodka anymore which is good.

To put it simply, last night was… different.

Madge had gone to the bar for a few drinks to relax after work. A new position had opened up and she interviewed for the job. The Panem Outreach Program is very heavily involved in communicating with other countries to establish trade systems and treaties. The new position allows for visitation to Augmentum, the continent directly south of New Panem, to establish direct relationships with the various countries. It’s so rare to get travel allowance and that’s one of the main reasons Madge joined POP in the first place.

So when she found out about the job opening she interviewed immediately and went straight to the bar to relax. To de-stress. To breathe and not get her hopes up too high.

And out of all of the people to be in the same exact bar as her it _had_ to be him.

Madge wraps her wet hair up in a towel and tries to rid herself the memories of last night. Not that they’re bad memories, because he was very talented with his tongue and his hands and mouth in general (just like the rumors that whistled through the district when they were younger), but because it was _him_.

Madge never should’ve gotten into bed with Gale Hawthorne.

She knew he was in District 2, _everyone_ knew Gale was in District 2. He hadn’t returned home after the war – the expanding security forces of New Panem had their base in 2 and they had plucked him straight from District 13 the minute the war had ended for his expertise and leadership. He was a big name, and a big pain in the ass.

They saw each other every now and then but chose not to speak. Their playful banter from District 12 had died down once Katniss had been reaped into the Hunger Games (twice!), and almost all communication had stopped in District 13. They were on different paths of life and that was okay. There was no need to beat a dead horse.

But then they were both in District 2 and Madge thought that might change things, but it didn’t. They chose not to speak. It was easier to do that then pretend they cared about one another and how they were doing. All Madge had to do to find out how he was doing anyway was just turn on the news. He was all over it. _War Hero Hawthorne_.

“Let’s go, Madge,” Lora says as she bangs on Madge’s door, pulling her from her thoughts of the night. From the bar, from Gale’s mouth… “We’re going to be late!”

* * *

Gale isn’t sure he’s _ever_ going to get used to New Panem.

He places his travel mug into the cup holder of his car and after buckling he shifts it into drive. Just years ago Gale thought he was going to spend his entire life working in the mines underground. He wasn’t content with that, but it’s what he had accepted. Now he has his own car, his own apartment in a high rise building in the best part of District 2, a personal coffee machine, enough money to keep him _and_ his family back in 12 going… the list is endless. He’s been doing this routine for years now and he's certain he's never going to get used to it.

He pulls into the parking lot at headquarters and is relieved his coffee is cool enough to drink. Years ago he hadn’t even ever had a _taste_ of coffee and now he has a machine in his apartment to drink a cup a day. It’s one of his many addictions he just can’t seem to shake.

Gale strides into his office with his mug in his hand and flashes his ID at the woman at the front desk.

“You’re late,” someone greets him with a clap on the back. Benny, Gale’s second in command, is always too cheerful in the morning. “We just got the reports in from the attack last night, Chief didn’t want to start until you were here.” Gale increases his speed ever so slightly and they walk side by side down the thin hallway to the security chief.

“Catch me up,” Gale murmurs, and Benny launches into his speech.

New Panem is certainly better than the old Panem. There’re no Hunger Games. There’s no system in place keeping the poor hungry and giving the rich everything they want and more. There’re no peacekeepers that keep the citizens living in fear. There’s no one president making all of the awful decisions and sending the country into a downward spiral (there’s a group of people now, and even if President Paylor was making decisions on her own Gale’s sure she’d keep the country running smoothly). But there are still struggles.

There’s a group of extremists that’s been quickly on the rise. They’re, from what researchers and undercover investigators can tell, formed from the old elite. The powerful Capitol members that still have more money than they need, the District Royalty that ran trade routes and inter-district communication that kept the rich, rich.

“They’ve started calling themselves Panem’s Protectors,” Benny says as they take a sharp left. “They’re spray painting _PP_ all over the damn place.” Gale smirks. Vick would get a kick out of that one.

Every couple of months or so the extremists will set off a bomb, but more recently the explosions are getting closer together. They’re trying to send a message and Gale’s worried they’re getting more and more ballsy. He’s _terrified_ they’re going to switch from bombs to guns and that New Panem is going to have a damn civil war on their hands. They have an incredible amount of support from the upper class, and that scares the shit out of Gale.

“Where was the attack?” Gale asks. He hasn’t heard about it on the news yet which means they’re trying to keep it quiet which is good. Those bastards don’t need any more attention – it’s what _feeds_ them.

“District 4,” Benny says. “North East quadrant, near the railway station.”

Gale’s thoughts instantly go to Annie Odair and her son Keiran. When Finnick died during the war Gale promised himself he’d keep in contact with Annie and make sure she was doing okay, and he’s been doing a decent job at it. They talk at least once a month but it’s been a while since their last call. He looks to Benny and waits for further information.

“Any deaths?”

“Six,” Benny says with a nod. Gale scrubs at his face. “And eighteen injuries.”

He hesitates. “Anyone we know?”

Benny shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” That’s a slight relief, but Gale still makes a mental note to call Annie and see how she is. He’s positive that a bombing in her district is going to trigger something painful for her. “Chief wants to start deploying people to each district,” Benny says. “She wants you back in uniform,” Benny continues. “To help train teams.” Gale rakes his hand over his face and nods. Before entering the room he knocks back the rest of his coffee and blinks hard another time to wake himself up. “She could’ve told you all this herself if you’d been _on time_.”

“Shut up,” Gale mutters.

“Where were you anyway? Late night?”

Gale sighs. “You don’t even know.”

* * *

Gale wears a uniform now. It’s a cool navy blue that has his badges pinned to the left pocket. He wears it every day because it’s required. He wears it to forget his Mockingjay uniform. But now his chief, a thin and intense woman named Delta Dracis, is asking him to don his Mockingjay uniform again to train others.

The thought of it makes him sick.

He’s a little hungover, despite his morning shower and his large cup of coffee and the six pills he swallowed this morning to get rid of that feeling, and that certainly isn’t helping either. He keeps his jaw clenched as she explains the details of her plan and his eyes focused on the file rather than on her. Gale likes his new position in security of the country. He likes being a leader. He likes making this country a better place. But he isn’t sure he’s going to be able to do this.

“Lieutenant Hawthorne,” Delta says sharply, and he lifts his eyes. “Are you with us?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he murmurs. “I’m with you.” What choice does he have? Extremists are bombing the country and upsetting the balance they’ve only just achieved. It’s not okay, and Gale’s going to do what he has to in order to bring it back. “When do we start?”

* * *

Gale never thought he’d enjoy a desk job, but he has. He likes paper work. He’s had to get glasses ever since he’s been reading so much, but they’re not the worst thing in the world. He likes working with strategy and coming up with plans and options. Ever since the war the hands on work is _too much_. That’s why he likes his desk job. That’s why he took this job in District 2 in the first place. Because he doesn’t have to _do_ the things he wants to implement. He gets to see the change he wants to be made without having to do it himself.

Delta’s asking too much. But he can’t say no to a better tomorrow.

Benny’s at the desk beside Gale’s and is paging through the file. “It doesn’t look like it’ll be too much,” his friend tells him. “You’ll still be in the office a lot. It’s mostly overseeing the generals that’ll be training, not running the actual training, you know?”

“Sure,” Gale murmurs. Benny closes the file and wheels his chair to look at Gale who huffs but doesn’t look up from the paper work. “ _What_ ,” Gale asks.

Benny’s only a year younger than Gale but he reminds him of a teenager. He’s silly, a lot like Rory, and doesn’t really know boundaries when it comes to personal questions. So Gale should really be prepared for when he asks, “You had a girl over last night, didn’t you?”  Gale arches an eyebrow in challenge and Benny shakes his head with a smug look on his face. “That’s, what, the third this week?”

“Can you mind your own business for once in your life?” Gale asks.

Benny smirks. “Or is it the same girl?”

“Mind. Your own. Business.” Benny rocks backwards in his chair and Gale frowns. He lifts his square rim glasses and crosses his arms over his chest. “What now, Benny?”

The man lifts his shoulders. “When’s the last time you saw your doc?”

Gale drops his glasses back down and turns to his desk again. “This conversation is over,” Gale mutters. He looks back down at the files detailing the plan for his training and another wave of nausea rolls through him.

Ever since leaving District 13 all of those years ago, Gale’s had trouble sleeping. Alright, that’s an understatement. Gale’s had trouble _being_.

When Gale’s not drinking himself to sleep he’s in the entertainment sector of District 2, barhopping to find a girl to sleep with so he can stop _thinking_. And when he’s not doing that he’s popping so many pills to keep himself functioning that it’s not even remotely funny. He sees things that aren’t there, he hears things that aren’t there, he _feels things_ that aren’t there.

So he has a doctor. A head doctor.

Gale didn’t even know those things existed. In District 12 if someone was just a little out of whack people would pretend it wasn’t happening. Miss Everdeen and the other healers would prescribe some sort of herbal medicine that supposedly helped. Gale had never even considered that there were doctors solely for people to _talk_ to.

A shrink. A therapist. There are a whole bunch of names for these doctors. They were well known in the richer districts, and even the Capitol had a few. After the war it was a whole new branch of medicine that expanded very rapidly. Delta, the chief, ordered Gale see one of the head doctors if he wanted to work for her. And he did. He wanted to work in security _so badly_. So he went.

He’s still going.

It’s been three years.

In fact, he has an appointment tonight. But Benny doesn’t need to know that.

* * *

Madge misses District 12.

She doesn’t miss it enough that she’s willing to go home, because she’s not, but she _does_ miss it. She misses Peeta and she misses Katniss, she misses her father. She misses the small homey feel of the entire district, she misses a time when everyone knew each other. She loved being able to walk anywhere she wanted to go and hates that now she has to get in a bus to get to work. District 2 is too big and too fast paced.

As she drinks the coffee she paid way too much for she climbs onto the big blue bus that's waiting at the stop. She doesn’t know how to drive and frankly she’s a little too scared to learn. Lora too. They take the bus to work every morning and home every evening. Their office is in the middle of the district, far away from their small crappy apartment, and the fare isn’t too awful. It’s just such an annoying routine.

“You never told me about your night, by the way,” Lora remarks once they’re seated. The drive isn’t too long either, and sometimes when it’s nice out Madge will make the walk. But that’s potentially dangerous because, again, they’re not in the best part of the district. “Was he hot?”

“Stop it,” Madge says with a laugh. She blows into her coffee and shakes her head at her friend. “It was a one-time thing, alright?”

Lora shrugs. “Okay. He could still have been hot.”

Madge blows into her coffee another time and tries to bite back her smile. She looks at the passengers around them then over at her friend. “Super-hot,” Madge says quietly. Lora grins. “Like, how in the world is it even possible, hot. Only, he’s a real asshole.” Madge sinks backwards in her chair. “Just really, really, hot. And surprisingly… kind?”

“But also an asshole?”

“Also an asshole,” Madge confirms with a laugh. Her memory of Gale at the bar isn’t spotty, she remember most of it. His gentle hands, his stupid hero complex. But also the banter. The teasing that reminded her so much of when they were younger in District 12 when things weren't exactly simple, but somehow easier. “But, whatever, one-time thing,” she says again. “In fact, if I never see him again then all the better.”


	2. A New Police Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge gets a new assignment with the Panem Outreach Program. So does Gale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's mentioned in the chapter, but take note that there's a time jump from the last chapter! It's been about a month since Chapter 1. Enjoy!

Gale’s been coming to this office for three years, but still being here makes him anxious.

Never in his life did he think he’d have enough money for weekly sessions like this, never did he think he’d have time to sit in a pleather chair and stare at multicolored carpet and talk about his feelings. But here he is.

Gale’s bouncing his foot as his doctor writes something down on his notepad. He glances over his shoulder and looks at the clock. They still have a bit of time left in the session but Gale isn’t sure what it is he wants to talk about. Doctor Carlson looks up and through his wireframe glasses at his client. Gale shifts awkwardly in his seat.

“You know that looking at the clock doesn’t make this speed by any faster,” Doctor Carlson reminds him, and Gale dips his head. “If coming here makes you anxious, then why do you continue to come, Gale? Does it help?”

“Why else would I come?” Gale mutters.

The doctor smirks. “Because your job requires you to.”

Gale wrinkles his nose. Delta required it a long time ago, that Gale come to these sessions. After the war, after his dark detour right after, she decided it was the only way for him to join security and defense. So he went. “It helps,” he says quietly. Not a lot. Not as much as he wishes it would. But it does help.

“It would probably help more if you were more open with me,” he reminds him, and Gale hesitantly nods. He knows that’s true. That just so happens to be one of his biggest struggles. It makes him feel weak, even after all of this time. “Let’s try another question,” Doctor Carlson says. “Is there anyone special in your life, Gale?”

He could laugh. “Not since last time you asked.”

“And is that because you’re not interested in a relationship, or because you haven’t found the right person, or because you’re too busy sleeping with whoever is willing?”

Gale averts his eyes at the question and the doctor tips his head slightly. How he chooses to cope with people, that’s not his fault. For the time Gale’s with another person he doesn’t have to think about the war, the visions, the nightmares. He can just immerse himself in the pleasure and drown it all out for a bit. The alcohol makes him forget. The pills make him numb. The coffee makes him anxious. The sex makes him feel _warm_. That isn’t his fault.

“I’m not sure what you want, Doc,” Gale says. “If you’re looking for a sob story about how lonely I am you’re not going to get it. I don’t _have_ that.”

“You’re not lonely, then?”

Gale groans inwardly. He walked into this. “No.”

“When’s the last time you talked to your family?”

Gale drops his eyes to the ground another time, staring at the carpet once more. It’s been a long time since he’s seen any of them, let alone heard their voices. Absolutely everything reminds him of them but he can’t work up the courage to even dial the phone. He thinks of his baby sister Posy who’s hardly a baby anymore. Her ninth birthday was a few months ago. And Vick’s fourteen now, tall and lanky with arms and legs that must be growing too quickly for Hazelle to keep up. Even the thought of Rory, seventeen years old and maybe still angry and pinning the loss of Primrose Everdeen on Gale, makes his heart feel heavy.

Gale hasn’t talked to his family because he doesn’t _deserve_ them. And they certainly don’t need him. They’re better off without the family fuckup in their lives.

He sends money home, and Hazelle writes, but Gale struggles to write back. He’s written back before. It was months ago and barely a few sentences, but he did it. That was the biggest step he’s taken in communicating with his family since the end of the war.

And he hates it.

“Gale?” Doctor Carlson looks toward his client. “How long has it been?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Gale murmurs as he shakes his head. He doesn’t know what to say to them. He doesn’t know how to explain himself. “They don’t want to talk to me.”

“Now I’m sure that isn’t true,” Doctor Carlson says softly. “You said that your mother writes. How about you call her? Just to say hello. Start simple. Just say you wanted to hear her voice.” Gale jerks his head into a no. He can’t do that, it would break him. What if he calls and they hate him? “You have to start somewhere, Gale.”

Again Gale shakes his head. He just _can’t._

He can’t love them like he used to, because Gale loses everything he loves.

He lost his father. He lost his home. He lost his best friend, the once love of his life. If he loves his family like he used to then something awful will happen to them and he’ll lose them. He’d rather them think he hates them, but be alive, than have them die because of him.

“Maybe next week,” Gale forces out. Both he and Doctor Carlson know that that’s a lie. “I don’t want to talk about them anymore.”

“Okay,” the doctor says with a nod. They talk about something else instead.

* * *

Madge can’t stop pacing the office. There’s a big business meeting happening soon and it’s making her nervous. She interviewed for the new position a  _month_ ago at this point and the announcement of who got it is soon. She doesn’t remember the last time she’s wanted something this badly. Madge wants to explore the entire world – for so long she’d been told that Panem was all there was. Her first step is getting this promotion to meet with representatives from Augmentum, so she can explore the countries down south.

From there she wants to explore more. She wants to see everything.

“You’re making me nervous, Madge,” Lora says. Madge gnaws on her bottom lip and tightly crosses her arms over her chest. “Everyone knows how much you want this job, I’m sure you’re a shoo-in.” Madge tries to smile at her friend but it’s weak. She nods, and then she starts pacing again. “ _Madge_.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Madge just hates getting her hopes up. And her hopes are _very high_. “I’ll stop.” So she stops pacing, but she can’t stop fidgeting. Madge drums her fingers against her hips and bounces her foot. “They’ll tell us soon, right?”

“They’ll tell us soon,” Lora confirms with a nod. Madge glances around the office and makes way to her seat, needing to sit down rather than stand. If she sits down then she can look through more files on Augmentum and prove she knows a bit on the different countries. Lora watches as Madge moves to her seat and smiles gratefully that her friend isn’t pacing anymore.

But of course, the second Madge sits down, the higher ups open their door. Madge leaps to her feet another time and so does about half of the office. Richie, a chubby balding man, peers out and looks in her direction. “Madge,” he calls. Her heartbeat picks up and she quickly scurries into the office. He shuts the door behind her. “Please, have a seat.”

There are two other people in the room, all of them more important than Madge. They make decisions as a whole. “Madge.” Patricia Collins smiles at her kindly. “You had an incredible interview for the Augmentum position,” she says. “However there’s another position we feel that you are better suited for here at the Outreach Program.”

The nerves in Madge’s stomach solidify and drop. She feels like a balloon that someone’s just popped. She nods her head. “I’m not going to Augmentum,” she says, and all three of them nod.

“You’re not going to Augmentum,” Richie confirms. “To be fair, no one is. At least not yet. They’re coming here to see the conditions of Panem before even agreeing to join our program.” Madge nods again, but she doesn’t feel much better. “There’re still plenty of opportunities,” he reminds her.

“Of course,” Madge whispers. “I appreciate the opportunity regardless.”

Madge goes to stand but Patricia stops her. “I said there’s another position open for you,” Patricia says, and Madge stops. She readjusts herself in her seat. “The Panem Outreach Program is solely focused here in District 2 for now, but we want to expand across the country.” Madge presses her lips together. “We’re working hard to get laws and policies regulated throughout New Panem but it can be difficult. We need someone with experience in government, which would be you, to work side by side with some of the mayors and with security and defense.”

Madge blinks a few times. “I don’t have experience in the government,” she tells them. “I mean, my father was mayor, but—”

“That’s the most experience people have with the government these days,” Richie says. Madge feels small. All her life she’s been the mayor’s daughter, and now years later at her own job in her _new life_ she gets reduced to that again. “You’re not going to be running a district, you’re just going to be making sure that mayors get the necessary information.”

Madge’s eyes are somewhere else and she nods slightly. “Madge,” Patricia says. “There’s opportunity for travel.” She lifts her gaze to her boss. “It’s limited and infrequent, but there is opportunity.”

“We just think that you’re the best person for this job,” the other person in the room, a woman named Dottie, says. “And I, I mean, _we_ , very much hope you consider this.” Madge presses her lips together and looks between the three people. “The security and defense branch of the government is coming to the office today,” Dottie continues. “They’re trying to instate a country-wide system as well, they want our help with communicating to the citizens about unifying all of us as a nation, about spreading equal treatment to everyone.”

“All we’re saying is we’d like you to meet with them,” Richie says. “Maybe make a decision after you talk to them for a bit.”

“Of course I can do that,” Madge nods. It’s not what she wants to do, but it’s a step in the right direction. If Madge can handle managing a country-wide program with the Outreach Program then maybe they’ll see she can handle a world-wide program too. “When are they coming?”

There’s a soft knock on the door and everyone looks over Madge’s shoulder as someone walks into the room. There’s a tall man with dark skin in the doorway and a playful smile on his face. “Is this a bad time?” he asks.

“General Benjamin Waters,” Patricia stands to greet him. “Now is a _perfect_ time.”

* * *

Madge hits it off with Benjamin—Benny—immediately. “You don’t have to say the General part every time,” he told her once they were alone. “Honestly? It kind of freaks me out. And it’s not even that big of a title.” He’s silly and has a great smile and is very, very dedicated to this new program. “My partner’s the one who really makes the decisions,” Benny had also said. “He’ll be here soon.”

Now they’re in a back conference room by themselves with files spread out all across the table in front of them. Benny’s excitement for the program makes Madge a bit excited too. “So many people are so eager to get out of Panem and see the world but…” Benny trails off as he lowers one of the files to look across the table at Madge. “I don’t know. Panem is beautiful. I’m excited to see more of it.”

Madge leans backwards in her seat. “Are you from District 2?”

“Born and raised,” he nods. “I lived in the southern part when I was younger, away from the Capitol, but my dad had a fancy job that moved us to the nicer part of the district.”

“That’s where I’m living now,” Madge says. “South 2.”

He arches his eyebrows at her. “That’s not the best place to be living, Miss Undersee, if you don’t mind me saying.” His voice is playful and she can’t help but smile. “Is it long term?”

“I’m hoping this promotion pays a little more,” she admits with a little laugh. Madge knows that she has to get a better apartment, but she and Lora are already struggling to pay off all their bills. When she was younger she never realized things like bills existed. Living in the mayor’s house was blissful and allowed her to be ignorant to things like that. “So the first place you want to institute this new security system—”

“A police force,” Benny interjects.

“A police force, with regulations—which I like very much by the way—is in District 4.” Madge looks up from the file. “Is there a reason for that?”

The back door swings open and Madge barely has time to look at who’s entered when the person is already speaking. “That’s where the latest extremist attacks have been focused,” someone’s saying. And Madge can recognize that voice anywhere. “There was one a month ago and then another last night, closer to the docks.” Madge spins around to see him and, as expected, finds Gale Hawthorne in the doorway. He’s wearing a tight green shirt that shows the muscles in his chest and arms very well and Madge feels her mouth goes dry.

“Lieutenant,” Benny says. “This is Madge Undersee, she’s—” he stops talking when he notices the look on Gale’s face. Disbelief. Shock. Anger. “She’s our partner with the Outreach Program,” he finally finishes. “Madge, this is—”

“Gale Hawthorne,” she answers for him. She sinks into her chair a little. “We’ve met.”

* * *

Benny excuses himself for a few minutes and leaves Madge and Gale alone. He’s lowered himself into a nearby chair in the time since and now they’re just looking at each other. A smirk fills his face suddenly and Madge can basically read his thoughts. He’s remembering that night from a month ago. It’s awful, because so is she. All hands and mouth and moans. Madge clears her throat and sits up a bit straighter while pushing the memories from her mind, and Gale lifts a challenging eyebrow at her.

“So,” he finally fills in the silence. “You work for POP.”

“You work for security and defense,” she returns. “But I already knew that.”

“Mm.” Gale rocks backwards in his seat and crosses his arm over his chest. “Working side by side with the government. Mayor’s little princess at it again, eh?”

Madge narrows her eyes at him. “I didn’t ask for this job.”

“Yet you still got it.”

She huffs. “I’m not going to argue with you, Gale.” And she’s certainly not going to tell him she got passed over for the real job she wanted, he’ll say something about her being a spoiled brat.

He arches an eyebrow. “Professionalism looks good on you, Undersee. Though I have to admit, you’re more fun when you play along.”

“Oh, shut up.” If they’re going to be working together they’re going to _have_ to be professional. She doesn’t want to fight with him. His smirk widens. “Tell me more about the extremists.”

Gale leans forward and grabs one of the files that was closest to Benny’s side of the table. “Here’s what you’re allowed to know,” Gale says. “The rest is classified. All that’s really important for our joint collaboration is that we’re starting in District 4.” Madge pulls out her notepad and starts jotting down notes. “We’re going to need press releases, district wide communications, maybe some propos to get the message out. We don’t want people to be blind when our new forces arrive.” Madge makes a bulleted list as he talks. “It would be ideal for a community board so when there are questions we can have people answer them. Are you getting this?”

“Yes sir,” she murmurs.

“Excuse me?” he asks at once. Madge looks up. “Don’t call me sir,” Gale mutters, his eyes darkening.

She taps her pencil against the notepad. “Lieutenant?” 

“ _Undersee_ ,” he growls, and she smiles, finally feeling like she’s gotten him back for that smirk in the beginning of all of this. She sinks backwards in her seat. “Slide me the notepad,” Gale murmurs, and Madge pushes it across the table. He reads through her list, squinting to try and focus. He forgot his glasses today and that makes it hard for him to read words. Everything far away is pretty clear, but Madge's notes are making his head hurt. “This is good. You’ll have to grab some people from marketing for the propos and the announcement fliers,” he tells her, and she nods her head. Madge knows how to do her job. “This isn’t an everyday thing,” he tells her. “We can meet up once a week. Mondays. Compare progress, see how things are going.”

“Sounds fine.” Madge grabs the notepad back and takes a few more notes. She hesitates before looking back up. “How’s Annie?” she asks. “I… know you talk to her.”

Gale looks across the table. “I called her after the first attack,” he says. “She wasn’t anywhere near it. She’s staying in District 7 with Johanna until things die down a bit.”

Madge sighs in relief. She was never close with Annie but she was such a positive presence in District 13, even after Finnick died. “That could be a long time,” she says, and Gale sighs too.

“Yeah.” He looks out across the table. “Hopefully not too long. That’s what this program’s for.”

“It’ll be really great,” Madge tells him. “Once it’s off the ground and the kinks are all worked out.”

Gale nods but reaches up and rubs his forehead. He’s tired. He had to be up two hours earlier than usual today and he had a late night the night before. After his therapy session he drank more than he had in a long time – thinking about his family always hits him very hard. He woke up in a girl’s apartment with her cuddled against him. Gale didn’t even know her name. He’s certainly not in the mood to make small talk with Madge Undersee of all people.

She must know this, because she clears her throat.

“We don’t have to do that thing,” she says suddenly. “Where we pretend like we enjoy being in the same room.” He looks across at her and waits for her to continue. “We’re adults. This is a job. We can handle it without acting like we have some special bond because we’re both from District 12.”

Gale tips his head forward. “Fine with me.”

* * *

The night Gale found Madge in the bar he knew it was her from all the way across the room. She was wearing a pair of heels that made her legs go on for miles and her hair was tied back into a pony tail, but still wavy from her curls. He had already had a few drinks in his system and that made him brave, so he stood and crossed the room to her.

Gale lowered himself onto the barstool beside hers and propped himself up on his elbow. “Pretty dress,” he murmured. It was black and short and didn’t leave much up to the imagination. She had curves that Gale couldn’t quite get over. Madge nearly leaped out of her skin and he chuckled as she turned to look at him. “Fancy seeing you here, Undersee.”

“Jesus Christ, Gale.” She held her hand to her chest. “You scared the shit out of me.” His smile widened and his eyes traveled down her body before lifting again. “What are you doing here?”

“This is my favorite bar,” he answered. “What are _you_ doing here?”

She held up the drink from the counter. “Relaxing.”

“Hmm.” Gale licked his lips. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. In District 12 Madge Undersee was unattainable. It wasn’t even a game, just a dream Gale entertained every once in a while. There was something naughty about imagining the mayor’s daughter at the slag heap, but that’s all it was. A fantasy. But there she was now, standing in front of him with a dark look in her eyes that made him hungry. Gale was always up for a challenge, and Madge Undersee was always going to be a challenge. “I like relaxing,” he murmured.

Madge’s eyes twinkled. She was always up for a challenge, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Augmentum = South America
> 
> I like to think that Gale pronounces POP as pop! Like the word. And Madge pronounces it as pee-oh-pee. Use that information as you will.
> 
> I'm going to post the first few chapters for now, and then it will fizzle out to a weekly update. But these first chapters are crucial! I hope you're enjoying it - let me know your thoughts!


	3. Missing Mondays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge is feeling a bit under the weather.

The first Monday Madge is to meet with Gale and Benny to show them her progress on their joint program, she gets sick. She's laying in bed for a bit with a rolling stomach before she's sure she's going to spew. Madge reluctantly sits up in bed and then barely makes it to the bathroom before vomiting. She grips the toilet seat and retches until there’s nothing but bile. Madge is too scared to move from the toilet. Her stomach feels upset even though there’s nothing left.

There’s a gentle knock on the bathroom door and then Lora peeks her head in. “All right, Madge?” she asks softly.

Madge groans and lowers her head to the toilet seat. “I’m fine,” she exhales. Lora hands her a cup of water and Madge sits up, happy to drink it. “I’m fine,” Madge says after drinking half the glass. “I just…” she wipes her forehead. “I guess I ate something funny last night. I don’t know.” Lora leans on the doorway and crosses her arms, studying her friend. “I feel okay now.”

Madge goes to stand but Lora stops her. “Nu-uh. Absolutely not.” Madge frowns. “You’re resting.”

She knows that she should probably do that, but she can't. Gale and Benny are coming for their first meeting today and she absolutely cannot fail. She's been working tirelessly to prove that she can do what they need from her, and that she's  _good_ at it. She can't let Gale think she's sub-par, not after everything. 

“I’m fine, Lora.”

“You’re obviously not fine.” Lora shakes her head. “I grew up in a household with four older siblings. When one person got sick, we all got sick, and I am _not_ _allowed_ to get sick!” Madge slumps back onto the ground with a sigh, her stomach still rolling. “The representatives from Augmentum come in three days and if I’m sick and I can’t meet them, and I lose this job, then—”

“Okay, okay,” Madge stops her friend. She doesn’t need to listen to Lora talk about Augmentum anymore. Her friend got the promotion over her and it still stings. After Madge was shifted to work with security and defense then her bosses called in her roommate, giving her the job. It was a slap in the face.  Lora’s dedicated to the Panem Outreach Program, sure, but so is Madge. And Madge is starting to feel like the only reason she got sidelined is because of her father’s job. Still, Madge insisted that Lora take the job. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and Madge will just have to work hard to get the next one. “I’ll… stay in bed.” Lora nods sharply and then leaves Madge in the bathroom.

She vomits a few seconds later.

* * *

Gale is less than thrilled to find out Madge Undersee is _under the weather_. He and Benny arrive at her office ready to work after a morning of training people for the new police force and all that energy just drains out of them when they realize she isn’t there. Her friend, Lora, is very friendly though. “She keeps all of her things for the project in these files,” she tells them as she passes the manila folders their way. “She sends her apologies.”

Once they’re in the back conference room to page through the work, Benny tosses a pen at Gale. “She’s probably just trying to get out of spending time with you,” Benny says, and Gale frowns. He throws the pen back in Benny’s direction with a grunt, and his friend laughs. “I’m kidding. Mostly.”

But Gale _does_ find it rather ironic that she’s out of work the first day they all have to meet. “Maybe she was nervous her work wouldn’t be up to our standards,” Gale murmurs as he pages through her papers.

“Well that’s a shitty theory, considering all of this is perfect.”

Madge has done exactly what they’ve asked. She’s constructed lists with contact information of people who can host community meetings, people in marketing and advertisement, point people when it comes to organization of the community. She’s drawn up maps of all of District 4 and made outlines of where she thinks the most effective police bases will be as well as some additional posts in some seedier parts of the district until things settle down for a bit. She’s even colored coded it all.

Gale almost wishes she was bad at her job. It makes it easier to dislike her. But apparently she’s very, very good at what she does.

“At this rate we can have people in 4 in under a month,” Benny says. “Two weeks, minimum.”

“Yeah,” Gale agrees. He takes the list of people in construction to take back to his own office so he can make some calls. “This is good work.”

* * *

By Thursday, Madge has had enough. This entire week she's been waking up feeling nauseous, and if she doesn’t throw up right away then her stomach rolls for hours. And then once she pukes, she’s fine. She’s fine! But Lora refuses to let her come in to work, and all three of her bosses (Richie, Patricia, _and_ Dottie) tell her that she should stay and get her rest. Not only that but Lora has been cleaning like a freaking maniac. The entire apartment smells like disinfectant and it makes Madge's head hurt.

But by Thursday, Madge is completely over whatever sickness this is.

Lora comes home Thursday afternoon and finds Madge sprawled out at the kitchen table. If she can’t go into work she’s at least going to do work at home. She’s paging through maps of the districts and looking at the best places for community meetings as well as police stations and posts. Right now Benny and Gale only asked her to look at District 4, but she knows eventually they’re going to want the other districts as well.

“You’re working,” Lora states, and Madge nods. She stands in the kitchen walkway with a paper bag in her hand. “I brought lunch from that soup place you like,” Lora tells her. “I know not being at work makes you antsy.”

Madge smiles at her friend as she opens the paper bag, but then freezes. At the scent of whatever it is, something chunky Madge is sure, she feels nauseous. She wants to scream! “Get it out,” Madge grits. “Just—stand in the living room, _please_.” Quickly Madge stands and moves to the sink, leaning over with her stomach whirling. Madge takes deep breaths until the smell is gone, and it takes her a little bit but her stomach finally settles. Lora returns after setting the soups in the living room and sighs.

“It’s chowder,” Lora murmurs. “You love chowder.”

“It’s just the smell,” Madge groans. She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand and turns to her friend. “I appreciate you a lot. You know that, right?” Lora smiles and nods, and together they move back to the kitchen table. “We’ll just let it cool. Try again in a few minutes.” Madge starts gathering her supplies to put away. “Why are you here anyway?”

“My meeting with the people from Augmentum ended early. They wanted to take a tour of the city so Patricia and Dottie turned into tour guides. Richie sent me home.” Lora drums her fingers on the table. “You know, if this was a virus you had you should be better by now,” she says. “Unless it’s something serious.”

“It’s not something serious,” Madge mutters. She feels sick for all of ten minutes and then it goes away. Well, her body’s a little sore too, but that goes along with colds or whatever. “It’ll pass, Lora, I swear.”

Still, Lora seems hesitant. “We should go to that clinic up the street,” she suggests. “Just to make sure you don’t have some deadly disease.” Madge frowns at her friend. “I don’t know! My health classes in District 6 weren’t the greatest, I don’t know what to expect! Was District 12 any better?”

Madge thinks on this for a moment. “No,” she finally answers. The health classes in District 12 were atrocious. She barely learned about her period – if it wasn’t for her maid she would’ve been clueless when that time of the month came around. “But I’m not an idiot.”

Speaking of her period, Madge is late. She isn’t sure by how much, she just knows that she gets it during the first week of every month. And it’s a bit past the first week of the month. She rocks backwards in her seat and crosses her arms over her chest. She’s been so caught up in her new promotion and loss of getting the job with Augmentum that she hasn’t even been paying attention. _Stress_ , Madge decides with increasing nausea. _The late period, the vomiting, it’s from stress_. But suddenly there’s feeling of dread that she can’t shake.

“Madge?” Lora asks.

“We should go to that clinic,” Madge says. Her voice shakes. “If I’m sick then we should know.” And if there’s something else…

But that’s impossible. It has to be impossible.

* * *

“I’m going to dance,” Madge had said that night at the bar. The two of them were having a lot of back and forth that was all very lighthearted, but Madge was in the mood to move. Gale had ordered another drink and was looking at her with half lidded eyes and she wanted to see if he would follow her. It was a Tuesday night, there weren’t too many people on the floor and the next move was entirely up to him. She wanted to know if he would take that chance. 

The teenager in Madge Undersee that had secretly hoped he would take her to the slag heap (dreams and fantasies, there was no real grounds for it back then) was creeping out. They were both adults now and things were drastically different, but there was still that part of her that had been left wondering if Gale lived up to the rumors. 

So she went to the dance floor, but he didn’t follow. Gale stayed in his seat and drank his drink, his eyes following her as she moved. 

It didn’t take long for someone else to join her on the dance floor. Whoever he was he had a square jaw and thick pink skin. His hands were sweaty and he didn’t ask Madge if he could dance with her and she didn’t like it. While Madge often enjoyed the new attention she received, a lot of it did end up being unwanted. She’d had a little bit to drink so she turned to him. “Stop,” she said, but the man kept grabbing her. His hands slid around her hips and she pushed him away.  She stopped another time and repeated herself, adding “Don’t touch me.”

“Come on, baby girl,” the man slurred. “Just trying to have a little fun.”

And _that_  was when Gale decided to join her on the dance floor. “She said don’t touch her,” Gale snapped. “Now fuck off, alright?” The man looked at Gale, clearly considered arguing, but then eventually walked away to find another person to harass. Gale turned to Madge. “Okay?”

“Thanks,” she murmured. She could stand up for herself if she had to but she was glad she didn't have to. Galee tipped his head at her and started back to the bar when she grabbed his belt loops. “ _You_ can dance with me,” she had said. “If you want.” Gale allowed himself to be pulled in her direction and he smiled. 

“I don’t want to dance,” he admitted.

Madge’s eyes lingered on his lips. There had been so many girls that gossiped about Gale in District 12, about his mouth and his hands and what he was capable of. And now she was tipsy, and she was curious.  

“Then what do you want, Lieutenant Hawthorne?” she asked.

He grinned. “Ha-ha.” Gale took a step toward her. “I think you know what I want, Princess.”

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Then dance with me," she said. 

* * *

An hour ago Madge was in her apartment and was

happy that her roommate had brought her soup. She hadn't expected a visit to the clinic any time soon, sitting in a too-white waiting room on a plastic bed with Lora by her side.

The air smells like disinfectant and there’s a constant hustle and bustle of doctors and nurses on the other side of the curtain. Someone came by and took a mouth swab from Madge and then another person came and took a blood sample. She’s hoping no one returns to make her pee in a cup.

Even though they’re in the not-so-best part of District 2, this clinic is ten times better than anything District 12 ever had. At least everything is clean and there’s a genuine concern about the patients that come in – though Madge heard one of the doctors remarking about how thankful he was that it wasn’t another stabbing victim.

Currently Madge is swinging her legs over the edge of the bed she’s sitting on and Lora is paging through a magazine. “I hope you’re not dying,” her friend says simply, and Madge sighs loudly in response. She lays backwards on the bed and rests her hands on her stomach, drumming her fingers over her shirt. She’s thankful they didn’t make her change into a paper gown. “Because that would really suck, having to find a new roommate.”

“Thanks, Lora,” Madge murmurs. “Your support is awesome.”

“I’m just teasing,” Lora says with a laugh. “You’ve probably just got a bug.” 

“Yeah,” Madge rasps. Probably. Because the chances of her being _pregnant_ … they’re slim to none. Right? She doesn’t have to think very hard about the last person she slept with because she doesn’t have sex very often. The chance of Madge being pregnant _has_ to be slim. The chance of her being pregnant with _Gale Hawthorne’s child_ has to be even slimmer. “Just a bug,” she repeats.

* * *

Gale’s late for work. He woke up in someone’s apartment, some girl with short red hair and soft pale skin whose name he can’t remember. She was tangled around him naked and he wasn’t even subtle as he climbed out of bed. And now, because he didn’t have an alarm, he’s late for work.

He hasn’t been sleeping much ever since he started physical training again. Gale lies awake and stares at the ceiling and lets his muscles throb and ache from the exertion. The men and women learning the new drills, the appropriate way to handle a gun, the best way to restrain someone without killing them, they’re all great. He enjoys being around them. But having to _run_ the drills, having to _pick up_ the gun, it’s wearing him out.

So he drinks, and he sleeps with girls, and then he’s late for work.

Chief isn’t happy to see him stroll in an hour later than he should be there. “I’m sorry,” he says at once. “Something came up.”

“Something came up,” Delta echoes with a laugh. “Alright, Lieutenant.” She shuts her office door as Gale sinks into the seat across from her desk. “I remember when _I_ was the something that came up, and now I’m sure it’s just someone else.” Gale rubs his eyes and shakes his head. Years ago Gale used to sleep with Delta. She was fun in bed and spent time fighting in the war so he thought he understood her. He was wrong. Things ended. He never should've slept with her, and she certainly shouldn't use it against him. “It’s not acceptable.”

“Yeah, Chief, I know that.”

“Obviously you don’t know that if you’re showing up an hour late because of sex.”

Gale sits up a bit straighter and clenches his teeth. “Don’t talk down to me,” he grits out. “I get it, you’re my superior, but I’ve never missed a day of work before in my life. I’m late. It won’t happen again. Is that clear?”

Delta arches an eyebrow at him. “Very clear,” she says. “Dismissed.”

Gale stands and straightens his tie with a huff before marching out to his desk.

* * *

The doctor has asked Lora to leave the room, despite Lora’s protests, but Madge tells her it will just be a few minutes. If what Madge thinks is about to happen is really about to happen, she doesn’t need Lora in the room. The doctor, Doctor Paige Gibson, takes the seat that Lora had been sitting in and opens the folder.

“Good news or bad news first?” she asks.

Madge presses her lips together. “I’m not sure what your definition of good and bad is, Doctor. So I’m not going to choose one of those.” Doctor Gibson smiles as her and Madge fidgets. “So just, give me all of it, I guess.”

Doctor Gibson brushes her hair behind her ear before looking down at Madge’s file. “You don’t have a flu, or a cold, or a virus.” That isn’t reassuring for Madge, but she nods her head. “You don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases or any sort of bug. Your iron levels are a little high.” Madge swallows thickly as the doctor talks, still nodding. “But you have been vomiting and nauseous, as you’ve told me. Short of breath, a little sore all over.”

“Just say it,” Madge says softly.

“You’re pregnant, Miss Undersee. The blood test confirms it.” Tears well in Madge’s eyes and she nods her head weakly. She should have known. How could she not have known? Madge blinks her tears away and looks toward the ground. “Your reaction leads me to believe that this was unplanned,” the doctor states, and Madge nods her head forward. “There’s been a rise in unplanned pregnancies ever since the war,” Doctor Gibson tells her. “As a nation our sex education isn’t… the best. That isn’t anyone’s fault, Miss Undersee.”

“I should’ve known,” Madge rasps. She sucks in a sharp breath. “I should’ve _known_ before now.”

“But you didn’t, and that’s okay.” Doctor Gibson reaches over and grabs Madge’s hand. “There are a few options at this point, though. Your pregnancy is still early, very early, meaning you have some time to make a decision on where you want to go next.” Madge sniffs and tries to regain control of her breathing. All her life she’s been taught to hold back her emotions, she can do that now too. She takes a deep breath and nods, signaling she wants her doctor to continue. “Would you like me to grab your friend before we—”

“No,” Madge cuts her off. “No, she doesn’t need to know. Just tell me my options.”

The first option is simplest in theory. Keep the baby. Doctor Gibson says there’s never been a better time to have a child. The medicine is phenomenal, the prenatal care is better than it’s ever been. New Panem has yet to lose a mother to a childbirth ever since nationwide health policies have been instituted. It’s a safe option and it’s a traditional option.

The other option is termination. It wasn’t talked about very often in District 12 but Madge knew it happened. It was never safe, it was never sanitary. Mostly it was scared teenage girls who’d gotten in over their head and didn’t know what to do. Many women who terminated their children ended up with lifelong health problems, some never able to conceive again. The new health policies in New Panem make termination a very safe and clean option. It’s quick, it’s painless, and then it’s over.

There’s a less traditional option too, which would be giving the baby away, but Madge mentally shoots that down immediately. There are already so many orphaned children from the war even years later that she can’t even consider growing a child just to give to the community homes. She doesn’t even want to think about that.

So her options are limited. Keep the baby, or get rid of it.

“You don’t have to decide now,” Doctor Gibson tells her. “You can talk to your family, your friends. Maybe the person whose child this is, if you’re friendly.” Madge feels herself pale. She has to go back to work and _see him_. “But if you wish to terminate, the window isn’t very large. Just a few weeks.” Doctor Gibson squeezes Madge’s hand and she realizes that she’s been shaking. “I’m going to go grab you some pamphlets that discuss both options, okay? As well as some prenatal vitamins. Even if you’re unsure about what you want to do it could be beneficial to start taking them just in case.”

“Just in case,” Madge echoes weakly. “And the—the nausea?”

“I’ll get you something for that too,” the doctor says. She stands and Madge starts taking deep breaths again. “I’ll wait a few minutes before sending your friend back in.”

The second Madge is alone again tears begin to fall. She wipes them away frantically and sucks in sharp breaths. _I’m fine, I’m fine_ , she tells herself again and again. She squeezes her hands together and then rubs her temples, and soon enough Lora is back in the room.

“What’s wrong?” Lora asks immediately. “What’s happened? Are you dying?”

“No, no,” Madge quickly answers. “No. I’m okay.” She forces the brightest smile and lets out her last shaky breath. She has to channel her inner mayor’s daughter again, and it’s easy enough to do. She spent her entire life faking her emotions, she can do it for just a little longer. “I’ve just got the flu,” she lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out we'll be moving to weekly updates. It's a lot of fun to play around with what Panem might be like medically - I hope it lives up to your standards!


	4. Try to Right Your Wrongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge yells, and Gale yells, and neither of them feel any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Gadge Day!

Gale’s had a shitty night. He woke up in the morning in the closet with chunks of the wall under his nails and blood from his own hands smeared into the plaster. He dreamt about Prim, about bombs, about fire. His throat was dry from screaming.

So when he sees Madge Undersee the next Monday they’ve agreed to meet he has no time for her bullshit. “If you’re not going to come into the office,” he starts, “then you have to communicate.” There’s poison in his voice that makes her pause. “It’s a waste of a trip to come out here if you’re not even going to be here, Undersee. And it’s unacceptable!” Benny stands off to the side with his eyes narrowed in Gale’s direction, but Madge stands tall. She looks pale – maybe she really was sick – but he doesn’t care much. “Is that clear?” he asks. “Or do I have to repeat myself?”

“I’m not one of your shitty soldiers, Lieutenant,” Madge bites back. “So don’t speak to me as such. _Is that clear_?” She stares at him for a long time before transferring her gaze to Benny. “I’m sorry I wasn’t in. I was out most of the week actually.” Madge crosses the room to take a seat so they can get started. “I had a stomach bug.” Her voice quivers slightly and Gale arches an eyebrow, but eventually moves to take a seat as well. “I worked from home,” she carries on, extending some papers in their direction. “After reading your file on the extremists I think their next targets are Districts 8, 3, and 9. Maybe 11.”

Benny takes the paper from her hands. “Why do you think that?” he asks.

“They’re some of the more important districts when it comes to specialties,” Madge answers.  “District 8 makes most of our clothes, District 6 is the reason we can so easily communicate and travel between the districts, Districts 9 and 11 are a big part of our food. 10 too, I suppose.” Madge settles backwards in her chair and brushes her forehead with the back of her hand. The pills Doctor Gibson gave her for nausea are helping stop Madge from actually vomiting, but sometimes her stomach still rolls. “So I’ve made a few lists for community leaders in those districts too.”

“We have a team for predictions like this,” Gale mutters. “Your input is unnecessary.”

“But valued,” Benny chimes in with a pointed look in his superior’s direction.

“Your attitude is unnecessary,” Madge nearly snaps. “Jesus Christ, Gale, I’m sorry I wasn’t here last week.” She looks down at the papers. “Is there something else I should be doing that would better accommodate you and your team? Or are you just being bitchy because you had a long night? Because I promise you’re not the only one with problems.”

Gale tips his chin back. “Excuse me?”

“The work is fine,” Benny says quickly.

Madge arches an eyebrow. “Fine?” She looks down at the papers. “So there’s something more I should be doing.”

“No,” Benny stops her. “You’re doing great.” He looks at his superior. “Can we talk for a minute, Gale? Outside?” Gale frowns and angrily pushes himself away from the table. He and Benny stand and march outside, shutting the door quietly and leaving Madge alone. “What the hell is wrong with you today?” Benny asks with narrowed eyes. “We’ve lucked out being able to work with Madge – she’s more than we could’ve asked for. Especially with the way the government is these days. And you’re basically begging her to be taken off of this project!”

Gale rakes his hands over his face. “Just give me a minute,” he grumbles.

When he thinks about Madge Undersee, he thinks about District 12. District 12 makes Gale think of Katniss, then of Prim. Then he thinks of bombings, and fires, and with his nightmare last night he can’t shake the feeling that something is _wrong_. Every time he looks in her direction he feels sick to his stomach. He thought he could handle this, working with her, but maybe he can’t.

Benny rocks backwards on his heels and looks toward the conference room. “They want to send people to District 4 next weekend,” he tells Gale. “Chief wants you. And her.” Gale sighs loudly and shakes his head. “Can you handle that, or do you need something else to be rearranged?”

Gale’s still shaking his head. But still he says, “I can handle that.” He might need a lot of alcohol, but he can handle a few days with Madge Undersee. Right?

* * *

Benny gives them time alone again. Madge keeps her eyes on her notepad.

“Is he your friend or your assistant?” Madge asks, and Gale shifts his gaze across to her. “Benny.”

“He’s my second in command,” Gale answers. It’s not what she wanted to know, she doesn’t necessarily understand that, but she doesn’t push him further. Thankfully he continues. “He’s my friend,” Gale murmurs. Madge nods slightly. Gale clears his throat. “I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he says.

“Too late.”

“Christ, Undersee,” he growls. “I’m trying, here. Meet me half way?”

“What’s the point?” she challenges. “You don’t want to be civil, Gale, you want to yell at me.” Gale shakes his head and she extends her hands. “If we want to work together, if we want to be effective in this, then you need to get it out.” He averts his gaze and keep shaking his head. “Yell at me!” Gale crosses his arm and continues to shake his head. “I think you’re an asshole,” Madge says after a minute of silence. “I think you’re a hypocrite, and I hate how tall you are.”

Gale’s eyebrows collide. “Excuse me?”

“You’re too tall. I’m tall but I still have to crane my neck to look you in the eye.” Gale sits up a bit straighter. “And you’re a hypocrite,” she says again. “You went from resenting people who had money to having more money than half the people in this district – maybe even in the country.” Gale’s jaw drops slightly. “And I know that you work hard with your job and whatever, but it’s ridiculous. It’s seriously ridiculous.”

Gale sits in the silence for a minute after she’s done talking. “Well you want the entire world to pity you, Princess,” he snaps back. “You think you deserve things. That everything should just be handed to you – and when things you don’t want get tossed your way instead you pout about it and make it known you wanted something else.” Her desire to go to Augmentum instead of working with this project was _very obvious_. “And even then, you still _do_ get things handed to you! You were hand selected for this job for Christ’s sake! Under what pretense, your dad works in government? You grew up in a governmental household? It’s bullshit!”

Madge blinks a few times before nodding. “Okay.”

“And you have this air about you, even still! That you’re better than everyone else!”

Madge leans backwards in her chair. “Even still? Meaning I used to also walk around like I thought I was better than everyone else? Come on, Gale, you know that’s not real.” He huffs and shakes his head. “You never liked me in District 12 because I was dealt a better hand than you. Because of something I couldn’t control. And the truth is that I’ve been able to adapt to this rapidly changing country with ease and that _unsettles you_.”

“Stop.”

“Because in your head I really am this untouchable pretty princess, mayor’s daughter, whatever. But in _reality_ I am just as ordinary as the next person.” Her voice wobbles and Gale looks back at her, finding strained tears in her eyes that he knows she’s never going to let fall. “And you hate it.”

“I don’t—” Gale takes a deep breath. “I don’t hate you,” he says. “But you’re right. I don’t like you either. And I don’t have to pretend like I do.”

Madge sucks in a sharp breath too, and this time she’s the one to look away. Her eyes dart downwards to her stomach. She clenches her teeth to stop from crying and swallows back any bit of hope she has for this miserable situation. Madge had walked into the building today with an open mind, thinking _maybe_ Gale would listen to her about the pregnancy. But he started off yelling, and she couldn’t handle that. Now all hope of her telling him any time soon is shot.

Finally Madge clears her throat. "Do you feel better now?" she rasps.

He answers immediately. “No.”

“Me neither.” Madge rests her hands over her stomach and takes a deep breath before looking back up at him. Maybe she thought the yelling would help her understand him, but she doesn’t. She thought that maybe there was something she could fix, thought that maybe she could do something to get them at least on the same page. But Madge has done nothing to Gale, he just _doesn’t like her_. And she’s going to have to live with that. “Benny extended the offer for me to join you two in District 4 for next weekend. I said yes.” Gale tips his head forward. “We said we would be civil,” she reminds him. “Can we do this?”

Again he tips his head forward. “What choice do we have?” he mutters.

* * *

Gale’s bouncing his foot. There’s a nerve in the air that he just can’t get to go away. He wants coffee, but knows another cup will just make him anxious.

Doctor Carlson leans back in his chair and lowers his notepad. “She seems like a decent person to me,” he tells Gale, who won’t stop shaking his head. “There must be some reason that you dislike this Madge person so much.”

Still, he’s shaking his head. “I don’t know,” Gale admits. He doesn’t know! She does fine work, he hates to admit. Benny was right, all her I’s are dotted and her T’s are crossed. She’s good with numbers, good with people. She’s perfect at the job that they gave her and that’s incredibly helpful for the progression of the police force they want to institute.  And her input is valuable too, which is annoying. Her predictions about where the next extremists’ attacks were spot on – they just set off another bomb in District 6 the night before. “I just thought…” he trails off, sighing loudly.

“Thought what?” his therapist prompts.

“I thought I was finally free of District 12,” Gale forces out. “I thought being here in District 2, that 12 was gone, that I’d never have to think about it again. And every time I _see_ her…”

“You’re reminded of home,” Doctor Carlson fills in, and Gale nods weakly. “Elaborate.”

Gale used to be very good at changing the subject, but after years of coming to this therapist Gale’s realized the importance of talking. He hates it, a lot, but he does it anyway.

“She was someone I resented when I was younger,” Gale says. “She had money. It wasn’t her fault, I know that, I knew that then, but I still resented her. I always thought she could do so much with her power and she never did. It was because she was young, it was because the government was horrible, I don’t know why I expected her to do anything. But I hated her for it. And now… now she’s changing that. She’s part of this outreach program that’s making the changes she couldn’t when she was just the mayor’s daughter, and that—I don’t know, I don’t like it.”

“She’s righting her wrongs,” the doctor says.

“She’s righting her wrongs,” Gale repeats tiredly. “She’s righting her wrongs.”

“So are you,” Doctor Carlson tells him. “You’ve joined security and defense, you’re working to establish a cohesive country under a government that isn’t oppressive. You’re making steps to a better tomorrow.”

Gale exhales deeply. It’s not enough. Gale’s taken lives, both with his own hands and with weapons. With bombs. With fire. With fists. He swallows but it struggles to go down. “It’s worse than you know,” Gale forces out. He drops his head into his hands and pushes at his eyes. “It’s worse than you…”

Gale feels like he’s going to fall apart. It’s worse than The Nut. It’s worse than Prim. He let himself get worse before he joined security and defense and it’s a part of him he’s tried so hard to tuck away.

“Gale? What do you mean?”

He slams his hands against his head. He can’t. He can’t.

Quickly Gale stands. “I have to go,” he rasps. “I’m sorry, I have to—”

“Gale,” Doctor Carlson calls out for him as he speeds from the room but it’s too late.

That part of him is gone. That part of him is gone and Gale can’t dare even talk about it in fear of it coming back.

* * *

She has to tell someone. Madge has to tell someone that she’s pregnant and she can’t. The list of things she can’t do is getting increasingly longer (no coffee, no alcohol) and the list of things she should be doing is stacking up as well (daily prenatal vitamins, rest more, hydrate more – which leads to  _peeing all the time_ ). She doesn’t even know if she wants it, the thing that’s growing inside of her, but she’s too scared to tell someone that she can’t even _make_ that decision.

She has about three weeks left before she has to make the choice to terminate or keep the baby. After that it’s not as safe, after that it’s so much worse. And growing up in District 12, there was always a certain stigma with people who chose to terminate their pregnancies. It’s a different world now but she thinks about it still.

According to the doctor she’s at eight weeks now, and according to this pamphlet that means the baby’s about the size of a kidney bean. Small. So incredibly small. And her breasts are going to start swelling a little and Madge is _not_ ready to buy some new bras. And she’s tired. She’s very, very tired. All the time. Everything she does takes energy, and the nausea isn’t really helping.

With a groan Madge shoves the pamphlets under her mattress and rolls off of her bed. She has to tell someone.

In the living room Lora has her tablet out and is going through some information about Augmentum that the representatives gave her. Madge flops onto the couch beside her and leans onto her friend’s shoulder. “Feeling okay?” Lora asks, and Madge groans. “More trouble with evil hot solider guy?”

“Stop,” Madge says with a laugh. “No. We’re okay, I guess.” It’s incredibly complicated, but Madge likes to believe their weird yelling session made it a little easier. She just has to accept that Gale doesn't like her. “I’m going to District 4 next weekend, did I tell you?”

“Yeah.” Lora lowers her tablet and swings her arm over Madge’s shoulder. “If you could put in a good word for me with that Benny guy, I would be _incredibly_ appreciative.” Madge laughs again and pulls away from her friend’s shoulder. She’s still leaning onto Lora’s side. “I’ve never been to District 4.”

“I’ll bring you some sand,” Madge murmurs, and Lora laughs. Madge takes a deep breath. “Lora,” she starts, and her friend hums in response. “I… if…” she trails off with a sigh and pulls back even more. Lora pulls her hand back over her shoulder and turns to look at Madge. “Never mind.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks. Madge looks away. “Are you okay?”

“What if,” Madge tries again, “there was… something about me that I didn’t tell you. But it might be… bad?”

Lora peels back and is quiet for a moment. “This is about the clinic,” she says. “Isn’t it? You’ve been acting weird ever since we went.” Madge casts her eyes to the ground. “You are sick, aren’t you? Madge? What’s wrong?”

“I’m…” she takes a deep breath and shakes her head. She has to say something. She can’t take this anymore. “You know evil hot soldier guy? From work?” Lora lifts her eyebrows but nods. “And that night a few weeks ago? When our coffee machine broke?” Lora thinks for a second, but eventually nods. Madge makes a face, leaning forward. “Well…”

“Coffee machine broke, hot water broke,” Lora’s thinking very hard. “You were complaining because you were hungover, we had to stop at that coffee shop.”

“I was hungover,” Madge prompts.

“Because you had a night at the bar. Because you slept with someone. You slept with—you slept with evil hot soldier guy?” Madge exhales, mostly thankful she hasn’t had to say it herself, and nods. “Okay. That complicates things a little with this District 4 trip. Are you in love with him or something?”

“No.” Madge shakes her head. “I’m not in love with him.”

“You knew him from before though, right? From District 12? That’s what you said.”

“Yes. But that’s not… that’s not very important. Well, it’s sort of important, but whatever. That’s not the point. The point is…” Madge rubs at her face as tears spring to her eyes. “Oh, God.”

“Oh, God,” Lora echoes. “Oh, my God! You’re—” her eyes drop to Madge’s stomach and Madge peels backwards. “Oh my God you’re pregnant? With hot evil soldier guy’s baby?! And you’ve known for like! A week now! At this point!” Madge shrinks backwards at the accusation in her tone but quickly Lora reaches forward and grabs her hands. “I mean, I mean, wait, stop.” Madge feels tears in her eyes but Lora doesn’t let go of her hands. “I mean, it’s—that’s okay! It’s okay. I don’t—it’s okay, Madge.”

Madge sniffles and tries not to cry but suddenly she’s crying. Big hot tears are falling from her eyes. “I haven’t—I haven’t told anyone, I don’t know what to _do_ , Lora, and—and I have to work with him and he—he hates me, and—”

“He must like you a _little_ ,” Lora interjects. “I mean you _are_ having his—”

“I’m having—his _baby_ is _inside_ me!” Soon she’s heaving and gasping for breath and Lora has pulled Madge into her arms again, squeezing her close and holding her tightly. Sobs are wracking Madge's body as she lets everything she's held inside of her go. “I don’t know what to do,” she says again. “I don’t—know what to do!”

“It’s okay,” Lora whispers. She strokes Madge’s hair gently and waits for her to calm down. “It’s okay. We’ll figure something out.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madge has spent her entire life trying to hide her feelings and emotions, so of course she didn't tell Lora right away. But they are best friends after all, and that trip to District 4 is definitely going to be awkward...
> 
> I hope you're enjoying it! Let me know what you think.


	5. The Ocean is Empowering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge and Gale go on their business trip to District 4.

Gale is not a fan of hovercrafts. He doesn’t like heights. He doesn’t like flying. He doesn’t like not being on the ground. But there is no way in hell he’s going to express even the slightest discomfort because Madge Undersee is in the row across from him by the window and she is _amazed_.

“All right, Lieutenant?” Benny asks, and Gale shoots him a nasty look.  Madge doesn’t seem to notice, her eyes still out the window. Benny’s walking the aisle and Gale is keeping his head down. The General has always known about Gale's discomfort with flying, but it made more sense to take the hovercraft rather than the trains. Gale's going to try and make is to future trips are _train only_. “How about you, Miss Undersee?” Benny asks.

“I love flying,” she says immediately with a bright smile. She looks over at the two boys. She's only been on a hovercraft a few times, the first being when District 13 carried everyone out of the woods and the second being when she flew out to District 2. Other than that, she's never been off the ground. “This is incredible, it’s just—it’s incredible.”

Benny grins. “You want to see from the pilot’s line of view?” he asks, and Madge nods immediately. She presses herself to her feet and Benny motions towards the front of the hovercraft. Madge walks without Benny but Gale reaches forward and holds his friend back. “What?” he asks. Gale isn’t sure what he wants to say, so he releases Benny without a word and blames it on the flight anxiety. “Don’t worry,” Benny teases. “I’m not going to flirt with your girlfriend.”

Gale’s face morphs into disgust and Benny throws his head back in a laugh.

Quickly Benny follows after Madge who’s waiting at the door to the pilot’s quarters. “This is incredible,” she tells him quietly. “You guys have this entire hovercraft to yourself.”

“Well you’ve got a room in the back,” Benny reminds her with a smile. There are hotels in District 4 but because of the attacks Gale requested a special ship that had rooms for them to sleep in. They can live in the hovercraft for the few days they’re going to be in 4. They’ll only really need it to sleep anyway. And security and defense pulled all the stops to get them one of the nicest ships. “Ready?” he asks, and Madge nods.

He knocks once before opening the door for her and together they walk into the pit. Madge pauses in the doorway and a gasp gets stuck in her throat. The entire front of the ship is made of glass windows, clear and wide and she can see absolutely everything. They’re still in the clouds but the view is incredible, and because the nose of the ship is pointed it’s as though there’s nothing but sky stretching out for miles in every direction.

“You must be Miss Undersee,” the pilot says, and Madge smiles at the woman flying. “You can call me Meesh. Liking the view?”

“It’s…”

“Incredible?” Benny fills in for her, and Madge nods as her smile widens. “We just wanted to stop in,” he tells Meesh who nods in response. “Take a seat,” Benny says to Madge, tipping his head to an open row in the back that looks solely for audience purposes. Madge quickly lowers herself down and Benny takes the seat next to her.

They’re quiet for a little bit. All Madge can hear is the quiet hum of the engine and the occasional clicks that the pilot makes on the panel before her. Madge isn’t sure how long they’re sitting there before the pilot looks over her shoulder.

“We should try and flip,” the pilot says, a teasing lift to her voice.

* * *

It isn’t until a little bit later does Benny turn to her. Meesh has pulled on some headphones and is rocking out very loudly to some loud music that Madge just can't get into as she flies, so that must be why Benny’s suddenly looking very serious. Madge arches an eyebrow and prepares for him to say something. But he doesn’t. Benny just looks at her.

Finally, Madge laughs. “What?” Still, Benny hesitates. Madge prompts him another time, leaning forward and gesturing for him to say something.

“What’s with you and Hawthorne?” he finally asks.

Out of everything, that wasn’t what she was expecting to come out of his mouth. Madge automatically rests her hands over her stomach. Does he know, somehow? Panic courses through her veins. But Benny doesn't drop his gaze to her stomach and Madge's own line of vision stays on him. “I’m sorry?”

“I’ve been working with him for three years and he’s good at handling his feelings. But whenever you get around, I don’t know. You make him nervous or something.” Benny shrugs. “He gets worked up.”

“There’s nothing with me and Gale,” Madge tells him. “We… knew each other. Back in 12. But we weren’t friends.” She smiles ruefully and looks back out the giant windows. “In fact, he never liked me very much.” Madge tips her head in Benny’s direction. “I was the mayor’s daughter.”

“And Gale was _not_ from town,” Benny concludes with a laugh. He relaxes backwards in his seat. Everyone’s heard Gale’s story. Boy from the Seam, illegal hunter, transformed into a hero by the war. “I was from town too,” Benny tells her. Madge remembers him telling her this a while back. He was born in the poorer part of District 2 but moved when he was young. “A really nice part of town. My dad was head guard, under head Peacekeeper.” Benny sighs a little. “My dad knew a lot of the things we were doing were wrong, but we had money. We had security.” Benny rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’m making up for his mistakes, now.”

Madge smiles. “That’s really great, Benny.”

“Yeah.” He turns his head to look the front window too. “He wouldn’t like me asking,” Benny says.

“Your dad?”

“Gale,” he clarifies with another laugh.

“But I just said there’s nothing going on with us.”

“He still wouldn’t like it,” Benny tells her. “I don’t know, I can see it. You two.” Madge wrinkles her nose and Benny laughs another time. “He’s alright once you get to know him.” He pauses. “Or get a couple drinks in him.” Madge finally laughs too. Her hands are still draped across her stomach. “He’s different than when you knew him, I’m sure.”

“So am I,” she says.

He smirks. “There’s no doubt in my mind,” Benny says.

Madge wants to continue the conversation. She wants to ask more about Gale, learn about how he's changed through his friend. She wants to know why her presence makes him nervous - obviously Gale's stepped up a lot in rank over the years so it probably isn't a power thing. And  _nervous_? Madge has never known Gale Hawthorne to be a nervous person. He exudes charm and confidence, even now. 

The pilot lowers her headphones and looks back at them. “You two should go secure yourself. We’re about to land in a few minutes!”

* * *

It isn’t until once they’ve landed and the hovercraft is settled does Gale find Benny. Gale spent the entire trip feeling nauseous and trying to sleep – he was thankful Benny took Madge somewhere else because he certainly did not need Madge Undersee looking at him like he was weak or small. Gale pulls his friend aside when Madge darts back into her small room to grab a few things that they'll need for their meeting. Benny arches a curious eyebrow as Gale drags him down the hall, away from Madge's room.

Gale stops Benny as he tries to pass him. “I knew Madge Undersee from District 12,” he says, and Benny nods.

“I know.”

“There is nothing going on between us,” Gale says. “I need that to be clear. You can do whatever you want with her. I have no ties to her. Is that understood?” Benny tips his head at his friend and crosses his arms over his chest. “If you want to show her the view from the pilot’s quarters then be my guest, and if you want to ask her out then be my guest. She’s not my responsibility because we knew each other before the war. And she is _certainly_ not my girlfriend. Clear?”

“Clear as day,” Benny says, annunciating every word, but still he’s smiling as though he knows something Gale doesn’t. “She’s nice,” he says as he edges past his friend, and Gale scowls. “I think she’d be good for you.”

“Benny,” Gale warns.

But Benny shrugs and strides into the back quarters where his room is. “She’s not my type,” he calls over his shoulder. “But she could be yours!”

Gale squeezes his hands into fists and lets his friend walk away. He’ll just talk to him about this later.

* * *

Madge is an avid note taker. She wishes she was wearing more comfortable shoes, because they are literally walking all around District 4 (okay there’s a car drives them to certain locations and  _then_ they walk a lot), but overall she’s astounded.

The air smells different. If she wasn’t so focused on the notepad in her hands and the words that the District 4 representative was saying that she has to put on paper then Madge would constantly be trying to see the ocean. She can’t hear waves or anything like that but she can _feel_ it. Still, she tries her hardest to keep her mind on what the representative is telling her. There's going to be plenty of time later to think about the wonders of District 4. 

Madge is learning for the first time that security and defense aren’t just bringing a new police force, they’re meshing the security that already exists in the district with the new standard laws (and a few new policemen as well). It makes sense, but for some reason in her mind she just assumed that all new people were going to be brought in. In fact, she’s thankful that’s not the plan. She’s sure she wouldn’t be happy if that happened to her.

Finally around early evening their representative tells them they’re finished for the night. “Tomorrow we’re going to meet with some more citizens,” the rep tells them. “Miss Undersee, you’ll work directly with them to plan the community meetings. Lieutenant, General, you two will be meeting with our heads of security here.” And then he dismisses them, back to their hovercraft.

“We should go out,” Benny starts to tell them the second they’re settled inside. He starts off to his room to change while Madge settles at the table in the kitchenette area. “There’s a bar on main street that—” he’s cut off by the sound of the hovercraft door shutting again. Benny swings around and finds Madge the only on there. “Gale left?” he asks.

Madge nods. “Gale left,” she confirms.

Benny sighs loudly and stops from going back into his room. “Shithead,” he says. Madge looks toward the door with a heavy stomach. “Whatever. Have you ever been to the beach?”

* * *

The sand is warm. It isn’t hot like Madge is sure it was during the day, but it’s warm. The sun is starting to set, the sky is full of brilliant reds and purples. The beach is  _incredible_ . It stretches on forever like the sky had earlier in the hovercraft.

Madge remembers when she would stand at the fence in District 12 and stare into the woods. The world seemed small, then. Just out of her reach was the unknown, the thick trees, but she couldn’t see into them. The few times Katniss took her into them Madge remembered feeling excited but out of place. But staring out across the crashing waves onto the unending ocean, Madge feels powerful.

She feels inspired.          

She wants to tell Gale about the baby.

“I’ve only been to District 4 a few times,” Benny says suddenly, pulling Madge from her _completely irrational_ thought. She can’t tell Gale about the baby, especially not on a business trip! Benny lowers himself down to the sand and Madge follows shortly after. “It’s not my favorite place,” Benny tells her. “But it is beautiful.”

“It is,” she echoes breathily. “Sitting here,” she says. “I feel like I can do anything.”

After spending most of her live in dirty, tiny, District 12, places like this remind her how vast the world is.

Benny turns to her and then laughs a little. “Savor it,” he tells her. “Or act on it,” he adds. “Because that feeling goes away.” Madge smiles and shakes her head. Impossible.

They settle backwards, propped up on their elbows, and together they watch the sunset. Benny’s good at keeping a conversation going and he attributes it to the fact that he has five siblings, all girls.

“My roommate has a big family too,” she tells him.

“My roommate hates sleeping alone,” Benny counters. “He says we keep our heating bill down in 2 because I’m a portable heater, or something like that.”

“We keep our heating bill down by buying a _lot_ of blankets,” Madge says.

They back and forth for a long time, and it’s nice. Madge doesn’t have too many friends in District 2, and back in 12 she didn’t have too many either. She had Peeta and Katniss but they’re busy living their own lives, and neither of them like using phones. And she had Delly, but Delly and her brother are very busy back in District 12 as well. And in District 2 Madge has Lora, but besides that she doesn’t have too many people.

And that’s okay. Madge isn’t the most sociable person. But she really does enjoy talking to Benny.

It isn’t until the sun has dipped under the horizon does Benny stand, dust off the sand from his palms, and offer his hand to Madge to help her stand. Together they walk back to the hovercraft which isn’t more than a ten minute stroll while Benny murmurs something about how he should’ve gotten that drink, but Madge just laughs.

And Madge is in very good spirits when they board the ship. But the second the door is open she feels like she did back in the woods in District 12 – out of place. Because even with his bedroom door shut Madge can hear that Gale has brought a girl back to his room.

* * *

Gale had spent too long with Madge Undersee.

She was very dedicated to the job they’d given her, which remained great and wonderful, but she still reminded him of District 12. She couldn’t help it, and Gale couldn’t change that. And so the second their day was over he raced off to the bar because he needed to distance himself from her, and he needed a drink. He needed to not think of District 12. He needed to not be reminded of bombs. He just needed a drink.

He hadn’t meant to meet someone. He certainly wasn't planning on it.

Her name was Farrah and she was _heavily_ impressed by the badge he was wearing. “So you’re a Mockingjay soldier, then?” she asked. It was the first thing she said. Her smile was wide, her dark hair was braided down her back. She sipped her drink through a straw. “Neat.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Gale murmured.

“So you fought in the war and everything?” she pressed, and Gale nodded. He motioned for a drink and the bartender quickly brought him something dark and bitter. “Cool. What’re you doing here in District 4?”

Gale turned to her and shook his head. “I spent the whole day working,” he told her. “I don’t want to talk about work anymore.”

She slurped through her straw loudly before lowering her cup to the counter. “We can talk about something else then,” she said.

Soon enough Gale had a few drinks in him and his day was in the back of his mind. The only thing he could focus on was Farrah and her mouth and the way her hands kept grabbing the front of his pants. She’d been so fascinated that he was a Mockingjay soldier he couldn’t help but flaunt his hovercraft. And so that’s where they ended up.

It was hot and fast but just what Gale needed. The perfect distraction. It wasn’t until after Farrah was done moaning, collapsed in satisfaction as she panted for air, did Gale’s mind clear a little bit. He heard movement in the hovercraft and remembered he was not alone.

* * *

“Madge,” Benny whispers gently, and she jolts awake. She rubs her eyes and squints into the dark room. After arriving to Gale and his new friend’s very loud sex, they decided to head to the pilot’s quarters. The pilot herself has family in District 4 and had gone to stay with them, so it wasn’t an inconvenience to anyone. “Hey,” he says softly. “I think the sexcapade is over.” Madge blinks hard. “I think they’re finished,” he clarifies. “So we can go back to our rooms now.”

Whoever the girl Gale brought back was, she was very loud. Both Madge and Benny had tried sleeping before they realized their rooms were just too close to Gale’s. Benny suggested they hang out in the pilot’s quarters until it was over and Madge had ended up falling asleep across a row of seats.

“A bed,” Madge rasps, and Benny nods. He extends his hand to her to help Madge stand and she wobbles a little bit. “Oh, thank God.”

Back in Gale’s bedroom he rolls to find the girl beside him asleep. He nudges her with his elbow. “Hey,” Gale murmurs. He nudges her again until she stirs. “You have to go,” he says.

She squints at him. “What?”

“You have to go,” Gale says again. “This was fun, but I work in the morning.” Farrah looks disgusted. “ _Go_ ,” Gale orders. With a huff she climbs out of bed, frantically pulling on her clothes as she murmurs bitter things under her breath. Gale rolls over into the warm spot she left and quickly falls back asleep, still sleepy from the alcohol.

Farrah slips outside and runs smack into Madge and Benny, all three of them expressing surprise.

Madge, still partly asleep, pauses. “Katniss?” she asks.

The girl looks just like her. Olive skin, long dark hair. Only, she scoffs in frustration before pressing past them and quickly leaving the hovercraft. After her vision clears a little Madge knows that’s not Katniss but all of a sudden she feels sick. The girl Gale brought back looks just like Katniss. Does that mean he’s still in love with her?

Madge’s hands settle over her stomach and she murmurs a goodnight to Benny before hurrying to her bedroom. She settles on the edge of her bed with a heavy heart. Benny was right, the ocean wouldn’t make her feel invincible forever.

* * *

Madge wakes up in the morning with a groan. Because they'd returned to Gale's loud activities she hadn't been able to get into her room, meaning Madge forgot to take her nausea medicine last night. Her stomach is not happy. She’s going to puke.

She sprints out of bed and races for the communal bathroom and just barely makes it before spilling the contents of her stomach in the toilet. She coughs a few times and spits before taking a deep breath. Someone dips their head in and she refuses to look up, because there’s a 50% chance it isn’t her new friend.

“You okay, Undersee?” Gale asks. Madge groans another time before her stomach shifts once more, and again she throws up. Soon there’s another shadow meaning Benny’s joined them. “You two went out last night?” Gale mutters.

Benny throws his head back in a laugh. “That’s not from drinking,” Benny answers. “That’s what happens after a night of listening to you have sex.”

Madge snorts, but just barely. She tilts her head and looks over at the two of them. “I’m fine,” she says. “Getting over a bug.” Gale’s still busy shooting Benny a nasty look and he marches back into his room. Benny turns to look at Madge once Gale’s gone. “I’m fine,” she says another time.

“Alright,” he says with a nod.

Madge waits until he’s gone before she pukes again.

* * *

After tidying herself up and making sure she isn’t going to  _die_ of embarrassment, Madge joins the two men for breakfast in the kitchenette. She sinks into a seat and Benny lifts the coffee pot in a silent question, but she shakes her head politely. Gale’s eyes shift between the two of them skeptically.

Madge’s stomach is still unsettled. She keeps her eyes down but can feel Gale looking at her. She tries to conjure up the feelings that the ocean gave her, she tries to make herself feel strong, but that feeling is being beaten down every time she remembers Gale's loud sex from last night. Why should she feel at all important to him? Obviously if he's sleeping with a lot of people then one night isn't going to mean anything to him - which means the baby probably won't mean anything to him either.

However, her stomach rolls again and Madge is forced to remember the pregnancy. Whether the baby means anything or not to Gale doesn't mean it's just going to go away. It's growing inside of her and ignoring it won't stop that. Madge knows she has to tell him before she decides if she wants to keep the baby or terminate, and she only has a couple of weeks left until that decision has to be made. 

So she takes a deep breath and looks up at Gale who only looks slightly hungover. 

“Gale,” Madge finally says. She's probably going to regret this. He arches an eyebrow at her. “Can I talk to you?” Benny wheels around from the coffee pot with a look of surprise. “Just us?”

Gale sits there for a moment. He lifts his mug and takes a big drink of his coffee. “About what?”

“Just…” Madge trails off with a sigh. “Please?” She doesn’t look in Benny’s direction because she knows he’s bugging out right about now. If she doesn't tell him now she worries that she might not tell him at all. And besides, they don't have to see each other all day, so that'll give them some breathing room. “Okay.” She stands without receiving an answer and quickly walks toward the pilot’s quarters, mostly just hoping that Gale follows her.

The only reason he _does_ follow her is because of the look on her face. Madge’s eyes were so full of panic and fear he can’t help but think that something’s wrong. For some reason his mind drifts to District 12. Gale might be trying to cut all ties with that place but Madge hasn’t – so maybe something’s happened to Katniss, or even his family.

He reaches the pilot’s quarters and closes the door tightly behind him. Gale rests backwards against the door and Madge stands a few feet in front of him, still looking like a deer who’s been caught in a trap. He waits a moment before clearing his throat.

“Well?” She takes a deep breath and turns away from him. “What the hell, Undersee? It’s too early for this shit, what’s wrong?”

Madge squeezes her hands into fists and paces away from him before finally looking at him. She takes another deep breath. “Okay,” she finally says. But she turns away again because she can’t look at him and bring this up. “Okay.” Gale crosses his arms over his chest. “Do you… remember that night from, like, a month ago?”

Gale thinks for a minute before snorting. “What, with us?”

“Yeah,” she says with a nod.

“Yeah,” Gale confirms. He wasn’t sure what would be easier, pretending like it didn’t happen or embracing it. In the end he didn’t really think about it all that often. Madge was good in bed. She’s hot, he’s not going to pretend she isn’t. And she was good in bed. So he couldn’t regret it too much. The only thing that unsettled him was the fact that it was, well, Madge, but whatever. Beggars can’t be choosers. “Why?” Madge spins back to face him and his eyes drop to her lips. Maybe last night reminded her of how good _he_ was in bed. A smirk slides onto his face. “Interested in more?”

She marches across to him and slams her hand against his chest. “You are an _ass_!” she shouts.

He holds his hands up in surrender. “What, you thought it was special or something? Newsflash, Princess, you’re not special.”

“That’s not—I don’t _care_ ,” she says, though her voice shakes. Madge lifts her hands to her face and turns away another time. “That’s not what I meant, Gale. I don’t—I mean, I figured you were sleeping around, I don’t care. That’s not the point.”

He can’t help but laugh again a little. “There’s a _point_ to this?”

“I went to the doctors!” Madge finally explodes. The air in the room settles immediately. Madge lets out a shaking breath. “I went to the doctors,” she repeats a second time, though her voice is softer and shaking. Gale stands up a little straighter. “Because I wasn't feeling well—”

“Stop,” he interjects. Madge presses her lips together and out of reflex her hands lift to her stomach as though she's trying to protect something. “Stop,” he says another time before she can say anything else. “This is bullshit.”

“Gale—”

“ _Stop_ ,” he grunts. His eyes flicker down to her stomach and he shakes his head. His hands are soon in fists. “What the hell are you going on about, Undersee? This is bullshit!”

Because the only thing that he’s thinking right now is the only thing that’s impossible. It’s impossible. Gale has a lot of sex but he’s not an idiot about it, he uses protection. Gale's mother has _four children,_ most Seam families were big because there wasn't anything to stop women from getting pregnant. There were resources in Town but nothing cheap. But now he's smart, and he's rich, and he uses protection. Like hell he wants to handle the consequences of slipping up. He’s always been smart about that, he’s always been sure. She’s lying, she’s lying.

But Madge says it anyway. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head.

“I’m pregnant,” she tells him. Madge can feel tears coming to her eyes. “And I know with certainty that it's yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....! Baby hormones sure make for exciting mood swings. Happy Friday! I hope you're all well.


	6. Laughter Solves Absolutely Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale finally finds out that Madge is pregnant.

_I’m pregnant_.

It’s bouncing around Gale's head for a good minute before he reacts. And when he does, he laughs. It starts as a reluctant chuckle, but then Gale is honest to God laughing in a matter of seconds. Madge stands frozen where she is with her hands over her stomach. Gale’s soon hunched over from laughing so hard, tears of mirth are gathering in his eyes.

All Madge can think is that this must be the only time he’s ever smiled like this because of her, and that hurts more than the laughter.

“Alright, alright,” Gale finally straightens up and clears his throat. “Shit, Undersee. You really got me for a minute.” Madge blinks a few times. “Where’s Benny? You two planned that, didn’t you?” Madge opens and closes her mouth, unsure of how to continue. Because this obviously was not the plan. He thinks she's... pranking him? “I’ll give it to you,” he says, still wiping his eyes. “I really, you really scared the shit out of me.”

“Gale—”

“Sorry about last night,” Gale forces out, still smiling. He looks like a completely different person when he’s not scowling at her. She just wishes the circumstances were very, very different. “Won’t happen again. I had too much to drink. But, holy shit.” Gale lets out a low whistle. “I’ll give it to you,” he says another time.

"Gale, wait—"

And the he opens the door to the pilot’s quarters and disappears.

Madge feels like she could shatter.

* * *

Gale’s regained control of his laughter by the time he returns to Benny. “We’ve got to go,” he says with a smile. Benny arches an eyebrow at him, confused about the smile on Gale’s face. “You know, I’ve got to hand it to you,” Gale says as he finishes drinking his coffee. “I didn’t think you and Undersee had it in you.”

“Had what?” Benny questions as he stands. His eyes dart to the hallway Gale came from. “What’d you talk to Madge about? Is she okay?”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Gale says with a chuckle. Benny is still very confused, but he doesn’t push it any further.

By the time Madge leaves the pilot’s quarters the boys are gone. She cries for five minutes (five minutes _only_! Feel everything then push it back inside) before collecting herself and heading off to meet the District 4 representative.

* * *

“Miss Undersee?” Samuel questions. She lifts her head to look at the man she’s spent all morning with, a District 4 native that’s about the same height as her with messy blonde hair that reminds her of Peeta. She lowers her pen and notepad and waits for him to continue. “You seem distracted,” he says. “I want to make sure your attention is here in District 4, not somewhere else.”

Madge stands a little taller and nods. “Yes, sorry.” She looks down at her list. “You have five different community meetings that span across the distance, all at different times in the week to hopefully get the most attendance.” She flips through. “You, Samuel, will be at all of them to keep the answers and conversation in a consistent direction because consistency is most important. Your belief is that most of the questions will focus on the changes that will be made rather than the safety aspect of it all. Am I on track?”

Samuel smiles at her. His eyes drift up and down her body and he licks his lips before exhaling shortly “Sorry, yes, you’re doing great.” It’s a look Madge is more familiar with now, but she’s at work so she ignores it. He lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “I didn’t mean to be assumptive or anything.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Madge says. “I understand.” To be fair, her mind _is_ somewhere else. It’s still on Gale and his outburst from this morning. How dare he laugh like that? She opened her heart, she was being _honest_ , and he laughed at her like she was being funny! Mostly she still feels sick.

She hadn’t been sure about what she wanted to do with the baby. She could have chosen either option, but if she was being honest she would’ve rather kept it. She's always wanted to start a family but because of how invested in her work, she hasn't been able to. But for her that would require support, especially from the father (no matter _how_ minimal), and Gale clearly wants nothing to do with the whole process. She could keep the baby on her own but Madge was raised more or less without her mother and having only her father (who was _also_ absent a lot) wasn’t the greatest.

Who is Madge kidding! She would make an awful mother! Her own was hardly around, she doesn’t _know_ how to be a mom. And besides, she wants to travel the world. How could she travel the world with a baby? A bastard baby?

“Here’s our next stop,” Samuel says, stopping outside of a seemingly normal building. “This is where the first meeting will be. Shall we see inside?”

* * *

“So where did you and Undersee go last night?” Gale asks. Their little stunt on him this morning was definitely not what he was prepared for, and the idea of a Madge/Benny friendship is not ideal, but he has to admit it made him laugh. He doesn't remember the last time he laughed that hard.

“Uhh,” Benny looks up from the files in his hands. “The beach,” he answers.

“Where at the beach?” Gale prompts. If Madge woke up with a hangover they must’ve drank a lot. “The place on East Street? Or—”

“Just the beach,” Benny stops him. He arches an eyebrow at Gale. “I told you we didn’t go out. We went to the beach and talked for a bit before coming back to the ship, where _you_ were a little _preoccupied_.” Gale rolls his eyes. Okay, while he was drunk he forgot he had temporary roommates on the hovercraft, big deal. And the girl, whatever her name was, was a little loud in bed. That’s not his fault. He smirks, okay maybe that _is_ his doing. He’s good at what he does. “What did you two talk about this morning anyway?”

“Like you don’t know,” Gale says. “You planned it. And I’m _sorry_ about last night, but—”

“Planned what?” Benny stops him. “Madge and I didn’t plan anything. We didn’t even talk about you.”

Gale pauses. “You’re kidding,” he murmurs. “This morning she told me…” Gale trails off, thinking back to the look on Madge’s face. She was a good actress from her time living in the mayor's home, good at hiding her feelings, Gale _knew_ that, but she was different this morning. She looked scared. Nervous. And when he laughed at the obvious joke she looked defeated. There wasn’t any humor on her face. His stomach rolls. “Never mind,” Gale grunts.

Gale thinks back to the night he found Madge Undersee in the bar.

She was beautiful. She’s always been beautiful, but that night particularly. It was past sex appeal that drew him to her. Maybe he was feeling sentimental or homesick. But she was there, and she was… incredible.

Most girls are a one and done, but that night it was more. Gale didn’t know if it was because he was drunk, or because it was _Madge Undersee_ , or what, but they went at it more than once. Is it possible he forgot a rubber one of those times? Or maybe that what he was using broke? Could she _really_ be pregnant?

Gale’s out of it the rest of the day. She can’t be pregnant. Can she? She can’t. It’s impossible. The odds are too small. She can’t be pregnant.

“Gale?” Benny nudges him after the first meeting is over. “Where are you?” he asks. “Because you’re not here.”

“Nothing.”

“That—that wasn’t the question I asked,” Benny says with a little smile. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Yeah. He’s fine. He’s fine, right?

Gale isn’t sure how he makes it through all the meetings, and he’s grateful that Benny does most of the talking, but finally it’s evening time and he races back to the hovercraft. Madge is already there, paging through files and making notes in the margin every once in a while. She glances up when the boys walk in and her face pales before she looks back down. Benny exchanges a confused glance between them before moving to his room to change out of his uniform.

Gale stands there still but Madge is frozen. She can’t focus on her notes.

“Say it again,” Gale says. Madge takes a deep breath but doesn’t look up. “Tell me again what you told me this morning.” Still, she doesn’t move. If she doesn’t say it again there’s no way he’ll ever believe her. “Madge,” Gale rasps, and finally she looks up. “I need you to say it again.”

He swears that her chin quivers. “Will you believe me this time?” she whispers.

Gale’s stomach turns to stone. He doesn’t even need her to repeat it at this point. He takes a step back and lets out a shaky breath. “And you’re… you’re sure?”

Madge stares at him for a moment before standing from the table she’s sitting at. She marches away from him and Gale wonders if he should follow. But soon enough she returns, and there’s a pill bottle in her hand. She tosses it in Gale’s direction and he catches it easily. The words on the side make him dizzy. _Prenatal Vitamins – Margaret Undersee. To be taken once a day._

She stands a few feet from him. “I’m sure,” she forces out.

“But that it’s—”

“There’s no one else’s it could be,” Madge stops him. Her voice is soft and gentle, but Gale can recognize the look in her eyes. He’s seen it on many soldiers, and he’s seen it on himself. She’s terrified. She’s _terrified_.

She reaches out to take the bottle of vitamins back and then marches back to her bedroom. This morning suddenly makes sense, Madge vomiting in the bathroom. Gale’s seen it before – his mother had morning sickness with all of the kids. That’s why she and Benny didn’t get drinks last night. It’s why she didn’t have coffee this morning. This isn’t some elaborate prank, this is real. This is happening.

Gale steps backwards and lets out a shaky breath. Madge returns from her bedroom and sits back down at the table, picks up her pen, and tries to get back to work. He’s never seen her so pale before. Gale doesn’t know what to say. She taps her pen on the papers she has and looks back up.

“Please stop staring at me,” she says. “If you’re not going to say anything, at least stop staring at me.”

But he can’t. Because this is happening. And he doesn’t know what to do.

* * *

She needs some fresh air.

Gale won’t stop looking at her and it’s freaking her out so Madge grabs a sweater and leaves the hovercraft, heading back to the beach. She hopes the ocean will make her brave again, or at least help her clear her mind. At first it seems like Gale’s going to leave her alone but she’s only sitting on the sand for ten minutes when he arrives again.

He sits next to her silently and stares out at the crashing waves. They’re both quiet for a long time and it feels almost normal.

But soon he clears his throat. “Are you keeping it?” he asks. Madge shifts and looks over at him. Gale’s gaze is fixed on the sunset. “The baby,” he clarifies. “Are you keeping the baby?”

Madge doesn’t answer right away. “I haven’t decided,” she admits. “I still have a couple of weeks.”

“But you’re taking the vitamins,” he points out.

Madge nods. “I’m taking the vitamins,” she confirms. “Just in case. Because I want a family.” Again they’re quiet. “But I don’t know if I’d make a good mother,” she says. “And I want to travel.” She sighs. “And you…”

“I would make a terrible father,” he fills in her silence. Madge is shocked to hear him say this, and she doesn’t believe it for one second. He has three younger siblings and Madge remembers just how fond of them he was. He practically _raised_ them when his father died in the mine collapse. He was a natural at it. Children loved him. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Undersee.”

“Me neither.”

Eventually he sighs. Gale wipes his hands on his pants to get rid of the sand before he rubs his face. “I’ve been so shitty to you,” he grumbles, but Madge shakes her head. “I have,” he says with more force. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—just, don’t, Gale.”

“No, I’m sorry for all of this.” Madge presses her lips together to keep herself from tearing up. “This is my fault, Undersee. This shouldn’t be happening.”

“But it is,” she snaps. “And you apologizing for it isn’t going to change that!” Gale rubs the bridge of his nose. “You’re just trying to make yourself feel better! So stop apologizing! Just stop! I don’t want to hear it.” If anything he’s making her feel worse. “I just, I need you to tell me what you think I should do. Okay?”

“What I think you should do?” he mutters. “Why _I_ think you should do? I’m the one who—”

“You did not have sex with me, Gale, we had sex with each other. This is not a one person problem. This happened because of both of us.” Madge reaches up as discreetly as she can to wipe her eyes. She hates this! He’s sitting here apologizing like that will solve everything. “I just don’t know what to do,” she murmurs.

Gale doesn’t know what to do either. It’s a different world than it used to be. But if this had happened back in District 12 there would only be one option. He feels like he’s suffocating but what other option does he have? So he takes a deep breath and looks back at the ocean.

“Do you want to get married?”

Madge laughs at his question. “Excuse me?”

“If you keep it,” Gale clarifies. “Do you want to get married? Because that’s what would happen if we were in District 12 and you know that.” Married. Gale’s asking her if she wants to marry him out of obligation. She throws her head back and laughs another time. Gale looks at her and narrows his eyes. “Undersee,” he tries, but her laughter increases. It’s like this morning when Gale couldn’t stop laughing. Madge folds over onto herself and laughs until she can’t breathe. “Madge,” Gale reaches out, and it only makes it worse.

“Marry you,” she forces out through her laughter. “Marry you! You, Gale Hawthorne—are asking me— _Madge Undersee_ —to—to marry you!”

Gale stares at her like she’s insane before the disbelief slips from his face. And then a chuckle crawls from him as well. “Oh my God,” he groans. Gale collapses backwards in the sand heaving for air. He throws his arm over his face and Madge turns to him, trying to swallow her own laughter. “What kind of shitty universe is this?” he asks, still chuckling. Madge wipes her eyes. “How is this—how is this even possible?”

Soon they’re both quiet again, their fit of laughter in the past.

Madge is still smiling but it fades as she begins to speak. “I wouldn’t marry you out of obligation, Gale,” she tells him. “And I’d hope you wouldn’t want to marry me either.”

He hesitates. “It’s the right thing to do if you keep it.”

“It’s a new world,” she corrects. “There’re new definitions of right and wrong.” Gale sighs and sits back up. “If I do this, _we_ do this, then we can make it up as we go. We’re not in District 12 anymore.”

He sighs again. “We’re not in District 12 anymore,” he repeats. But somehow, he still ended up with a District 12 girl. “How long have you known?” he asks. “Since before we started working together?”

“The first week I missed was when I found out,” she says. Gale nods mutely. “I didn’t know if I should tell you,” she murmurs. “I thought you might be angry.”

“Angry?” Gale echoes. He shakes his head. “Not angry. Just…”

“Yeah,” Madge agrees. She knows the feeling.

* * *

They decide to sleep on it, which is good, because obviously a situation like this isn’t going to be decided upon over one conversation. They have to weigh the pros and cons. Talk about logistics. But Madge feels like she can breathe again and no matter how awkward it is sitting across from Gale at the breakfast table at least she’s been honest with him.

“Alright,” Benny clears his throat. “There’s something going on here.”

“I’m going to be late for my meeting,” Madge says, standing. “There’s nothing going on. I’ll see you two this evening.” She leaves them with a curt nod, and Gale lifts his mug quickly to take a drink. He narrows his eyes at Benny to keep him from saying anything else.

Gale had trouble sleeping last night. Even with his pills he tossed and turned. The truth is he made light of everything with Madge on the beach but he is _terrified_. He doesn’t know how to be a father, not anymore. There was a time in his life in which he wanted a big family and a lot of kids, a time that he wanted a wife. But that time has come and gone.

He’s a different man now. He’s done too many things, seen too many things. He’s not _fit_ for fatherhood anymore.

But Gale couldn’t tell that to Madge, not when she seemed at least slightly hopeful to have his support. She didn’t need a look into his shitty and twisted mind. He’s a train wreck, and if that baby is going to exist then it will be better off without him. Gale doesn’t deserve the joys of a child, he doesn’t deserve _any_ sort of happiness.

So he tossed and turned and agonized over what to do.

This morning isn’t much different. He feels like there’s a rock in his stomach.

And once they get back to District 2 Gale tells Madge he'll do whatever she wants. But deep down he's hoping she chooses the easy way out. 

* * *

Madge sits down at the clinic with her empty pill bottle and bounces her foot. Lora told her that she would come with her, but Madge politely declined. And Madge didn’t want to tell Gale her decision until everything was official. After telling him about the pregnancy it was like everything had cleared. She knew exactly what she was going to choose, what she was going to do with the baby.

It’s clear Gale doesn’t want anything to do with this situation, but that’s okay. Madge is strong. She was raised with one parent who worked all the time, but he was strong too and loved her with all he had. Madge grew up suppressing her emotions, Madge grew up with cameras and microphones in her house, Madge grew up without feeling special. And that's made her strong.

But she thinks it was the ocean that’s helped her decide.

Doctor Gibson finds her. She has a clipboard in her hand and calls Madge into a back room.

She's made her decision. She can only hope Gale will support it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Gale's reaction suits you. I'm not sure where I came up with the idea of him laughing but once it got in my head I couldn't get it out. But Gale's not that insensitive, he worked to make it better. Also I like adding the little bits about how every man Madge talks to is at least slightly interested in her haha. All about those looks. She's a babe. 
> 
> Also someone asked me about the rankings in THG world - for this story General is below Lieutenant, aka Gale is superior to Benny. Hope that clears some things up! 
> 
> Anyway, happy Friday! What do you think Madge chose?


	7. Decisions, Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale finds out about Madge's decision.

“Why?” Lora asks. Madge shifts at her desk and glances over her shoulder, worried that someone’s listening to the two of them. Their office is rather large and there are about a dozen other workers in POP. She doesn’t want to talk about this at work where someone could overhear. “I mean, of course I support you, but _why_?” Madge swivels in her chair to face her friend. “You haven’t talked to me since you made this choice, Madge. I just want to know why you decided to keep the baby.”

“Shhh,” Madge hisses. She hasn’t told any of the three supervisors yet and she’s worried what they’ll say once they know. She’s going to wait as long as possible. “What’s wrong with keeping it?” she asks quietly. If her father could raise her on her own, Madge can raise a baby on her own. And chances are she’s never going to marry anyone, which means no family. This could be her only chance. “I want a family.”

“You’re 21, Madge, you have forever.”

She rolls her eyes. Families were always started very early in District 12, even earlier than now. If anything she feels like she’s behind the swing.

“I don’t have forever,” Madge says. “And if I’m not getting married, then—”

“What do you mean you’re not getting married?” Lora stops her. “You’re 21,” she says again. “You have _forever_. And what if you meet someone who wants to have a family with you, but you already have a child, and that weirds them out? Because that’s not a normal _thing_ Madge!”

Lora’s right, there. It isn’t talked about, people raising babies on their own, starting families on their own. But Madge has been thinking about it ever since she found out she’s pregnant. With the career she has in POP the opportunity for her to travel is going to arise again, she’s going to visit the other continents and countries that are out there one of these days. And she isn’t sure she’s ever going to find a place to plant roots again. That eliminates the idea of dating which then eliminates the idea of getting married. Because she has the opportunity to have a baby now, she should take it.

Madge frowns and swivels back to the file she was reading. Her trip to District 4 was successful – the security and defense team wants to start working on another district already. “I’m keeping the baby,” she mutters. “I don’t have time to date, or find a potential husband, and I want…” she trails off with a sigh. “I can give this baby a great life, Lora. I can. And I’m going to.”

* * *

“If I’m being honest with you,” Doctor Carlson says. “And I  _am_ being honest with you, because that’s what we promised each other, Gale. Then I’d have to say this is the most distressed I think I’ve ever seen you.”

Gale can’t even look at his therapist. His eyes are on the ground. He fiddles with the hem of his shirt, with the badges that are pinned to his uniform. He can’t stop bouncing his knee. He’s been sitting here for twenty minutes and he hasn’t said a thing.

He can’t stop thinking about Madge. Last night he went out to get drinks and there was a girl who was very obviously flirting with him and Gale couldn’t even _look_ at her. He ended up in his apartment, drunk off his ass, staring at the phone and debating if he should call home.

“What happened on your trip to District 4?” his doctor prompts, and Gale shakes his head in response. “Was it related to the war? Did you have another flashback?” Gale still shakes his head, but at least he’s being honest. “It wasn’t the war,” Doctor Carlson says. “Can you confirm this for me?”

Gale takes a deep breath. “Someone’s pregnant,” he rasps. “And it’s—it’s my fault, it’s—” Gale cuts himself off with a gasp. He lowers his head to his hands. “It’s her, it’s—District 12, it’s—it’s never gone, it’s always here.”

Doctor Carlson tilts his head. “The girl’s from District 12?” he asks. Gale doesn’t respond, his head is still in his hands. “The one you’re working with?" He pages through his notes. "Madge, was it?” Gale lets out a shaky breath and tugs at his hair, pulling at his scalp. He can’t breathe. “How do you feel about all of this?” he prompts, and Gale still doesn’t answer.

“I—I don’t,” he exhales. “I m-miss my family,” Gale forces out. The idea of starting a family has reminded him of his own. “I _miss_ my _family_.”

He misses his baby sister, who’s certainly not a baby anymore. He wonders if Posy’s favorite color is still pink, if she’s grown out of wanting dresses or if she’s found a way to get a few. He wonders if she plays with dolls, what she dreams about, how she’s doing in her classes. And he misses Vick who is probably growing faster than even imaginable. He wonders if Vick ever got into sports, because he was never a fan of them when he was younger. He wonders if Vick is taller than Rory yet, because it certainly seemed that way as they were growing up. And Rory, Gale wonders if Rory still misses Prim. He wonders if he hates Gale, if he resents him. He wonders if Rory’s happy, if he’s doing well in school, if he’s being the man of the house now that Gale’s gone.

And his mother. Oh, God, Gale misses his mother _so much_. Gale wants Hazelle to hold him and tell him everything will be okay. He wants his mother to talk him down, to remind him to breathe, to _hug him_ because sometimes actions are so much more powerful than words and Hazelle always knew that.

Gale misses his family. He misses having a family at all.

“Gale,” Doctor Carlson says softly. “Call them.”

“I can’t,” he rasps. “I _can’t_.”

“You don’t have to tell them anything about your trip to District 4,” he tells Gale. “You don’t have to tell them anything. You don’t have to say anything about yourself, you can ask about them. That’s what you want, isn’t it?” Gale heaves for air. “You want to hear about them.” Gale scrubs at his face before finally looking up at his doctor. “I’m going to give you an assignment,” he says.

“ _Doc_ ,” Gale warns. “Don’t.”

It’s rare that Doctor Carlson assigns things to Gale. It happened a lot in the beginning, and a lot of the assignments were socialization steps, but “assignments” have become less prevalent in the past year or so.

“I’m assigning you to call your family,” Doctor Carlson says. “By this time next week, I want you to have called them. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, but that’s what you have to do.”  Gale shakes his head but his doctor shrugs. “It’s been three years of you working with me,” he says. “And not once have you told me you’ve spoken with your family.” There have been a few letters exchanged, but Gale hasn’t heard their voices. “Three years, Gale. It’s time.”

He takes a deep breath. Doctor Carlson is right.

It’s time.

* * *

Monday when the next meeting rolls around Madge feels like she’s going to throw up, only it’s a different sort of nauseous from before. How is she supposed to face Gale after her announcement in District 4? How are they supposed to carry on?

The answer is apparently, silently. Gale doesn’t greet her. He doesn’t speak directly at her. He can’t even look at her as they go over the plans for District 6, how they're bringing in a representative before they travel over. It isn’t until lunchtime when Benny leaves them alone to get his afternoon cup of coffee does Madge turn to Gale.

“So you can’t even look at me now?” she asks. “You’re that disgusted with me?”

“Shut up,” Gale grunts. He looks up from his papers. “It’s not you I’m disgusted with.” Madge sighs loudly and leans backwards in her chair. Gale bounces his leg when he’s nervous, or frustrated, or whatever, and he won’t stop bouncing his leg now. “I can’t get any work done,” he says. “I can’t get any work done because I can’t stop fucking thinking about this, Undersee.” Finally he looks up at her. “Have you made a decision?” he asks.

Before Madge can answer him the door to their conference room is pushed open. In walks a girl with long black-blue hair. She looks at Gale for a long time before her eyes flicker over to Madge for just a moment. “My name’s Lora,” she says. “I’m Madge’s roommate. And I have questions.”

Gale arches an eyebrow. “What?”

“How old are you?” she asks.

Gale looks over at Madge, then back at Lora. “Excuse me?”

“Lora,” Madge protests, but her friend stands proudly in the doorway with no sign of moving.

“Madge is my best friend and I want to make sure her baby doesn’t have shitty genes or whatever,” she says. “So how old are you?”

“Twenty three,” Gale answers with a frown. He looks over at Madge. “So you’re keeping it?”

“How many siblings do you have?” Lora questions on. Gale’s still looking at Madge. “Because I have a belief that if you come from a small family, like you’re an only child, that you have crappy genes and—”

“Hey, _I’m_ an only child,” Madge cuts her friend off with a frown.

“I have three siblings,” Gale mutters. His eyes are still on Madge. “They’re all younger than me. They’re all tall and healthy, like me, and my mother.” He looks back at Lora. “I grew up in District 12. I know how to sew, my mother taught me. And I do my laundry every Wednesday. I own my own apartment in North 2. I drive a four door car.” He looks over at Lora again. There's poison in his voice, “Anything else?”

“What are your hobbies? Talents?”

“Hunting,” Madge answers. “At least, it used to be. He was good at snares. Good with his hands.” Gale looks down at the table, the frustration draining out of him immediately. “I don’t know if he does that anymore, though. Lora,” she speaks to her friend. “He’s decent. I told you that.”

“He’s _evil_ ,” Lora murmurs in a mock-whisper. “That’s what you—”

“Shut it!” Madge cuts her off. Lora turns to Gale another time and crosses her arms over her chest. “Get out!” Madge says.

Lora turns and runs smack dab into Benny nearly spilling his coffee on him. “Oh!” she squeaks. “You’re Gale’s partner!”  

“I am,” Benny confirms, looking into the room confusedly and steadying his mug. “What’s—is everything okay? Who are you?”

“Madge’s roommate,” she says. “And best friend! You’re Gale’s partner I have _questions_ for you!” She pulls Benny out of the room and lets the door slam shut, leaving Gale and Madge alone again.

“Well she seems fun,” Gale mutters. Madge nods a little. “So you’re keeping the baby, then?”

“Do you still hunt?” she asks.

Gale blanches at the question, tipping his head to the side. “No,” he admits. “I don’t.” Madge waits for him to continue. “I rock climb, sometimes. But I don’t hunt.”

“Do you… camp, or…?”

“No,” Gale answers. Madge taps her pen against the notepad, unsure how to feel about this. That side of Gale was always so monumental, she doesn't understand how it could have just disappeared. “Are you going to answer my question or—”

“Yes,” she cuts him off.

“Yes you’ll answer my question or—”

“Yes I’m keeping the baby,” she says. Gale straightens up a little bit. “If you want nothing to do with it, or me, I understand. We can still work together, or if it upsets you too much I can request another assignment, or you could, but whatever. I’m keeping the baby.”

Gale’s narrowed his eyes on her. His stomach still feels weak. “How dare you,” he nearly growls. “How dare you think I would want nothing to do with this!” Madge is clearly surprised by his outburst. She lifts her eyebrows and lowers her pen to the table before crossing her arms over her chest like Lora had done mere minutes ago. “Am I—am I happy about this? No, absolutely not. I’m confused, and I’m—” he stops himself before admitting he’s scared. “But like _hell_ I’m going to let that child grow up without a father. Is that clear?”

“Gale,” Madge says softly. “I wasn’t saying that I don’t want you involved, I just—”

“My siblings all grew up without a father,” Gale cuts her off. “And they’re not—they’re fine, but fuck, Undersee I wish they didn’t have to do that.”

“Okay,” she says with a nod. “It just—the way you spoke about it in 4 was that you wouldn’t make a good father, and—”

“I _won’t_ ,” Gale cuts her off angrily. “And I—” where is this coming from? Gale had wholeheartedly believed, just _hours ago_ , that he wanted nothing to do with this baby, even if Madge kept it. The baby doesn’t deserve a father like Gale, he knows that. Why is he saying that he wants to be a part of this? It could be because Gale saw what a strain it put on his mother to raise children without a partner, or still because he’s thinking of those kids and how they never really got to _meet_ their father, how Posy asked about him all the time without any real give. “You don’t deserve to go through this alone,” Gale finally grumbles.

It doesn’t have to be a lot of input, Gale’s decided. But he wants some say. He can supervise from afar. He doesn’t have to live with the baby, or raise the baby completely, but he can help. He can be there enough that the baby knows who he is. Gale can give money and resources and be there, just from afar.

Madge nods another time. “Okay, Gale.”

Before either of them can say another thing the door pushes open and Benny is standing there looking very confused. “You’re pregnant?”

* * *

Lora is  _not_ having it.  “You said that he was evil!” She shakes her head as she and Madge browse through the racks. After work they took the bus to a nearby thrift shop. Madge doesn’t really look all that different but her clothes are starting to be just a  _little_ too tight in the chest area, and she needs a bra that isn’t going to make her boobs hurt. “Of course I was concerned.”

“He’s not actually evil,” Madge mutters. She wishes there were more professional maternity clothes. She doesn’t want to go around looking like a potato sack. “He’s… he has a good heart. We just… fight. We don’t get along.”

Lora snorts. “You obviously got along enough for him to get you into bed,” she says. “And have a _child_!”

Madge groans at her friend before holding up a pair of pants. She doesn’t need a lot more things, just more pants with elastic waists. And bigger bras.

She doesn’t know how to explain Gale, really. They never got along really, they just bickered. And that was always a lot of fun for Madge because people always tread so carefully around her when she was the mayor’s daughter. But Gale, he would rile her up, and she loved that. And the way he cared about his siblings, she really admired that. And, shit, he was a freaking war hero. Madge hadn’t even fought in the war, she was part of a medical team in District 13 that deployed only after everything had happened, but it took her a long time to get back on her feet. She can only imagine what Gale’s been through. He’s strong. He’s brave. He’s going to make a great father whether he believes so or not.

“I’m just worried he’s going to change his mind halfway through,” Lora says. “Men are flakes.”

“Not every man is your ex-boyfriend,” Madge murmurs, mostly to herself. “He’s coming to my appointment on Friday,” she tells Lora. “He’s not a flake. He’ll be there.”

“You told me you walked in on him having sex with some rando from District 4,” Lora adds. “He’s a slut. A man-slut. A slutty man whore!” Madge sighs. “What if he has other pregnant women out there? Your little brat’s going to have like, six siblings by the time it’s born.” Madge has had that thought herself, but she doesn’t want to think about it very long. If Gale wants to keep sleeping around, whatever. It’s his choice, his life. And just because he’s the father of her child doesn’t mean he’s her husband, or boyfriend. He can do whatever he wants. “I just, I know how you get, Madge.”

“How I get?” she echoes. Madge holds up a shirt and frowns when she notices a stain on the sleeve. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You care too much,” she says. “About everything.” Lora picks up a pair of pants and holds them up to Madge, who nods in approval. “I’m worried you’re going expect more from him and then get hurt. Or that you don’t know enough about what you’re about to start.”

Madge rests her hands over her stomach and pushes back the thoughts of sadness and confusion that bubble to the surface. “I’ll figure it out,” she says. “And I’m stronger than you think.”

* * *

Gale paces the clinic as Madge sits in a nearby chair paging through a pamphlet. Lora’s come along too, she doesn’t approve of Gale yet (and Madge isn’t sure she ever  _will_ ) and she’s here as support. Lora’s eyes follow Gale as he marches back and forth clearly nervous to be here but Madge just keeps paging through the pamphlet.

“Miss Undersee?” they suddenly hear. Madge stands, and so does Lora, but Madge gives her friend a look.

“Just wait out here,” Madge murmurs. “Please?” With a huff Lora sits back down, but first she shoots a nasty look in Gale’s direction that he promptly ignores.

Together she and Gale follow back the nurse that called for them, and soon they’re waiting in a smaller white room which gives Gale less time to pace. Madge sits on the bed as Gale fidgets. “She’s nice,” Madge says. “The doctor.”

“We’ll see,” Gale mutters as he eyes the clinic. It’s not in the best part of 2, and Gale tried to insist that Madge go to a place closer to where he lives, but she likes it here and her doctor is kind.

Madge rolls her eyes and lays backwards, waiting for Doctor Gibson. She’s a perky woman with bright red hair and a brighter smile. “I’m glad you’re here,” she says softly to Gale, who stops fidgeting at her words. “I’m glad you want to be involved.”

Gale sighs a little. “It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”

“What’s with you and _the right thing to do_?” Madge asks with a small huff.

Before Gale can answer the door swings open and in walks the doctor. “Oh,” the doctor stops as her eyes fall on Gale who’s since leaped to his feet. “Hello to you too.” She looks over at Madge. “Is this the boyfriend, or is he moral support?”

“Uh,” Madge looks between Gale and the doctor. Honesty is the best policy. “Mm… father,” she answers.

“Oh, I see,” she says, still smiling. She extends her hand to Gale. “I’m Paige Gibson, I’ve been taking care of Madge.” Gale shakes her hand with a grunt. “It’s not often we have the father’s come, this is a pleasant surprise. Mr.…”

“Gale,” he says. “Just Gale.”

“Okay, Gale,” she says. Doctor Paige walks over to Madge. “You came for an exciting visit,” she says. “Lay back and lift your shirt,” the doctor instructs, and Madge does so diligently. “If the calculations all line up then Madge is just around ten weeks,” she says. “Meaning we’ll be able to pick up on your baby’s heartbeat.” Gale walks over to Madge’s side, less fidgety now that the doctor is in the room. “This’ll be cold,” she warns as she picks up a tube of clear liquid.

“Ooh,” Madge leaps as the doctor squirts it onto her stomach. “Wow, yes, cold.”

“Sorry.” Doctor Paige smiles sheepishly. “I warned you.” She fiddles around with a machine off to the side with one hand while she spreads the jelly around Madge’s stomach with the other. “I’m glad you’re here, Gale,” she says to him, echoing Madge’s earlier words. His eyes are focused on her. “Even though you haven’t said much to me. But it’s important that you be involved in all of this.”

Gale clears his throat. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I don’t know how it was where you grew up, but I’ve lived in District 2 my whole life,” the doctor continues. “And childbirth was a women oriented thing. So few fathers failed to actually learn about the process. The more you know the better the transition will be.” Gale nods his head in agreement. “There are a few different options for actual birthing too,” she goes on. “Which I can get you all the information on. But your best bet would—”

“Midwife,” Gale cuts her off.

Midwives were all they had in District 12, and that’s what he trusts. He looks to Madge for confirmation and she nods slightly, a small smile on her face. They haven’t discussed the details of things but it already makes her feel better knowing this belief of theirs lines up. “We’ll talk about it,” Madge says softly, and Gale agrees with another nod. They have a lot of things to talk about. “We’re from 12,” Madge clarifies. “So a little… traditional.”

“Traditional is great,” the doctor says. Madge sighs a little in relief.

“Yeah, only we didn’t have these fancy machines.” There might’ve been a few in the small rundown hospital of District 12, but it was just as riddled with disease as the streets and no one trusted it. Not even the people from town. It was rare that anyone actually went there unless they were horribly desperate. “But, um… heartbeat?”

“Heartbeat,” Doctor Paige confirms. “I’m going to move this tool over your stomach, and then on the screen here you’ll be able to see the baby.”

“We’ll be able to _what_?” Gale asks.

“See the baby,” the doctor says again. “This machine is a little outdated, there’s newer technology in the bigger hospitals, but it does the same thing.” Doctor Paige presses a few buttons on the screen and then turns back to the two of them. “It’s called an ultrasound. I move this here and…” Doctor Paige trails off as a fuzzy black and white image on the screen focuses. Madge’s hand flies outwards and collides with Gale’s who quickly holds her hand. They can see it. They can see the baby. “Here’s the head,” Doctor Paige says as she points toward the screen. “Can you see? And—”

“Oh my God,” Madge breathes. She squeezes Gale’s hand with nerves and excitement.

Doctor Paige smiles. “Looks healthy. Over here are some toes.”

“Toes,” Gale nearly chokes out. “It already has toes?”

“And nails to go on the toes,” the doctor says. “Fingers as well,” she adds with a little laugh. Neither Madge nor Gale can pull their eyes from the screen. “And you hear this… this beating?” she asks. Doctor Paige reaches over to the machine and turns a dial to make the sound louder. _Trum, trum, trum, trum._ “That’s the baby’s heartbeat.”

Doctor Paige moves the instrument a bit on Madge’s stomach to change the view up. “You can’t tell in the image, but your baby’s growing organs about now. Brain, liver, kidneys. His spine—”

“His?” Gale cuts her off. “It’s a boy?”

“Oh, sorry,” Doctor Paige says as she looks at him. “It’s too early to tell. It might be a girl. Sorry about that, force of habit.” She looks back toward the image. “Anyway, its spine is growing now too.”

Madge feels like she could cry. “This is real,” she whispers. Doctor Gibson hits a button on the machine to freeze the image and then removes the instrument from Madge’s stomach. Madge finally pulls her hand from Gale’s and reaches up to wipe her eyes. “Sorry,” she says softly. “I’m not upset, I swear, I just—it didn’t, none of this felt _real_ until…” she trails off, her eyes still on the image. “I can’t believe this is real.”

“This is real,” Doctor Paige says gently. “This is your baby. Growing. Healthy.” Madge nods and smiles weakly. “And it’s only about this big,” she says, holding up her fingers to make a small gap.

Gale’s voice comes out raspy, “That’s like an inch.”

“That’s like an inch,” she confirms. “I can print photos for you to take,” she says. “If that’s what you’d like.” Gale and Madge both nod at once, and she stands with a bright smile. “I’ll be right back,” she tells them.

Once she’s gone Gale sinks into a nearby seat, his eyes still trained on the image. “I can’t believe this,” he murmurs, mostly to himself. “You’re really pregnant,” he says. “That,” Gale points toward the image, “is _inside_ you.”

Madge lets out a soft breath. “That’s our baby, Gale.”

“That’s our baby,” he echoes gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "baby high" won't last very long, but it deserved a little bit of time. I hope Gale's wishy washy attitude is understandable, I've tried to write it so! 
> 
> I don't remember if I've posted this anywhere but my Tumblr, but my own headcanons are Bingbing Fan as Lora, and Michael B Jordan as Benny. Do you have your own headcanons? Also, don't worry, Benny's full reaction will come in due time! 
> 
> Hope you're having a lovely day!


	8. Friends or More?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge asks Gale to dinner, the representative from District 6 arrives, and Gale has trouble figuring out what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eleven weeks pregnant.

Gale paces his hallway.

His phone is hanging from the wall, it has a spiral cord from the receiver to the device, but he can’t pick it up. He just keeps pacing. In his back pocket is the photo from the ultrasound – he’s been carrying it around ever since the appointment. He knows he could lie. He could tell his therapist that he called home, but Doctor Carlson would probably realize he wasn’t being honest. It's just that he doesn’t even know what to expect.

His family’s phone number is taped to the wall by the phone. It’s been taped there for years. Just in case he’s ever wanted to use it.

With a deep breath he picks up the phone and dials the first few numbers before panicking and slamming the phone back on the receiver. He paces again, weighing the pros and cons. The worst that can happen is they’ll hang up when they hear his voice, right? And then at least he can say he tried.

With another deep breath he tries again. Each button he presses he feels like he can’t breathe, and soon he hears the phone ringing.

One ring. Two rings. Just as he goes to hang up the other end stills.

“Hello?” The air leaves his lungs at the sound of his mother’s voice. Gale is frozen for a few moments, sinking in the quiet calm that _is_ Hazelle Hawthorne. She’s there. She’s really there. “Is anyone there?”

Finally he croaks, “Ma?”

There’s another pause. “Gale?” Her voice is nothing but a whisper. “Is that you?”

“ _Ma_ ,” he says again. Gale sinks to the floor with the phone pressed to his ear. “Oh, _God_ ,” he feels like he can’t even breathe. “It’s so good,” he can’t find the words, “to hear your voice.”

“Baby,” she breathes into the phone, “oh, _Gale_!” Gale finds himself blinking back tears and clenching his teeth together to stop his chin from quivering. “Oh, Sweetheart, how are you? Are you okay? I’ve been checking the mail every day in case you wrote! What’s wrong, are you alright?”

It takes him a long time to figure out what he wants to say. He takes deep breath and nods, again and again, even though she can’t see him. “I just miss you,” he chokes. “I miss you _so_ _much_.” His free hand tugs on his hair so forcefully that pain spiders in his neck. “I’m okay,” he forces out. He needs her to know that nothing’s wrong. “I—I’m fine. Nothing really,” his voice catches, “nothing really ever happens here.” Gale releases his hair and rubs at his eyes, wiping away his tears. “I’ve been meaning to write,” he says. Now that he’s started talking he can’t stop, all of the words are bubbling out of him. “I tried, Ma, I got—I have all of your letters. I just, I never knew—I couldn’t figure out what to say, you know?”

“Gale, honey,” Hazelle exhales and Gale’s chin quivers. “It’s okay. I know it’s hard for you.” He wipes his eyes another time and rests his head backwards against the wall. “I know you must be so busy, that you have so much going on.” How can she be so understanding? After all this time? It’s like they never even stopped talking. “I’m just so happy to hear your voice,” she tells him. Gale chokes back a sob and gently bangs his head a few times against the wall. He moves the phone away from his mouth so he can breathe, breathe. He misses the rustling on the other end, but then his mother’s talking to someone. “ _No, it’s Gale_ ,” she’s saying. “ _I know, I know_. _Hold on_. Gale?” she asks. He hums in response, unable to get out any words. “Posy’s here,” she says gently. “She, um…” Hazelle has always been delicate with her words. “Do you want to talk to her?” she asks.

Everything inside of Gale is screaming no. He shouldn’t talk to Posy. He shouldn’t get his baby sister’s hopes up. But more than anything he wants to hear her voice.

“Yes,” Gale rasps. “Yes, I want to talk to Posy.” He listens as the phone is being handed over and Gale swallows back all of his fear of rejection, just to hear his sister’s voice. “Posy?” Gale whispers.

“Gale?” she whispers back. His heart lurches in his chest and he laughs. He laughs! Gale reaches up to wipe his eyes another time. “Is that really you?” Nine years old, she sounds like a completely different person.

“It’s—it’s really me,” he says.

“Are you coming home soon?” she asks. “I miss you. We all—we miss you!”

“I miss you too,” he says softly. “I don’t—I don’t know if I’m coming home soon. But I’ll let you know, okay?” His throat is starting to restrict. Their happiness at hearing his voice is too much for him. Never in a million years did he expect they would actually want to _see_ him. And he can’t do that, he can’t go home. It’s not an option for him. So he lies. “I have to go,” he tells her.

“But, you just—”

“I know, I know,” he cuts her off. “I’m sorry,” Gale says. “I’m really, really sorry.” For so much more than just ending the call. “Let everyone know I love them, okay? I love you all so much.”

Posy sighs. “We love you too. We miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he says another time. “I’ll… I’ll call soon. Okay?” Gale rubs at his face and breathes deeply. “Bye, Pose. Tell Ma goodbye.” Then he reaches up and hangs up the phone before she can say anything else.

Gale leans backwards against the wall feeling partly defeated, but also more alive than he can remember.

* * *

Madge gnaws on her bottom lip as Gale explains the process for District 6. 

There's a representative coming in a day or so and Madge has to be ready with the information to greet him, and ready she is. 

She hasn’t been nauseous since the trip to District 4, but she is having a little bit of heartburn now. But that’s not the point. The point is she doesn’t feel sick anymore. She feels like she has energy. She feels like she could go on a run. She feels like she did when she was looking at the ocean – unstoppable.

Gale adjusts the glasses on his nose as he talks and Madge lets out a short breath. He doesn’t wear them very often and didn’t have them back in District 12, which leads her to believe he’s only realized he’s needed them since getting into the paper work side of life. But dammit, he looks good.

He’s always looked good. He’s very good looking. Gale is very nice to look at.

As he flips the file in his hand the muscles in his arm flex ever so slightly and Madge has to avert get gaze. Gale’s always been attractive, that’s not new. Her hormones are probably acting up or something.

But still, once their weekly meeting is over, Madge stops him before he leaves. His glasses are gone now and his hair is slightly rumpled, but he doesn’t hesitate like he used to before the baby. “Something wrong?” Gale asks, and Madge shakes her head. “Baby okay?” he asks, slightly softer.

“Everything’s fine,” she stops him. “I was just…” Madge trails off as Gale’s face contorts in confusion. “I was wondering if you were free for dinner?” Her request hangs in the air for a little bit as Gale readjusts how he’s standing. “We don’t—I mean, you mentioned how you don’t hunt anymore, or anything, and I realized that I don’t know you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. And so I figured that we could get to know each other for real, and—”

“No,” Gale cuts her off.

Madge deflates slightly. “No you’re not free tonight, or…”

“No, I don’t want to get dinner with you,” he clarifies. “Not tonight, not later, I just don’t want to.” Madge blinks a few times, surprised at his answer. “I told you before, Undersee. I don’t hate you, but I don’t like you either. And just because you’re having a baby—”

“ _Your_ baby,” she reminds him a little sharply.

“—it doesn’t mean I have to like you. Or pretend like I want to get to know you.”

Madge tries to process what he’s saying. Gale doesn’t even have the decency to get one dinner with her? He doesn’t even want to try?

“I’m not the mayor’s daughter anymore, Gale,” she nearly snaps. “I’m different. You don’t _know_ me.”

“To be fair,” Gale starts for the door, “your dad’s still the mayor of 12, so you _are_ still the mayor’s daughter.” She crosses her arms over her chest as he opens the door. “Sorry, Undersee,” he mutters. “I'm here for you and the baby. But I have no interest in being your boyfriend.”

And then he’s out the door.

* * *

 The only reason they have food from that pasta place on the edge of the nice side of 2 is because Lora could tell Madge was upset. Madge used to be so  _good_ at hiding her emotions, it was all she had done for sixteen years of her life. But now with all of the stupid baby hormones she can barely stop herself from tearing up the moment she gets even slightly sad.

“You _did_ say he was evil,” Lora reminds her as she pulls their meals out of a brown paper bag. “An evil asshole. Hot, sure, yes, but evil asshole. Hot doesn’t discount the other stuff.”

Lora went all the way out to get lunch for the two of them. Just because Madge was teary eyed.

“I don’t want him to be my boyfriend,” Madge says as she pokes her pasta with a plastic fork. She told Lora what had happened yesterday when Gale so blatantly shut her down. “I do want to be friends with him though. And that’s logical, isn’t it? To be friends?”

“Completely logical,” Lora agrees. “He’s just an _evil asshole_.” Lora takes a big bite of her pasta and moans, causing Madge to smile. “Whatever, I’m great company,” she says with a mouthful. “Who needs the father of your child when you have _me_?”

Madge laughs again, still poking at her pasta. She wants to eat quickly and get back to work, but Lora likes long lunches and she feels like she owes this to her friend. Lora has been so supportive of everything. Even when Madge lied and said all she had was a flu, and then later the truth came out about the pregnancy, Lora stood by her and didn’t even get angry. She’s an incredible friend.

She takes her first bite of pasta and moans as well. It’s the little things in life she has to learn to love.

Suddenly the door to the break room is pushed open. A tall man with short red hair peers inside. “Excuse me,” he says gently, “I don’t mean to interrupt.” Lora’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head because whoever he is, he is _gorgeous_. “I’m looking for a Margaret Undersee? Someone told me to look in here?”

Madge clears her throat. “Um, Madge, that’s me.” A smile brightens his face and he pushes into the room. There’s a galaxy of freckles across his nose and his eyes are the clearest green she’s ever seen. She wipes her mouth with a napkin and turns to him. “Can I help you with something?”

“I’m, uh, Oliver,” he says, extending his hand to her. Madge quickly accepts his handshake. “I’m the representative from District 6—to help with the marketing? And the community meetings?”

“Oh. Oh!” Madge smiles back. “Yeah, sorry. I thought you were coming tomorrow. Hi!” Madge turns to him. “Hi,” she says again. “It’s great to meet you. Um…” she looks at her meal, and he chuckles.

“I’ll let you finish, I’ll be in conference room B when you’re done.” He tips his head in Lora’s direction. “See you in a few.”

Oliver excuses himself and Lora groans, throwing her head backwards. “How come all of the people that you have to work with are _hot_?” she asks. She points toward the door with her fork. “Hot! Steamy hot! And he doesn’t seem like an evil asshole, Madge!” Madge rolls her eyes at her friend and takes another bite. They know nothing about this Oliver guy, he could most certainly be an evil asshole. “Here we were, complaining about the evil asshole soldier, and under some sort of fate you are just handed this crazy beautiful man to work closely with for the next couple of weeks.”

“Jesus, Lora,” Madge says with a laugh. “What is _with_ you?”

“I haven’t had sex in like a month,” she mutters as she stabs at her food. “I’m scared I’ll get pregnant.” Mage laughs loudly this time, shaking her head at her friend. “But that’s not the point! The point is, who needs to go to dinner with someone who doesn’t care when you could go to dinner with someone who _might_ care!”

Madge shakes her head another time. “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself,” she warns.

* * *

When Gale tells Doctor Carlson that he called home, the therapist’s face lights up in surprise. Gale explains the conversation was short, he couldn’t talk to them for too long without feeling like he was breaking some sort of rule, but the doctor doesn’t seem to mind.

“Gale, that is _fantastic_ ,” he says. And Gale can’t help but smile. Because it really is fantastic. “How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” he admits with a shrug. “I… I’m happy I did it. To hear their voices…” Gale trails off. “But at the same time I know they don’t need me anymore.”

“Maybe they don’t,” Doctor Carlson entertains the idea, “but that doesn’t meant they don’t _want_ you in their lives.”

Gale thinks back to his little sister’s gentle voice. _I miss you. We all miss you_. Gale’s too scared to even think about his family wanting him. Because what does that entail? A visit home like Posy asked? Gale isn’t sure he can handle that. He could barely hold himself together when he visited with Katniss during the war while filming Propos. And Gale knows it must be drastically different now, but that would hurt too. And what about Katniss? Would she want to see him? What would she say if she did?

“They’re better off without me,” Gale mutters.

“You can’t _think_ like that, Gale.” Doctor Carlson sighs gently. “We’re moving forward. That’s our plan here, to move forward. So,” Doctor Carlson takes a deep breath. “Where do you want to go?” Doctor Carlson volleys back. “Do you want to be move involved with your family?” Gale opens and closes his mouth, unsure of how to answer. “Don’t tell me what you think you deserve or anything like that. Tell me how you feel, Gale.”

He takes a deep breath. “I want them,” he admits weakly. “I want them back in my life.”

“Then that’s where you go next,” he says.

* * *

Okay, Lora was spot on.

Oliver, the red head from District 6, is one of the kindest people Madge has ever met. He’s more organized than Madge is, his lists and information about what’s needed in District 6 is perfectly laid out in charts and files everywhere. He’s patient too, explaining everything ranging from the community meetings to the propos that they’re going to be creating.

“I really like what you did in District 4,” he’s currently saying. “How you went and surveyed what areas needed the extra enforcement the most. I mean, it makes sense. But sometimes this government does some stupid stuff. But anyway,” he points toward the map stretched out in front of him. “Based on the last attack from Panem’s Protectors here’s where I think we’ll need more security. What do you think?”

Madge gnaws on her bottom lip as she looks at the map. “That’s more of security and defense’s thing. Once I made some predictions and they snapped at me.”

Oliver laughs. “It’s probably because you were right.” He slides a highlighter in her direction. “None of this is fine print, I’m just asking what you think.” They talk about strategy for a while before it’s time to finally head home. Oliver waits by the door before leaving. “Listen,” he says. “I’m in 2 for a couple weeks. I’ve never been here before.” Madge looks up from her papers and lifts her eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate. “Maybe you could show me around sometime? Unless that—unless, of course, there’s someone…”

“No, I mean, yes, of course.” Madge smiles and nods, blindly gathering all of her papers together. “I’d love to.” She stands and wobbles a little. “I’m not,” Oliver reaches out to steady her before she falls over, and they both laugh. “I’m not a District 2 native,” she tells him. “But I’d love to.”

He smiles, and his eyes lower to her lips before finding his gaze again. “I don’t mind,” he murmurs. “Not if you don’t.”

“Not at all,” she breathes.

Oliver steps backwards toward the door and dips his head, his smiling widening. “Well alright then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Madge echoes gently.

* * *

Gale drags his hand over his face and readjusts his glasses. The office is mostly empty save for one light on in the back down the hall. He needs to go home, or to a bar, or something, because his anti-anxiety pills aren’t working. He can’t stop bouncing his leg and he feels like he can’t breathe.

The room is cast with shadows and the air is uncharacteristically still. Gale can practically feel his heart beating in his chest.

There’s nothing wrong. Realistically, Gale knows there’s nothing wrong. He’s in his well defended office (considering it _is_ the office of security and defense) and there’s only one person left, and he knows that there is absolutely nothing wrong. And still Gale feels like he can’t _breathe_.

He stands quickly and takes off his glasses, placing them on the desk before pacing away from it. His footsteps are fast and carry him to the back of the building where Delta’s office is. He knocks once before peering in, finding his supervisor tapping away on a tablet. She looks up at him and brushes her straight brown hair out of her face before arching an eyebrow at him.

“Can I help you, Lieutenant?” she asks.

Gale takes a deep breath. And another. “Just wanted to let you now I’m leaving,” he forces out.

Delta sits up a little straighter in her chair. “Are you alright?” she asks him. “You look a little pale.” Gale licks his lips and turns away from her but lingers in her doorway. Gale takes another deep breath and swallows. “Gale,” Delta says. She stands slowly. “Talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” he murmurs. “I’m headed home.”

“You can’t drive like this,” she says. Delta walks over to him quickly and grabs his shirt, pulling him toward her. “Are you having a panic attack?”

“No.” And he’s not. At least, he’s pretty sure he isn’t. He just feels small and a little too out of control. “I’m fine,” he says again, but his voice catches in his throat. Gale pulls back from here because he hates this. He hates this. There was once a time in which Gale Hawthorne was large and important, and he felt that way too. Now his name is big but he just… isn’t. “I need to go,” Gale grunts.

“Gale,” Delta whispers. “Look at me.” His eyes eventually drift to her and she smiles sweetly. “Let me help,” she says. Her hands slip up his chest, warm and comforting and familiar. Gale clings to that feeling and lets his eyes drift shut before he pulls back another time. Her hands are familiar, her touch is familiar, yes, but that’s not enough. Just because they’ve been together before doesn’t mean that’s what he needs. Once upon a time Gale felt like Delta was the only one who understood what he was going through, with his anxiety and his PTSD, but that time has come and gone. “Gale,” Delta sighs, “I’m trying to help you.”

“We ended this,” he grits out.

Delta drops her hands. “ _You_ ended this,” she corrects.

“You’re _married_ ,” he snaps, stepping away entirely. He ended whatever was going on between them the minute he found out. She sighs another time and Gale’s chest feels even tighter than before. He was never in love with Delta, he never saw a future with her, but he was never going to be the other man. He didn’t even know she was married until months after they’d started hooking up. “I’m leaving,” he says again. “I just wanted to let you know.”

“You shouldn’t drive like this,” Delta tries again, but Gale’s turned on his heel and marched out of her office. The second he’s completely out of the building he feels like he can breathe again.

Gale doesn’t even realize that his anxiety lessens the second he steps away from all of his work. He never _has_ felt very safe working with security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things.
> 
> 1\. Happy Friday! I hope you liked the chapter. It wasn't very gadge-centric but it's essential for future chapters and such.  
> 2\. Gale/Delta's relationship was hinted on back in chapters 1 and 3, so that's not a new thing!  
> 3\. Madge's baby hormones at around eleven weeks would make her desperate for affection. Just saying! And she's a lonely individual as it is.   
> 4\. I love y'all! I hope you have a great weekend.


	9. Take Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is still around and Gale doesn't like that very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twelve/Thirteen Weeks Pregnant

Oliver is unbelievably sweet. He looks at Madge in a way other men haven’t – there’s a certain fascination that makes her feel on top of the world. Ever since the war ended and more men have been noticing her, she’s been craving a look like the one Oliver gives her. It’s the way his gaze holds hers, the way he lights up when she laughs. It’s all very subtle, but somehow makes Madge feel so intense.

He keeps work professional of course expect for the lingering gaze every once in a while and the brush of their hands, but Madge hasn’t blushed this much ever since Taftan Mellark told her she was pretty all those year ago at the Mellark’s bakery. The night before tonight she and Oliver went on a great tour of District 2 and he didn’t kiss her, but God she wanted him to. She’s sure that tonight, considering they’re going out for more than just a tour, her chances are a little higher. And she hasn’t been properly kissed in ages.

“So how long are you in the district?” Madge asks as they walk down the street. She’s taking him to her favorite ice cream shop just down the road from her business office. “A week, or…”

“Just another week,” he confirms. “I leave next Thursday. But… you’ll be in District 6 at some point,” Oliver wonders. “Won’t you? To make sure everything’s running smoothly?”

“Mm.” Madge nods and smiles. “I will.”

“Hmm…” Oliver reaches out and tangles his fingers with hers. “That is definitely something to look forward to.”

And when Oliver kisses Madge at the end of the night, it’s quick and sweet. It’s a kiss that makes her feel warm. It sparks a feeling that makes Madge wish for a future.

* * *

Gale’s ready to meet another old crone from District 6 when he arrives in the POP office on Monday, but is surprised to find someone about the same age as him instead. He’s also surprised to find said District 6 representative very, very close to Madge as they’re writing notes all over the map of District 6. Benny’s the one who clears his throat and then the two look up. The red head beside Madge leaps to his feet and offers his hand, happy to meet his partners.  _Oliver_ , Gale immediately doesn’t like even his name, and he’s sure he won’t get along with him. They all settle down at the conference table, Gale directly across from Madge, and get to work.

“Panem’s Protectors have been expanding toward the West,” Benny says, unravelling an entire map of Panem. “There’s a strong belief that they’re going for train stations and hovercraft zones. We’re fairly certain they’re trying to cut off one district at a time, but they’re still too unorganized to be successful at that.” Benny taps his pen on District 6. “The next target.”

“Our own security team is spread out across the district pretty evenly,” Oliver tells them. “We have increased security at all transportation sectors. We know the threats. What we’re mostly concerned about is how the police force you’re attempting to institute is going to change the system we already have set up.”

“It won’t be any major changes,” Madge says. “Like I told you earlier,” she murmurs, leaning slightly in Oliver’s direction. “The police force that security and defense are instituting works _with_ what’s already established. It’s just to get some consistency across the nation.” Oliver looks up from the map in into Madge’s eyes, smiling just a bit. “It’s the easiest way to merge everything together and make the teams cohesive.”

“It’s worked well in District 4,” Gale finally adds. “There’s no reason it shouldn’t work well in District 6 as well.”

“We manufacture different things, Lieutenant,” Oliver says. “The workings of District 6 are a little more important than that of District 4. No offense. Because if it wasn’t for District 6 then I wouldn’t even _be_ here.”

“And it would make institution of these new procedures _so_ much easier,” Gale mutters, receiving a glare from Madge. “Let’s break for lunch,” Gale says a bit louder. “Come back to this.” Quickly he pushes away from the table with a deep breath and Benny quickly follows after him.

“Well _he_ sure is fun to work with,” Oliver says to Madge once the two soldiers are gone. Madge wants to smile and joke back, but she really can’t. Gale’s total rejection from last week is still thick in her throat but he’s a hard worker and deserves respect. “I get that there’s a way things are done, but jeez.”

“He’s good at his job,” she stops him. “Gale knows what he’s doing.”

“ _Gale_ ,” Oliver echoes with a high voice. “You’re on a first name basis with someone from the Star Squad?”

Madge’s hand leaps to her stomach. “We’re friends,” she tries. She isn’t entirely sure that she’s using the correct word.

* * *

Gale pulls her into a supply closet the second he has a chance. There isn’t much room and it’s dark and musty but his skin is  _crawling_ . If he has to look at that stupid ginger make googly eyes at Madge one more time he’s going to vomit. Gale clicks the door shut behind him and Madge huffs, leaning back against one of the shelves.

“Does he know?” Gale asks. She hesitates, keeping her eyes on his collarbone and making a face. “About the baby,” Gale adds sharply. “Does he know that you’re pregnant?”

“I don’t see what that has to do with our work,” she says, finally looking up at him.

Gale tips his head back in a laugh. “Work. Sure.” Madge stiffens and straightens her back, narrowing her eyes in Gale’s direction. He doesn’t have the right to say anything, especially not after he turned her down for one stupid dinner. “He’s been here for what, four days? And he’s already fawning over you like a—”

“Shut up,” Madge snaps. “Shut up!” She balls her hands into fists and looks him in the eye. “You fawned over me once too, if you remember,” she reminds him with a hiss. If he hadn’t then they wouldn’t be in this situation. “It wasn’t all that long ago! It’s not impossible for people to _fawn_ over me, Gale!” He edges backwards, surprised at her sudden rush of attitude. “He’s nice to me. And when I asked him to dinner he said yes. So keep your opinions and your attitude to yourself, alright?”

“Is that what this is about?” Gale asks a little too sharply. “Because I didn’t want to go to dinner with you?”

Madge throws her head back in a bitter laugh. “The world does _not_ revolve around you, Gale Hawthorne!” She pushes his chest and edges closer to the door. “You don’t have a monopoly on me,” Madge growls. “Especially since you want nothing to do with me besides my stupid uterus.”

And then she’s out of the supply closet, marching back to the conference room.

Gale lets the closet door shut and takes another deep breath. He doesn’t feel any better.

He didn’t expect that snapping at Madge would make him feel better, but he didn’t want to still feel like _this_. There’s something about that guy that Gale doesn’t like, and he’s spend a lot of time meeting not-so-great guys in and after the war. And okay, maybe Madge isn’t Gale’s favorite person, but she _is_ having his baby. He drags his hands through his hair and takes another deep breath. He needs to refill his subscription of anti-anxiety pills because suddenly his heart is hammering in his chest and he wants _nothing_ to do with the conference room he has to head back to.

But with a start he realizes that he _does_ want something to do with Madge. Even if it’s something small. So he gathers himself and slowly walks to rejoin the team.

* * *

When the day is over Gale pulls her aside again. He doesn’t say that he’s sorry, but it’s written on his face. She crosses her arms over her chest as he steps a bit closer.

“I’ll go to dinner with you,” he says softly. Madge blinks a few times, the frustration ebbing from her body. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like I did last week. I’ve got…” he has relationship problems in many forms, and even the idea of becoming close with someone even if they’re just friends is slightly intimidating. “And you’re right. I don’t—we don’t know each other. But we’re going to have to soon enough.”

Madge’s lips part. “Gale…” she sighs and shakes her head.

“What about Wednesday?” he asks. “I get off early. I could pick you up from here. It’s not a…” _date_ , he doesn’t say. Gale figures that she knows that. “But you were right, that we should know each other. We have things to discuss anyway.” His eyes linger on her stomach before lifting again. “I want to do this the best way that I can.”

Madge stands a little taller. “I can’t on Wednesday,” she says. “I have a date.” Gale thought his heart had been broken from the war, from the misery he caused. He’s surprised to feel something inside of him snap at her words. “And besides,” Madge adds, “you made it clear that you don’t like me. You don’t have to pretend you do all of a sudden.”

“That’s not—” he stops her as the conference room door opens and Oliver and Benny walk in discussing something quietly. “I don’t know where to meet you halfway,” Gale says, dropping his voice. “I don’t even know what halfway _is_ because I don’t know how to _do_ this.”

She wants to still be angry with him but the sincerity in Gale’s voice causes her to pause. “You can’t flip flop on me every day, Gale,” she tries to snap, but it doesn’t come out with that much force. “Because I don’t either, and I don’t want to do it alone.” She’s just as lost as he is. “I’ll let you know,” she tells him after a moment of silence. “How to meet me halfway. Okay?” He dips his head slightly, his eyes still cast on the other two men in the room. “I have another appointment Friday,” she says. “You can come to that.”

Gale doesn’t feel like it’s enough for how he treated her, but he’s willing to start somewhere. “I wouldn’t miss it,” he murmurs.

* * *

“Have you talked to your family since the last call?”

Gale lets Doctor Carlson’s question hang in the air before eventually shaking his head. Gale hasn’t called his family back. He wants to, but he struggles. He doesn’t know how to _end_ that struggle. Gale wants his family in his life more than anything, but he still worries in a way that he’s going to corrupt them, that he’s going to ruin them, that he doesn’t _deserve_ them. Gale isn’t sure what fear outweighs the other.

“You said you wanted them back in your life,” his doctor says. “Why haven’t you called them back?”

“You know why,” Gale grumbles. “I’m tired of having this conversation.”

Doctor Carlson laughs. “ _You’re_ _tired_ of this conversation? Please, Gale. You haven’t even had this conversation.” Gale sinks backwards in his seat with a frown. “Gale, I’m not even sure _you_ know why. You alternate between different mindsets all the time, you constantly change your reasoning about why you’re avoiding your family. First it’s because you think you don’t deserve them, second it’s because you think loving them makes them vulnerable and that they could get hurt, third it’s because they don’t need you anymore.” Gale lifts his hand and rubs at his face. “Which is it?”

“Why not all three?” Gale snaps, dropping his hands. “It doesn’t matter what the reason is. The fact remains that they’re better off without me.”

“ _Why?_ ” Doctor Carlson asks. “ _Why_ are they better off without you?”

Gale takes a deep breath. “After everything I’ve done—”

“You’re a strategist,” his therapist interrupts. “You’re good at planning, at making moves. Don’t you think some of those moves could be used to help protect your family?” Gale takes another deep breath and rubs at his face. “You’re a soldier – a Lieutenant. There are extremists on the rise. Don’t you think you could keep your family safe?”

“It puts them more at risk,” Gale grunts.

“Does it?” Gale thinks hard about the question asked and isn’t sure how to respond. “The attacks are random, and District 12 is famous for being a big factor in the war.” Gale sinks backwards in his seat another time with a loud sigh. “What if something happens to them and you’re not there? And you haven’t been able to connect with them? To teach them how to protect themselves?”

“Stop it,” Gale grumbles. “They’re _fine_!”

“For now,” Doctor Carlson continues. “And regardless of the war, the extremists, you helped _raise_ your siblings. Twenty years with you by their side and now you’re just… gone.” Gale lets that hang in the air as his stomach tightens. “What do you think that’s done to them?”

“Just…” Gale exhales deeply. “Stop,” he tries again, more feebly than before.

“You said you’re tired of this conversation,” the man continues. “But like I said, you haven’t even had this conversation, Gale.” He scrubs at his face and murmurs something under his breath. “What was that?” his doctor presses.

“I’m scared,” Gale repeats a little louder. And then with force, “I left them!” He looks up at the man across the room and shakes his head. “I left them and I’m scared they’ll hate me. And I did bad things, and I’m scared they’ll hate me. And I’m a different person than I was when I helped raise them, and I’m _scared_ they’ll _hate me_!” Gale’s chest is heaving once he’s finished. He feels like he could cry.  “ _Fuck_ ,” he breathes, lifting his hands to his face again. “Fuck.” Gale shakes his head and doesn’t bother looking up. “What if they hate me?” he whispers.

Doctor Carlson is quiet for a few moments before shifting in his chair. “That’s a bridge you’ll have to cross if you get to it,” he says. “But keep in mind, Gale,” he says gently, “that you might not even have to cross it.”

* * *

Lora arrives back to their apartment later than usual with four shopping bags in her arms. Madge is sitting in the living room when she marches in and she looks up from the tablet in her hand that she’s looking through, frowning at the appearance of her roommate.

“You went shopping without me?” Madge asks as she lowers the tablet.

“I went shopping for _you_ ,” Lora gushes. She kicks their apartment door shut and strides over to the couch. “You know, I just thought, you really deserve some nice clothes.” Madge sets the tablet aside with a curious look on her face and sits up a little straighter. Lora drops the bags and starts rifling through them without any more pretense. “Here’re some dresses, because I know you like wearing dresses,” Lora says, pulling out some items.

The first dress is orange, the second is blue, the third is red. All of them are maternity dresses. “Lora,” Madge says, but she keeps going. There’s another dress, an off white one with patterns, and another one with pleats. “What is—?”

“And then these pants,” Lora says, opening up the next bag. “They’re expandable. So you can loosen them as you get bigger, you know?” She pulls out khaki pants and black dress pants, a whole variety of professional clothing that Madge can wear to work. “And then, and then here are some shirts,” Lora continues with the next bag. Flowy shirts with patterns and buttons and whatever else. Madge is overwhelmed. “I mean, I just figured…”

“Lora,” Madge stops her. “I—of course I appreciate this,” Madge says. “But… we… don’t have the money for things like this? And you don’t have to get _me_ clothes, Lora, I can—”

“I got a raise,” Lora blurts, cutting her off. Her friend fiddles with the ends of her long dark hair before crossing the room and sitting down on the couch by Madge’s side. “This Augmentum thing, they are paying me more than I know what to do with. And I just kept thinking about how the second hand stores don’t have half of the things you need and…”

Madge smiles as her friend trails off. “I really appreciate it,” Madge says kindly, reaching over to grab her hand. “Thank you.”

Lora squeezes Madge’s hand and takes a deep breath. “I’m leaving,” she squeaks. Madge’s face morphs in confusion and Lora pulls her hands away rapidly. “Oh, God, that wasn’t how I wanted to tell… oh God. Um,” Lora presses her hands to her eyes. “They want me to go to Augmentum. Next week.”

“Next week,” Madge echoes softly. She shrinks backwards in her seat. That’s why Lora bought all of the gifts, because she doesn’t want Madge to feel bad. But her eyes are prickling with tears anyway – it has to be the hormones. She should be _happy_ for her friend! “Wow, um. Wow. For how long?”

Lora sighs and lifts her shoulders. “I’m not sure yet. I think only a week, but later, for longer.”

Madge nods. “Wow. That’s—that’s great!” She forces her voice to sound happy and pins the brightest smile to her face. “I’m so happy for you, Lora, that’s so exciting!”

“I know, I _know_ you wanted this job,” Lora says, “and I feel… I feel…”

“Stop, it’s okay,” Madge says.

“But I’m so excited,” she whispers. “I’m really, really excited.”

“That is fantastic,” Madge says. “And I really, really am happy for you.” She blinks until her tears are gone and makes a mental note to cry in her room later, as long as she’s away from Lora. She can’t let Lora know how awful Madge feels about her friend’s success.

“It won’t, I’ll be—it’s only a week,” Lora says. “I’ll still be around to help you with the baby, and we can call each other every night, and—”

“I’m only at thirteen weeks,” Madge tells her friend. “There’s a long time until the baby will actually be here, okay? Please don’t worry about me.” She smiles another time. “You’re allowed to think about yourself, Lora, this is incredible. It’s a great opportunity and I know you’re excited.”

Lora presses her lips together and nods. “I am,” she says with a grin. “I’m really excited.” She takes a deep breath and holds her hands out. “But I know you don’t want to hear me talk about it,” Lora continues, despite the protest in Madge’s face. “So let’s—we can talk about something else.” Madge sighs, but is secretly grateful. She wants her friend to be able to talk about her achievements but Lora’s right, Madge doesn’t want to hear it. She knows it isn’t Lora’s fault that she got this position but it still feels like a smack in the face. “How’s Oliver?” Lora prompts.

Madge snorts in laughter and feels the heaviness in her heart ease slightly.

“He’s fine,” she says gently, turning her head away as though she’s looking at the clothes Lora brought, but instead Madge is actually quickly wiping away tears. “We’re going to dinner tomorrow, and then he leaves the next day, so I guess we’ll see if this is something he wants to continue.”

Lora shakes her head with a smile. “Your life is weird as hell, Madge. How’s the evil soldier feel about the new love interest?”

Madge snorts again. “Gale’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with me romantically, so I don’t really care how he feels about it.” It’s a bitter thought, but Madge redirects her attention to Oliver who’s been giving her respect and wonderful attention. “If he does want to continue it, I’ll tell him about the baby. If not, no harm done, you know?”

“He’s very good looking,” Lora hums, stretching out on the couch to read over and grab a bag from the ground to show her some more clothes. “And very kind, but he gives me some weird feeling.” Lora pulls another shirt out of the bag to show Madge. “But if you like him, then you like him,” she says with a smile.

They spend the rest of the evening with Madge modeling all of her new clothes.

* * *

Oliver picks her up for dinner and Madge chooses the restaurant. It’s a nicer place but she’s willing to splurge because it’s his last night in District 2. The room is filled with candlelight and there’s a quiet air about the place, it’s an older place that existed before the war and was fixed up a bit afterwards.

A waitress leads them to a table and Oliver pulls out the chair for her before taking his own seat.

“So I did a bit of digging,” Madge says to him. “And I found out we’ll be in District 6 in three weeks.”

“That’s not too long,” Oliver comments. His eyes are clear and green and he smiles at her, reaching across the table to grab her hand. He runs his thumb over her knuckle gently and Madge smiles too. “That’s something I can look forward to, if you can.”

“I can,” Madge agrees. She feels light.

She’s only really ever dated two people. One was in District 12 long before the war when she was 15, and that hardly counted. He was the jeweler’s son and he, too, had bright green eyes. He would kiss her on her back porch, but that was it. They broke up when her dad found out. The boy died when the bombs fell. Madge also dated someone in District 13, he was tall and his hands were always clammy, but he knew where a piano was hidden and would sneak her off and let her play. He would bring her sheet music during her breaks in the medical wing and kiss her when she was scared about the war, and Madge broke up with him when she figured out she wasn’t actually interested in him just the things he gave her.

Since then there have been a few dates and Madge has slept with a few people, but there haven’t been any prospects.

Oliver’s only been here for a week and a few days plus, but Madge can really _see_ something with him. Some sort of future.

Soon a server arrives and hands the two of them their menus. “Are you ready to go back to District 6?” Madge asks.

“I guess,” Oliver answers as he browses the menu. “The air’s different there, and—” he stops talking as the server returns with glasses of water. “But, my, oh—” he turns his head another time as someone bumps their table, rushing to get back to the kitchen. Oliver glances over his shoulder to watch the person running before looking back at his menu. “Uh, sorry,” he says as he blinks a few times and shakes his head. “This place is busy.”

“It’s okay,” Madge says with a little laugh. “District 6?” she prompts.

“I mean my life is there,” he continues, still clearly very distracted. “My wife hates it when I leave because I—” Oliver stops talking immediately and looks up at Madge. “It’s easier to get my work done there,” Oliver says quickly. “I have everything I need right in front of me.”

The entire atmosphere has shifted immediately. The air feels thicker and Madge swears something is humming low in her ears. Madge lowers her hands from the table and opens and closes her mouth. “Did you…” she trails off, trying to figure out if she heard him correctly. She must not have. Because there’s no way that’s possible. “Your… your _wife_?”

“Madge,” Oliver tries, but she leans backwards and shakes her head. The panic on his face has made it clear. His distraction at the busyness of the restaurant has caused him to slip. “I didn’t mean—”

“You said your wife,” she says another time. “You said your wife hates it when you leave.”

“Madge, that’s not—she’s…” She lifts her hand to her face and takes a deep breath, blocking her view from the man in the seat across from her. She stands up suddenly and lowers her hand from her face, looking at Oliver staring at her with his mouth open in protest. “Let me explain,” he tries, but still she shakes her head. And without another word Madge spins on her heel and marches out of the restaurant.

Madge hears him calling after her but there’s a bus stop a few blocks away she can reach in no time, and he’s not a District 2 native so it will be hard for him to find her if she moves quickly. The second she’s rounded a corner Madge leans backwards against the brick wall and takes a deep breath, and another, and another, as tears spring to her eyes.

It’s clear that Madge is not allowed happiness. When she found out she was pregnant she swore off dating, she shouldn’t have been stupid enough to get involved with someone so quickly. Especially with so much going on in her life! She rests her hands over her stomach and fights off the tears with deep breaths. Once she’s sure she has her emotions in check she starts off for the bus stop, pretending that she doesn’t feel so utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems sudden, just relax and roll with it. I have plans! This is not the last we see of Oliver! I hope you all have a great weekend.


	10. The Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge wants to take a visit home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13 Weeks Pregnant

Madge is already back in Doctor Paige’s treatment room when Gale arrives. He rushes in clearly distressed and takes the seat by her side. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” he says quickly. He’s wearing the same tight green shirt Madge remembers from the first day he showed up at POP, and he’s sweating. “I run training for the new police force,” Gale tells her as he tries to steady his breathing. “Self-defense, hand to hand combat,” he carries on. “We ran over today.”

“It’s okay,” Madge says softly.

She tries smiling but she still feels a bit deflated from her revelation with Oliver. When she got home after her failure of a date she was a wreck. Lora was already in bed so Madge slipped into her own room without waking her friend and cried herself to sleep. The man she liked has a wife, she lost her chance to go to Augmentum, and she’s pregnant with a bastard baby. Life in New Panem clearly isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

“Where’s the doctor?” Gale asks, looking around the room.

“She’ll be back in a second,” Madge tells him. She leans backwards on the reclining bed she’s in and rests her head against the cushion, letting out a quiet breath. Gale readjusts how he’s sitting in his small plastic chair as well, his eyes focused on Madge. He knows from looking at her that her mind is somewhere else. He pinches his lips together and his eyes drift to her stomach. She’s still small. Madge doesn’t look as though she’s pregnant. “Gale,” Madge finally says.

“Hm?”

“You said you wanted to meet me halfway,” she says. Gale lifts his gaze to her and nods his head, he did say that. He shouldn’t have shut Madge down when she asked for dinner, and he hasn’t any right to be rude to her. If they’re going to be co-raising a baby then he wants to help her during this pregnancy as best he can. “I need your help.”

Gale’s eyes flicker toward the door. The tone of her voice makes him nervous, and he’d much prefer Doctor Paige to come in at this point.

“Anything, Undersee.”

Honestly? He expects her to say something about money. He doesn’t expect her to say, “My dad’s birthday is next weekend.”

Gale blinks a few times and nods his head. “That’s… okay? And?”

“The first trimester is over,” Madge continues, gesturing toward her stomach. “That’s what Doctor Paige said when she was in here earlier. She said that means the chance of miscarriage is significantly lower. So… I’m going back to 12 for his birthday. And I want to tell my dad. About the baby.” Gale looks toward the door another time, still really hoping the doctor comes in soon. “But he’s traditional.”

The realization of what Madge wants hits him like a bullet. “Oh, God,” Gale exhales.

“I want you to come to District 12 with me,” Madge says.

Gale’s entire body feels cold. “Madge…”

“I need you to be there with me,” she carries on, panic starting to creep into her voice. “He’s going to want to know who the father is, he’s going to want to know that I’m at least… _dating_ , the father, that—”

“You want me,” Gale cuts her off, “to go to District 12 with you, and be your _fake boyfriend_?” 

Madge sighs, resting her head backwards again. “Well when you put it that way—”

“No,” Gale cuts her off. “ _No_! I’m sorry, that just isn’t happening.” With perfect timing there’s a gentle knock on the door, and Doctor Paige peeks her head inside. Gale sighs and Madge crosses her arms tightly over her chest.

“Gale!” the doctor cheers. “I’m glad you could make it.”

* * *

When the appointment is over Madge marches off without saying goodbye. Gale swallows his pride (and a groan) before starting after her, tugging on the hem of her shirt to stop her from getting too far away.

“Where’s Lora?” Gale asks. “This isn’t the best part of 2, Undersee, you can’t go walking off alone.”

“The bus stop is two blocks away,” Madge says. “Lora has a meeting. It’s fine, Gale, I know where I’m going.”

A frown takes hold of his face. “You don’t have a car?” he asks. “You don’t drive?” Madge mimics his frown and crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you kidding?” Gale continues.

“If you keep me here any longer I’m going to miss my bus,” Madge huffs. Gale steps backwards and she sigh before moving to turn around.

“Let me drive you,” Gale says quickly. Madge pauses and looks down at the cracked cement of the sidewalk. “At least let me drive you home.” She looks up at him and finds sincerity in his eyes, and eventually she nods. Gale tips his head to the side and together they walk side by side to the back lot where he’s parked. “You really should learn to drive,” Gale murmurs as they reach his car. “It’s not too difficult.”

Madge climbs into the passenger seat, still frowning. She’s been frowning this whole time. “The bus is fine,” she tells him. “Make a left at the street.”

They spend the car ride in silence. Madge is impressed that his vehicle is so clean but opts to not say anything. She doesn’t like cars very much. Her father had one in District 12, and probably still does now, and used it to ride back and forth from home to the Justice Hall. Madge still associates cars with the Hunger Games, with impending doom. But Gale seems relaxed behind the wheel, so again she keeps her mouth shut.

Finally about ten minutes later they arrive at Madge’s apartment building. Gale shifts his car into park and looks up at the crumbling, tattered building Madge lives in.

“This… is where you live?”

Madge reaches for her seatbelt. “It’s what I can afford,” she answers as she unclicks.

“This is disgusting, Madge.” She turns to look at him, again still frowning, and he shrugs. “This is the worst part of District 2,” Gale says. Windows from the building are falling off of their hinges. There's no outside security or some sort of swipe to get into the building, just anyone can walk in. And it's dirty. There's trash all over the sidewalk. “I can help you get set up somewhere better.”

“No.”

“Christ,” Gale huffs. He drags his hand through his hair. She turns to reach for the door and he stops her. “Madge,” he tries. She doesn’t turn to look at him, but she no longer reaches for the door. “If I could go to District 12 with you, I would.”

“Do you work?” she asks immediately. “You have a meeting, or something? That’s why you can’t go?”

He blanches at the sternness of her voice. “No, but—”

“Do you have plans?” Madge tries again.

“That—no, but—” he fumbles for his words and Madge reaches for the door again. “I haven’t been back,” he rasps. Madge freezes with her fingers on the handle. Her eyes are on the street outside the car and he cuts the engine. “I haven’t been back to 12 since the war,” Gale tells her. Slowly Madge turns her head to look at him and she finds Gale’s gaze distant. “Since they made me film propos there.”

Madge isn’t sure how to take this news. “Not even to see your family?” she asks.

“No.” Madge opens and closes her mouth as she tries to figure out how to respond to this. “I don’t expect you to understand,” Gale carries on. “I’m just…”

“Not ready,” Madge fills in his silence. He sighs loudly, finally shifting his gaze to her. “It would only be for two… for two days,” she tells him. “One night. My dad has extra rooms, we could stay there, you wouldn’t even have to…” she trails off, knowing that she isn’t providing the best answer. Of course if Gale went to District 12 he should see his family. Avoiding them isn’t the way to go. “Never mind,” Madge murmurs.

“It’s not that I…” Gale starts again. “I want to be there for you,” he tells her with a deep voice. “I feel like I haven’t been. There’s not a lot I can do besides be by your side, but this is something I could do, I just _can’t_.”

Madge isn’t sure if it’s her hormones or the fact that Gale’s being completely genuine with her, but Madge reaches over and grabs his hands. “I’ll figure something out,” she says gently. Gale’s eyes have shifted to where their hands are linked. “But I do wish you could come with me,” she says again. She squeezes Gale’s hands and smiles a tiny smile. “Thanks for coming to the appointment today,” she says. “And for the ride.”

She releases her hold on him and goes back for the door handle, and then climbs from his car without another word.

* * *

He calls his family again.

Gale swore to himself he’d never go back to District 12, but Madge has presented him with the opportunity. He debates with himself all through the night, he wakes up in the closet with bruises on his knuckles and more chunks of wall below his fingernails. He tries to make different plans, different excuses. If he goes to District 12 with Madge he can support her, but he can also see his family.

The benefits of going with Madge mean if his family doesn’t want to see him, he has an excuse of someone else to stay with. The cons are that his family might not want to see him, and he’s not sure he can handle the weight that goes with that. And if they _do_ want to see him, his mother will certainly want to know why it’s taken him so long, and why _Madge Undersee_ is the reason for his arrival. Katniss is also in District 12, and he hasn’t spoken with her in _years_. She’s just another piece in the puzzle that Gale doesn’t even want to _think_ about.

But he calls them, because he’s been thinking about them anyway. Ever since his last meeting with Doctor Carlson he’s been thinking about his family a lot. After waking up in the closet they’re the first thing on his mind, and he races to his phone to dial their number.

Vick’s the one to answer this time, and Gale tears up at the sound of his baby brother’s voice. His voice is deeper than Gale expects, but Vick _is_ fourteen now so Gale should have expected some sort of change.

“I just can’t believe it’s really you,” Vick is saying. Gale currently sitting on the ground with his head back against the wall. “Ma’s out,” he tells Gale. “She’s got her own little shop in town now. Did you know that? It’s a laundry place, she makes pretty good money.”

“I didn’t know that,” Gale says. “And what about you?” he presses. He wants to know everything. “Are you becoming an apprentice, or something?

Vick laughs. “I’m still in school, Gale.”

“Right, right.” But Vick’s laughter makes him feel infinitely lighter, so he keeps asking questions. “What are you hoping to be? Are you doing any sports? Tell me everything.” So Vick launches into an explanation of everything that’s been happening. He’s started wrestling at the school, something that Gale never expected, and talks about how he goes fishing every once in a while with Rory. “And what about Rory?” Gale asks. “How… how’s he?” 

“He’s fine,” Vick says. But that’s all he says.

Gale hesitates. “Does he know I’ve called?”

“Yeah,” Vick says. Again, that’s all. “Are you coming home soon, Gale?” Vick asks.

“I might be,” Gale admits softly.                                                                                                                                                                                 

Vick perks up at that. “Really? When?”

“Ah, it’s not… it’s not set in stone,” Gale murmurs. But he wants to. God, does he want to go home. “But it’s not like you guys are going anywhere,” Gale prompts. “Right? So if I just show up one day you’ll probably be there.”

“Of course we’ll be here,” Vick says with a laugh. “I’m going to tell Ma you said this though, get her hopes up,” he warns. “That means you’ve got to follow through, cuz of Ma. And Posy. I’m telling them.”

Gale laughs along with his brother, but his stomach is filled with knots.

* * *

Monday at work Madge is overly distracted. Her eyes drift to the windows of the conference room so many times that Benny has to snap in front of her face to keep her attention on the map they’re pouring over. Just outside the window Lora is frantic, reorganizing her current cases with people who are still in POP and aren’t traveling to and another country.

“It’s just temporary,” Lora was saying, but Madge knows that isn’t entirely true. Her trip to Augmentum is going to be for a week, but if it goes well (and it _will_ because Lora is _fantastic_ ) then they’ll want her back. For a long time. Months.

“Madge,” Benny says for the fifteenth time. “Should we take an early lunch?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Gale answers before Madge can, his eyes hesitantly flickering in her direction.

With a sigh, Benny stands from his chair and starts for the door. “I don’t understand you two,” Benny murmurs angrily before excusing himself from the room and leaving the two of them alone.

Gale sinks backwards in his seat and Madge sighs too before propping up her elbows and lowering her head to her hands. She feels very alone. Gale won’t come with her to District 12, her best friend is leaving, and she really doesn’t have too many other people. She’s pretty sure even Benny’s angry with her, which makes sense, considering she and Gale are having a child and neither of them bothered to tell him. And she never told Lora about Oliver, because it was just another thing for her friend to worry about. 

“You wanted that job,” Gale says softly. “The one Lora has.”

Madge doesn’t bother lifting her head. “Is it that obvious?”

“Your boss told us you applied.” Slowly she tilts her head and looks over at him. “But it’s a little obvious,” Gale adds. Madge smiles weakly before lowering her head back down. Gale’s quiet for a little bit longer, studying Madge with her head down. His first thought is _maybe she isn’t used to not getting what she wants_ , but that’s obviously not true. Madge has been a hard worker ever since the war, she’s probably had a lot of let downs. Gale takes a deep breath. “Augmentum’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” Gale tells her. “Pecuniam is where you want to go.”

Madge looks back over at him. “Pecuniam?” she asks quietly. She knows the name, she's studied it before. She just isn't sure what would make it better. 

“East. Across the ocean.” Gale rocks backwards in his seat. “I’ve been to both.”

She blinks a few times, sitting up in her seat. “You have?”

“I have,” Gale echoes with a nod. “And Augmentum is… well, beautiful.” Madge scoffs, and a small smile slips onto Gale’s face. “But you would like Pecuniam more, I think.”

“Why?”

“Augmentum’s beauty is in the jungles, the nature. The people are incredible but no one goes traveling to make friends, they go to find themselves. And Pecuniam… the architecture, the structures.” Gale dips his head into a nod. “That’s what you’d like.”

Madge presses her lips together to try and stop herself from smiling. She _adores_ this side of Gale, she wonders why he keeps it hidden. He’s thoughtful, and he really does care. She knows this must him trying to make up for the fact that he isn't going to 12 with her, but she doesn't mind too much. There’s sincerity in her eyes that Madge can feel in her blood. Again she wonders why he thinks he’s going to be a bad father, because that’s completely impossible. He’s going to be extraordinary.

“When did you go?” she asks.

“About a year ago,” Gale tells her, looking out the conference room window to Lora anxiously fluttering back and forth. “We’re the whole reason that POP can make these connections. We set the groundwork when we visited.”

“I didn’t know that,” Madge admits. He’s still looking out the window but now her eyes are trained on him. “Do you like traveling?”

“I love it,” Gale murmurs. More than anything he wanted to disappear into the crowds of another country, immerse himself in their culture, forget Panem forever. But he’s done too much harm, he has to deal with the pain he’s caused. It’s why he works with security and defense, it’s why he’s still in Panem. He has to right his wrongs, not pretend they don’t exist. “We should get lunch,” he finally says, pushing himself from his chair. “But Pecuniam,” he says as he stands. “That’s what you want to jump on.” He starts for the door and stops. “I’ll even put in a good word for you,” he says before leaving the conference room, leaving Madge sitting with a smile on her face.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Lora asks as she darts from one suitcase to another. She’s leaving in a few hours and Madge is settled on the couch. “I have a direct line to you so I’m going to call you every night, okay?”

“You’re leaving for a week,” Madge says with a smile, watching her friend panic. “I think I can handle myself for a week.”

“But like, getting to the train station?” she asks. Lora stops fussing over her suitcase and stands tall. “And going to 12?” After Madge found out Gale wouldn’t be joining her to District 12, Lora offered to put her trip on hold to go with her to her old home. Madge insisted that she would be okay without her friend. “And telling your dad?”

Madge waves her hand. “I’ll be fine,” she says.

Lora goes back to stuffing clothes into her suitcase. It’s always a little brisk in District 2 but it’s one of the warmer seasons in Augmentum. Apparently they’re going to be traveling to different countries, up and down the coast. So they won’t be seeing just one country in Augmentum, but many. Madge is infinitely jealous.

“I still can’t believe he won’t go with you,” Lora muttered, shoving in another pair of underwear. “It’s not like you’re asking him to marry you.”

“The war was hard for him,” Madge says. He had to lead hundreds of people out of District 12 and that was still only a third of the entire population. There were so many people he couldn’t save, and Madge knew Gale took that loss personally. “I can understand why he doesn’t want to go back.”

“It’s been four years since the war,” Lora says. “You’re making excuses for him.”

Madge huffs, sinking further into the couch. It’s just another thing she has to do alone. She settles with her hands across her stomach and reminds herself that she’s going to be doing _a lot_ of things alone. Gale’s announced he wants to be part of the baby’s life, and he wants to support Madge so she doesn’t have to go through this alone, but there’s little doubt in her mind she’s going to end up by herself eventually. She always does. That’s just how it works.

“I’ll be fine,” Madge says again. Her dad’s going to be confused, and probably angry, but she’ll manage. “I don’t want you to worry about me, okay? Just focus on having fun.”

“Focus on getting some of these contracts sealed,” Lora mutters in response.

Madge smiles. “But focus on the fun in the evenings.” She’s seen pictures of some of the places that Lora’s going and she can hardly believe it’s real. The way that so many countries in Augmentum have built their communities to flow _with_ the environment just astounds her. “And bring me back something?”

“You know I will,” Lora cheers.

* * *

While waiting for her train at the station Madge pages through a book. She hardly ever has time to read anymore and she wants this weekend to be at least a little bit relaxing.

She’s excited to see her father. They talk on the phone at least once a week but nothing’s the same as being home with him. She’s hoping to see Katniss and Peeta too, but because they refuse to use the telephone and she only recently decided she’s going home for the weekend, she hasn’t had time to write them. She hopes that they aren’t busy, but they usually aren’t, so fingers crossed. Delly too, if she has a chance. Haymitch called the other day and said he’d be waiting at the train station to pick her up, so that’s another friendly face she’s looking forward to seeing.

The trains used to take around a full day to get from the Capitol to District 12, and because Madge is in 2 it’s about the same distance. But District 6 has been working hard with the Capitol’s technology to enhance the trip, and the ride alone should only be about twelve hours now. Though Madge can’t say she’s a fan of the Capitol absolutely ever, she does appreciate their access to technology. It’s going to be an evening ride, so she’s set to arrive in District 12 on Saturday morning around 7am.

“Madge?”

She looks up from her book to find Gale standing in front of her with a small backpack slung over his shoulder. She lowers her book and frowns. “Hey,” she says. Her eyes dart to his bag. “What are you…?”

He looks horribly pale and keeps glancing around as though he’s scared there’s going to be an attack from Panem’s Protectors.

“Would you mind if I came with you?” he asks. “To 12?”

Madge blinks a few times. “I thought you weren’t ready.”

Gale’s face morphs in frustration at her words. “Well I’m here, aren’t I?” he mutters. Madge holds up her hands in mock defeat. “So you’re—”

“It’s fine,” she says, nodding her head and smiling. She tips her head to the spot beside her on the bench. “Have a seat.” Gale fidgets a little bit more before sitting beside her, dropping his bag on the ground by his feet. Madge looks over at him as he scans the train station constantly. “What made you change your mind?” she asks.

Before he can answer a loud overhead voice calls out, “All aboard for Districts 10, 11, and 12. I repeat Districts 10, 11, and 12.”

Gale looks like he’s going to regret this decision, but he stands and follows Madge to the train anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pecuniam = Europe, basically. In Latin Pecuniam stands for Money (according to Google Translate anyway) and in my head I'd expect Europe to still be pretty money based after all the environmental business. What do you think made Gale change his mind? Sorry for such a late update, I kind of forgot it was Friday! x


	11. Home to District 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale and Madge visit District 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Premiere Weekend! Whether or not you're a fan of the movies, I've decided to make this chapter extra long in honor of the movies coming to a close. (~7200 words.) Enjoy!
> 
> 14 Weeks Pregnant

They settle into their own compartment on the train in a booth, sitting on opposite sides and facing one another. Gale is constantly glancing around him, out into the hallway despite their closed compartment door, and out the windows. Up until the moment the train starts moving Gale looks as though he’s going to change his mind. But once they’re on their way he eases back into his seat a little.

He hadn’t been planning to come. In fact, Gale had been positive he wanted nothing to do with a trip to District 12.

But Posy called.

So far Gale had called home only a few times, and they hadn’t called him, and he was hoping it would stay that way. But this morning he woke up to his phone ringing and answered without a hitch because he hadn’t any idea who was calling. And it was Posy on the other end, asking if Gale _really_ was thinking about coming home like Vick had said or if her brother had just been teasing her. And she cried. Posy cried, and his heart broke, and the next thing he knew he was at the train station.

He was going to regret this.

They spend the first hour or so of the train ride in silence. Madge wants to ask again why he’s changed his mind but she knows not to push Gale too much, and he’s already made such a leap joining her on this trip. Instead she reads her book and every so often she glances out the window to watch the scenery of the districts they pass.

It isn’t until they stop in District 10 to let some people off and some others on, do the two finally really start to talk to one another.

“So what do you need me to do?” Gale asks a little roughly. His hands have spent a majority of the trip thus far balled into fists. “When you tell your dad?”

Madge lifts her shoulders. “Just be there?” She isn’t entirely sure. “He’s probably going to be angry. But if you…” she trails off, feeling her face turning a little pink. “If you hold my hand, or something, if you can show that you care about me without stating it, he won’t be as upset.”

“Hold your hand,” Gale murmurs. He rakes his hand over his face. He can do that. “Your family never seemed the most affectionate,” Gale tells her.

 “We are,” Madge responds. Again she shrugs. “It’s the little touches that prove it.”

Gale sighs, scrubbing at his face another time and leaning backwards in his seat. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to be your fake boyfriend.” There’s not a lot of anger in his voice, but rather just general disbelief. The entire situation just seems so ridiculous. “Should I…” he trails off, hesitating. “Should I kiss you, or something?”

Madge’s face turns from pink to red. “Maybe? We can… assess? When we get there?”

Gale nods, but then shakes his head. “Shit. How’s your real boyfriend feel about all of this?” She arches an eyebrow at him. “The ginger,” Gale clarifies. “From 6.”

She feels like she’s been punched in the stomach. Madge has been trying to block her entire experience with Oliver out of her mind. It was only a week or so of them being together but she’d really been so hopeful, especially after deciding she’d never wanted to get married. She found something with him that was sweet and simple, and he’d ruined it.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she mutters. Madge turns her head to look out the window as the dark fields of District 10. The sun set ages ago but Madge the moon is bright tonight and she can still get glimpses of the fields. “Not that you care,” she adds, “but he has a wife. So that’s over.” Gale’s quiet for a moment, and Madge looks over at him after he doesn’t respond. Instead of finding him looking shocked or upset like she’s expecting, he’s pressing his lips together to keep himself from smiling. Her jaw drops. “It isn’t funny,” she snaps. A snort escapes him. And then a real laugh. “Gale!”

He laughs again, shaking his head at her. “Shit, Undersee.”

“It’s not funny,” she says another time, though there’s less fire in her words.

“I know,” Gale stops her. “I know it’s not funny, I’m not laughing at you.” Madge frowns at him before crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “I’m not,” he says again, though the smile on his face is still bright and wide. “That… happened to me, too,” he finally adds, his smiling slipping away just a bit. “That’s what’s funny. Not that some jackass screwed you over. I’m… sorry, about that.” His voice is sincere, and Madge nods once. “Just be happy you found out early.”

“I am,” she admits. Gale’s still smiling, shaking his head as though this is the most ridiculous thing in the world that they’ve both been with married people. “What happened?” Madge asks. “With… with you?”

Gale takes a deep breath. “She never told me she had a husband,” Gale says, shrugging. “It was months… I ended it when I found out.”

It’s just more confirmation for Madge that Gale has a good heart. “I’m sorry,” she says softly.

“I’m not.” Gale and Delta weren’t right for each other, and he never wants to be with someone who has so little respect for the person they’ve dedicated their life to. “Sometimes I…” he trails off, looking out the window into the night. “Sometimes I miss how simple things were in District 12,” he finally carries on. “Everyone knew each other. You knew when you were going to be fucked over.”

Madge sniffs. “I liked him a lot,” she whispers.

Gale shakes his head. “You didn’t even know him.” Madge deflates at his words, because it’s true. She didn’t know Oliver at all. But she did like him. After a moment of silence Gale quietly adds, “You deserve better.”

Another moment passes before Madge says, “So do you.”

* * *

Madge falls asleep before Gale does, and that’s mostly because he has trouble sleeping. He might hate hovercrafts because he hates heights, but at least they’re faster than the train. He could probably get them a special compartment if he asks around and flashes his Mockingjay badge, but Madge said she was fine sleeping in the booth. She pulled out a pillow and a blanket and curled into a ball, falling asleep easily.

Instead, Gale wanders around the train. He passes groups of people around his age laughing and playing card games, he passes the bar car, and he passes plenty of dozing families.

He isn’t sure how long he wanders around before he makes it back to his own compartment, careful to be quiet at so not wake Madge. They stop in District 11 at some point while Madge is still asleep and Gale considers taking off. He could catch another train back to 2 from the train station there, but he wouldn’t dare just abandon Madge halfway through the trip. He wishes he could. At some point in his past he would’ve been able to without regrets. But she’s been patient with him and she’s been understanding and he owes this to her.

He goes in and out of sleep for a few hours and is awake to wake the sun creep over the horizon. Gale orders a cup of coffee from one of the passing trolleys and Madge wakes up to the smell of it.

“God I miss coffee,” she murmurs, half asleep. Gale smirks and watches as she rubs her eyes and wakes herself up. Madge’s hair is a curly mess and her eyes are all squinty and she keeps making this sort of puckering face that has Gale staring at her lips. It isn’t until she licks them does he realize he’s staring and Gale quickly averts his gaze. “We almost there?” she asks sleepily.

“About an hour,” Gale says.

She nods and blinks hard a few times before excusing herself to the bathroom. When she returns her hair is tied up and out of her face and she’s washed her face. She has a small biscuit from the trolley outside and she’s eyeing Gale’s drink while she gnaws on her bottom lip. He moves the cup to the side very obviously and laughs when her eyes dart along with it.

“Ugh, stop,” she mutters before taking a bite of her biscuit. He chuckles again, shaking his head, and they sit in silence for a bit longer. It isn’t until the fifteen minute announcement that Madge shifts uneasily. “Gale,” she says.

He doesn’t like the sound of her voice. “What?” Madge hesitates, and Gale frowns. “ _What_?” he repeats sternly.  

The words tumble from her lips, “They got married.” Gale pauses, his hands tightening around his now-empty coffee cup. “Katniss and Peeta. A few months ago.” Gale directs his gaze to the window, tipping his head forward. “I didn’t know if you knew.” He didn’t. Still, he tips his head forward. His eyes are out the window. Suddenly his hands feel numb. He feels like he should say something but no words are coming out of his mouth. “Gale,” Madge tries pulling his attention back and his eyes flicker to her for just a moment. “Are you… okay?”

He clears his throat. “Yeah.” Gale holds up his paper cup and attempts to tell Madge he’s going to throw it out when instead he just stands, exiting the compartment swiftly.

He isn’t sure how to feel. So many conflicting emotions are running through his body, pulsing through his veins. Part of him wants to laugh, because _Katniss Everdeen_ is married. Another part of him wants to scream for the girl that he lost all those years ago. Of course Katniss has changed because of the war, it’s made her fire smaller and warmer. Gale can understand that. But the war has done the opposite for him, and that too makes him feel like collapsing.

When he enters the compartment again Madge is very alert. “Do you still love her?” she blurts.

He blinks a few times, lingering in the doorway. “No,” Gale responds. His voice is thick. “Not for some time.”

Madge looks as though she wants to ask more questions, but instead she keeps her mouth shut. Secretly her mind is thinking back to the District 4 trip when Gale brought back a girl that looked like Katniss. Her stomach feels heavy. What if he still loves her, he just doesn’t realize it? She isn’t sure why that thought upsets her so much.

He settles back in the compartment with a deep breath. They don’t talk for the rest of the ride.

* * *

“Madge!” She’s standing on her tiptoes trying to look around for the voice that’s calling for her, but there’s a surprising amount of people getting off the train and as well as greeting those. “ _Madge_ !”

“Abernathy,” Gale rasps. “ _Abernathy_ is our ride?”

Madge whips around to Gale who looks horribly pale. “Do you see him?”

The man in question elbows his way through a couple reuniting with a grunt and finds Madge and Gale on the edge of the platform. Madge squeals and rushes forward, throwing her arms around the man and squeezing him in a tight hug. “Hey, Sweetheart,” Haymitch says, hugging her back just as tightly. Haymitch isn’t necessarily family, but he’s always been close with the Undersee family. It was decided a long time ago that if anything was to happen to Madge’s parents that she would end up in Haymitch’s care. And though he can be an old grump to most of the world, Madge cares about him more than most people. “Jesus, you’re tall.”

“Oh, shut up,” Madge says with a laugh, peeling away from him. “I’m the same height I was last time you saw me.”

“I’m talking to Hawthorne over here,” Haymitch mutters, tipping his head in Gale’s direction. “I haven’t seen you in years, I forgot how fucking tall you are.”

“Good to see you too,” Gale grumbles.

“Did you two travel together?” Haymitch asks, wheeling back around on Madge who’s been rolling her eyes mostly since the moment Haymitch started talking. “And if so, why?”

“Oh, Haymitch,” Madge shoves him slightly before joining Gale’s side. “Stop it.” Her hand flies out to Gale’s and he almost yanks it away before remembering he’s supposed to be the fake-boyfriend. Instead he tangles their fingers together and feels relief flooding him when Madge squeezes his hand. “Be nice.”

Haymitch’s eyes lower to their hands. “You’ve _got_ to be fucking kidding.”

Madge squeezes Gale’s hand a little tighter. “ _Be. Nice_.” Haymitch’s nostrils flare and he glares daggers in Gale’s direction before muttering something about the car and tipping his head in the direction he starts marching.

* * *

Gale feels like he’s going to throw up. Everything looks completely different, feels completely different, but he stills feels like he can smell burning flesh. Madge sits in the back of Haymitch’s four door with Gale and holds his hand despite the fact that they no longer have to. She looks at him with soft eyes, wordlessly asking if he’s alright, and he has no option but to tip his head into a nod.

“So,” Haymitch starts the second he starts his engine. “You two are together.”

Gale keeps his eyes out the window, taking in the new and improved District 12. “Yes,” Madge answers. Haymitch shakes his head, casting nasty glances into the rearview mirror and murmuring something about a mistake. Haymitch has _no idea_ that the biggest mistake isn’t even the concept of Madge and Gale together, but rather that they’re having a _child_. “We work together in 2,” she continues gently. “It happened. Get over it.”

“After _everything_ ,” Haymitch grumbles.

Gale slowly pulls his hands from Madge’s and leans back in his seat, scrubbing at his face. He needs another cup of coffee and about fifteen anti-anxiety pills.

“What does that even  _mean,_ Haymitch?” she asks angrily. "Gale has always been a loyal man and he's been working hard to make sure this country is rebuilding itself in the best way possible." Her voice takes on an angry tone. “It’s been four years, Haymitch.” But still, the man driving the car is _not_ happy with this development. "Don't act like this."

“Sure.” Again his eyes flicker to the mirror where he can see Gale but Gale’s eyes are elsewhere, and so is his mind. He’s thinking about Katniss and her marriage, he’s thinking about all three of his siblings, he’s thinking about the mayor he’s going to have to impress and convince he’s dating Madge. “Does he treat you well?”

“Jesus,” Gale mutters.

“Yes, Haymitch,” Madge insists.

“How long have you been together?” he continues.

“A year,” Madge blurts instantly. Gale gives her a look that he tries to not make suspicious.

“You were together the last time you were here?” Haymitch asks. “And you didn’t tell anyone?”

“Last time I was here I was watching Katniss and Peeta say their vows so no, I didn’t think it was necessary to talk about my love life.” There’s a sharpness in Madge’s words that intrigues Gale. He’s always liked the side of Madge that can get riled up, it was why he used to piss her off all the time when they were younger. He focuses on that rather than the content of what she’s actually talking about. Madge is still rambling about Katniss and Peeta’s wedding and she’s leaning forward in her seat to yell at Haymitch at this point, defending Gale while he sits quietly in his spot.

When did he become so passive? When did he decide to just sit back and let Haymitch talk shit? Gale rakes his hands over his face. If it was anyone else, he would probably argue back. But Haymitch is speaking the truth, and Gale’s entire existence is just a mistake.

Finally they reach the mayor’s house and Gale is surprised it’s not larger or any more grand than any of the other nearby homes. It’s smaller, in fact. Madge climbs out of the car in a huff and starts on Haymitch again, muttering something angrily about how he has _no right_ to say anything to her when he spends his free time taking care of _geese_. With a deep breath Gale climbs from the car as well and helps grabs his own bag, slinging it over his shoulder and waiting for Madge to advance on the home.

The air smells cleaner. It doesn’t smell like coal, or fire, or anything like that. And there’s grass growing. Gale feels like he’s in a different universe. “Come on,” Madge finally says to Gale, tipping her head toward the house. “Thank you for the ride,” she says to Haymitch. And almost as though she doesn’t want to, “I’ll see you later.” 

It’s still early, considering their train came in at 7 in the morning, and much of the nearby area is only just now waking up. People are opening their windows, Gale can hear pots and pans clanging inside of people starting breakfast. Madge strides across the sidewalk and up a small porch before knocking crisply on the front door. Haymitch has since climbed into his car and driven away.

The house itself can only be two stories, nothing compared to Madge’s old mansion that stretched into the sky. “I thought your dad was the mayor?” Gale asks as she rocks back on her heels waiting for the door to be answered.

She frowns. “He is.” Gale presses his lips together as the front door is pulled open. “Daddy!” Madge flings herself at her father full speed and wraps her arms around him tightly. She hugs him much like she hugged Haymitch earlier, as though she hadn’t seen him in years, and it makes Gale think about his own family. Should he call from the Undersee’s phone and say he’s coming? Or just show up? Will they greet him similarly?

“Sweetheart,” Mayor Undersee was saying, holding his daughter in his arms. “It’s so great to see you!” They part and Madge grins, looking over her shoulder at Gale almost hesitantly.

“You, um,” she gestures to Gale standing behind her. “You remember Gale, right?”

Gale steps forward, extending his hand. “Mayor Undersee,” he says firmly.

The mayor shakes his hand with a smile. “Call me Leon, please,” he responds, shaking Gale’s hand with a nice strong grip. “Of course I remember Gale. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” He looks back toward his daughter as their handshake comes to an end. “When you said you might be bringing a friend I’d expected your roommate, Lora, was it?”

Madge fidgets. “Well.” Madge lifted her shoulders and smile. “Gale and I, um…” she trails off, and Gale is impressed by her act of flustered daughter. He has to remind himself again that she _did_ spend most of her childhood acting as though she loved the Capitol, so this sort of act must be easy for her.

Leon’s eyes light up in realization. “Oh!” He smiles even more brightly. “I see.” Madge brushes her hair behind her ear and smiles. “Well, please! Come in, come in.” He steps out of the doorway and makes room for the two of them to enter. “Madge can show you were the guest room is, that I’m just now realizing as I speak that you two will be sharing,” Leon says as he shuts the door, “but because you’re both adults I assume that—”

“I might be staying with my family, Sir,” Gale stops him before he says something that would be embarrassing for all three of them.

Leon’s hands fly up, and his face fills with relief. “Of course!” Madge has a smile pinned to her face. “Well, drop off your bags, and I have breakfast down here in the kitchen when you’re ready. Strawberry pancakes.”

“Oh thank God,” Madge nearly groans at this news. “I’m so hungry.”

She leads Gale up a staircase and down a hallway to find a nicely sized room. Even though the house looks small on the outside Gale’s realizing that it’s pretty spacious inside – but not overly so. The mayor has made a house that fits him and only him with the occasional guest as to not be wasteful, and Gale respects that. Light is flowing through the windows and it makes the entire place seem warm and friendly.

They set their things down and Madge turns to him. “I’m sorry about Haymitch,” she says instantly.

Gale shakes his head. “He’s never liked me much.”

“I’m still sorry.” Gale tips his head at her, appreciative of this despite the fact that it doesn’t change much. He goes for the door, ready to go back downstairs, but Madge grabs his hand and pulls him back. The physical touch startles him and he pulls his hand away quickly, not ready to deal with the softness of Madge’s skin this early in the morning. “You’re a good man,” she says firmly, looking slightly dejected that he’s pulled away so fast.  “We’re in a… a strange situation, and you’ve been through a lot, but I… I still believe that you’re a good man.”

Her words sound so genuine and so sincere that Gale physically doesn’t know how to respond. Madge is standing here, looking up at him with bright blue eyes so intense they remind him of the ocean, telling him that she believes he’s a good man. She’s wrong, of course, but no one’s said anything similar to him in years. It makes his heart feel something strange.

“We should get downstairs,” he finally forces out. “Before your dad thinks—”

“Yeah,” Madge cuts him off with a forced laugh.

They can survive this weekend. They have no choice. 

* * *

After a fairly awkward breakfast of strawberry pancakes where Madge makes up most of the backstory of her and Gale’s “relationship”, they decide to part to do their own things. They agreed that they’ll tell her father over dinner about the baby, though Gale  _really_ wants nothing to do with that conversation, and that the rest of the day should be up to them.

“So you’re going to visit your family?” Madge asks as they clean the dishes together. Madge volunteered them so her father could read the morning paper, which is apparently something that happens in 12 now. “Do you want me to come?”

He frowns at her. “Why would I want you to come?”

She frowns back, dropping her voice so her father can’t hear. “You told me you haven’t seen them in four years, Gale.” He redirects his attention to the plates in the sink. “I just thought you might want some support.”

“No.”

She sighs. “Whatever.” Gale hands her another dish to dry and she takes is a little too quickly. “When are you going, lunch?”

“No better time than the present,” he mutters.

Her eyes flicker to a clock on a nearby wall and she laughs. “You’re going to visit them at 8:30 on a Saturday morning?” she asks. “Will they even be awake?”

His scowl deepens to depths Madge never thought possible. “Why wouldn’t they be awake?” Madge has to stop herself from laughing. She supposes it’s not really his fault that he doesn’t know, but kids are _sleeping in_ these days. They haven’t got much to do on the weekends besides homework maybe. She would be surprised if Vick, or even Posy, wasn’t still sleeping. “Hawthorne’s can’t sleep if the sun’s up,” Gale mutters.

Leon enters the kitchen and both Madge and Gale perk up slightly. “Gale’s going to visit his family,” Madge says to her father. “I think I’m going to head into town. Would you like to come?”

“I’ve got a little bit of work to finish up at the Justice Hall,” her father answers. “But I’ll see you two for dinner?” Madge nods with a smile and Gale forces one to his face as well.

“Well,” Gale tips his head. He’s finished the dishes. “I’m off.”

Before he can get too far Madge grabs his hand and tugs him back to her, a look of _sorry_ in her eyes, and she lunges on her toes to kiss him quickly. Gale can barely register the feel of her lips before it’s over. “See you later,” she says gently.

Gale holds her gaze. He can feel her father’s eyes on them, and if she’s aiming for _affectionate_ that was a big failure. And besides, two can play at this game. He reaches forward and cups her cheek gently, tilting her chin back ever so slightly. He leans in again and carefully presses her lips to hers before slowly moving his mouth against hers. Madge gasps quietly into his mouth and for a moment Gale forgets her father is in the room.

His mind flashes back to their night together all those weeks ago when things were infinitely less complicated than they are now.

“Are you sure you want to do this with _me_?” Madge had asked again and again, and Gale was insistent that he did. “Are you drunk?” she’d asked, and Gale was insistent that he wasn’t, maybe just buzzed.  They were in the elevator on his way up to his apartment and Gale was suckling soft, sweet kisses to her throat. Madge’s warm hands were splayed across his hips under his shirt. Her thin nails dug into him as she pulled him closer. “Are you sure?”

“Are _you_?” he murmured into her neck. “We can stop this.” But she kept pulling him closer.

They stumbled into his apartment while their hands roamed over one another’s bodies. They peeled their clothes from one another and barely made it to his bedroom. Madge had the most perfect mouth and she seemed to be _super_ into Gale’s neck. When she sucked hard on the spot below his ear he groaned loudly.

He still doesn’t know what was different about that night, but it was more than sex. For starters Gale almost _never_ brought Gale’s back to his apartment, he went to theirs. And secondly with most other girls it was hot and fast. This was… something else. When Madge unbuttoned Gale’s shirt she kissed her way down his chest. And in return Gale kissed his way up her calves, between her thighs. The breathy moans from Madge as she tangled her hands into his hair and arched her hips.

It was sensual. It was slow. It was more than just a distraction. And it was more than once.

First he entered Madge while she was on her back and they moved together as though they’d done it thousands of times. He watched her pupils dilate and she moaned his name. And then she was on top controlling their rhythm. And then again with Gale behind her, kissing his way across her shoulders and panting into her neck. And then again, and again.

Condoms were used. Condoms were also… probably forgotten after the third go around or so. Hours had passed before they collapsed in his sheets, covered in sweat and panting. Gale thought alcohol was supposed to make sex more difficult but something else had been awoken in him that night instead. While Gale usually associated Madge with District 12, and maybe him feeling a little reminiscent is what brought him to her in the bar in the first place, looking at her afterwards his mind was somewhere new. Gale kissed her deeply that night and she kissed him back with just as much fervor.

What Gale did was simple. He’d have sex and leave, or make them leave, but like the rest of the night this too was different.

“Stay,” he’d murmured sleepily. Maybe his mind was still a little addled, either from alcohol or just the amount of sex he had, but he could see something with her. For a brief moment he could imagine himself waking up to Madge with messy curly hair and a sweet smile. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold her close. And soon he fell asleep, not sure what her answer was.

When he woke in the morning she was gone. His mouth still tasted of her but there was no sign that Madge Undersee had ever been to his apartment. So like with every other girl he swallowed the memory of her and pretended she was just another girl. With the morning, Gale couldn’t quite figure out why she’d been so special in the first place.

But kissing her here, now, in her father’s kitchen, brings him back to that feeling and that night. Soon she parts from him with dark eyes and heavy eyelids. Madge licks her lips and that sweet smile Gale imagined at one point in his life is on her face. “See you later,” Gale whispers back. He straightens up and tips his head at the mayor, and then exits the kitchen ignoring the way his chest feels warm and heavy all at once.

* * *

Madge’s mind is still spinning when she gets to the bakery. She and Gale had talked about how they might have to kiss, but that was above and beyond the call of duty. But who was she kidding, Gale was always a good kisser. He always pretends like he’s a rock and that his skin is impenetrable but Madge  _knows_ he’s a sweetheart deep down inside. He can be tender and loving she is  _determined_ to know that side of him.

She walks into the bakery and the little bell overhead dings. Peeta made sure when they were in the construction phase that the bakery was identical to how it was before the bombs. “Be right out,” she hears Peeta call from the backroom, and a smile graces her face. She strides up to the counter and looks into the glass. She might have just eaten breakfast but her mouth is watering at the sight of cupcakes and donuts and different cookies. Madge hears footsteps and then Peeta, “What can I get for—Madge?” She grins when she sees him and his face lights up. “Madge!” He rounds the counter and sprints for her and they collide in a hug.

“Hey,” she says with a laugh. She’s had so many hugs today and it makes her feel so good. She doesn’t really get hugs in District 2.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Peeta asks when they part. He looks good. His eyes are clear and the bags under his eyes aren’t as prominent as they’ve been in the past. He cups her cheeks as though trying to believe she’s really here. “I missed you,” he says.

Madge was vital in Peeta’s recovery in District 13. They were close in District 12 before everything went to shit and she helped him ground himself after being hijacked. They write letters every once in a while still, but reuniting is always special.

“I missed you too,” she says gently. After being completely sure that Madge is really, truly in front of him, he releases his hold on her face. “My dad’s birthday’s tomorrow so I got on the train and here I am.” Peeta’s eyes are still studying her but Madge is used to that at this point in their friendship. As far as she knows he hasn’t had any major episodes in a long time, at least he’d been good for eight months by the time he and Katniss got married a few months ago.  She leans forward on the counter. “Are you free for lunch?”

“Now?” he asks, his eyes flickering to the clock. “It’s not even nine.”

“Just at some point,” Madge clarifies. “Maybe Katniss can join us?”

“She’s hunting this morning,” Peeta tells her. He washes his hands at the sink in the back before returning to a clump of dough to knead it. “But yes, absolutely!” Madge leans over the counter and watches as he works.

They fall into their normal back and forth, catching up as though no time has passed at all. Madge puts in an order for a cake for her father’s birthday for dinner tonight (even though his birthday is technically tomorrow) and offers to help Peeta make it, and soon Madge is behind the counter with him with an apron tied around her waist. Every now and then people will enter the bakery and Peeta greets them with a smile. Sometimes people say hello to Madge as well, considering her father is still the mayor and people still know that she’s his daughter.

By the time the cake is finished it feels like Madge has never left District 12. She and Peeta are giggling like school children over town gossip and sharing the bowl they used to mix the batter in. Someone else comes in for another shift, Peeta doesn’t like sharing the bakery but that’s how it works these days, and the two of them clean up and head for his home.

“We’re building a house on the outside of town,” Peeta tells her as they start for the Victor’s Village. “We’re so tired of this one. Have been for forever, but it didn’t feel right to build a second house while people were struggling to even have one.” Madge nods in understanding as they round up over the hill and the old house comes into view. It’s huge, just as Madge remembers it, but the neighborhood is filled now. There are children running up and down the streets with pinwheels and smiles, families lounging in the yards that wave to the two of them as they pass. “Our house is just going to be transformed into another apartment style,” he says to Madge as they stop at the mansion Peeta calls home. “Or a hotel. I can’t remember what they told us.”

“You’ll still have a room for painting?”

Peeta nods, keying into the home. “Katniss,” he calls. “Guess who’s here!” But there’s silence in response. Peeta tips his head toward the doorway and finds it empty of her hunting bag. “Must still be out,” he murmurs, mostly to himself. He leads Madge down into the kitchen. “She stops at Hazelle’s on Saturdays,” Peeta says as they walk. “Sometimes they drink tea.”

Madge freezes in her step. “Oh God.” Peeta turns to her, looking concerned. “Um,” Madge hesitates, unsure how this will sit with Peeta. “Gale’s home,” she says plainly. Peeta visibly deflates, confusion written all over his face.

“What?”

“We rode into 12 together, he’s staying with me, but he went—”

Peeta cuts her off, “He’s staying with you?” And then he straightens up. “Are you two together?”

“It’s—it’s complicated, Peeta.”

“I need you to make it un-complicated for me, then,” he says a little sternly. “He hasn’t been home _ever_ and now he’s back, and he’s staying with _you_?” Peeta starts toward the door. “If he ran into Katniss—”

“Peeta,” she lunges after him and grabs his shoulder gently as to not trigger something deep inside. “If they ran into each other then they could be catching up, or something.” Peeta huffs loudly and shakes his head. “Let me explain,” Madge says to him. Peeta doesn’t seem to like this, but still he lets her lead him into the kitchen.

* * *

Gale had to ask a stranger for directions to the Hawthorne’s house. He wasn’t sure who it was but the woman was surprised to see Gale, and clearly she knew who he was, and told him where the home was without any other questions. Gale stands in front of it now, surprised at how large the home is, larger than the mayor’s, and debates knocking more than once.

But finally he caves. Gale lifts his hand to the door and knocks three times. _Rap-rap-rap_. And he waits. And no one answers.

As he decides this is a horrible idea and goes to turn on his heel, the front door opens. He can feel his heart crawling up his throat. “Gale?” He looks back to find Vick in the doorway, scrubbing his eyes as though he’s just crawled out of bed. “Is that…” Barefoot and in his pajamas, Vick sprints into the yard and flings himself at Gale.

His breath catches in his throat. His brother is hugging him. The fear that rippled through him when the door opened is gone and Gale has never been more relieved in his entire life. “Vick,” he croaks. At fourteen Vick is already up to Gale’s shoulders. He wraps his arms quickly around his brother and blinks hard to stop himself from tearing up. “Hey,” he rasps.

“Gale!” Vick’s squeezing him tightly. “Oh, my God! Oh my God!” He pulls backwards and grins. “Oh my God!” His face is bright and he can’t stop smiling. “You’re here! You’re really here!” A smile breaks on Gale’s face too and he feels tears prickling his eyes. “Come inside! Come inside!” Vick darts back inside and Gale follows quickly, swatting at his eyes as he enters. “Posy!” Vick shouts up the stairwell. “Posy! Wake up!” He spins back to face Gale who’s since been shutting the door and looking into the house. There is no way that this house belongs to the Hawthorne family. “I can’t believe you’re here,” Vick says, his eyes wide and his mouth stretched into a grin. “I _can’t_ believe you’re _here_!”

Gale doesn’t even know what he wants to say. He’s so caught up in admiring how much _space_ his family has now to taking in how _tall_ Vick has gotten. His nose is a little longer now and his arms and legs are long and lanky just like he and Rory had been, and his voice is already slightly deeper.

“You’re so tall,” Gale finally rasps.

Vick laughs loudly, a smile permanently pinned to his face. “Posy!” Vick yells again. “Get _down_ here!”

“ _Whaaaaat_ ,” Posy groans from out of view, and Gale feels his heart pickup in his chest. There are four members of the Hawthorne family and so far only one of them has been excited to see him. That’s also because he’s only seen one of them. “I told you I don’t _want_ to go to—” Posy steps into the kitchen where Vick has lead Gale and pauses in the doorway. “Stop,” Posy says. “Stop!” She points her hands at Gale and looks over her shoulder as though she can’t believe this is happening. “What—what—where’s the cam—camera, who’s—this is a joke, right?”

Gale shifts awkwardly on his feet. “Hey, Pose,” Gale says gently.

Tears spring to her eyes and she sprints toward him. Gale collapses to his knees just in time to catch her in his arms, holding her in the tightest hug even possible. Posy is sobbing. She’s saying something but it’s so incoherent Gale can’t even _try_ to piece together the words that are coming out of her mouth. Her face is buried in his neck and Gale again finds himself blinking back tears.

Finally her words begin to filter. “ _You’re here, you’re here_.”

“I’m really here,” Gale murmurs, stroking his little sister’s hair. She peels back, hiccupping for air, and Gale carefully wipes under her eyes. I’m really here,” he whispers. “And you got _way_ too big, Pose,” Gale tells her, his voice scratchy and unsure. “Who allowed that?”

* * *

After some more tears and more hugs, the three of them all settle around the table. “Ma’s at work, she’s going to  _flip_ when she gets here,” Vick tells Gale. “And Rory’s out hunting, he’ll probably be back soon. Also going to flip!” To hear that Rory hunts warms Gale’s heart more than it should.

He lets Vick and Posy talk each other out. It goes back and forth between the two of them again and again as they talk about _this_ or talk about _that_. Their voices are so full of excitement and cheer that Gale can’t bother to interrupt them. And he doesn’t _want_ to. Listening to his siblings talking like nothing has changed makes Gale want to crumble into a million pieces. He waits for them to ask him questions about his life instead of interrupting them.

Vick shares about how he’s starting wrestling, something he mentioned on the phone the other day, and Posy talks about how she’s joined a soccer team. Both of them are doing well in school, something Hazelle makes sure of, and they both spend a lot of time at her shop after school (which is where they actually _do_ their homework). Rory’s been teaching the both of them a lot about the woods.

“What’s Rory going to do after school?” Gale asks. The mines are still open but they’re infinitely safer, and they have a hell of a lot less workers. “He’s finishing classes soon, right?”

“He wants to travel, I think,” Posy says.

“He might work at the bakery,” Vick chimes. Gale makes a face but neither of his siblings catch on. Rory at the _bakery_? He swallows back his opinion because while he thinks it makes absolutely no sense, Gale really doesn’t have much of an idea of who Rory is anymore. “He’ll be happy to see you when he gets back,” Vick says, and Gale feels himself rolling his eyes. “He will.”

“Yeah,” Posy agrees.

Gale sighs deeply. “It’s my fault that I’ve been gone for so long,” he mutters. He reaches across the table and places his hands over both of his siblings’ hands. “If you all hated me—”

“We could never hate you,” Vick stops him sharply. “You’re our brother.”

“We’ve _missed_ you,” Posy adds. “Every day.”

“For four years,” Gale adds darkly.

Vick sighs and pulls his hand from Gale’s. “I couldn’t look at a fire for years without having a panic attack,” Vick tells his brother. “Sometimes I still have nightmares. And you actually _fought_.” Gale sighs again. He doesn’t need his little brother to comfort him, but he can’t find the strength to make him stop. “I mean, of course Ma’s not happy you disappeared, or Rory. But that doesn’t mean they don’t understand, and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”

Before Gale can respond the door swings open and laughter fills the air. Two distinct voices come from the hallway that chills him to his core. “I’m telling you,” the girl says, “that I didn’t cheat, and you just suck at fishing.”

“And _I’m_ telling _you_ ,” the boy counters, “that you’re just still bitter I’m a better shot than you.” The two enter the kitchen and Gale yanks his hands from the table and awkwardly forces himself to his feet. The chair scrapes the ground below him and he wobbles while gaining his balance. And then they spot him, and he spots them, and the air is so thick with tension Gale feels like he can’t breathe.

Katniss and Rory are standing side by side in the doorway. They’re shoulder to shoulder, Rory a few inches taller than Katniss, and they both have game bags slung over their shoulders. Rory’s eyes dart from Gale to his siblings, and Katniss is staring with her jaw unhinged at the sight of him.

Rory clears his throat and shuffles on his feet. “I, um,” he coughs again. “I just remembered I have somewhere to be,” he croaks. He slings his bag off of his shoulder and onto the nearby counter before rounding on his heel and practically sprinting out of the kitchen.

“Rory,” Gale calls, but the door slams, and soon all that’s left is Katniss standing there looking terrified. “Katniss,” he directs his attention to the girl who shakes her head at him.

She opens and closes her mouth a few times before saying, “What the hell are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for super long chapters! We have a lot going on here: the train, the flashback, the reunions! Let me know what you're thinking, it's super nice to know where you're all at when reading. How do you think this reunion will go? I hope you all have a great weekend!


	12. The Good and the Bad of Being Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale reunites with the rest of those he left behind, and Madge has a conversation with Peeta that leaves her a little unsettled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14 Weeks Pregnant

Vick makes a face at Posy and quickly the two of them dart out of the room, through the back exit, because apparently their kitchen has one of those now. Katniss is still in the doorway, her face morphed into something Gale can't decipher -- confusion, anger, sadness, maybe all at once. 

“You didn’t call,” Katniss says. Her voice is quickly getting louder. “You didn’t write. You didn’t _bother_ contacting me in any way shape or form, and then you just show up here?” Gale feels like he’s going to throw up. He doesn’t know what to say, and he doesn’t know how to act. His entire body is cold. He thinks he’s having a panic attack. He was not prepared for this. He was not _prepared_ for this! Her voice is loud and angry, “It’s been four years, Gale!”

“I didn’t—” he coughs to clear his throat and shrinks backwards slightly. He hasn’t felt this small in forever. Every breath is harder than the last. “I—I don’t…” Katniss huffs and spins on her heel like Rory had. “Katniss,” he rasps, fighting every aching nerve in his body that wants her gone. “ _Wait_.” Gale lunges after her. “Just—you—you didn’t _want_ me here, you didn’t—you…” Katniss stops, but still is facing away from him. Gale takes a deep breath. He wasn’t ready for this. Seeing his family was already a huge step for him, he was in no way prepared for seeing Katniss too. He can't look at her as he speaks. “You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me,” Gale says as his voice wavers. “I missed you all the fucking time,” Gale carries on, the words flowing out of him now that he's started and he just can't stop, “but I thought if you saw me, if—if you—I thought it would be too much.”

Katniss grits her teeth and blinks hard. “I didn’t want you out of my life forever,” she growls. “I just needed some time.”

The desperation inside of Gale is entirely too tangible. “And I _gave_ it to you!”

“For four _years_?” she shouts back. Katniss spins on her heel to face him again. “ _Four years_!” Katniss charges toward him and shoves his chest. She's still a medley of emotions, angry and sad and confused. He's frozen in his spot, still struggling to breathe. “You were my _best_ friend!” They hold each other’s gaze for a long time before she repeats herself weakly. “You were my best friend.”

“And you were mine,” Gale responds roughly. He _loved_ her in so many ways. He depended on her, he trusted her, he loved her, and then she wanted him gone so he left. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? “I didn’t _want_ to stay away, Katniss. I thought that was the best thing for everyone.”

“For four years?” she repeats weakly. Gale doesn’t know how to respond. He opens his mouth and closes it, looking away from the girl that he once loved. She balls her hands into fists but then opens her palms before a strangled noise comes up her throat, and then she throws herself at Gale.

He’s so startled that her arms are wrapped around him in a friendly manner it takes him a minute to respond. But soon, with shaking hands, he wraps his arms around her too. Katniss is sucking in sharp, short breaths. She smells like the woods. In his arms she feels so familiar.

“I’m sorry,” he forces out. He can't say it enough. “I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

Eventually they pull themselves from one another and Katniss wipes her eyes. Quickly, like the old Katniss he knew, she pulls herself together she suggests they go on a walk as though nothing has changed. Gale dips his head into the living room where Vick and Posy disappeared too (and Gale is once _again_ amazed at how large the space is) and tells them he’ll be back. He _promises_ it. Then he and Katniss leave the Hawthorne’s home.

Katniss leads Gale on a mini tour of the new District 12 without saying that’s what she’s actually doing. He’s secretly appreciate of this. “I didn’t want you to leave forever,” Katniss says eventually. It’s a lot easier for them to talk to one another when they’re not looking at one another. “And I don’t blame you. For what happened.” She shakes her head and wrings her hands. “I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“But you still think about it,” Gale murmurs. How could she not? Gale helped design the bombs that killed Prim, whether or not he’s the one that set them off. “She was like my sister,” Gale says. “You have to know that.”

“I do.” Katniss sniffs as quietly as she can and blinks hard. “I just need you to know that I don’t blame you.”

Gale thought hearing her say this would make him feel better, but he only feels worse. Because he still blames himself. If he hadn’t designed the bombs in the first place then they never would’ve gone off. He can hear his therapist’s voice in his head, _Coin would have found another way to kill the girl_ , but Gale shakes his head.

He clears his throat. “So you got married?” Katniss tilts her head at him and is unsure whether or not to laugh and smile. Gale’s eyes dart to the ring on her hand. “Congratulations,” he forces out. “I know he makes you happy.”

“He does,” she says with a nod. “We help each other.” Katniss crosses her arms tightly over her chest as though she’s cold despite the fact that it’s shaping up to be a warm day. This conversation is going much more smoothly than Gale had ever anticipated. He expected more yelling, and maybe for Katniss to slap him, but the girl on fire’s light has dimmed over the years – that much is obvious now. And while it’s nice for things to sort of resemble how it used to be, Gale knows they’ll never really be the same. He feels uncomfortable at her side, like their partnership never existed. She looks up at him and then back down at the ground. “I missed you,” Katniss says. “Peeta… he still can’t understand certain parts of me that you could.”

“And I’ll never understand parts of you that _he_ can,” Gale adds. Katniss nods because it’s true. “And that’s okay.”

“Gale—”

“It’s _okay_ ,” he insists. Years ago he would’ve had an urge to kiss her. To fall to his knees and beg her to see reason, to see how _well_ they fit together. But Gale’s all fire, even now, and that’s not what she needs. And honestly, she’s not what he needs anymore either. He needs someone soft and calm, someone who can bring him to his senses, someone who can talk him down. Katniss isn’t that person. And frankly, she never was. “I wasn’t going to come see you,” he admits.

She scoffs. “Thanks.”

“I still don’t think I’m ready.”

Instead of scoffing again, Katniss sighs. She must hear the hollowness in his voice. “Me neither,” she says. “But I still missed you.” Gale nods in agreement, because he missed her too. He really, truly did. “What’ve you been doing?” she asks. “In 2?” Gale tells her about how he’s been working with Security and Defense for the past three years and she immediately stops him. “What did you do the year before?”

He frowns. “What?”

“If you’ve been with them for three years…” she trails off, echoing his frown. “What’d you do the year after we won?”

Gale shakes his head. That part is too much for him to share. That part is too much for Katniss to know. Because _that_ part would make her hate him for real, and forever. Just like he hates himself.

“The Capitol was a mess,” Gale murmurs, telling the story he always tells. “They had me on retainer for fighting down the small uprisings.” And that’s not a complete lie. Gale was on retainer for a few weeks before he was plucked away for something else. It’s just nothing something he can talk about. Instead he goes back into the details of Security and Defense, how he traveled a bit to set some ground work, and how now he’s working with the Panem Outreach Program to dictate a steady police force.

“Madge works for them,” Katniss adds. “Madge Undersee?”

He exhales. “Yeah. I know. She’s my partner.”

Katniss throws her head back in a laugh. A real, genuine laugh. “Funny how the world works,” she says with a smile.

“She’s actually why I’m here,” Gale mutters. Katniss arches a curious eyebrow. “It’s… complicated.”

“You and Madge always were,” Katniss says.

So he changes the subject. There’s no way Gale can tell Katniss about the baby, not now, and possibly not ever, if he wants to stay on good terms with her (and he _does_ , so very badly). He asks her about her life in District 12, about how things have changed. Much like with his siblings, Gale and Katniss fall into an old routine. They back and forth as though it’s the most natural thing in the world, as though he hasn’t been gone for four years, as though they never fought and split. And while it's old and familiar and natural, it' still uncomfortable. Because it feels the same, but they both know it's not.

Though he doesn’t want to breech the subject of Peeta again, part of him is curious. “At first it was like being around me made him worse,” Katniss tells Gale. “He would have episodes at least every week. Sometimes he would be violent. Never with me, of course. I think he just needed to break something. But once he started painting again, started finding himself again, it got… better. We still played Real or Not Real all the time, that helped too.”

“You married him,” Gale elaborates, wanting to know more.

“There was a pretty bad storm in 12,” Katniss says. “Peeta had gotten stuck at the bakery for it. The lightning and wind was awful, like nothing we’d experienced before. Trees and branches down everywhere, no power.” Katniss shrugs her shoulders. “It was one night and I was terrified that I’d lost him forever.”

“So you married him,” Gale says again, finally somewhat understanding the union. She nods, and Gale understands.

She can't lose anyone else. Especially not Peeta. 

Truthfully, Gale isn’t sure where he lands on the whole Katniss and Peeta wedding thing. He just wants Katniss to be happy. And if he does make her happy like she’s said, then that’s all that matters. He’ll be strong on his own time.

It’s nearly afternoon when Katniss stops him. They’re by the meadow now, only the gate surrounding District 12 that Gale used to have to wiggle under is now gone. The district stretches into the woods.

“Rory’ll be at our old spot if you want to find him,” Katniss tells him. “It’s where we meet up in the mornings.”

Gale’s throat feels thick. “Thank you.” Katniss turns to look at him and Gale looks toward the ground. “For taking care of them,” he adds.

She shrugs. “It’s what we do.”

* * *

Peeta stands from the kitchen table and when Madge calls after him he shakes his head. “I need liquor,” he calls over his shoulder before routing though a cabinet and pulling out a bottle of something clear. “Because I have to be intoxicated to believe that you are  _seriously_ pregnant with  _Gale Hawthorne’s_ child.”

Madge lowers her head to her hands and lets out a short breath. “Peeta,” she nearly whines. He returns to the table with a glass full of white liquor so strong Madge can smell it from far away. “It just _happened_.”

“Pregnancy doesn’t just _happen_ , Madge,” he grumbles. She rubs at her eyes and tries to think of a way to help him understand this. “Especially with Gale. Of all people! Christ, you _hate_ Gale!”

“I don’t hate Gale,” she says sharply. Madge lifts her head from her hands and gives Peeta a nasty look. “He’s different now.”

“Okay, whatever,” Peeta says before taking a big swig from his cup. “So you’re pregnant. With Gale’s child. And you’re keeping the baby. But you’re not together.” Peeta blinks a few times before lifting the cup again. “Yeah, no,” he shakes his head. “I’m not understanding this at all.” Madge explains to him _again_ that they were both a little drunk when it happened, but they’ve been working together since and it’s been going well, and she _wants_ this. “You’re just not being logical,” Peeta says. His cup is empty now and his eyes are hazy and wide. “Who’s the baby going to live with?” he asks. Madge pouts, leaning back in her seat. “Are you going to trade every night? Every week? Weekends only? What are you going to tell the baby when she’s old enough?” Peeta shakes his head at her. “Do you have _any_ plans?”

“I’m figuring it out,” she murmurs.

“This is a _child’s life_ ,” Peeta says sternly. “It’s not something you can just _figure out_ on a whim!”

Madge rubs at her face another time. “That isn’t what I meant.” She thought Peeta would support her, and she _needed_ that. Madge still feels pretty alone in this decision. If anything, Gale’s choice to help with the baby feels sort of half-assed, and Lora’s only supporting her because she’s her best friend and she has to, but she still feels _so alone_. “I want this baby,” she mutters, mostly to herself because she feels like Peeta isn’t listening at this point.

“God, _you_ don’t even _try_ for a baby…” Peeta mutters to himself, staring at the empty glass in front of him. “And, damn.” He shakes his head before lifting his hand and dragging his hand through his sandy blond hair.

“Oh.” Suddenly it clicks. “ _Oh_.” Peeta’s always wanted a family, ever since he was a kid. His mother was a witch of a woman who raised her children with fear and abuse, and it was very clear that Peeta wanted the chance to do it right. And it’s also pretty well known that Katniss _does not_ want children. “She still doesn’t want kids,” Madge says.

“And I can’t hold it against her,” Peeta says as he shakes his head. “Because I knew that when I married her. And I still love her. And she’s allowed to not want kids. I just thought…” he groans, dropping his head to his hands. “I’m happy for you,” Peeta says with a sigh. “I really am.”

Madge reaches across the table to grab his hand. “Thank you,” she says softly.

"Even though I do think you haven't thought this out enough," he adds.

Before Madge can say something else the front door opens and Peeta exhales shortly. “Katniss?” Madge asks, and he nods in confirmation. “Katniss!” Madge calls out, offering Peeta a sad smile before standing to turn and greet her friend. Madge strides down the hallway with her arms out and open. Katniss and Madge were never the kind of friends that hug, but Madge can’t help herself. Maybe it’s the hormones. Katniss seems surprised at the hug but Madge hugs her anyway. “It’s so nice to see you,” Madge says as they part.

“It’s nice to see you too,” she says with a smile. “I’m seeing _everyone_ today,” she adds, mostly under her breath.

“So you’ve seen Gale then?” Madge asks as they start back into the kitchen.

Katniss gives her a look. “Yeah.” She shrugs. “It was… fine.”

“We rode together,” Madge elaborates, not that Katniss has asked for more explanation. “I didn’t know if you’d… yeah.”

“Yeah,” Katniss says again. Finally they reach the kitchen. “Drinking at noon?” Katniss asks with a frown, finding Peeta’s empty cup on the wooden table in front of him. “Really?”

He shoots a nasty look in Madge’s direction. “We were catching up,” he says, a little too sternly.

Katniss’s lips are still pursed. “I only see one glass.”

“I’m not drinking,” Madge answers as though it explains everything. “How was it?” she asks as she sits down at the table again. “Seeing Gale?”

Peeta’s been waiting for this question to be asked too, but too nervous to ask himself. Katniss shuffles on her feet, taking the cup from the table, and then shrugs. “Better than I thought it would be,” she answers.

* * *

Gale’s lungs haven’t been this full of fresh air in years, it feels like. Entering the woods is like being welcomed home with open arms. The birds call his name as they chirp from the treetops, the breeze gives him new energy. By the time he reaches the overlook Gale’s almost completely forgotten any sort of anxiety of nerves that have been lingering.

He sees Rory before Rory sees him, but if he’s as good a hunter as Katniss than Rory should know Gale’s here by now. He looks so much older, but what else can Gale expect? Rory’s only seventeen but with his strong arms and tired eyes he looks as though he could be at least twenty.

Finally he cocks in his head in Gale’s direction, and Gale gets a better look at those tired eyes. They’re piercing and gray like Gale’s and Rory doesn’t dare look away. “Are you going to come sit down or what?” his brother snaps, and Gale feels part of him shattering. All of the anxiety that Gale had exhaled has returned in one sharp breath. But he’s made it this far. With shaking legs Gale walks the rest of the distance to his brother and lowers himself to the ground by his side. He can feel the tension in the air, and he’s sure Rory can too. “So you’re home,” Rory finally says when the silence becomes too much.

“Just for the weekend.”

Rory drags his hands through his thick dark hair and swallows a bitter laugh. “I didn’t expect anything else.” Gale looks at his brother again, but then back out across the valley. He isn’t sure what he wants to say. “Does Ma know?”

“Not yet.”

“Of course not,” Rory mutters. Gale sighs. He tries to place himself. He tries to get energy from the dirt that’s digging into the palms of his hands, he tries to breathe with ease. The woods used to be the only place that could get him to smile, and he needs that now. “So why are you here?”

“A lot of reasons,” Gale admits, though it takes him a moment. With a deep breath he turns back to him. “Rory—”

“Don’t,” his brother stops him sharply. “Just… just don’t, Gale.” Gale sighs again. “It’s been four _fucking_ years!” Gale’s first reaction is to clap him in the back of the head for using such foul language now, but Gale was that vulgar when he was his age so he hasn’t the right. And he hasn't been home long enough to have that kind of authority anyway. “You… you left us!” Rory turns in his seat to face his brother head on, his mouth parted in confusion and anger. “We needed you and you _left_ us!”

“I know,” Gale breathes. “I… I know.”

“All of a sudden I had to be the man of the house,” Rory carries on. “I had to hold Posy when she cried, and _I_ had to make sure Ma wasn’t doing everything on her own, and _I_ had to make sure Vick wasn’t getting into trouble. _Me_!” Gale’s clenching his jaw shut now to keep his chin from quivering. “I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! I was _thirteen_!”

Almost all at once Gale feels like his chest has exploded. Gale did the same thing to his family that his father did. He went and left, he _died_ and left his family to fend on their own. The old Gale Hawthorne never would’ve done that. This new version of himself is sickening. Gale is disgusted with himself. He tries to swallow but it struggles to go down.

“Sorry isn’t enough,” Gale forces out through shallow breaths, “but it’s all I have.”

“Well you’re right,” Rory snaps. “It’s not enough.” He crosses his arms tightly over his chest and swivels away from Gale with a frown on his face. “You couldn’t even bother to call us,” Rory continues with less fire, but more bitterness. “We’d set up here and you were off making money and living on top of the world.”

Gale’s shaking his head immediately. “That’s not why I didn’t come home, Rory.” But his brother won’t look at him. “You think I stayed away to make money? Which, by the way, I’ve been sending to you all since I started working?” Rory still won’t look. “I’m a fucking _monster_ , kid.” Gale’s hands are shaking and again he feels like he can’t breathe. His words start coming in quick breaths. “I’ve killed people with my _bare hands_. I created bombs that took out _entire families_.” The tension in Rory’s shoulders eases slightly, but still he won’t turn his head. “I was scared I’d hurt you too.”

Rory jerks his head at once. He shouts, “Well you did!” His face is contorted with anger. “You _did_ hurt me, Gale! You _left_ me! Everyone fucking left me!” He reaches over and shoves Gale’s chest, though it doesn’t amount for much. “Dad was dead, and Mom was sad, and Prim was dead, and you were _gone_ , Gale! And I _needed_ you!” He shoves him another time. “So you _did_ hurt me!”

“Rory…”

“And sorry isn’t enough! It never _will_ be!” He shoves Gale another time before pushing himself to his feet. Gale deflates as he hears Rory’s heavy footsteps crunching over leaves as he walks away.

With a deep sigh Gale lifts his hands and drags them through his hair, tugging fiercely until pain spiders in his neck. “Fuck,” he mutters to himself. “Fuck. _Fuck_.” He scrubs at his eyes and tries to breath normally again but his heart is racing and his chest is hurting.

Maybe it’s better this way, that Rory doesn’t want him in his life. If Rory knew the truth he’d hate Gale more than he does right now. That’s a thought that Gale can’t stand.

* * *

Hazelle Hawthorne is sitting on the front porch when Gale returns to his family’s home. She’s clearly waiting for him, someone must have told her that he’s home, and leaps to her feet the second she spots him. Gale struggles to breathe as Hazelle throws herself at him. His mother’s grip is strong and warm and he can’t stop himself from tearing up.

“Ma,” he rasps. Her greeting is enough to at least sort of repair the cracks in Gale’s heart from Rory’s rejection. They rock as they hug, holding one another as though it can fix all of the years Gale’s been gone. Much like with Posy Hazelle murmurs something along the lines of _you’re really here_ , and like before he reassures her that he really is.

After wiping away a few tears and hugging him again they finally talk. “The mayor stopped in my shop,” she finally says as they settle in seats on the porch. “Said you arrived with his _daughter_.” Gale tries to smile as sheepishly as he can before rubbing at his face. “That’s interesting. Though I always did think she would have been good for you.”

“Ma, what—” he scoffs, then groans. “Just don’t,” he warns. “I’m not here to talk about her.”

“Yes,” she says with a nod. “That will be for later when we all have dinner together.” Gale’s stomach drops. “He invited me and the kids over tonight.” Gale feels pale. He has to make this not happen.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Gale supplies quickly. “I saw Rory earlier…” he tries, hoping that she knows where he’s going.

“Ah, yes,” Hazelle says, smiling. “He’s not too happy with you. Of course I can’t blame him. And you can’t either.” Gale scrubs at his face again. “He’s all hormones and angst when it comes to you, Gale. It’s easier for him to be mad at someone rather than at the entire world for making him grow up too fast.” But it wasn’t the entire world that made Rory grow up too fast. It _was Gale._ “In time he’ll understand.”

“If four years isn’t enough for him to understand,” Gale says, “then no amount of time will be.”

“Stop it,” Hazelle shushes him. She easily redirects the conversation, “I want to know everything.”

The rest of the afternoon and into early evening is spent with Gale recounting his time after the war, of course leaving out the year before he started working for security and defense. Hazelle listens with tears in her eyes and Gale can’t figure out if it’s because she’s proud or she’s sad or she’s just happy that he’s home. But Gale’s spent way too much of his time today talking about himself. After his story he redirects the conversation to Hazelle and to the kids, and soon Vick and Posy join them on the porch. He relearns all about his siblings, and things about Rory despite the fact that he’s not here.

It doesn’t feel like enough but he hangs on every word that everyone says and tries to savor every bit of information. It isn’t until the sun begins to dip under the horizon does Hazelle tell Gale he should probably go warn Madge about the extended dinner, and he quickly leaps to his feet.

“Don’t think that we’re done talking about her,” Hazelle warns with a smile. Gale doesn’t expect anything less.

* * *

 Like Hazelle was, Madge is waiting on her father’s front porch when he reaches her. “We should postpone,” he says immediately, and she frowns as she stands. “My family’s coming for dinner. Your dad invited them.” She looks frustrated at this announcement, and then down at a parcel in her hand. “What’s that?”

“Cake,” she answers. “It’s too small for…” Madge trails off, thinking to herself. “Seven… eight people.”

Gale frowns too. “The cake isn’t the problem,” he mutters. She looks back up at him, still frowning. “My family is coming to dinner,” Gale says another time, trying to get her to understand this.

She blinks a few times. “Was your reunion not—?”

“No, it was fine,” he stops her. “Madge,” Gale grumbles, gesturing to her stomach.

And suddenly it hits her. He doesn’t want to tell his family about the baby. Almost at once she feels cold. Peeta didn’t like the idea of Madge having a baby, but he accepted it. She’s sure Katniss will have a conniption when she finds out. Especially that it’s Gale’s. But those are their friends. Their reactions are important, yes, but not as important as their families. And he doesn’t want to tell his?

Madge grits her teeth. “This is your child too,” she nearly snaps. He shrinks backwards and his heavy eyebrows come together. “You don’t want your family to know that you’re having a _child_?”

“Stop it,” he hisses. Gale glances over his shoulder, paranoid that someone’s listening. “How _dare_ you make me out to be the bad guy here?” Gale lowers his voice significantly. “I haven’t seen them in four years,” he tells her. “Four. _Years_. Madge, I need _time_.” Her teeth are clenched together but she waits for him to continue. “I can’t see them for the first time and have them find this out. They’ll think it’s the only reason I came home. I need _time_. You have to give that to me.”

She presses her lips together. “I want to tell my father,” she says.

“And you can,” Gale responds. “Just not while my family is here. I’m begging you.”

She hesitates. Because it isn’t right to her. His family should know about this, especially if Gale wants to be included. “When will you tell them?” she whispers. “Soon?”

“Soon,” Gale confirms. “Just not tonight.” Still hesitating, she nods her head, and that’s the best thing she can do for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the reunions of the Hawthornes was a big challenge for me and I hope I've done it well. I always imagined Hazelle being very accepting that her son is back and just wanting him to be happy and safe and not to make a big deal out of it because she doesn't want to scare him away. Posy and Vick were both so young that they were just happy to see him again. But Rory was old enough to understand and to get angry. I hope that can align with your views too, or at least that I've written it in a way that it does! 
> 
> With Katniss - I'm never really sure how to write her. I know that Katniss hates losing people, and she's lost so many people, so to me the idea of hating Gale just isn't real. They grew up together and went through so many awful things together, they were always going to be partners. But she's different now, and so is he, but I couldn't swallow the idea of Katniss hating Gale. It just didn't make sense to me. So we got this instead. Again, if it doesn't align with your thoughts then I hope I've been able to write it in a believable way. 
> 
> Love you all, thanks for reading!


	13. Tell the World You're Pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final part of Madge and Gale's trip to District 12 including: visiting old friends, dinner, and baby talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14 Weeks Pregnant

This is the most awkward situation Gale had ever been placed in in his entire life.

To his left is Madge, who’s currently pregnant with his child. To his right is his little brother Vick. Across the table is Rory, Posy, and Haymitch, with Posy being the only person happy to be here. At the heads of the table are seated Hazelle and Mayor Undersee. And absolutely no one is saying a word.

Gale was quick to get a glass of wine when Mr. Undersee offered and it helped dull the humming under his skin ever so slightly, but it’s not enough. It’s not like Gale can just drink the entire bottle, that certainly wouldn’t help the situation. Rory won’t quit scowling and Gale’s pretty sure he hasn’t eaten anything, just shoved his food around his place to make it look like he has. Haymitch is glaring daggers at Gale. Neither Hazelle nor Madge’s father seem to notice the tension. But at least Madge does. She keeps shooting Gale apologetic looks and gnawing on her bottom lip as though it’s going to fall off.

“So how’s school going?” Madge finally asks Posy, and the young girl immediately answers with a smile. Gale exhales in relief, happy that at least someone’s talking.

But as expected, it doesn’t last for long. Soon both Hazelle and Madge’s dad are asking questions about their relationship. _How’d you meet?_ “Well we both live in two,” Madge answers. “But we were partnered up for this program and things took off from there.” _Do you live together?_ “Oh, no, not yet. I couldn’t just leave my roommate like that!” _What’s your favorite place to go together?_ “There’s this ice cream shop right down the street from where I live,” Madge says. “He takes me there all the time.”

She’s unstoppable. It’s like she spent the train ride over constructing every little detail about their relationship in her brain. And soon enough they make it through the dinner. For cake everyone moves into the sitting room and Gale quickly grabs a piece before finding his way to his little sister.

Meanwhile Haymitch has pulled Madge aside and is grumbling under his breath. “Gale Hawthorne? Of all people that you could end up with in District 2, it had to be him? I’ve heard bad things, Sweetheart, and not just from the war.” Madge rolls her eyes and takes a bite of her cake, promptly ignoring the ramblings of Haymitch. “Just be careful, alright? He doesn’t have the best off-the-books reputation. Okay?”

“He’s a good guy,” Madge says, and she believes that. She can’t really believe that Gale has an _off-the-books_ reputation, whatever that means. “He has a good heart, and he really cares, okay? So just drop it, Haymitch.” The man sighs, dragging his hands through his hair. “You don’t always have to be looking for a fight,” she says. “The war’s over.”

Without waiting for him to respond Madge moves back to the dining room. Her father’s new home is much smaller than it used to be that she can see everyone from her spot where she’s picking at her cake. It doesn’t take long for Hazelle to find the seat beside her, and Madge smiles in greeting considering she has food in her mouth.

“It’s so nice to see you again,” Hazelle says softly as Madge swallows her cake. She must be remembering when Madge stopped by after dropping off morphling for Gale. Hazelle was eternally grateful, and Madge asked it to be kept quiet. Gale used to be very big on owing people, and Madge wanted nothing in return from him. Just him to be alive. He was important, and he still had so much to do, and she couldn’t bear the thought of him dying. Hazelle still appreciated that all of these years later. “And the fact that you’ve gotten Gale to return home, too…” she trails off with a soft smile on her face. “Does he know what you did for him?”

Madge looks down at her plate, shaking her head. “No,” she admits. Not yet. Maybe… maybe soon, she’ll tell him. It’s just not exactly the easiest conversation to bring up. “I’ll tell him eventually.”

Hazelle nods and smiles.  “I’m just happy that he’s finally come home.”

Madge picks at her cake with her fork for a little bit, scanning the sitting room to where Gale’s sitting with Posy. “Are you angry with him?” Madge asks after a few moments of silence. Hazelle readjusts the shawl that she has wrapped around herself and redirects her gaze to her son. “That it took him so long to come home?”

A wry smile takes Hazelle’s face. “Angry? No. Of course not. Angry isn’t the right word.” She lets this hang in the air for a moment but Madge doesn’t to pry further if Hazelle doesn’t want to talk. It isn’t exactly Madge’s business. “I knew going into the war that he was going to be changed, no matter if we won or not,” Hazelle finally continues. “I knew he was designing weapons. I didn’t like it, but after everything we’d been through, after his whipping, and the Games, and the mines… he deserved to make those choices on his own. He deserved that bit of freedom, even if I thought it would hurt him in the end.”

“Even after all this time,” Madge says. “He’s still so…”

“He thinks he’s broken,” Hazelle finishes for her. “And he is. I mean, we all are. That’s what he fails to realize, that we’re all a little broken.” She looks over at Madge, a wise understanding in her dark gray eyes. “Gale thinks he doesn’t deserve any sort of happiness after what he’s gone through. It’s not true, but that’s what he thinks. And that’s why he stayed away.” A small smile takes her face again. “In a way, knowing that we’re something that makes him happy has helped. But at the same time, I just wish he could realize that we want him in our lives. And that he’s _allowed_ to be happy.”

“Well this is the happiest I think I’ve ever seen him,” Madge tells Hazelle, gesturing to where he sits with Posy, laughing about something neither of them can hear. She hesitates, lowering her fork down to the plate. “You really think he’s scared to be happy?”

“Oh, definitely,” Hazelle says with a nod. “That’s why I was surprised when I found out you two were together.” Madge feels a knot in her stomach at this lie but she says nothing. “I never thought he’d find someone permanent—not that you two are permanent yet, I suppose, but with his whole mindset of how he doesn’t deserve happiness it just makes sense for him to avoid relationships.” That explains the sleeping around a bit, Madge thinks. “But like I said, I’m not angry with him for staying away.”

“Just… sad,” Madge says softly.

“Just sad,” Hazelle agrees, just as quietly. “But I’ve been keeping tabs on him,” she tells Madge. “His partner—Benny?” Madge startles to hear the name in Hazelle’s mouth. “We talk on the phone at least once a month. It’s always very brief, nothing too intrusive. I just like to hear that Gale’s eating and sleeping and existing.” Madge isn’t sure how to respond to this. “I’m still his mother,” Hazelle says, noticing the look of shock on the blonde’s face. “You’ll understand one day soon, I’m sure.”

She blanches. “What?”

“With the baby,” Hazelle says seamlessly. Her jaw drops. “No, Gale didn’t tell me,” she says with a little laugh. “But you didn’t have wine for dinner while everyone else did, and you rest your hands on your stomach.” Madge’s heart is hammering in her chest. “I won’t tell him I know. I’ll wait until he’s ready, of course. He has to move at his own pace when it comes to us—I’m scared we’ll scare him away otherwise.”

“You… you—”

“I had four children, Sweetheart,” Hazelle says with a little laugh. “I know the signs.”

“But you just—you said that I’m—that Gale, that we’re not permanent,” Madge supplies. “Do you think—you think that means he’ll leave?”

Hazelle thinks on this for a moment before shaking her head. “No, I don’t think so. Maybe a weekend trip or something to clear his mind, but Gale grew up without a father. He told me again and again that he’d never let his own children do the same.” Hazelle looks at Madge with a smile. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Madge forces out.

“Do yourself a favor,” Hazelle says softly. “There’s new technology that can tell you if the baby is a girl or a boy. Just _wait_. Until the birth. To find out.”

“Okay,” Madge breathes. She can do that for Hazelle.

“It’s just more special, somehow, I think. More traditional.” Madge nods in agreement, unsure if she really believes this sentiment or not. But for Hazelle, she can do this. “I know your mother…” Hazelle sighs. “I know she’s been gone for a while now, and you must be at least a little scared.”

“Terrified,” Madge supplies.

Again Hazelle laughs. “But like I said,” she reaches over to grab Madge’s hand, “I had four children. I can help.” Madge nods, feeling tears springing to her eyes. “You were always such a good girl,” Hazelle says softly, squeezing Madge’s hands. “I always knew… ever since the morphling, I knew you were important.” She reaches up with her freehand and wipes below Madge’s eyes with her thumb. “I always knew you would be important.” Madge sniffs, still smiling brightly at the woman in front of her.

Before Madge can say anything in response she feels a hand on her shoulder and jumps, looking back to see her father smiling at her. “Thank you for tonight, Pearl,” he says softly. “It’s been wonderful having you home.”

Hazelle tips her head at the two of them before scooting back from her chair, off to find her family.

* * *

Madge spends the rest of the evening watching Gale interact with his siblings, save for Rory who looks angry to even be in the room. She talks to him for a little bit, getting short answers about his life in general (though she thinks he hints at a girlfriend, she’s not sure), before the Hawthorne’s pack up and head home.

But watching Gale with his siblings does something warm to her heart that she can’t quite figure out. He had insisted that he wouldn’t make a good father but Madge _knows_ that isn’t true, and seeing him laughing and smiling with Vick and Posy has confirmed that for her again. She’s maybe as relieved as he is that the Hawthorne’s have welcomed him back with open arms. Except again maybe Rory, but Madge isn’t going to ask about that any time soon.

When the only people left are Gale, Madge, Haymitch, and Madge’s father, Madge looks at Gale. He makes a face, looking in Haymitch’s direction, but Madge ignores it promptly. “Daddy,” she says loudly, and her father dips his head from the kitchen into the sitting room. “Can you come here for a moment?”

Gale takes a heavy breath and moves across the room to sit on the couch by Madge’s side. Automatically she reaches for his hand and they lace their fingers together. His thumb moves gently across hers. For a moment she wonders why he’s being so affectionate before she remembers that this is all a show. But somewhere deep down Madge wonders why it’s so easy for him to reach for her hand, for him to be so sweet. She wants to know that side of Gale more than absolutely anything and she’s terrified she never will.

“Is this a private conversation?” Haymitch asks with a grunt, and Madge shakes her head no, so he too sits down. “I don’t like the feeling I’m getting here,” he says once Leon Undersee has joined them.

“Don’t be so cold, Haymitch,” Madge’s father says. “What is it, Sweetheart?”

Madge opens her mouth and closes it. And then opens it again. And then closes it again. “Gale and I have been together for a while,” she says, and her father nods her head. “And we never… wanted things to be this way, but…”

Haymitch frowns immediately. Madge feels Gale tense beside her. “What do you mean?”

“We wanted to get married first,” Gale forces out. His voice is rough, like he’s struggling to speak, and Madge thinks it plays into their situation very well. “But it’s happened, and neither of us regret it.”

“Regret _what_?” Leon asks with wide eyes.

Madge clears her throat and tries to look taller, but still she feels small. “I’m pregnant, Daddy,” Madge says softly. Before he can even react she continues talking. “The doctor says it’s healthy, and that I’m past the point of miscarrying, so I wanted to—I wanted to tell you.”

“ _We_ wanted to tell you,” Gale corrects as the ever-so-adoring boyfriend he’s supposed to be. “Sir, I—Madge is a wonderful woman. And she’s going to be a wonderful mother, she really is. And this—”

Leon cuts him off. “Do you love her?” he asks, that sharpness that Gale had warned him about in Leon’s voice. Gale blinks a few times, looking at Madge for a moment before looking at her father again. Haymitch has gone pale. “Do you love my daughter, Gale?”

It takes him a second to answer but eventually he nods his head. “I do.”

“Will you love the child?” Leon asks, making himself taller. “Stick around to help her raise him or her?”

Again Gale nods. “I will. Absolutely, I will.”

“Okay then.” He stands. He swallows thickly. “I think there’s some leftover cake, does anyone want a piece?” Leon asks. He walks away without an answer, toward the kitchen where he’s presumably going to get some cake, and Gale feels his chest restrict. He isn’t sure if this is the reaction Madge wanted or expected, and her face is fairly neutral so he can’t gauge her very well.

Haymitch is still sitting in front of them, paler than Gale’s ever seen. “You’re pregnant?” Haymitch asks, his voice wavering, and Madge nods. “With Hawthorne’s kid?” Again Madge nods. Haymitch’s eyes flicker to the man beside her and she purses her lips, waiting for him to say something smart. But instead Haymitch nods slowly. “Alright then.”

He goes to stand and Madge leaps to her feet as well, dropping Gale’s hand as she does so. “I’m happy, Haymitch,” she says loudly. “I—I’m happy.”

A hesitant smile takes his face. “That’s… good. That’s good.” He drags his hand through his dark hair and clears his throat. “I think I ought to head home now.”

* * *

When Madge and Gale retire to the bedroom upstairs, she stops him the second they shut the door. Without any words she wraps her arms around his chest and hugs him tightly. His breath catches in his throat and it takes him a moment, but eventually his arms lift to hold her back. She’s shaking, but it takes him a bit of time to notice it because he’s shaking too.

“Thank you,” she murmurs into his shirt, and Gale nods his head. His fingers find the ends of her golden hair and twist through the lower curls. “He’s—I know he’s upset,” she carries on, still squeezing herself to him and refusing to budge. He feels her chin quiver. “He’s all I have left,” Madge almost whispers. “And he—he’s so important to me, I needed him to know. But if he hadn’t… I just… I never could’ve—just, thank you. For being here.”

Gale doesn’t say _you’re welcome._ He can’t find his voice.

This weekend has been too much for him and it’s not even over. But Madge is here, hugging him just as tight as his siblings had been earlier, thanking him for just being by his side. Not many people thank Gale for just _being_ there. Finally they pull apart and he spots tears in her eyes but a bright smile on her face.

For the first time since Madge told him she was pregnant, Gale believes that they can do this. Madge is strong, and she’s kind, and she’s brave, and he meant it when he said that she’s going to be a wonderful mother. She has a big heart and she truly cares about people. She cares about _Gale_. And that thought startles him more than he wants it to.

“I’m going to stay at my mom’s tonight,” Gale says suddenly, and Madge nods her head, stepping away from him. “I think that will be best.”

“That’s fine,” she responds quietly. “The train leaves at 4pm tomorrow.” Gale nods his head and steps past her, grabbing his backpack from the floor. “How about you come over for lunch tomorrow?” she asks. “Or we can grab dinner before we get on the train.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he murmurs. Gale slings his backpack over his shoulder.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Madge says. She steps backwards, hugging herself, thinking the actual hug might’ve taken things too far. He seems nervous. Panicky. “Logistics, you know.”

“Yeah,” Gale murmurs again, not really listening. “See you tomorrow.”

And even though the conversation with her father went better than expected, Madge feels like something between the two of them just isn’t adding up.

* * *

Gale doesn’t go to his mother’s house, he goes to Thom’s house. It’s late now but the lights are on, and he knows it’s Thom’s because it’s in the same exact place Thom’s family home used to be before the bombing. When he knocks he’s less nervous than he was when he went to greet his family, even though he hasn’t seen Thom in just as long.

When the door swings open Gale doesn’t know what to say. He’s exhausted from this weekend already, there were too many reunions for him to count. He’s too _tired_ to feel nervous anxious. But Thom, who’s standing tall and full on the other side, grins. “I _heard_ you were in town,” he says. Relief floods Gale and the two embrace in a quick hug. “Get the hell in here, Hawthorne.”

Gale might not have talked to Thom in the past four years, but it is by far the easiest relationship to fix over this weekend. Thom gets Gale a drink and they sit down on the couch together, asking one another about their lives without Thom even _once_ asking why it took so long for him to return.

He talks about his job. “I’m in construction,” he says. “It’s helping the district and I actually get to use my hands. I really love it.” Gale wonders if he can say the same thing about his job. And Thom talks about the changes that’ve been made. “Town and Seam aren’t really a thing anymore,” he admits. “Which is nice, because now I can afford a loaf of fucking bread.” And he talks about his relationships. “You remember Delly Cartwright?” Thom asks, and Gale nods his head. “She’s moving in with me soon,” he says.

“I can beat that,” Gale counters. “You remember Madge Undersee?”

“No shit, Caesar.”

“I got her pregnant.” Thom immediately throws his head back in a laugh, and Gale’s sure if his friend had something in his mouth he would’ve spit it out at this point. “And she’s keeping the baby,” Gale carries on, a smile beginning to fill his face as well. “ _And_ part of the reason I came home this weekend was so I could pretend to be her boyfriend.”

When Thom finally quits laughing he wipes his eyes and shakes his head. “Alright, you definitely beat me.”

But they don’t talk about the baby or Madge anymore, and for that Gale’s relieved. He’s happy to tell someone though, because him not telling his family is going to kill him. But _someone_ needed to know. The words _needed_ to come from Gale’s mouth.

After another few drinks Gale says he has to go. “I just wanted to see you,” he says. “Because I haven’t—”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Thom tells him. “You never have to do that, Gale. You know that.” Hesitantly, Gale nods his head. “You went through some shit, more than any of us could imagine. But you’re the reason I’m _alive_.” If Gale hadn’t banged on Thom’s door the night of the bombing he could’ve been gone. “I’m happy to see you, is all.”

Gale smiles. “Thanks, Thom.”

“Just don’t be a stranger anymore, alright?”

A little tipsy from the alcohol and exhausted from everything this weekend has taken out of him, Gale says goodbye and heads for the meadow. He didn’t sleep on the train, he didn’t trust himself. And he certainly can’t sleep by Madge’s side in the mayor’s home. And he’s not going to risk sleeping at his family’s home either. So he finds a flat place in the meadow and stretches out with his hands behind his head.

It’s a clear night and stars are twinkling in the sky. With a warm belly, he slowly drifts to sleep.

* * *

It doesn’t last long.

Gale wakes in the middle of the night with a shout crawling up his throat. He sits straight up and starts heaving for air, feeling like everything he’s sucking in is ash and smoke. He scrubs at his eyes and scrambles to his feet, looking toward the homes in the district and finding them all still intact. There are no hovercrafts flying overhead. There are no bombs raining upon the district.

The screams from those he left behind are ringing in his ears. Gale digs through his backpack frantically until finding a small pill bottle, nearly empty, and he quickly gulps down a big blue pill.

 _Place yourself_ , he thinks. District 12. The Meadow. _What do you see?_ Grass. Stars. Dark windows in nearby homes because people are sleeping. _What do you feel?_ Shaking hands. A tight chest. _No, not that._ The breeze, the soft breeze. Damp shirt, from the dew, and the sweat. Itchy ankles from the grass. _Good. What do you hear?_ Nothing. Silence. No screaming. No one’s screaming.

Gale settles back down on the ground, his medication starting to lower his heartrate and subdue him. There’s no closet for here to hide in, to block out the things he sees. He has to face this head on. And there’s nothing here to face.

He tries his damned hardest to fall back asleep, but the best he gets is drifting in and out of something unsteady. Eventually the sun begins to rise. The sky moves from black to violet to a soft light blue, and then to orange and red, and then back to blue. He must have fallen asleep again at some point when the sun is rising because he wakes up to someone kicking his boot.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” Rory asks. Gale rubs at his face frantically, trying to figure out if it’s the _real_ Rory in front of him. He’s scowling, like he spent most of the time doing yesterday, and older, unlike the dream Rory Gale’s constructed before. He’s clear, not faded, and he’s really here. “Did you sleep in the meadow?” Rory asks.

“Needed some fresh air,” Gale forces out. He sits up, more, wiping gunk from his eyes. “Are you going hunting?”

“Yeah.” _Can I come?_ Gale thinks. He misses it. The feel of the bow in his hands. The wire of the snares as he twisted them into place. It was different than fighting a war, it was something that made him feel validated and strong. Useful. “I use your bow.”

“How is it?”

“Fine.”

Gale sighs. “Right.” Rory’s still standing there, his game bag slung over his shoulder. “Rory, listen—”

“I’ll see you later,” he mutters. And that’s definite. _Don’t follow me. This is my thing now. The forest is my place now. Don’t. Follow me._

With a deep sigh Gale watches his brother slip into the woods without even looking back.

* * *

Gale joins his family for breakfast and spends most of the morning with them. The last day in the district seems to whiz by. When he finally heads off in Madge’s direction he finds that she’s been reuniting with Delly, which reminds Gale of his night before where he talked to Thom.

“When I told her about the baby she nearly exploded with excitement,” Madge admits, although a little hesitantly. “She’s _definitely_ the only person to have reacted in that way.”

Delly had been overflowing with happiness at the news. “I’d always thought you and Gale had something going on,” she said with a smile, and Madge didn’t bother correcting her. “And he’s handsome. He had _always_ been so handsome, and so _helpful_ during the war! I can’t believe you two work together. I can’t believe you’re having a _baby_! Is it going to be a boy or a girl? Who are the godparents going to be? Do you have any names yet? I want to know everything!”

But finally Madge had managed to get away from Delly, and then she spent some more time with her father. “I wish it hadn’t been like this,” he admitted quietly, his eyes on the table instead of on his daughter. “I wish your mother had been here. I wish you would’ve _waited_ …” he trailed off, shaking his head with a soft sigh. “But if you’re happy…” He was still reluctant to the entire idea of it all. “I do like Gale, though,” Leon told her. “He seems to be perfect for you, Pearl.”

And now they’re at the train station with the blue sky not as bright as before. Gale turns to his mother who insisted to see him off while Madge is off embracing her father. “Tell Rory I’m sorry,” Gale says weakly. “That I’m going to keep trying.”

“Of course,” Hazelle returns, hugging him tightly. He hugs Vick and Posy too, squeezing every ounce of love he can into their final embraces. “Come back soon,” Hazelle requests, and Gale nods his head carefully. He will. Maybe not soon, but he’ll come back.

Madge says goodbye to the Hawthorne’s too, and eventually they choose a seat in the back of the train. Gale settles into the seat across from Madge and studies the tiredness on her face. The weekend must have taken a lot out of her too. “I can give you a ride,” Gale says as the train whirs into motion. “From the train station. So you don’t have to take the bus.”

She doesn’t smile, but she nods her head. They’re both quiet before Madge sighs loudly, frowning too. “We have to sit down at some point and talk about all of this, Gale,” she says. “We haven’t talked about _any_ of it. Where the baby’s going to be born, and with what sort of assistance. Where the baby will live. How the baby will be raised.” Gale averts his gaze. He’d just assumed Madge would spearhead all of that. He thought he told her he wanted limited involvement. “I want to interview midwives with you, make sure we don’t have a psychopath, you know?”

“Yeah,” he finally rasps. “Makes sense.”

“Names,” Madge continues tiredly. “The difference in having a boy or a girl, if we want Godparents in case something happens to us.”

“I get it, Undersee,” he murmurs. “We have to sit down and talk about it. Just not now, okay?” He rubs at his eyes, ready to get home so he can get a better night of sleep where he doesn’t have to worry about anyone else. “It’s been a long weekend.”

“It has,” Madge agrees. “Just, soon. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She sighs, sinking backwards into her seat.  Her voice is soft when she asks, “Did you have a good weekend, though?”

Before he knows it a smile has graced Gale’s face. “I did,” he admits gently. “I really did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to include a little bit of Thom/Delly visit because I love them a lot, but I didn't want the chapter to get too long and there was nothing earth shattering about needing to visit them and such, you know? But I did get them in there, and we'll see them again I'm sure! How do you feel about Hazelle knowing/Madge's dad's reaction? I didn't want it to be too extreme, because Madge is all he has, but of course he's upset. Also Haymitch was just like "ok... gotta go" haha. Anything else you might've picked up on? I love you all, thanks for reading!
> 
> Side note: The nickname Pearl comes from andeemae (ao3)/combatpragmatist (tumblr) and she's so kindly allowed me to carry that on! Thanks lovely!!


	14. Just When Things Feel Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the trip to District 12, things feel like they're finally falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15-17 Weeks Pregnant, or four months

Madge has been getting to work earlier and leaving later. When she returned from her trip to District 12 Lora was gone, just as she said she’d be. There was a long note written to Madge on the kitchen table about how to get in contact with her, but so far they haven’t really been reaching each other. The hours are a little off and Lora’s busier than expected, and at 15 weeks pregnant Madge is exhausted with every step she takes.

Being at work is the only thing that keeps her distracted. She wants to go to Augmentum. She wants to go with her best friend. She wants to be working on connecting different countries to Panem, not building police forces.

 _But it’s a noble thing to do_ , Madge reminds herself. And it’s true. Soon they’re heading to District 6 to do the same thing they had in District 4. She had to remain strong with this thought. She keeps thinking about Oliver and how she _really_ doesn’t want to see him again. Part of her is still aching from his lie, even if they hadn’t been anything serious. But part of her is also over it. Like Gale said, Madge didn't really know him. There wasn't enough time for her to feel utterly broken.

The weather is getting colder. Winter is on the horizon and her apartment is _always_ cold. Madge struggles getting out of bed in the morning because the heat is on the fritz.

But one morning, around a week after she gets home from District 12, she hears someone in the living room. Madge has been robbed before but never _while_ she was in the apartment. She scrambles out of bed, throwing blankets all over the floor and peering into the living room. With a voice that sounds braver than how she feels she shouts, “I have a gun!”

“You do _not_ ,” Lora’s voice shouts back. Madge’s heart leaps in her chest. She pushes open her bedroom door to find her much tanner roommate dragging in her bags. “Hi!” Madge practically squeals, rushing forward with outstretched arms to pull her friend into a hug. “Hi, hi, hi!”

“Hi!” Madge is shouting back. “I missed you! You have to tell me _everything_!”

Lora’s bags are forgotten as they sit on the couch together as Lora happily and loudly with much exaggeration recounts her trip to Augmentum. She glosses over the details but Madge gets the gist. _It’s beautiful_. Lora pulls out her tablet and opens up the photos, allowing Madge to page through them all as she finally gets back to her bags.

Madge sniffs, noticing her nose is clogged. She blames it on the cold and keeps paging through the photos. It’s like nothing Madge ever imagined. The jungles are wide and beauteous, and rivers are healthy and flowing. A few photos remind Madge of the 75th Arena but she decides not to voice that, instead smiling happily at everything she’s seeing.

“They want me to go back,” Lora announces once her bags are in her room.

Madge looks up from the tablet. She knew this was coming. “When?” she asks.

“In about a month,” Lora answers. She waits a moment, and so does Madge. “For about a month.” The overwhelming joy at Lora’s return pops like a balloon. The smile slips from Madge’s face. “I know it’s a long time,” Lora says, but quickly Madge pins the smile back to her face. “It’s such an incredible opportunity. I mean—I’ll still be here for you when—with the baby, but—”

“Lora, you can’t plan your life around me,” Madge says gently. “I know how important it is to be setting up connections in Augmentum. I _know_ that. Okay?” Lora smiles too, but Madge feels her heart breaking all over again.

* * *

Gale sits in the plastic chair by Madge’s side, watching as Doctor Paige spreads the clear cream across Madge’s belly. It felt like just days ago Gale thought he could look at Madge and not even tell that she was pregnant, but now it’s staring him right in the eye. She’s showing. Sixteen weeks in and she’s showing, her belly starting to stick out just a little bit. He’s sure she’s noticed, but he hasn’t, not until this moment right now.

“Gale?” Doctor Paige asks. He diverts his gaze from Madge and over to their doctor. “Are you with us?”

“Yeah,” he murmurs. He blinks hard, focusing on the machine that Doctor Paige is playing with. She presses the same tool to Madge’s belly like she had all those weeks ago and soon an image flickers onto the screen. “Jesus,” Gale breathes. The image from the ultrasound all those weeks ago is nothing compared to this. Gale can now more clearly see the baby. “That’s him?” he asks. And then, “Or her?”

Doctor Paige smiles and nods her head. “That’s your baby. I’m sure you can see the head here,” she says, motioning. “This is the body. Fingers,” she says, still pointing. “Toes.” Tears are quickly welling up in Madge’s eyes. “Baby looks strong,” she says to them. “Let’s listen to the heartbeat, hm?” Madge swats at her eyes and nods, and soon the _thrum-thrum-thrum_ fills the air. “Wow,” Doctor Paige hums. “ _That_ is a strong heartbeat.”

“Wow,” Gale echoes weakly. Madge is still wiping her eyes, a soft smile on her face that Gale finds enchanting. “Can we… can we get another picture?” he asks.

“Absolutely,” Doctor Paige says. She fiddles with the machine. “In fact, now would be the perfect time to get an amniocentesis,” she tells them. Gale’s eyebrows come together, and looking at Madge confirms for him that she isn’t sure what this is either. “It’s a sort of test,” the doctor tells them. “It’s meant to identify if there are any genetic or chromosomal disorders with the baby.”

Madge’s eyes widen at once, and she looks toward Gale. “Wh—what?” she asks. “What do you mean?” Her hands reach for her stomach but because of the cream she hesitates. “There…” the panic is very clearly written on her face. Madge never considered that something could be wrong with the baby. In fact, neither had Gale. His hand automatically extends to hers and she laces their fingers together immediately.

“It also,” Doctor Paige carries on, “is just sort of a health test. To see how the baby’s functioning.” Madge’s chin is starting to quiver. Gale holds her hand a little tighter. “The test looks for infections; it looks to see if the baby’s lungs are strong in case there’s an early delivery—”

“But something could be wrong,” Gale cuts her off a little sharply. “With the baby.” He looks toward the screen that Doctor Paige has frozen. “Do you see anything wrong? Is that why—”

“This is a test we offer to all expecting mothers,” she tells Gale with a certain calmness that eases his nerves only slightly. “It’s not mandatory whatsoever. And looking at the ultrasound, I see no obvious defects or anything of the sort. But the test will tell us if there’s something wrong that we _can’t_ see. Do you understand?” Madge hesitantly tips her head forward, but Gale hesitates. “It can also tell us if the baby’s a boy or a girl,” she says.

“No,” Madge blurts. Gale’s startled at the warbling sound of Madge’s voice. “I don’t want to know that.” Gale looks suspicious of this. “But I…” she looks at Gale nervously. “I want to know the rest, though.”

Gale isn’t sure if he wants to know the rest. Instead he presses his lips together and allows Doctor Paige to explain the procedure, and if Madge wants to get it done then she can come next week and they can take care of it. The results would take another couple of days, and there are some minimal risks, but the decision is still up to Madge. Eventually they book an appointment for next week to get the amniocentesis and are quickly out the door.

Once they’re settled in Gale’s car he hesitates on reaching for the ignition. He looks over at Madge to find her staring at the photo in her hands of the baby that they’ve just received.

“Why don’t you want to know?” Gale asks. “If it’s a boy or a girl?”

She seems to tense up but eventually shrugs her shoulders. “The surprise,” she says softly. But they both know that isn’t what Gale’s pausing this car ride for. Slowly she looks over at him. “I never thought anything could be wrong with the baby,” she says. Her voice is rough, her eyes are filling with tears again. “It just… it never occurred to me.”

“Me neither,” Gale admits. His eyes flicker to her stomach. “But you’re young. And you’re healthy. And you take care of yourself. And no matter what, you’re going to love this baby. Aren’t you?”

“Of course,” she whispers. Madge quickly swats at her eyes. “Should we not get the amnio?”

“No, I… I think we should,” Gale says. His voice is rough too. “Just in case. So we can be prepared.” Madge nods her head and tries to smile but Gale can see right through it. She’s a good actress when she has to be but now is not the time. He reaches over and grabs her hand. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers. Madge nods again, reaching up with her freehand to wipe her tears. She isn’t entirely sure if it’s true, but she’s going to hope so anyway.

* * *

“I’m… astounded,” Doctor Carlson admits as Gale recounts his story home. “That you made the choice to go home on a whim, that you followed through. Gale, how do you feel after all of this?”

He drags his hands through his hair and shrugs his shoulder. “I don’t know. Different.” He feels different. He isn’t sure how, exactly. “Seeing them… that they’re okay. That they’re healthy and strong. That… that _most_ of them were happy to see me…” he trails off, sighing. “I feel different.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good, I think,” Gale admits. Having another reason to go to 12 besides just seeing his family made it easier to bear the rejection if he had to. But when he didn’t have too much of that rejection, it felt like something inside of him had lifted. The thing that he had spent so long dreading wasn’t true. His family wasn’t disgusted with him, they weren’t upset at his arrival. Save for Rory, which is just another battle he’ll have to face sooner or later. But he will. He can fix this, he’s sure. “I feel like I don’t have to go through this alone anymore.”

“And this is because of your girlfriend Madge?” he asks. Hearing Doctor Carlson say Madge’s name in that context makes Gale pause. _Girlfriend_. It reminds him of how Madge wants to sit down and actually talk about things rather than just skirting around everything. To lay it all out. And for the first time since he’s learned about the pregnancy he feels more of a pull to help directly rather than from the sidelines. He wants to be there for Madge and this baby as best as he can. It’s just another way to right his wrongs. “Gale?”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he finally says. “But I… I do think she’s part of this.”

Doctor Carlson nods. “You’re having an upswing, Gale,” he says. “You’ve overcome a roadblock you’ve been facing for almost five years now and you feel hopeful and optimistic.” Gale nods, because those are exactly the feelings he’s having. “Cling to it,” he says simply. “Use these feelings to fight off the negative feelings that will come back. Because they will come back. And I haven’t seen you this positive in such a long time.”

Gale nods too. “I’ll try,” he says. Because he really wants this all to work out. He really, truly does.

* * *

The following week when they get the amniocentesis and Gale holds Madge’s hand the whole time. “Results should come in about a week’s time,” Doctor Paige tells them. They’re seeing her on a Tuesday instead of their usual Friday appointments so they just have to get through the weekend and they should be okay. “Take care of yourselves this week. Maybe do something nice for yourselves as to not worry.”

But Madge is already worrying. The second they’re in Gale’s car he can see it. She’s started biting her fingernails, she stares out the windows like she’s waiting for something horrible to happen. So instead of Gale driving her back to her (awful) apartment, he takes her to the ice cream shop she told their families he’s done so a million times before.

It’s kind of funny to be merging their fake relationship with their real one, but the way Madge’s eyes light up when they park is worth it. “My treat,” Gale tells her when they enter. She orders something strawberry. They sit in the back corner and Madge stares at him with bright blue eyes. “I’ve looked into an agency,” Gale tells her after a few minutes. “Midwives,” he explains. “We’re a little late to the game, but I talked to the woman in charge of it all and she says it’s no problem bringing someone in this late.”

“You’ve looked into midwives?” Madge asks for clarification.

“Not specific ones,” Gale says. “You wanted to interview together. But I figured we should start.”

And later that afternoon when Gale drops off Madge at her apartment, she’s in such a good mood that Lora catches her _humming_. “You’ve been in high spirits ever since your trip home,” she tells Madge that night. “Evil soldier not so evil anymore?”

“I don’t know,” Madge admits with a bright smile. “He’s… different, somehow. I think going home really helped him, you know?”

Lora shrugs. “I still don’t like him. Besides, what about Oliver?”

Madge’s heart doesn’t sink like the last time she heard the redhead’s name. It does, however, sink a little at the fact that she never told Lora what had happened between them. Madge was just so upset when it happened that she couldn’t handle Lora exploding about it, adding another man to the _evil asshole_ list that she must have in her head somewhere.

“I ended things,” Madge says softly. Lora looks up, suddenly very interested in this conversation. “A few weeks ago. Because he let it slip that he’s married.” Lora’s eyebrows shoot to her forehead and her mouth opens, ready to say something sharp Madge’s sure, but she stops her before she does. “I didn’t tell you because you were getting ready to go to Augmentum,” Madge says quickly, “and my life is so messy all the time and it’s just another thing you’d worry about, and I didn’t want you worrying. I wanted you to have a good time. And I’m okay,” Madge insists. “I am. I deserve better than that. And I barely knew him anyway, so no loss there.”

Lora looks deflated. She sinks into the spot beside Madge on the couch and swings her arm over her friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Lora says gently. “That sounds awful.” Madge shrugs, not wanting to linger on it too long. “What’s with you and finding shitty guys?” Lora asks, causing Madge to scoff. “Just saying. I mean, you don’t have the best record.”

Madge is a little frustrated that that’s where Lora goes with this, that Madge has bad taste. “Gale’s good,” Madge mutters sharply. “You just don’t know him.”

“Whatever,” Lora says. “One weekend trip doesn’t change everything.”

 _But it could_ , Madge thinks. It could change a lot. Gale hasn’t seen his family in years, it could’ve opened something inside of him that she’s been longing for, for that softer side of him. Clearly he wants to change something, starting with the way he’s been acting. And Madge isn’t going to let Lora convince her that he isn’t.

* * *

Madge still feels a little testy with Lora when they get back to work. She won’t stop talking about her trip to Augmentum, which is expected, but it’s starting to get on Madge’s nerves. She’s heard the same story about  _the first sunset_ at least eight times now. By the end of the week Madge is excited to go to District 6, even if that’s where Oliver is, simply so she can get a break from Lora’s endless stories.

“We looked into flying,” Gale says when he picks her up that Friday. “Taking a hovercraft again, but District 6 isn’t all that far away.”

It isn’t until they climb onto the train later that Madge thinks the real reason for not flying is revealed. “Gale much prefers the train to hovercrafts,” Benny says as they settle in their seats with a smirk. Gale is scowling at his friend and Madge is listening intently, a soft smile on her face.

“Flying makes him—”

“Enough,” Gale snaps. Madge arches a playful eyebrow and Benny laughs. “Just forget about it.” Madge shrugs, directing her gaze outside. People are allowed to be afraid of things. While she doesn’t relate to Gale’s fear of flying, she can understand it. “Hey,” he says gently. “Are you going to be okay?”

“What?”

“With the ginger.”

Benny arches an eyebrow. “Oliver?” he asks.

“Fine,” Madge answers. She doesn’t want to talk about him. Because even though it doesn’t sting as bad to hear his name, it still stings. So she changes the subject. “Do you really have a fear of heights?” Benny laughs again and Gale frowns, looking toward the window with a huff. “It’s cute. Like…” she wants to tease him. “Like being afraid of the dark, or something.”  

Benny laughs even louder and gives Madge a mischievous look, one that she hasn’t received from him in weeks – ever since he found out Madge is pregnant he’s kind of been avoiding talking to her unless it's work related.

The three of them fall into pretty easy conversation on the train ride, and Madge dozes off after a few hours. With the sun sinking below the horizon it turns the sky red and purple. Benny looked over at Gale with a frown, constantly changing his view from Madge to his friend. Finally Gale huffs, looking at Benny.

“What?” Gale asks.

Benny sighs, shaking his head and looking at the ground. “I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he says. Gale’s eyebrows collide in confusion. “We’re partners, Gale, sure,” Benny says. “But you’re also my best friend. Why don’t you ever tell me anything?” He gestures to Madge. “She’s _great_ ,” he tells his friend. “She’s—”

“Just,” Gale stops him with a sigh of his own. “Just don’t, okay?” Gale looks at Madge and once he’s sure she’s still asleep he continues quietly. “She is great,” Gale says. “But it was one night that I’m sure we both wanted to forget. The odds just weren’t really in our favor.” Benny looks at Madge now too, her chest rising and falling gently as she snoozes. “She’ll be a great mother, I’m sure, but she and I aren’t—we don’t—we _won’t_ work,” Gale says sternly. “And I didn’t tell you because I could barely believe it myself, alright?”

Benny shakes his head again. “You could work. If you tried.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Madge has a big heart. You don’t have a heart at all. It would balance out.”

“Ha-ha,” Gale mutters, but at least Benny’s smiling now.

“I mean, don’t you care about her at all?”

Gale thinks for a moment and opens his mouth to answer when suddenly the train shifts.

At first it seems slight, but then a large booming noise comes from a few train cars ahead. All at once everything changes. There’s a tearing sound so loud that it rips through the air and causes Madge to shriek and sit up, clamping her hands over her ears in shock and confusion.

“What’s happening?” she shouts. Benny and Gale leap to their feet, motioning for Madge to stay put, and dip their head out into the hall.

The train wobbles again as sparks fly from somewhere outside the windows, and then there’s another booming sound that’s much closer. With this one comes screaming that sinks Gale’s heart deep into his stomach. Lastly there’s a boom so close that Gale can feel it in his chest, and with it the train car that they’re in jolts from side to side before coming loose, crashing into something metal, and flipping on the side with a crunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I love cliffhangers. How do you feel about Gale's shift in attitude? Believable or nah? What about Lora's return? Tell me your thoughts, I love to read them! Love you all, thanks for reading!


	15. A Terse Time in District 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 17 Weeks Pregnant

It’s as though things happen frame by frame.

Smoke billows from the back of the train car. Everyone is screaming. Distant, nearby, it echoes in Gale’s head and he can’t place himself. The windows are shattered. The train rolled onto their side, so the ground is beneath them, and the shattered glass that separated each booth is all over the floor.

Benny helps Gale to his feet. There’s a gash across his forehead and blood is rushing from it, oozing into Benny’s face as he scans the area. Gale reaches up and wipes his own face finding blood as well but there’s no way to tell if it’s his. He can’t feel any pain. His heart is racing.

Madge is unconscious. A shout that can’t possibly belong to Gale crawls up his throat as he lowers himself to her side, checking her heartrate frantically while Benny yells again and again that they’re going to be okay.

And one moment the pieces collide into one frantic moving picture and Gale is in the present, sucking in sharp breath and listening to the screaming that won’t die. “C’mon, c’mon,” he’s cupping Madge’s cheeks. “Wake up, come on.”

Benny has to lift himself out of their compartment considering the train is on their side. “I’m going to find help,” he says as he climbs, and it barely filters through Gale’s brain. Like Benny, Madge has a gash on her forehead that’s bleeding from some shattered glass. She’s landed on her side, more on her back than her stomach, but Gale’s eyes keep darting to her pants to see if she’s bleeding.

“Madge,” he rasps. “Come on, you have to wake up. _Please_ wake up.”

“Gale!” He spins around to find Benny peering down from the compartment doorway that’s now overhead like a ceiling crawlspace. “Come on, I need your help!”

“I can’t leave her,” he croaks.

Benny shakes his head and extends his arm to Gale. “She’s safe for now, the fire’s contained, it’s not even on our train car. We need to get people out.” Gale shakes his head too, reaching down and scooping Madge’s limp body into his arms. “You could paralyze her!” Benny shouts, but it’s too late because Madge is already in his arms. “Shit, Gale, we—hey!” Benny calls out to someone nearby. “I need your help!” Suddenly two more men appear in the compartment doorway and Gale lifts Madge up to them the best he can. “Careful, watch her head,” he says to the men, “she’s pregnant.”

Once Madge is safely on the new flat level Gale hoists himself up to join them. There’s shattered glass everywhere and more unconscious people, people dangling through the broken shards, people trying to climb out the windows that seem to be another level up to get to fresh air. “We have to get people out of the train,” Gale says. “We’re not too far from 6, someone’ll send something once they figure out what’s happened.”

“There’s an emergency alert in the front of the train that the conductor can press,” one of the men that helped hoist up Madge says. “I’m pretty sure it was pressed before we flipped.”

Slowly the four men find a way to get the people in their own train car out into the open field by the track. They’re lucky the portion of the track they were on wasn’t suspended or over water, or there would’ve been some serious damage. But they’re just in an open field that’s full of grass and wildflowers on the outskirts of District 6.

Just as Gale had predicted, the moment they start feeding people through a blown hole in the side of the train and into the grassy field, hovercrafts start arriving. They start for the unconscious first, those with heartbeats, those who have a chance. The dead are gone, there’s nothing anyone can do for them now.

Gale strides over to Benny. “Madge is still out,” he says. “I need you to go with her.”

“You should go with her,” Benny counters, looking confused.

“No,” Gale practically growls. “I’ll go out of my fucking mind if I go, I need you to stay with her.” He wipes Benny’s forehead with his sleeve. His wound hasn’t started clotting yet, blood is dripping between his eyes and down his nose. “You need looked at anyway.”

“So do you!”

“Just—go!” Gale swallows hard and hates what he’s about to say but can’t risk Madge going on her own. So he shouts, “That’s an order!”

With a look of shock mixed with disgust Benny stands a little taller and tips his head in Gale’s direction. “Whatever you say, Lieutenant.” Gale watches until Benny carries Madge onto the nearest hovercraft, waiting until they speed off until he can breathe again.

* * *

When Madge comes to, everything is too bright. She squints and reaches up to rub at her eyes. Something is wrong. Something is wrong and she can’t figure out what it is, why the air seems stale, why it’s too quiet. And then it comes back to her, the screeching of the train, the way her stomach somersaulted before—blackness.  

“Gale,” she forces out. He was on the train too. He was the last thing she saw before… Her throat’s dry. “Gale!” Her eyes snap open and she finds Benny by her side. There’re stitches in his forehead and he looks relieved to see her awake. “Where’s Gale?” she asks immediately. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Benny says. “He hung back to investigate a bit, to help get people out of the train cars.” Madge nods, her entire body aches, mostly her left side. “How’re you feeling?” he asks softly, and Madge grunts in response. She must’ve hit her head. She can’t remember too much. “They’ve been doing reflex tests on you and you seem to be good. Brain waves are functioning normally, though they had to patch up a small bit by the base of your neck. Got cut on something.” Madge reaches back to find the bandage someone must’ve applied. “The doctor should be in any second to check on the baby,” he says.

Madge’s stomach flips like it had on the train when she knew something awful was happening. For a brief moment she’d completely forgotten about the baby. She sits up and Benny holds out his hand to prevent her from going too fast. “Pearl,” she rasps. Benny looks confused.

“What was that?”

Madge’s hands rub against her belly. “M—my dad,” she says to him, frantically trying to piece her thoughts together. “He—he used to call me Pearl when I was little. And—and ever since we went back—back to—to 12, I’ve been, I’ve been calling the baby Pearl.” Her eyes well with tears. “Oh, _God_.”

“Hey, hey,” Benny reaches out. “It’s okay. They’re coming now to check, I promise.”

But before a doctor can enter the room, Gale is striding in. His heavy eyebrows are pulled together and he goes right to Madge, reaching for her hand and dropping down by her side. With his freehand he reaches up, gently brushing his fingers across a nasty scrape on her cheek. “You’re okay,” he whispers faintly, saying it as though he doesn’t believe it. “I was so—” he cuts himself off, gripping her hand tighter, unable to finish his thought. “Fuck,” Gale breathes, pulling her hand up to his forehead.

“Gale,” she exhales. Madge leans toward him, twisting her hand to cup his cheek. His eyes fall shut as he accepts her gentle touch. “I—I was worried.”

“ _You_ were worried?” he nearly snaps. “ _You_ were _unconscious_!” He covers her hand with his own, opening his eyes slowly. Even after sending Madge and Benny on a hovercraft Gale was filled to the brim with worry about Madge. He couldn’t focus for more than a few minutes at a time, and any moment that something wasn’t happening his thoughts strayed to her. The only thing holding him together was the switch he’d flipped in his brain, sending himself into Lieutenant Mode, shutting out his emotions as best as he could. He worked with the people who showed up from District 6, helped tend to wounded, found the root cause of the explosion. He’s shaking, and he wonders if she notices. “I thought—” he looks up at Benny. “Is she…?”

“Doctors have been in a few times,” Benny tells him, his eyes gently flickering between the two still embracing. “They haven’t seemed worried.”

Gale nods, albeit hesitantly. “And you feel okay?” he asks softly. Madge hasn’t looked away from him once. He has a cut on his chin that should be looked at. It doesn’t look deep enough for stitches, but she’s no doctor.

Nodding, Madge says, “I’m just worried about Pearl.” Her hand slips from his cheek and Gale sits up a little straighter. “I mean—the baby,” Madge clarifies.

His eyes flicker to her stomach. “Your dad called you Pearl,” he whispers, almost as if he was listening to her and Benny’s brief conversation from right before he walked in. “When we were in 12. Just a few times.” Madge nods hesitantly. He only calls her Pearl when they’re alone, but clearly Gale’s overheard. Gale looks back to her. “Is it—is the baby a girl?”

“I—no, I don’t know, I just—” Madge looks between him and Benny, and then back to the door. Almost as if knowing Madge is still worried Benny tips his head at her and starts for the door, hopefully to find a doctor. “I was tired of calling it _the baby_ and—” she’s starting to blink back tears, her words become slower and more breathy—like she’s trying not to sob. “I mean, Pearl is kind of girly I guess, but it’s just, it’s small, and—the baby’s small, and—” Gale nods ever so slightly, and Madge stops rambling. He stretches forward, unsure what it is that’s making him act this way – gentle, worried, light – and rests his hand over her stomach. “Is it… is that okay?”

“Sure.” And it is. He might even like the nickname. He isn’t sure if he’ll use it, but whatever. If it makes Madge happy, and the way her face lights up as he says this is proof of that very thing, then he doesn’t mind at all. “But it’s okay,” Gale tells her, a stillness falling over him. “The baby—Pearl’s going to be fine,” he says. “And so are you. And you know what?” he asks, his voice dropping even more so only she can hear him – not that anyone’s listening. “After this weekend we’re going to get the results of that amnio. And we’re going to have confirmation that Pearl is healthy and safe. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Madge echoes weakly, still trying to fight her tears away. “Promise?”

“Promise,” Gale whispers.

Benny and a new doctor enter the room a few moments later. The doctor is nothing like Doctor Paige. Instead this is a cold looking man with a pale blank face that makes Madge nervous.

“Miss Undersee,” the doctor says, ignoring Gale and directing his attention to Madge. “My name is Doctor Walsh, I’m who will be seeing you today.” Madge nods her head, looking between Benny, Gale, and the man. His hair falls flat and he looks tired, or bored, or just sort of out of it. “You have a concussion,” he tells her simply, pulling out a file and holding an image of her brain up to her. “But don’t worry, it doesn’t negatively affect your baby in any way.”

“But the baby,” she whispers, resting her hand over her stomach. She can’t bring herself to say it, trying her damned hardest to ignore the aching fear that’s pulsing through her veins. “Is…”

“The baby’s fine,” Doctor Walsh says, matter-of-factly. A gasp of relief escapes her and before she knows it she’s crying. “A little tossed and jostled, but fine.” Madge swats her tears away with her knuckles. “There might be some spotting, but a mother’s body is designed to handle anything, to protect the child, and your body worked well.” Madge can’t tell if this is the doctor being blunt or rude or if this is sincerity, but fat tears are still leaking from her eyes and she can’t stop wiping them away. “I have a few others to check on, do you have any questions?”

Madge shakes her head – as long as the baby’s safe then he should certainly be checking on others who’re hurt. “See?” Gale says. “Everything’s okay.”

Still wiping her eyes, she turns back to him. “What about the train?” she asks. She’s trying to distract herself. His eyebrows come together. “Do you know anything yet?”

Gale hesitates. He knows everything, from how many people are dead (and counting) to the schematics of where the bombs were placed. He just doesn’t know if he should be telling Madge. Not only is she technically a civilian, but she’s weak and hurt and _pregnant_ which will just make her even more scared than she already is. And he knows she’s scared, because he is too.

“Some,” he finally admits. “But you don’t need to worry about that. You need to rest.” Madge looks slightly annoyed at this, but eventually she nods. He has an overwhelming urge to lean down and kiss her forehead, promise that things will be okay. Instead he squeezes her hand once. “I’ll be right back,” Gale tells her softly, and she nods again.

When he stands from her side he jerks his head, motioning for Benny to follow him into the hall. “So what do you know?” Benny asks the moment they’re outside. “Also you should get that cleaned up,” he adds, motioning to Gale’s chin. He wrinkles his nose slightly.

“Delta’s coming,” Gale grumbles. He doesn’t want her here but he doesn’t have a choice. This was one of the more extreme attacks, and far more people have died in this Panem Protector attack than others. “Bringing in the rest of the squad.”

“Death count?”

“Still going up,” Gale says. He drags his hand through his hair. “It was around 40 when I left.” Benny lets out a long, low whistle before shaking his head. “From what we know the entire train was supposed to’ve been blown up,” Gale continues. “They put the bombs on the track. The first one that went off was directly under a train car, which is the one with the highest death toll. From there, it was like the bombs got… off kilter.” He looks away as he tries to remember the details. “Like they fell over or something, exploded outwards instead of upwards. The one under our car went outwards, which is why we flipped.”

“We’re going to have to bring in new forces,” Benny says tiredly. “Have people scanning the tracks before trains go across them or something.”

“I think 6 and 3 are working on some sort of machine.” That’s what one of the men said after they came back from inspecting the railways. Gale sighs loudly, looking back toward the door to Madge’s room. “They haven’t caught anyone yet,” he forces out.

“They will,” Benny says. “ _We_ will.” Gale nods before lifting his hands scrubbing at his face. He feels so useless. There’s nothing he can do at this point, not unless someone orders him somewhere. For now he’s just aimless and worried out of his God damn mind. “Just sit with her,” Benny says. “I’ll let you know when we’ve got clearance to leave and head to the hotel.” Gale hesitates. Benny places his heavy hand on his shoulder. “Just go be with her, Gale,” he says another time. “She needs you.”

And Benny doesn’t say it, but Gale knows he thinks it. _And you need her_.

Gale nods his head and goes to leave but Benny grabs his shoulder again to pull him back. “What?” Gale asks.

“You can’t order me to do things like that, Gale,” Benny says a little tersely. “Of course I don’t regret coming with Madge and making sure she was safe, but you can _not_ order me to do those things. We’re partners. Just because you rank above me—”

“I’m sorry,” Gale cuts him off. “I panicked. It won’t happen again.”

Benny nods sharply and lets him go. By the time Gale lumbers back into Madge’s room, she’s drifted off. He has a doctor come over and clean the cut on his chin and then he grabs her hand gently, hoping that over everything, he can keep her safe.

* * *

Sometime that night they finally get to a hotel, and the next day they all head off to the security building in District 6 to make some necessary adjustments to their plans.

They have adjoining rooms, with Benny and Gale on one side and Madge on the other. They decide to keep their door open, it makes all of them feel a little bit safer even if they don't vocalize that, but sometime in the middle of the night Madge wakes up to the sound of gasping. She rolls over in her bed and looks at the door, squinting into the darkness, before she hears the bathroom door in their room open and close. From there she hears the sound of water running, and that alone lulls her back to sleep. She forgets about it in the morning.

And in the morning, Madge notices right away that Gale is much more distant that he was in the hospital. He seems twitchy, jumping at sudden movements and louder sounds. He must not've slept very well, she thinks. She throws herself into her work while Benny and Gale discuss things in the corner. 

Sooner or later they move from the hotel to the security building in District 6. Gale keeps his hand on the small of Madge's back as he leads her inside, glancing around nervously, and she wishes it was like this more. That he was this gentle with her more often, that he showed her that he cared. Because while she doesn't want to get involved in terrorist attacks ever again, she does want to see this side of Gale. 

About an hour into the morning Madge is frantically scribbling at her notes with her back to the door when there’s suddenly a scraping of a chair and Gale is striding to the door. Madge turns to look over her shoulder to find Oliver entering the room hesitantly. His face is pale and his eyes dart in her direction and Gale swiftly steps in the way.

“Don’t even think about it,” Gale snaps. “You leave her alone, you understand?”

“Gale,” Madge says gently. They all know that isn’t an option. They have to work together on these changes for the betterment of the district. Especially after the attack from yesterday.

Again he shifts his stance, blocking her more. “You try any funny business I swear to God—”

“ _Gale_ ,” Madge says again. With a deep, angry breath he steps out of the way, allowing Oliver to enter the room. Benny looks amused from his seat across from Madge and she rolls her eyes at him, causing him to snicker. “You’re late,” Madge says to Oliver, turning back around to face her notes. “We’ve been here for an hour.”

“There’s a lot of panic surrounding the attacks,” he murmurs, entering the room and taking a seat far enough away from Madge that Gale’s glare lessens slightly. “I’ve been busy all morning, so pardon my lateness.” He scoots up to the table and looks at the three of them. “I’m also incredibly sorry what you three have suffered through. It was unacceptable behavior of terrorists and—”

“It’s not your fault,” Madge cuts him off. “Don’t apologize.” He looks sorry anyway, and Madge is sure it’s for more than the attack. “You said attacks, was there something other than the train?” Gale and Benny both look in different directions. “Okay,” Madge says softly before sighing. “Great.” There was another attack at around the same time of the train explosion, this one in the middle of one of a crowded shopping center. Neither Gale nor Benny thought it was necessary to tell Madge. It wouldn’t change what had happened. That even more were dead. After explaining this to her she rubs at her temples, nodding mutely. “You two should get off to the armed forces,” Madge says. “I’ll walk Oliver through the changes we’ve discussed.”

Gale looks angry and unwilling to leave her alone with him, but she shoots him a look and he finally marches from the room angrily.

It isn’t until the door’s shut that Oliver exhales loudly. “He’s not very happy to see me,” Oliver says.

Madge scoffs, “Why should he be?” Oliver scrubs at his face.

“Why does he care about our business?” Oliver asks.

Madge nearly laughs. “First of all, there is no _our business_ , Oliver. And secondly, I’m pregnant with his child, so of course he’s not happy to see you.” Oliver tenses up a little, looking out from his hands. “Don’t worry, it happened before I met you. You didn’t drive me off the deep end.” He looks confused, and Madge just keeps making notes. The story isn’t any of his business. He doesn’t deserve an explanation. But she does hope the news stings him. “I’m not here to talk about whatever happened between us, I’m here to do a job.”

“Can I at least explain?”

“No.”

“ _Madge_ ,” he pleads. Oliver scoots from his chair and moves to one closer. She stops writing but doesn’t dare look in his direction. Clearly he’s going to explain despite what she wants. “My wife and I—we, we’re getting separated,” he says. “She’s going to get her own apartment, I’ll have my own apartment.” Madge furrows her eyebrows, still looking down at her paper. “And maybe—maybe we weren’t split when I took you out or kissed you, but I don’t regret it at all.”

“Well you should,” Madge snaps. “Did she have any idea? Because you said she missed you when you left.”

Oliver still looks pale. “She didn’t know I wanted to end things, no.”

“Well that makes you a shitty person,” she grits out, finally looking over at him. “To have so little regard for the person you’ve agreed to spend the rest of your life with? You made that choice and you broke vows. You made me part of that.” She’s so angry she could scream. “I don’t care about your reasons. It was shitty, and there’s no excuse.”

He sighs loudly, nodding his head. “I understand,” he says. “But I just…” Oliver trails off and reaches up to rub the bridge of his nose. “It’s not that she isn’t wonderful,” he says softly. “She is. But we married right at the end of the war. We were both still young, 19, we were terrified. It wasn’t—we hadn’t been together long.” He tries to reach out for her hand and Madge yanks her hands away at once. She wants nothing to do with the man beside her. “You have to understand,” he says gently, “that you are the first person I’ve met in a long time that isn’t afraid of the future.” Madge looks down again. “You have hope, and you’re excited about where this country is going – even with the terrorist attacks. And it was so _refreshing_ …”

Madge shakes her head. None of this is any excuse.

“I’m here to do a job,” Madge says again, her voice stern. “If you can’t handle that, then find someone else to work with me.”

* * *

After a long day of editing the safety plan, somehow making is safer and more in line with the national standards, Madge meets back up with Gale and Benny. They’re both exhausted, having to explain different types of procedures all day to check for different types of bombs or weapons hidden, training in more hand to hand combat, but Gale walks over to her the second he sees her.

“You okay?” he asks softly. She isn’t sure if his immediate concern is from the attack yesterday or from seeing Oliver, but still. The sincerity in his voice makes her smile.

“Yeah,” Madge says with a nod. “A little sore, but I’ll be okay.”

“Good,” he murmurs. After a beat of silence he tries to bring up Oliver, “Did he—”

“It’s fine, Gale,” she cuts him off gently. “I made it very clear I was here to fix the problems of the district, nothing more.”

Gale hesitantly tips his head forward. “And you’re feeling okay?” he asks. Again she nods. “Good. You should get some sleep anyway. We’re taking a special hovercraft out of here tomorrow afternoon.”

Madge tries to tease him. “I thought you didn’t like heights too much,” she murmurs.

Gale looks away. “Yeah, well I’m not a big fan of trains anymore either.” He looks back up, his eyes dark. He takes a deep breath. “You sure you’re okay?” he asks. Gale turns back, his eyes darting to her stomach. “Pearl?”

Madge can’t even ignore the warmth in her chest that he’s used the nickname. “Both okay,” she confirms with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think a few people forgot that the "Panem Protectors" are a thing that exist in this universe, because so many people were like WHO WOULD DO THIS?!?! Insane people, that's who. Lots of things happened in this chapter but it comes to a soft end. They deserve their little victories.


	16. Engagements, Apartments, and Midwives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18/19 Weeks Pregnant

As Benny and Madge climb onto the hovercraft, a man in black races across the airway to reach Gale before he too can join them. He has a walkie-talkie in his hand and says it’s for him, and after passing the device over the man disappears again, sprinting across the path to get back to the station he’s needed in.

“Lieutenant Hawthorne,” Gale says into the device.

Delta’s voice come through, full of static. “Where the hell are you?”

Gale frowns, looking over his shoulder as though someone else can hear her voice. He doesn’t want to talk to her. “I’m about to climb on a hovercraft,” Gale answers. “So I can go back to 2.”

“I’ve been worried out of my fucking mind about you, Gale,” she snaps. He feels himself tense up.

“Well you shouldn’t have been,” he grumbles back. She lost that right a long time ago, whether it’s worry about her soldier or her ex-lover doesn’t matter. She shouldn’t care, and he wishes that she didn’t. “Benny and I were first responders and I know you knew that, you knew that we were fine.” She lets out a sharp breath on the other end and Gale frowns, gripping the walkie a little harder. “I’ve got to go,” Gale mutters. “I’ll see you at work.”

But her voice comes in again, this time much softer, “Gale, just…”

“I’ll see you at work,” he says again. With a huff he flips the switch to off, turning around to find Oliver approaching him. Perfect, considering Gale didn’t want to take the walkie on the hovercraft with him. He hands it over wordlessly and Oliver accepts it just the same.

Gale takes a moment to be thankful that Madge is already on the hovercraft now that Oliver is here. She hadn't wanted to say goodbye to him, and Gale easily steps in front of Oliver before he can think about climbing aboard to say goodbye to her.

“Just…” he trails off, dragging a hand through his dark red hair tiredly. “Tell her I’m sorry.”

“I’m not doing that,” Gale says.

Oliver looks Gale up and down before making a sort of puckering face. “She never told me that you two had been together,” Oliver said.

“Yeah, well you didn’t tell her that you were married. So I think you’re even.” Gale tips his head at Oliver and takes a step backwards. He can appreciate what the man’s doing for his District but he can’t respect him, not anymore. Gale can’t even imagine making the choice to be with someone for the rest of his life, only to find out that person had betrayed him. Even just thinking about it hurts. He wouldn’t dare do it to anyone else. “We’ll keep tabs and do a full follow up in a few months.”

Without another word he backs up to the hovercraft and climbs aboard with Benny and Madge. He finds them in the sitting area, Madge nervously glancing out the window toward the back and Benny watching her with a tight expression. Gale follows, sitting in the seat beside Benny. Madge pulls her gaze from the window for a moment and then makes a sudden face.

“What is it?” Benny asks.

Madge rests her hands over her stomach. “Thought I felt something,” she murmurs.

“A kick?” Gale asks.

Madge shakes her head and then returns to looking out the window. “Probably just bloated,” she mutters. “I want to go to Doctor Paige when we get back,” she says without looking back at the boys. “Just to double check…”

“We have to pick up the amnio results tomorrow,” Gale reminds her. “We can go after work. She can probably squeeze us in.”

* * *

Lora is waiting at the hovercraft port for Madge having taken the bus, but Gale refuses to let them get back on it. “I’ll drive you both,” he says, and because Benny rode along with Gale he hops into Gale’s car as well. Where they parked at the train terminal isn’t too far from the port so they take a special security and defense car to get there.

In the back seat Lora won’t let go of Madge’s hands. “…and when I saw that the train had _flipped_ and that so many _people_ were dead I was just _so_ worried! Is the baby okay? Are you okay? Are—”

“Lora, please,” Madge cuts her off gently. Madge should’ve called her that night, she knows that, but it was the last thing on her mind at the time. “I’m okay, I promise.” Lora won’t stop looking at Madge though with fear in her eyes. She holds her hands tightly and keeps her mouth shut. “I am really hungry through,” Madge murmurs, looking toward Gale in the front seat. “Could we stop at that soup place?” she asks.

“We just ate,” Benny points out. “On the hovercraft.”

Madge frowns at him. “Well I’m eating for two,” she mutters. “So can we stop or not?”

“We’ll stop,” Gale says, shooting Benny a pointed look as to keep him quiet.

Lora squeezes Madge’s hands another time. She looks forward. “So, Benny,” Lora says, leaning slightly forward. “We haven’t spoken much, and if you’re such a large part of Madgey’s life here—”

“He’s seeing someone,” Madge cuts Lora off with a knowing smile. Lora wrinkles her nose but smiles all the same. Benny looks back at Madge, clearly curious as to how she knows this. They haven’t really spoken about it. “You said your roommate misses you when you leave, or something,” Madge reminds him. “Hates sleeping alone, or something. When we were in 4.”

“You are observant,” Benny says with a laugh. “I’ll give you that.”

Gale looks over at Benny, but then back at the road. “You never told me that,” Gale mutters as Madge and Lora start talking amongst themselves again. “That you were living with someone.”

“You never asked,” Benny counters. “And you don’t tell me about _your_ life,” he adds, not so inconspicuously tipping his head back toward Madge. “So why should I tell you about mine?”

Gale grips the steering wheel and keeps his eyes on the road. “And you were giving me shit about me being your best friend,” he mutters, causing Benny to tip his head back into another laugh. “When can I meet her?” The smile fades almost at once from Benny’s face and he lifts his shoulder into a weak shrug, turning to look out the window. He doesn’t give a verbal answer.

* * *

Doctor Paige walks them through the results of the amniocentesis slowly and patiently. It’s a lot of scientific talk that Gale doesn’t understand very well and he’s sure Madge doesn’t either. But Doctor Paige often follows up her statements with, “This is a good thing.” So he doesn’t feel too bad.

By the time they’ve gone through the entire test Madge is smiling, and so is Doctor Paige. “Very healthy baby,” she tells them.

“You know,” Madge murmurs, “don’t you? If Pearl’s a boy or a girl?”

Doctor Paige’s smile brightens. “Calling the baby Pearl, now?” she asks. “Yes, I know if Pearl’s a boy or a girl. Would you like to know?” Gale does. He wants to know. But Madge quickly shakes her head. “No problem,” she says. She takes them into an exam room and goes over a normal ultrasound with them to verify that the baby is okay. “It must’ve been scary,” she murmurs, pointing out the baby on the screen. “I’m glad you’re all okay.” She twists the knob so they can hear the heartbeat and Madge’s eyes well with tears in relief. “Nice and strong,” Doctor Paige confirms.

“I’m just—” Madge swats at her eyes and tries her hardest not to cry. “I’m just worried we’re lulling ourselves into this false sense of security, you know? And then something bad is going to happen?”

“Well,” Doctor Paige starts gently, “we can’t predict a miscarriage accurately, but you said you’ve been feeling fine since the accident despite the concussion and there hasn’t been any cramping or spotting. I really do believe that Pearl is going to be okay.”

“But it could still happen?” Gale asks. “A miscarriage?”

“It’s always a possibility,” Doctor Paige tells them. “But stressing and worrying about that certainly isn’t going to help.” She reaches out, grabbing Madge’s hand. “The best thing you can do now is take care of yourself, Madge, and take it easy. Rest more, stand less, okay?” She looks up at Gale who’s since moved to Madge as well, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. “You’ll make sure she takes it easy?”

“Course I will,” Gale murmurs, squeezing her shoulder once. 

* * *

Gale walks Madge up to her apartment after the appointment under the excuse that he has to make sure she’s resting. And he does. But he also wants to see the state of her apartment.

For starters she lives on the third floor, which is fine, but there’s no elevator and that could be an issue-especially for a pregnant woman. Also it doesn’t look as though the complex is being tended to by anyone. There are cobwebs in the corners, and they pass a door that is literally falling out of its frame. Madge doesn’t seem to be shocked by this because she walks past it without mentioning it, but Gale is unsettled.

He’s relieved, at least, to find that they have multiple locks on their door. Once they enter Madge locks the door behind her, something she must be used to doing, and Gale finally gets his first look around the place.

To be fair, he’s not as disgusted as he thought he was going to be.

Lora and Madge have managed to make their apartment feel homey. There’re rugs covering the uneven wood floor, and there are plenty of tapestries hanging on the walls to cover them up as well. There must be a wax melt somewhere, or maybe a candle, because it smells like vanilla rather than like dust like in the hallways. Madge kicks off her shoes by the door and Gale gestures to the couch, silently suggesting that she sit. With a loud sigh she crosses the room, sitting on the couch that squeaks under her weight.

“Don’t even bother telling me how horrible it is,” Madge says as he travels into the kitchen, noticing that there’s no coffee machine or dish washer, and that the sink is leaking. “I don’t care. You’re not getting me to move.”

“I could help you find a cheap place,” Gale tells her when he pokes his head back out. “It’s honestly not that difficult. And think about Pearl, yeah? You want to raise a baby _here_?”

“Well, I…” Madge trails off, frowning when she can’t figure out what else to say. She crosses her arms over her chest. “I haven’t ruled it out for for _ever_ —”

“And Lora’s okay with part-time raising a baby?” Gale carries on. "Have you talked to her about when Pearl's born? Is she okay with waking up at two in the morning to crying? Is she going to help out?" Madge huffs another time and he shrugs. “Things to think about, and talk about.” Still Madge says nothing as he continues poking his head around. “Ah…” he trails off and Madge sits up a little straighter, tilting her head in Gale’s direction. But whatever he’s looking at it out of view. Suddenly he slams his foot and Madge jumps a little. “Roach,” he tells her.

She groans, rubbing at her face. “Gale—”

“And it looks like Lora’s on her way to moving out anyway,” he murmurs, digging his foot a little harder into the ground. He disappears into the kitchen to get a paper towel before returning and scooping up the dead remains of the bug. Growing up in the Seam Gale knows a little too much about roaches. Like when there's one, there're definitely more. “She’s got like, four suitcases out.”

Madge leans back on the couch. “No, she’s just going to Augmentum.”

Gale throws out the ruined paper towel and returns to the living room, sitting in a chair near Madge but not beside her. “She needs four suitcases for a week?” She starts to gnaw on her bottom lip, looking down at her hand rather than up at Gale. “How long is she going?” he presses. She still doesn’t look up. “Madge.”

“A month,” she murmurs. He narrows his eyes, not having exactly heard her. “A month,” she repeats a little louder.

Gale shakes his head. “No. Madge, absolutely not.”

“I can’t stop her from going—”

“You are not living here by yourself for _a month!_ ” He doesn’t want to sound angry because he isn’t, he’s worried out of his mind. “This is the shittiest part of the district. You have _squatters_ living down the hall!”

“If I lock the door—”

“It isn’t safe,” Gale cuts her off. “And you'd be taking the bus by yourself? I’m not trying to make you feel bad about your living arrangements, Madge—”

“Well you are.”

“—but you have more than yourself to worry about now!” She looks more than annoyed and Gale is starting to get desperate. He spent his entire life living in a place that wasn’t safe, and even then things were a little different in the Seam. This part of District 2 is known for the violence and homeless and he can _not_ let her just wander around by herself! “What do I have to do to get you to change your mind?” he asks.  “At least temporarily?”

Madge huffs. It’s not that she doesn’t want to leave – she does. She knows this is the worst part of District 2, she knows it isn’t the safest here. But she wants to be able to do something on her own. Madge is paying for this apartment all on her own for the first time ever. She never had to pay for housing in 12 or 13, but this she can do! When she left 13 the first thing she had to do was find a place to live - and this was it! She’s proud of that, no matter how crappy it is. She wishes that Gale understood that.

“It’s not for another two weeks,” Madge murmurs. She hopes that maybe he’ll just forget. “We can look at it later, or something.” Gale sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “Let’s just—let’s talk about other stuff,” Madge tries. “Like midwives, or something.”

“I have a stack of profiles,” Gale tells her, finally lowering his hands from his eyes. “I’ll bring some by, we can compare notes at lunch on Monday. Interview let’s say… ten who we think would be good.” Madge nods. She wants to talk about more than midwives. It’s as though he can sense this. Gale stands quickly. “I’ll swing by and drop them off tomorrow,” he says, starting to the door. “But you should rest now.”

Madge sighs, nodding again. He’s out the door before she can even say another word.

* * *

The next Monday Madge and Gale are bent over the file of a midwife that they’re particularly fond of. It’s lunch time and it’s the only real chance for them to discuss these things without cutting into their work time. Things have been relatively quiet since the major attack in 6 and they’re slowly working on District 7 now, but in the mean time they’ve been rifling through different midwives they could have. They need to make a decision soon because Madge is nearly 20 weeks along, that’s halfway through the pregnancy.

They’re just finalizing their final interview list, and doing it in their free time at work rather than making time afterwards to do it, and they’re almost done. It’s been about a week and a half since the train incident and Madge still has a little bit of trouble sleeping some nights, but they’ve apprehended a few people they believe that were involved so that helps a bit. Most of her cuts and scrapes from the actual event but she thinks the cut on Gale’s chin is going to scar – not too badly however.

But suddenly something catches Madge’s eye. Benny is sitting across from them, eating a sandwich lazily as Gale scans yet another file, when Madge sits up straight.

“What is that?” she asks. Madge gestures to Benny’s hand. “That’s a ring.”

“Well you just answered your own question,” Benny says before taking another bite.

Gale slowly looks up from the file he’s elbows deep in and scans until his eyes find the ring Madge has mentioned. “You got married?” Gale asks, setting down the file at once. “When?”

“I got engaged,” Benny clarifies after swallowing.

“When?” Madge demands.

“Like, two days ago.” Benny shrugs. “After we all could’ve died I guess that marriage just seemed—”

Madge sits up a little straighter, her eyes flickering back to his hand. “Why didn’t you—you didn’t tell us!”

“It happened two days ago,” Benny says again, a smile lighting up his face. “And I was going to tell you but you two are always so busy looking at those damned files. We’re having an engagement party—of course you're invited. Not my idea, the party, but when Sa—”

Madge huffs angrily, practically throwing down the file she’d been looking at. “When! I want to know everything!” Benny makes a face, looking between her and Gale, before she scoffs and tightly crosses her arms over her chest. “When’s the party?”

“This weekend.”

“Well, I will be there,” Madge says pointedly. She looks toward Gale. “So will you.”

“Obviously,” Gale murmurs. He tips his head in Benny’s direction. “Congratulations,” he says gently, and Benny smiles back, nodding his head in thanks. Clearly Madge still wants to talk about it but Benny takes another bite of his sandwich and Gale slides a file in her direction. “What about this one?”

* * *

That Wednesday Gale picks Madge up after work and they head to the midwife agency. Gale insisted that Madge could pick someone on her own but she wanted him there, so together they sit in a plain white room where the ten or so women that they’ve narrowed their list down to can come in and they can ask their questions.

“The first one is…” Gale looks down at his list with a wrinkled brow. “Alma Petticot,” he says. Madge wrinkles her nose. The name Alma leaves a bad taste in her mouth but her file seemed strong so they decided to keep her on the list and have a real interview to see how she was in person. “You have the questions you want to ask?”

Madge nods, motioning to her notebook. Gale doesn't know this but Madge phoned up Hazelle to get some go-to questions. Before Gale can stand to get the woman she reaches out, grabbing his wrist. “Gale,” she says gently. He pauses in his seat, turning to look at her. “I really appreciate you being here,” Madge says. Gale’s eyes flicker down to where she’s touching him and she slowly lets her hand go. “You just…” she trails off and he turns to face her more, waiting for her to continue. “At first it seemed like you really wanted nothing to do with me. Or Pearl.” Gale’s eyes drop to her stomach before crawling back up to hers. “But you came to 12 with me, which I know was hard, and after the attack, and you being here—”

“Hey,” he cuts her off. “We can talk more about it later, okay?”

Madge isn’t entirely sure what he means by that but she nods her head, allowing him to stand and bring in Alma. When Gale reenters the room he takes the same seat as before but still doesn’t sit as close to Madge as before when their elbows were brushing. She notices right away, and tries her hardest not to show it upsets her.

There are a few promising ladies that they meet. Halfway through Madge wonders why there aren’t any men, but Gale suggests that because women are the ones actually having children it would make more sense for them to get into midwifery as well. He keeps his careful distance even when Madge scoots closer to look at a file they have.

It isn’t until the seventh or so person does the woman ask _them_ a question. “Are you two married?” the woman, Kylie, asks.

Madge looks at Gale before back at the woman. “No,” she responds slowly. “Is that a problem?” Kylie purses her lips and tilts her chin back. “Is that a yes?”

Kylie starts quickly gathering her things, looking annoyed and muttering things under her breath. “Excuse me,” Gale says loudly. “What’s the problem with that?” he asks sharply.

“I’m not going to waste my time with a set of children,” she responds pointedly. “You two have no future and no plan for one, I don’t want to be a part of that.”

She marches from the room without another word, leaving Madge feeling dejected and small. They didn't even have a chance to say anything to her in response. They didn't get a chance to say that they're partners and friends, that their money is good. Gale is gripping the table so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. His eyes are dark as he stares at the door. When the door slams shut Gale let out a short breath. It had all happened so quickly that Madge hadn’t even really what happened until Gale abruptly stood.

“Gale,” she tries, but he marches from the room too, leaving Madge to sit alone. When he returns a few moments later he looks frustrated and doesn’t say anything. They still have another few minutes until their next interview so she turns to him. “What are you thinking?” Madge asks him gently.

“The same thing I thought when I first found out,” he snaps. “That I should’ve asked you to marry me.” He shakes his head and starts gripping the table again. Gale won’t look in her direction. “People _everywhere_ are going to treat us like that,” he says steadily. “Because we’re not married. That’s just how it works.”

Suddenly Madge is hit with a burst of her own anger. “Well I wouldn’t have said yes,” she snaps back. Gale quickly jerks his head over to look at her, their eyes meeting at once. “And then we’d still be treated differently, so don’t go getting all upset that you didn’t follow through with some _heroic act_ of marrying the girl you accidentally got pregnant.” Gale’s eyebrows come together as she sinks backwards in her chair, tightly crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not going to marry someone that doesn’t love me,” Madge continues with venom in her voice. “I’m _certainly_ not going to marry you just so we can avoid nasty glances from strangers.”

“Madge,” Gale murmurs, his voice with much less fire. “That’s not—it’s just, we’re always going to be stigmatized.”

“So what?”

“So, I spent my entire life being stigmatized,” he tells her. “Being from the Seam.” Madge slackens her grip just a little bit. Gale used to walk into stores in town and be watched because people thought he would steal things. He avoided the town altogether because people would assume was up to something bad, would call peacekeepers over just to make sure he wasn’t getting into trouble. Everywhere Gale walked he was treated differently because of where he was from. “I’m not…” Gale sighs, reaching up to drag his hand through his hair. He looks back toward the door. “It’s not that I’m trying to make myself feel better or be a hero,” he says, unable to look at her again. “I just wish that Pearl wasn’t going to be treated differently because we’re doing things a little… different.”

Madge sighs, dropping her arms from over her chest. “I never thought of it that way,” she admits.

Gale lifts his shoulders into the smallest shrug. “We’ll figure it out,” he mutters.

“I mean it’s not like—” she stops talking when he turns to look at her, his eyes almost… sad. “It’s not like we’re going to be strangers just passing Pearl off every day, right?” She’s hinting at what she brought up earlier. She wants to know how involved he’s going to be. But he doesn’t answer, he just holds her gaze. “Right?” Madge repeats a little forcefully, scared that he won’t agree.

“Right,” he whispers back. Because he so desperately wants that, to be a part of their child’s life. To be a part of Madge’s life. In such a short time it feels like so much has changed, Gale just isn’t sure how to move forward with that, with how he feels. He’s scared. He’s still so fucking scared.

They only break their gaze when the next woman walks into the room for her interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, my friends! Of course, here is your usual Friday update. It just happens to fall on a pretty big holiday as well! So if you're celebrating - I wish you well. If not, I wish you a happy Friday anyway!
> 
> Just for clarification - when Gale left the room he didn't go after the woman or anything, he just needed a second to breath and collect his thoughts and didn't want to do that in front of Madge.


	17. Benny's Engagement Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 Weeks Pregnant

Lora’s a little upset that she wasn’t invited to Benny’s engagement party, but Madge reminds her gently that she doesn’t really know Benny that well in the first place and it would be weird. Madge also thinks that Lora is just a little tiny bit upset that Benny is being taken off the market for good. He’s a handsome man, and kind, so it makes sense.

Gale picks her up that Saturday night, not too excited for the party. He’s never met Benny’s girlfriend, didn’t even know he was seeing anyone at all, so he feels a little shitty. They’re partners, friends, and Gale doesn’t even know this side of him. It makes him feel awful.

But that feeling leaves him the moment he sees Madge leaving her apartment building.

She’s wearing a flowy blue dress that hides her baby bump and her hair’s been curled. She looks happy. She looks like a sunny day and Gale tries his damned hardest to ignore the way his throat feels tight. She smiles at him when she climbs into the car and says, “Thanks for picking me up.”

“Well I wasn’t going to let you ride the bus,” he murmurs, causing her to smile again. He shifts the car into drive and starts down the street. “Pretty dress,” Gale says, just as softly. Madge brushes her hair behind her ear, the comment feeling familiar. It makes something in her chest do a funny flip. “You look nice,” Gale tries to correct, but it’s too late, she feels too warm.

“Thank you,” she says. “So do you.” He’s wearing a nice button up shirt, something that hugs his arm muscles perfectly and makes him look disgustingly handsome. He’s always looked good in green, Madge thinks, and this is no anomaly. He tips his head in a silent thanks and Madge fiddles with the ends of her hair. “Do you know anything about Benny’s—”

“No,” Gale cuts her off with a little shrug. “I feel horrible; I don’t even know her name.”

“Me neither,” Madge admits. But Benny seems happy, happier than Madge has known him to be and he’s already a very genuinely happy person. She supposes that they’ll just find out when they get there. “I talked to Iris today,” Madge says, changing the subject.

Iris is the woman that they chose to be their midwife. She was overflowing with excitement and positivity and was pretty close to them in age, only two years older than Gale. That meant she was less experienced but she had the recommendations and positive results from at least ten other families, and she had an air about her that just felt trustworthy. And after having such a tough experience with the one midwife who just walked out on them it was so refreshing to have someone positive and bright.

“Yeah?”

“She wants to come see my apartment,” Madge says. Gale snorts. “Hey,” she says, reaching over and shoving him, causing him to laugh again. “It’s not that bad!”

“We’ll see what Iris says,” Gale murmurs back, trying to swallow his smile.

Iris didn’t mind that the two of them weren’t married, unlike a few other midwives, and was willing to support them in any way possible. She gave them her number and they made a schedule to meet up weekly and discuss baby plans.

After a few more minutes of driving they arrive at Benny’s apartment. It's in a tall, sleek building a few blocks away from Gale’s. He again feels a wave of shame wash over him over the fact that he’s never visited. They’ve been partners for a while, but it really wasn’t until recently did he start seeing Benny as a close friend. He hopes Benny feels the same, it would make him feel less guilty. It just hasn't been until recently that Gale's become... personal.

They climb out of Gale’s car together and make for Benny’s apartment, pressing the elevator button to the seventh floor. “You brought wine,” Madge says, gesturing to the bottle in Gale’s hand, and he nods once. “It completely skipped my mind,” she tells him. Her cheeks are pink. Gale has to look away. “I think it’s the whole thing that I haven’t been able to drink for a few months.”

“Only a few left,” Gale tells her. "I don't think he'll mind you're empty handed."

Madge nods, resting her hands over her stomach. She misses wine. She misses getting drunk to forget about her stupid, meaningless problems. Instead of listening to Lora rant and rave about how wonderful Augmentum is and how beautiful and how perfect, Madge could get drunk and tune it out. But when she’s sober she has to pin a bright smile to her face and nod and support her friend despite her own heart breaking.

She knows that traveling is going to be harder once she has her baby, but she’ll figure it out. There’s still so much Madge wants to see and having a baby isn’t going to stop her from that.

Finally they reach the floor of Benny’s apartment and they can hear loud bursts of laughter from a door down the hall, which they easily discover is Benny’s. They knock once and shift awkwardly in front of the door before it swings open, and then Benny’s on the other side. His eyes are a little glazed over, probably from alcohol, but the smile on his face is wider and more genuine than Madge thinks she’s ever seen – and Benny’s smiles are _always_ genuine.

“You made it!” he cheers.

“Of course,” Madge says with a smile of her own, walking into his open arms to hug him. “Congratulations again,” she says, and he nods in quiet thanks. When Gale walks in after her and he and Benny share a quick thumping sort-of hug, Madge turns back to him. “Where’s the fiancée?” she asks.

“Ah, he’s— _Sal_ ,” Benny calls. A tall man with blue-black hair like Lora’s and the same cool olive skin turns his head from the conversation he’s currently having. A smile bursts on Sal’s face, a smile that reminds Madge of Benny. And then, Madge feels a jolt to her heart.

“Oh,” she says quietly. She looks over at Gale who looks slightly confused, but then the realization washes over him as well. “Oh!” Sal is weaving his way through the people filling their apartment with his arm reached out in a preemptive handshake. “Fiancé!” Madge says loudly, a smile bursting on her face.

“That’s me,” the man Sal says. His voice is deep and his eyes are dark-dark brown, so enchanting that Madge holds eye contact the whole time. She shakes his hand quickly, he has a nice firm grip, and finally looks up to realize that Benny is looking at him as though he’s made of magic. “Sal,” he adds, for clarification. “You must be Madge,” he says.

“Yes, hi! It’s so nice to meet you!”

“And you,” he returns sincerely. Sal then looks to Gale who hasn’t said anything, hasn’t been able to figure out the words he wants to use, “And obviously you’re Gale. The tall dark and handsome partner I’ve never met.”

“Sorry,” Gale forces out, “yeah, it’s nice to meet you.”

“I told you he’s not a people person,” Benny says, winking in Madge’s direction, who giggles another time.

“Congratulations,” Gale says sincerely, finally pulling himself together at the shock of Benny’s boyfriend—fiancé.

“Thank you,” Sal says, still grinning brightly. Gale lifts up the bottle of wine in his other hand and Sal plucks it away. “I can take this. Drinks?” Gale dips his head, murmuring about something dark, and Madge skirts off with Sal as he promises to return swiftly.

Soon all who's left in the doorway is Gale and Benny. The latter’s smile fades slightly once Sal’s out of eyesight, and then he turns back to Gale where the smile all but vanishes. “I didn’t know how you’d take it,” Benny says quietly. Same-sex couples were perfectly fine in the Capitol, but there’d always been a sort of stigma to it in the districts. So much so that even after the war people were hesitant about the idea of it. “My parents—my mom, anyway. She won’t talk to me. And I mean—you’re my _partner_ , and I respect you and trust you and—”

“Can’t help who you love,” Gale stops him gently. “I don’t care, Benny. You should’ve known that.”

He smiles sheepishly, clearly relieved that these are the words coming from Gale. “Thank you,” Benny says. Gale smiles back, truly happy for his friend. It was never something Gale himself felt a pull towards, but love is love. He’s always known that. You just can’t fight it sometimes. Though he himself doesn't understand, he knows it's not his place to judge. Besides, in a world like this, any type of love is a blessing. Gale goes off to find where Madge and Sal ran off but Benny stops him. “Delta’s here,” he murmurs, quiet enough that Gale’s the only one to pick it up – not that there are too many others around. “Just thought that you should know.”

Instantly Gale feels himself tense up. He’s never directly spoken with Benny about what happened between himself and Delta—the affair that didn’t last—but Benny’s good at picking up on things. He tips his head at him in a silent thanks for the information before striding into the apartment, already feeling anxiety creeping up his spine.

* * *

Madge finds him about a half hour later. Gale finished his one drink for the night about ten minutes into arriving – he has to drive Madge home at the end and he isn’t looking to do that while drunk – and has been doing a great job at avoiding his boss. Every time their eyes meet from across the room Gale will suddenly get very involved with a conversation with some of his other co-workers, conveniently turning his back to Delta.

But the apartment isn’t that big, and he can’t avoid her for forever.

Just as he’s wishing he could have another glass of liquor Madge materializes by his side. She has a cup of water in her hands and a gentle smile on her face. “Sal is so nice,” she says to him, skipping any real conversation starter like _are you having fun_. “He’s _perfect_ for Benny. They’re so perfect. I’m so happy for them.” Madge has never met two more positive, happy, teasing people that just feed off of each other’s energy. They’re both so smiley – and whether that’s from being around one another or the engagement or the party or the alcohol Madge isn’t sure – but it makes her happy.

“Yeah,” Gale murmurs in agreement, casting his eyes across the room another time.

Madge notices his quiet voice, instantly turning her entire body in his direction to give Gale her full attention. “You okay?” she asks. He turns to look at her and nods. “You sure?” she asks, her voice now cautious.

Before Gale can vocalize a response someone emerges from the crowd, stopping in front of them. Madge notices Gale’s shoulders pull taut before he must even realize he’s done it and she quickly turns to see why. In front of them is a tall, beautiful woman with elegantly curled red hair. Her eyes are intense—actually _all_ of her is intense.

“Delta,” Gale says in acknowledgement.

“Gale,” Delta coos back. Her voice is sickly sweet. Gale’s jaw clenches. Madge watches the muscle in his cheek flutter. The woman stands tall in her heels and Madge feel frumpy, small beside her. She doesn’t even look in Madge’s direction. “I’ve been trying to get a word with you all night,” she says to Gale before lifting her wineglass and tipping a drink down her throat – it’s the wine that Gale brought. A soft pink color and sweet smelling. “You just keep disappearing.”

Gale doesn’t comment on this. Instead he asks, “Where’s your husband?”

The tone of his voice is so sharp that it startles Madge. She thinks on this for a moment, looking between the way Gale is so still and the woman across from him, before she realizes who this must be. This must be _the woman_. The married one. This is Gale’s Oliver.

“He’s not here,” she answers plainly as a bit of light dims from her eyes. “Something about work.” Acting on instinct Madge reaches over, tangling her fingers with Gale’s. If this startles him it doesn’t show, but it does catch Delta’s gaze very quickly. Madge squeezes his hand and he doesn’t dare pull away – not with Delta standing right here. “Hello,” the woman says, looking at Madge curiously.

Madge smiles her perfect mayor’s daughter smile. “Hi,” she says. “I’m Madge.” She makes no effort to shake the woman’s hand. “Delta, Gale said?”

“Yes.” She stands up a little straighter. “Delta Dracis,” she clarifies. “Chief of Security and Defense.”

“Gale’s _boss_ ,” Madge says, not even attempting to hide the surprise from her voice. She isn’t sure if it’s directed more to Gale or the woman, but whatever. Now she knows she can’t be rude – she can’t get Gale in trouble. “Nice to meet you, then. I’m Gale’s partner over at POP, actually. I guess that’s your doing.”

“Hmm.”

Madge squeezes Gale’s hand again. “Well it’s nice to meet you,” Madge says again, in a voice clearly not her own, before tugging Gale slightly. “But I was just telling Gale about this new bill my father passed—Mayor Undersee? District 12?” If Delta wants to namedrop, Madge can do it too. “Gale and I actually knew each other growing up, my father’s very fond of him.”

“I’m sure,” Delta says. “I don’t know anyone who isn’t.” And finally taking the hint, Delta spins on her heel, off to find someone else to talk to.

The tension eases from Gale immediately, draining from his body with every step she takes away. “What the hell was—” he starts, but she stops him.

“Kiss me,” Madge cuts him off. Gale’s eyebrows shoot to his forehead. “Kiss me before she gets anymore ideas,” she nearly snaps. “Or she’s going to come back and try and get you alone. _Kiss me_.”

Still twitchy from anxiety and Delta’s presence, the full weight of Madge’s request doesn’t hit him until his lips are on hers. Madge still has her cup of water in one hand but her other one has come untangled from his and is pulling Gale closer by his shirt. He melts into her. Like he had the night they had sex. Like the morning in her father’s kitchen. Gale instantly loses all sense of himself, his nerves and his fidgetiness leaving him completely as he has nothing to focus on but Madge.

Soon his hands are tangled in her hair and he forgets that this isn’t real—that this isn’t actually happening. Her lips are warm and she tastes sweet, like wine though he knows she hasn’t had any. And Madge keeps gasping, soft little breaths that make him want to take a step closer, press her backwards against the wall. And it’s that thought that jerks Gale back to reality – that they’re in Benny’s apartment and someone, maybe everyone, is watching them. When they part they’re both breathing heavily but Gale doesn’t dare look over his shoulder. He can’t even pull his gaze from her eyes. Dark. And her lips. Swollen.

“You didn’t tell me she was your boss,” Madge breathes. Her eyes are lingering on his mouth as well and he licks his lips. Finally her eyes dart up, “The woman.”

“Not all of us get to send our problems on a train back to District 6,” Gale murmurs.

He peels back and watches as Madge pins her slightly-embarrassed but ultimately-sweet smile to her face. Gale licks his lips and steps back by Madge’s side where she quickly tangles their fingers together before they start making idle conversation. Soon Sal arrives and pulls Madge away again and Gale leans back against the wall. Madge hands Gale her cup before following him – Sal wants to show her some sort of collection he mentioned earlier. Delta makes eye contact with him from across the room and Gale takes a big drink of water from Madge’s cup, relieved she doesn’t look to even be thinking about approaching.

But he’s only alone for a second because then Benny is back, the silliest smile Gale’s ever seen before is on his face. “You son-of-a-bitch,” Benny says, shaking his head. His smile doesn’t flicker once. “I mean, okay, I knew you cared about her, but—”

“It was to get Delta off my ass,” Gale mutters.

Benny tips his head back in a laugh. “That was _way_ above and beyond the call of duty.” Gale sips Madge’s drink again. “It’s more than that,” Benny says. “It’s more than caring about her.” Gale averts his eyes to the ground, not sure he wants to know where Benny’s going to continue. “You want to be with her,” Benny says simply. Gale instantly shakes his head, looking up and over at his friend. “Why are you so against the idea of you two getting together?”

“Because it won’t work,” Gale snaps. That isn’t a possibility. It isn’t an option. Despite everything, Gale has never once considered actually being with Madge. He’s never thought about trying to make things real. His offer to marry her—that was different. That was obligation, not _real_. Because Gale can’t _do_ real, especially not with her. “I’ve done _awful_ _things_ , Benny, I’m just going to hurt her—just going to fuck this up like I fuck up everything.”

Benny narrows his eyes at his friend and also shakes his head. “Why are you so determined to prove that you’re a bad man?” he asks. “Because you _aren’t_.” Gale opens his mouth to protest this point but Benny holds up his hand to stop him. “You’ve more than made up for what you’ve done,” he says clearly. Gale pauses, wondering if it’s possible that Benny knows. If Benny’s known this whole time about Gale's missing year. He shifts backwards on his heels ever so slightly, trying not to alert him to the tension in the air. But Benny notices it right away. “Of course they told me,” he murmurs, dropping his voice. “We’re _partners_.”

“Benny,” Gale rasps. The nerves that left when his lips met Madge’s are now rapidly returning, he feels them crawling up his spine and latching onto his skin.

“And if Madge knew, she’d think the same thing—that you’ve made up for it.”

“ _Benny_ ,” Gale says again. He stumbles backwards, his heels hitting the wall behind him. He can’t talk about this. He can’t talk about it at all. “Please,” he tries. “I will _never_ be able to make up for that.” Benny looks sad as he reaches for his friend, but Gale steps backwards and the water in his cup sloshes. “Don’t tell anyone,” he nearly pleads. _Don’t tell_ Madge _._ “Please.” And then he walks away, trying to swallow the knot in his throat.

* * *

He drives her home. Madge notices as the night goes on that Gale is distant, paler than usual, jumpy whenever anyone gets too close, so she suggests that they should leave early. He’s thankful he didn’t have to ask – he spent years never knowing Benny was seeing someone and he felt as though he should stay at the party the whole time. But Madge complained about her feet hurting and Sal nearly ordered them out the door.

But even in the car Gale’s not himself again.

“You’re being quiet,” she says softly. He can feel her eyes trained on him but he doesn’t dare look in her direction. His throat feels thick. Gale clenches his teeth and swallows. “Did I do something?” Madge asks.

“No.”

“Was it…” she trails off, and Gale slowly tips his head in her direction, unsure where she’s going. “Was it the kiss?” she asks. The question throws him off kilter. "Should I not have..." Madge trails off again, shaking her head. "I just, I assumed that—"

"Stop," Gale cuts her off. "I appreciated it. Of course it wasn't the kiss,” he murmurs. The kiss was nice. Better than nice. He wishes there were more of them, more often. They make him feel warm. But Gale knows they’re a bad idea, that they shouldn’t happen ever. “It’s not—nothing’s wrong.”

Madge presses her lips together before asking, “Then was it because of that woman? Do you still—”

“No,” he cuts her off. Gale has no lingering feelings for Delta, none at all. “It’s nothing, Madge,” he insists tiredly. Gale switches lanes, knowing that her building is coming up. He drags his hand through his hair. “It’s nothing.” With a rapid glance in her direction he knows that Madge isn’t buying it. When they pull up outside her apartment she doesn’t move right away. “I still don’t think I’m going to be a good father,” Gale finally says.

Madge’s eyebrows are furrowed, but Gale’s gripping the steering wheel so tightly and looking out the window that he doesn’t even risk a look at her. “Why not?” she asks. Gale tips his head side to side without answering. “No, I want to know why you don’t think that,” Madge presses, almost angrily. “Because of the war?”

“It’s complicated.”

“That doesn’t make me want to know any less,” Madge says sternly. Her voice sounds angry, but when he finally _does_ risk a look at her he finds her eyes sympathetic. “After all the crap we’ve been through you still don’t trust me?”

“Madge,” he sighs, turning to face her completely, finding her fiddling with her seatbelt. “It’s not that I don’t _trust_ you,” Gale murmurs. It’s that he doesn’t trust _himself_. “It’s just _complicated_ ,” he says again.

“It’s not,” she says clearly. “Either you want to be Pearl’s father or not.” She reaches for the door handle. “If you would just sit down and _talk_ to me for once then we wouldn’t have to keep having this stupid conversation.” Madge pushes open the door and he reaches out, grabbing her wrist before she can get too far. He doesn’t have anything he wants to say, but he can’t end the night like this. “Gale,” she huffs, turning back to look at him. His eyes are sad, and scared, and Madge shrugs her shoulders before gently pulling her wrist from his grasp. “I want you to be Pearl’s father,” she whispers. “Because I know you’ll love this baby, and I know that he’ll love you if you let him.”

His mouth suddenly feels dry. “How do you always see the best in me?” he rasps. “After everything—after how I’ve treated you. Especially back when we were just kids.”

Madge is perched on the edge of the seat, ready to stand and leave, but again she shrugs. “Are you sorry?” she asks.

His eyebrows collide. “Of course I am,” he responds at once. “I thought you knew—”

“I did. I mean, I do, Gale. I know you’re sorry. Because you’re a good man.” She shrugs another time. “I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, and I’ll say it until you believe it if you need me to. You are a good man. And you will be a great father. And there’s nothing but the best to see in you.”

Gale’s chest feels tight. He wants to say thank you. He wants to tell her she’s wrong. He wants to pull her back into the car and kiss her like he did at the party. He doesn’t know what he wants. Gale swallows, tipping his head at her.

“This week,” Gale finally says. “We’ll… find time. I’ll—I just—I have to sort it out in my head, okay?” Madge nods back, offering a smile that might be encouraging. But Gale’s all nerves and tension and he can’t really tell at this point. “Goodnight,” he finally murmurs.

“Goodnight,” she says back, climbing from his car and shutting the door carefully before disappearing into her apartment building.

He sits in his car for a few minutes without moving after she’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought that everything in the Capitol was just like, everyone had sex with each other all the time so there was really no stigmas or anything like that. They just were blissful and didn't care. I feel like there'd be some sort of stigma in the Districts because it's like, if the Capitol is doing it then it must be bad sort of thing (which isn't true at all!) which leads into Benny's reluctance to tell them. Half of you figured it out early haha so good work! He more or less says it in Chapter 5 but no one picked it up then (; Benny x Sal are lovely I hope you love them too!
> 
> Delta, however...
> 
> Gale is just a mess but he's working on it. We'll get there. He'll get there. 
> 
> Happy New Year, my friends! I love you all!


	18. Lonely, Lonely, Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21 Weeks Pregnant

“Weigh out the pros and cons with me Gale,” Doctor Carlson says. “Cons first.”

Gale wrinkles his nose, rocking backwards in his seat and scrubbing at his face. He knows the only real way he can come to a decision as to how involved in Pearl's life he wants to be is by talking it through with someone, and Madge is not that person. When he goes to her with his decision it has to be final, it has to be set in stone. She’s given him too much time as it is and he’s just been fucking around. But not anymore.

“I still have nightmares, panic attacks,” he says quietly, not really looking at his therapist. “Sometimes I still wake up in the closet.”

“Even with medication?”

“Sometimes,” he admits. Doctor Carlson scribbles something down, and Gale’s not sure he should’ve admitted it. But it’s too late now. And the closet isn't a problem all that often. “And I wouldn’t want Madge, or the baby, to see me as unsteady, unstable.”

“Okay. What else?”

“My job constantly puts me in dangerous situations.” Maybe not at this exact moment, not while he’s working with POP, but Panem’s Protectors, or those shitty terrorists, are still out there causing mayhem. He could be called back into action any moment. “And then I’d give them the knowledge of having me only to have something horrible happen. And they'd be lost.”

“But the likelihood of that is slim,” Doctor Carlson reminds him. Gale wrinkles his nose again, not wanting to argue this. He could’ve died the other day when the stupid train flipped due to the bombs from PP. “Anything else?”

Gale hesitates. “I’m a murderer,” he murmurs.

“Gale…”

“No, I am,” he snaps, looking up at Doctor Carlson.

“You’re a soldier,” Doctor Carlson clarifies. “It’s different.” But to Gale, it isn’t. He isn’t sure what he did was in line with being a soldier. Not completely. Gale shakes his head another time. “Unless there’s something you haven’t told me?” Gale clenches his teeth, refusing to look up at his doctor. “Gale?”

“I had another assignment right after the war,” he forces out. “I feel, at times, it went past what was necessary.” Doctor Carlson leans towards him slightly, silently encouraging him to continue. “That’s all I want to say about it right now.”

“Is that what the nightmares are from? The anxiety?” he asks. Gale doesn’t want to nod his head, but it’s true. He can still see individual faces in his mind, he can still hear them screaming. Pleading. He struggles to swallow. “You know that you can talk to me,” he says, and Gale nods once. “But not right now?”

“Not right now,” Gale confirms.

“Okay.” Doctor Carlson shifts backwards in his seat. “Anymore cons you can think of when it comes to being the baby’s father?”

Gale doesn’t mean to say, “Madge.”

“Madge?”

Gale reaches up, dragging his hands through his hair. He’d have to be around Madge all of the time, and while he likes being around Madge he can’t _be_ with her. He shouldn’t be. Because of all of the reasons stated earlier. She’s too kind, she’s too brave, she’s too _good_ for him. She deserves someone who will love her completely and totally and Gale can’t give that to her. Not ever. He’s too broken for that. And being involved with Pearl, with the baby, Gale’s sure she’ll expect something. Or hope. And he can’t…

“Let’s move on,” Doctor Carlson says after Gale doesn’t answer for a few minutes. “Anymore cons?” Gale shakes his head no. “Pros, then, of being the baby’s father.”

“He’ll have a father,” Gale whispers. He drops his head into his hands again. Gale swore, when he lost his own father, that he’d never let his kids grow up without a father. It just feels like so much has changed. “I’ll have a _child_ ,” he adds, his voice thick. God, Gale’s always wanted a family. Ever since he was young. He rubs at his eyes and tries to remember how to breathe. Ever since the war, since Katniss, he figured he’d never get married and never have kids. But now the opportunity has presented itself, and he can’t help but want it. This accidental yet surely wonderful family.

“Go on.”

“I could teach everything I’ve learned,” Gale continues, his head still down. He didn’t get to teach Rory considering he never went back to 12, but Gale could teach Pearl about the woods, about the stars, about how to hunt and survive. He could pass on memories of how awful it was before to remind Pearl how good it is now. He could pass on his legacy as a person. “It could—being Pearl’s father would push me to be better.”

“Exactly,” Doctor Carlson nods. “Anything else?”

Gale throat feels thick. He looks up. “Madge,” he whispers again.

Because no matter how much he can’t get Madge’s hopes up for a real family, there’s something about her that he craves. A sort of light. A calmness. A piece of him is always looking for her, hoping she’s nearby, hoping she’s okay. He wants to keep her safe. Gale wants to know her better. He wants to…

He lets out a short breath, shaking his head. “Which one of those,” Doctor Carlson says, “sounds more beneficial in the long run?”

Gale’s not an idiot. He knows that being involved in Pearl’s life is going to produce the best outcome. And still, “What if he hates me? When he grows up? When he _knows_?”

“What if he doesn’t?”

* * *

Madge opens her door with a smile when Iris arrives, smiling just as brightly. Iris has short brown hair cut into a bob and teeth so straight and white Madge feels like she was blessed by dental gods. Madge lets her in with a welcome and Iris doesn’t say a thing about the state of the place.

“Pretty big,” Iris says. “Bathtub?” Madge nods, gesturing to the bathroom, and Iris walks in. “It’s a little small for a home birth – if that’s what you want. I could bring my tub if you wanted? Again, for a home birth.”

“Oh,” Madge says. She hasn’t thought about that. “Is that safe?”

“With me around,” Iris says with a nod. They move to Madge’s couch and Iris starts pulling out a whole bunch of different pamphlets, handing them in Madge’s direction. “No Gale?” she asks as she talks.

“He’s working,” she tells her. Gale has some late training shifts these days, focused on building up the police force. With the attacks from the terrorists getting more frequent and more extreme they’ve got to stay in tip-top shape when it comes to detection and training. “He said that you’ll hate this apartment,” Madge says, recalling him almost teasing her about it.

Iris smiles again, looking around. “It’s a little old, and small, but a home is a home, you know?” Madge nods, feeling relieved. “Now I know you two said that you aren’t married, but I’m just curious, you know? Are you dating? Friends?”

“Friends,” Madge admits, shrugging a little. “We grew up in the same district. I mean, this wasn’t planned, but—I’m glad it’s with him, you know?” Iris nods, apparently agreeing. “Is that okay?”

“Oh, I don’t care,” she says with a laugh. “I’m just nosy. I’m guessing he doesn’t live here?”

“His own apartment across the city,” Madge admits, smiling. Iris is nice. She reminds Madge of Delly, good natured and fun and just _happy_. “So what’re these?” she asks, gesturing to the pamphlets.

“Different options,” she says. “Home birth, hospital birth, C-section, standard things to look over.”

Madge nods before turning to her. “What do you suggest is best?”

Iris smiles prettily before shrugging. “Whichever you like.” Madge frowns at her, and she laughs. “I’m personally a fan of hospital-supported births. It’s where we’d go to a hospital when you start contracting and it all happens with doctors on standby in case something goes wrong only I’m in charge of the procedure until then.” Madge likes that idea, she likes thinking that Doctor Paige could be there too to see the baby.

“And then they can do all the tests to make sure he’s good,” Madge says.

“It’s a boy?” Iris asks, lighting up.

“Oh—actually, we don’t know,” Madge tells her. “But we’ve started calling the baby Pearl, and that’s kind of feminine, and so I’ve started to say _he_ and _him_ to kind of balance it out. I think Gale has, too.”

Iris smiles. “I knew I liked you two.”

* * *

Madge has to admit; the apartment is lonely without Lora. She might take up Gale’s offer to move somewhere for a few weeks because she just doesn’t like having so much space to herself. Lora left on Sunday, and Madge has just kind of been going through the motions ever since. Gale hasn’t brought up the fact that she’s alone again – she thinks he forgot. Which is fine. But part of her is hoping he’ll bring it up so she can say well  _maybe_ it’s not  _that bad_ of an idea.

Gale promised that they would talk this week and it’s already Wednesday without a word on the matter. She almost brought it up Monday when they came over to go over notes again about the District 7 implementation, but Madge decided against it last minute. If he was ready he’d say something.

She rests her hands over her stomach and sighs. She knows what _she_ wants. She wants Gale involved. How they’d work it out, trading Pearl back and forth, Madge still isn’t sure. But she knows it can work.

Her tablet on the couch beside her lights up and she smiles, reaching over to pull it up and answer that call that she’s receiving. Soon Lora’s face pops up, she’s already tanner, and she smiles brightly.

“Hey, hey,” Lora says. “I had a few free minutes, figured I’d see if you did too.”

“I do in fact,” Madge responds. “How’s the most beautiful place in the world?”

Lora laughs a little, looking over her shoulder before flipping the camera on her tablet. “Take a look for yourself,” she says. The screen is then filled with the most beautiful ocean scene Madge has ever seen. Blue waters, soft sand, a setting sun. Madge sighs. “I forgot how intense this place is,” Lora says, scanning the camera back and forth. Madge blinks hard to stop from tearing up. She’ll get there one day, or somewhere more beautiful. “Coming back is like… coming home. Can you believe it?”

“Mmm.”

“But anyway,” Lora flips the camera back around. “How are you? How are things?”

“Things are fine,” Madge says with a little laugh. “You’ve only been gone, like, three days.” Lora smiles, shrugging. “It’s just quiet here is all.”

“I wish you could come with me, Madge,” Lora says dreamily. Her eyes are no longer on the video call but out at the ocean where Madge can’t see anymore. “It’s so beautiful here, you would love it.”

“Yeah,” Madge exhales. She would. She _will_ , one day, she has to keep reminding herself. She doesn’t mean to say it when she murmurs, “It’s just lonely here.”

Lora’s eyes dart back down to the screen to look at Madge, but Madge isn’t watching the screen anymore either. “Call your soldier,” she says. “I bet he’ll come. I mean, you talk about him like he would, anyway.”

Madge frowns, her eyes finding Lora again. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks. “You don’t think he’d come if I asked?”

“You talk about him like he would,” Lora says with a shrug. “If you’re lonely then call him, see if he comes.” But this doesn’t sound like advice on not being lonely, it sounds like a test. Madge feels her eyebrows pulling together as she looks at her friend who doesn’t seem to realize Madge is suddenly angry. “You say he’s different—”

“Why don’t you like him?” Madge cuts her off. “Gale’s been great, Lora. He’s been through a lot of shit and he’s still always by my side, reassuring me that I’m going to be okay, that things are going to be okay.” Sometimes he's hesitant to be involved and sometimes he's a little cold but none of that defines him. Madge watches Lora roll her eyes, her friend looking back out across the ocean. “He might not drop everything he’s doing just to sit in our crappy apartment with me but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t _care_.”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t.”

“You kind of are.”

Lora sighs loudly, dramatically, and Madge feels herself getting even angrier. “I just have a bad feeling about him, is all.”

“You have a bad feeling about everyone,” Madge snaps. “I want you to say, in explicit terms, why you don’t like him!” Lora still won’t look back down at the screen, her eyes still staring out as though she’s trying to ignore this conversation at all. “Lora!”

“I just don’t!” she finally bursts, looking back.

“That’s not a reason!”

“Well whatever,” Lora mutters. “It’s not my fault you can’t trust my gut feelings.”

“I have gut feelings too and—”

“You have _baby_ feelings,” Lora cuts her off sharply, her eyes back on the screen again. “Your hormones are going fucking insane because you’re having a _baby_ , Madge. And your brain is getting all haywire because you want a perfect little family. That’s why you think he’s so _great_ —because your hormones _want_ you to!” Madge feels as though she’s been punched in the chest. She doesn’t know how to respond. “If you weren’t pregnant maybe you’d have the same feeling that I have.”

“Maybe not,” Madge snaps again. “Because I knew Gale _before_ I was having a baby and I _still_ thought he was a good man.” They might’ve been snappy with each other but that doesn’t mean Madge hated him. He was good at his job and he cared so deeply. She never thought he was a bad guy, _ever_. “You’re just being a colossal bitch.”

“Whatever,” Lora snaps back. “Have fun in our shitty apartment all _alone_.”

“Fuck you.” Madge presses the _end call_ button before Lora can and then tosses the tablet across the couch. Now she’s fighting off angry tears.

How could Lora _say_ that? She hasn’t even _tried_ getting to know Gale! And… okay, maybe she’s at least a little right. Madge has thought about the possibility of one big happy family, and the idea has appealed to her, but it’s not like she and Gale are even dating so that’s probably never going to happen. But that’s not the reason she likes Gale as a person. She swats at her eyes and sniffs loudly before standing on her feet, marching to the phone hanging on the hook in the kitchen.

She dials blindly and holds the phone to her ear. Soon the other end answers, “Hawthorne.”

“Gale?” she asks.

The phone shifts. “Madge? You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says instantly. Will he say he’s busy? Will he make an excuse to hang up? “I just wanted to call and say hi.” The phone shifts on the other end again. “It’s quiet here.”

Gale lets out a short laugh on the other end. “That’s because Lora’s a loudmouth. What do you expect now that she’s gone?” Madge smiles a little, readjusting the phone against her ear. “Thinking about finding a temporary place?” he asks.

“Maybe,” she admits.

Gale hesitates. “Really?”

“It’s just really quiet,” Madge murmurs.

Gale laughs again, this time it sounds like a little victory and Madge’s smile grows again. “Well we can talk about it Friday,” he says. “If you’re free. We should… we should have that talk.”

Madge’s chest suddenly feels tight. “About finding a smaller place?”

“Well, yeah,” his voice drops. “But I—I said we’d find time to talk this week.” He’s really going to do it. He’s going to sit down and talk to her about his choice. If he wants to be part of Pearl’s life once the baby’s actually born or if he just wants to stand on the sidelines. Madge’s heart starts to race and she can’t figure out what to say back. “I work until fiveish,” Gale tells her quietly. “But I could pick you up after, we could go to that ice cream place?”

Her voice is weak, “Not somewhere private?”

“It was just an idea,” Gale murmurs. “We can do whatever.”

Madge doesn’t know if she’s more nervous of relieved. But in her brightest, most hopeful voice she says, “Yeah, of course. That sounds great.”

“Alright.” Gale shifts another time. He’s fidgety on the phone. “I’ll pick you up Friday.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Gale echoes. “Turn on some music or something. Makes it feel less lonely.” 

“Thanks,” she whispers. “See you Friday.”

“Friday,” he responds.

They hang up at the same time, and Madge feels slightly better. From where she’s standing in the kitchen she sees the tablet light up with another call from Lora. She quickly crosses the room, rejects the call, and then pulls up the radio box. The music in New Panem is slowly expanding, but she finds a good classical station that has an orchestra. She lets it play loudly before falling asleep on the couch.

* * *

Thursday morning Madge is pleased to see that she has a letter. She opens it the second she’s inside, barely sitting down on the couch before she peels it open.

_Dear Madge,_

_I miss you and you were just here! We should really get back into writing letters. Especially with this new development (baby) in your life. I might be more excited than you are. I freaking love babies. Please tell me you’ll come visit once the little guy is born, yeah? And, okay, I have to be honest, I might have told Katniss. She didn’t seem happy, or angry, just kind of like… eh. You know how she is. I told her you and Gale are together because it seemed easiest. I think that was a little harder for her to believe than the baby. She asked Hazelle though, who said the same thing, so you’re in the clear._

_I mean, are you together? You did get him to come back to 12. And though I’ll probably never be his biggest fan (and he’ll certainly never be mine) I do want_ you _to be happy. And if it’s with him, so be it. He’s done a lot of good for this country – I hear you all will be in District 12 again on business matters in the upcoming future, but maybe that’s just a rumor? Let me know, because I’d love to see you again. In fact, I’d like to talk to Gale too. See how he is, I guess._

_Katniss still isn’t budging on the baby thing with us, but I didn’t expect her to. I love her as she is. Maybe she’ll meet your little tyke and sway slightly, but I won’t get my hopes up. Maybe we’ll adopt. There are a lot of misplaced children still. Not so much in 12, but it is beautiful here. I don’t think anyone would mind leaving a more urban setting for this backwater district. Kidding. Kind of. It’s not that backwater anymore. They’re finishing up another hotel because apparently people love coming to see where the Mockingjay was born and raised. Katniss hates it but at least she still hunts and stuff._

_We’re moving into our new home in a few weeks. When the builders found out (again) that it was the Mockingjay they were working for they promised to have it done quickly. Katniss hates it, the attention, but it can be helpful sometimes you know? You guys should come see it when it’s finished. Should be before the first big snow. Or maybe we'll come visit_ you _..._

_We turned the TV on for the first time in months the other day and found out that there’re terrorists on the loose? Annie mentioned them in a letter a few months ago but I didn’t think they were actually serious. They’re blowing up trains now? That’s terrifying. I hope you stay safe, okay? Anyway, we got a phone. Call me. Miss your voice._

_Love always, Peeta_

Scribbled underneath is the phone number she can use to call them if that’s what she wants to do. But Madge is tired, and stupid happy that her friend has written her a letter. Despite her fight with Lora and being alone, seeing Peeta’s messy handwriting makes her feel so much less lonely. She holds the letter to her chest, pleased that it smells like the bakery.

She’ll write him back tomorrow.

* * *

Gale’s only asleep for about an hour when a distant noise wakes him up. He squints into his bedroom, slightly annoyed that he’s awake. He wasn’t having any nightmares, and he hasn’t for a few days now which is amazing considering how much he’s been thinking a lot about the gap year between the war and working for security and defense. He sits up, scrubbing at his face and checking the time. Nearly three in the morning, but not quite.

With a huff he lays back down, rolling onto his side and pulling a pillow against his chest hoping to fall back asleep with ease. Instead, the second his eyes close, his phone starts to ring.

Confused and still half-asleep Gale shoves himself out of bed. He lumbers down the hallway to the phone on the wall and lifts it. “Hawthorne,” he murmurs.

“This is Delta,” he hears. Gale wakes up in an instant. “There’s been an attack,” she says. “It was here in 2. We need you to come in.”

* * *

Gale has never gotten to the office faster. He’s not sure how he manages it, how he manages to get in his uniform, how he manages to drive without getting in an accident. But one moment he’s in his car and the next he’s in his office, surrounded by people racing and shouting things that aren’t making sense.

Benny materializes by his side dressed in the same crisp uniform Gale has on. Dark navy blue with a stitched in name across the chest. “Have you heard from her?”

“Delta called me,” Gale says, looking into the crowd, “but not since I got here, no.”

“No, _Madge_ ,” Benny stops him, looking confused. “Is she okay?” Gale opens and closes his mouth. He hasn’t spoken to Madge since Wednesday. But he’s sure she’s fine… “The bomb was in South 2,” Benny says, his eyebrows pulling together. “Isn’t that where she lives?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANIACAL LAUGHTER. MWUAhahaHAHhahaha. Okay just kidding. Kind of. SURPRISE. Keep in mind the last attack was in District 6, so one in District 2 isn't like, out of the ordinary. They haven't really attacked District 2 yet and they decided tonight would be THE NIGHT. Poor Madge, I hope she's okay all alone in her crappy apartment...
> 
> How do you feel about her fight with Lora? And Gale's talk with his therapist? This is the first time we really meet Iris, how do you like her? She's such a sweetie I love her a lot. I also really wanted to include a letter from Peeta just to show how life in other Districts goes on and how kind of tuned out to the world he and Katniss are. Also it was great foreshadowing haha. 
> 
> I wanted to write it so they started calling Pearl a he as to balance it out a little bit, as Madge kinda says. I think it's a cute thing that they're doing, going between Pearl and he so when they're baby is born they don't feel like they could've excluded a side you know? Just a small thing, hope it doesn't bother you too much because I enjoy it haha. 
> 
> Love you all, thanks for reading!


	19. A Bomb in District 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21 Weeks Pregnant

Gale dials her phone number all of eight times before Benny concludes that the power must be out. And after a quick check of the electricity grid map they have in the back, it’s confirmed. Gale feels his heart in his throat. It’s like the fucking train car all over again only this time he can’t see her, he can’t hold her, there’s no way that he verify that she’s okay.

“The bomb was blocks away,” Benny tells him over and over again, but Gale still can’t breathe. Everything in the room feels smaller than he knows it is. And though everyone’s been called in and the room is crowded, it’s not _that_ crowded. He’s trying to focus on his breathing. The bombing was of the clinic that Madge and Gale have sat hand in hand again and again to listen to Doctor Paige tell them about Pearl. The room twists and turns around him and, God, he feels like he’s going to be sick. “Why would she have been there, Gale?” Benny presses as Gale rubs at his eyes. “She wouldn’t go to the clinic at two in the morning.”

But for some reason Gale can’t shake the idea that that is exactly where she was. That she was there, for something, for some emergency. She was spotting and got on the stupid fucking bus that she always gets on and went to the clinic alone because _Lora isn’t here_ and holy shit, she’s alone out there, she’s entirely _alone_ out there. He starts pacing because everything is chaos and confusion. Has anyone been caught? Are they still looking?

“The area is on lockdown,” finally filters through Gale’s head, and it’s Delta’s crisp voice calling them to attention. Benny’s directly to Gale’s left, standing tall and listening intently. “There’s no traffic in or out of the section. We caught it quick. Our officers were very well trained. We’re hoping that with the lack of motion that they’ll be able to pin down who set the bomb.”

But that isn’t reassuring enough for Gale. “What’s the number of dead?” he calls out.

“Still being calculated,” Delta says back. Gale feels sick, he feels so fucking sick. Benny’s hand tightens around Gale’s forearm and re-centers him in the room. “There were some people in the clinic and the blast hit the surrounding buildings, a few of which were residential.” Gale’s throat is closing up. How close is Madge to the clinic? Blocks, Benny said. But is it? Gale can’t visualize it in his head. Even with his partner by his side reassuring him, Gale can’t breathe. He can’t do this.

“Benny,” he rasps, ignoring the fact that Delta’s started talking about the different units being deployed. “I have to go, I have to make sure she’s okay.” Benny tips his head into a nod as Gale focuses on his breathing. He needs an anxiety pill. Why doesn’t he have any of his anxiety pills? They’re in his goddamn car. “Do something,” Gale pleads, unable to force himself to do it on his own.

“Chief,” Benny suddenly calls, “Lieutenant Hawthorne and I going to join patrols in South 2.”

“There’re already units there patrolling.”

“Those are the district trained patrols,” Benny clears up. “We’re soldiers, we have more tactical and strategical training than they do. It’ll help to have people like us on their side.” He isn’t making this a conversation for debate. “Cover more ground. We have the clearance to get in with our vehicle. And it’ll make the people around feel safer to see one of us around.” Though Delta looks suspicious of this attempt to get into South 2, she tips her head into a hesitant nod. She doesn’t have enough time to argue with two of her men while others are being sent to other sectors to prevent further harm, and logically it makes sense.

Benny tugs Gale’s arm the second Delta’s nodded and soon they’re in Benny’s car and Gale’s forcing himself to breathe, to think straight, to say the direction to Madge’s apartment. He _knew_ it wasn’t safe for her there! He _knew_ she shouldn’t be staying in South 2 – especially all alone! He won’t stop bouncing his leg or tapping his hand or looking frantically out of the windows.

“We’re almost there,” Benny tells him gently. “She’s going to be fine, Gale.”

Benny’s voice is comforting, but not enough. Not enough.

Fifteen minutes pass before they’re finally in South 2, and then only after getting clearance from the blockade that’s been set up are they allowed to drive on the street. It’s another few minutes before Gale orders Benny to stop and then they’re outside Madge’s apartment.

The air smells like smoke and in the distance they can see the shadows flickering due to flames not far off. But there’s also shouting that sounds mechanical—like groups have been sent to put out the fire. And ignoring the chaos and destruction Gale sprints to the crumbling building Madge calls home and takes the stairs two at a time.

And then he’s banging on the door. “Madge?” he calls. _Inhale, exhale_. “Madge, are you here?” And then the door swings open.

Madge is standing on the other side, tears in her eyes and her chin quivering. Gale’s relief is instantaneous. He strides forward and wraps his arms around her so forcefully he ends up lifting her from the ground, crushing her against him, carrying her further into her apartment in his arms. She’s shaking, or maybe it’s him that’s shaking, but neither of them talk. He’s holding her, she’s here, she’s alive.

He lowers her back to the ground but they don’t part. Her hands cling to his uniform and she doesn’t let him move too far. He looks into her eyes, finding them still full of tears, before she buries herself against him.

“You came for me,” she murmurs into his chest.

“Of course I did,” Gale murmurs back. He can’t let her go. Fuck, he’s still shaking. His hand reaches up to cup the back of her head and she sniffles into his shirt. His voice is thick. “Of course I did.” He bends down, still able to feel relief more than absolutely anything, and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Pack a bag,” Gale whispers. “You’re not staying here. Benny’s waiting outside.”

“Benny’s here?”

“Pack a bag,” Gale says again with a nod, finally letting go of her. Madge nods too, swatting at her eyes as she rushes to her bedroom. Gale strides over to a window and looks out, having a better view of the distant flames from this level up. “You okay?” Gale calls, trying to mask the shaking of his voice. She’s okay.

“Yeah,” Madge calls back. “The—the power went out. And the shaking—the noise woke me. I think one of my windows cracked. And then there was… there was fire…” her voice trails off and Gale tips his head in the direction of her bedroom before crossing, finding her frantically shoving clothes into a bag. There’s a panicked look in her eye that Gale feels familiar, he just can’t place it. “But my tablet—it had some charge. I picked up some radio transmission that it was those _awful_ …” she trails off again, shaking her head sharply. “Then my tablet died and I locked the doors and… and…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Gale whispers. She looks up, tears streaming down her face now. She looks so small, so scared. “We’re getting you out of here. Right now.” She nods sharply and wipes at her eyes before finishing packing.

“I heard _screaming_ ,” Madge carries on, still shoving in random clothes. “And there were slamming doors, I think people ran in from the street… the homeless maybe…”

“Madge,” he murmurs.

“It was like that night, Gale,” she croaks, tears falling from her eyes all over again. She drops her head into her hands and sucks back a sob. “It was like that night _all over_ again!” Gale steps into her room and pulls her toward him, leaving her packed bag on the floor as he holds her once more. That’s why he recognized that look – it was the same look everyone had right after the bombing of 12. Unknowing if bombs would be sent to the woods, if they would survive, _how_ they would survive. “I felt the world shake,” she murmurs weakly into his chest, her voice coming out garbled from the crying, “and then there was fire, and…”

“Like in 12,” Gale whispers.

She hiccups back a sob and squeezes him closer. “And n-no one was h-here t-this time,” she cries. “I was all _alone_!”

“I’m here,” Gale murmurs. “You’re not alone, I’m here.” He strokes her back gently. “I’m right here.” She cries desperately into his chest and he holds her closer, wishing holding her enough could make it okay. “I’m right here,” he says again. “You’re not alone.”

* * *

The car ride is mostly silent once Gale tells Benny that they have to take Madge to Gale’s apartment. Gale insisted he could drive if Benny wanted to be dropped off with the units in 2 but Benny also insisted that Gale should not be driving whatsoever. Benny knows the way after they get out of South 2, just needs a bit of direction every once in a while. Madge is quietly sitting in the back and Gale sits in front, but his hand is reaching behind the seat placed on her knee, gently rubbing his thumb in circles reminding her it’s okay. Her fingers brush his and he glances back every few seconds, finding her still with tears in her eyes.

When they reach Gale’s apartment Benny waits in the car another time while Gale leads Madge upstairs. “I have to get back to work,” he tells her once they’re inside. Her eyes go wide again and Gale places his hands gently on her shoulders. More than anything he doesn’t want to leave her here alone, but what choice does he have? He can’t _not_ go back to work, though he wishes more than anything he could stay here. “There’s a spare bedroom,” he says softly. “It’s all made up, down the hall on the right. Try and get some sleep?”

“Gale,” she tries. Her chin quivers. His fingers ache to reach for her but quickly Madge nods. It’s rough when she says, “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promises. “If something holds me up I’ll call. Okay?” Madge nods again. “There’s some tea in the cabinet over the sink,” Gale carries on. “You can do whatever, just—don’t go in my room?”

“Of course,” she says, nodding.

“Try and get some sleep,” Gale says again, tugging her toward him another time. Her hands slide around his waist and she nestles into his chest. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Thank you,” Madge whispers. “For coming for me. You didn’t—”

“I didn’t have to?” Gale cuts her off. “I couldn’t stand it,” he forces out. He couldn’t stand the idea of leaving her there. Gale squeezes her closer. Not because she’s pregnant with their child—that’s not why he came, that’s not why he couldn’t stand leaving her there. But he can’t say this, it’s not coming out. He feels her warm tears leaking through his shirt. He presses another kiss to the top of her head. “I have to go. Sleep.” It’s more of a plea than anything but eventually they part.

She looks like she wants to say something else but Gale simply tips his head at her. She smiles feebly before wrapping her arms around herself.

When Gale finally makes it back downstairs, climbing into the car, he feels the energy drain out of him. Madge is safe. She’s in his apartment in East 2, and she’s safe. He sinks down and drops his head backwards against the seat.

Benny sits silently beside him before asking, “Do you love her?”

Gale hears Benny’s question, but he can’t figure out how to answer it. Finally he says, “No.”

Benny laughs as he starts the ignition. “You don’t seem so sure.”

Gale shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders, looks over his shoulder at his warm, safe building where Madge is hopefully getting some sleep. “I… something,” he mutters. He _something_. He cares about Madge. He admires Madge. He wants Madge to be safe, to be happy. He respects her. He likes being around her. He feels warm when she tells him that he’s a good man. But love? “I don’t know.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Benny practically hums.

* * *

Gale’s apartment is bigger than she remembered it to be. Madge doesn’t go right to bed, her temples are throbbing from crying and she’s still twitchy. But she wanders Gale’s apartment, sure to avoid his room because he asked (though she’d _love_ to sneak around in there), trying to pick up bits and pieces of him.

Gale has a TV in the living room but it takes her a while to find the remote, which makes her think he doesn’t even turn it on unless he has to. She considers turning it on now, for background noise, for news, but that would only make it harder for her to sleep anyway so she leaves it off. His couch is comfortable and large but looks brand new and unused. He has a bookshelf that doesn’t have too many books, but they at least look read. The spines are broken in, the pages are folded down. Most of them are history books from _before_. From before the Dark Days. From before the disasters. It makes her smile knowing Gale has an interest in the _before_.

His kitchen is mostly empty. There are some to-go bins in the fridge but not much else. A carton of milk, a few sticks of butter, some condiments. The cabinets are just as bare. There are plates and cups and silverware but most of it looks unused. The sink is free of dishes though, and whatever’s in the dishwasher ( _he has a dishwasher!_ ) looks clean. He also has a coffee machine, which makes Madge long for a cup. Instead she finds his teas (he has a pretty wide selection) and makes something that she hopes will help her sleep.

The spare bedroom is decently sized. It has a window on the back wall and looking out of it she has a wonderful view. But after pushing the curtain aside she remembers there was a larger curtain in the living room. With her tea she strides back into the living room, pushing the curtain aside to find a balcony. A smile creeps onto her face again and she steps out into the brisk early-morning air, clutching her warm mug and taking in the dark view.

It’s amazing. The balcony doesn’t face the city; it faces away from the city. It faces the mountains. It’s still pretty dark and hard to see but she can make out the dark outlines of the mountains, and it makes her happy.

Once the chill becomes too much Madge steps back inside. The tea makes her sleepy so she finally crawls into the spare bedroom. Still slightly twitchy, but mostly exhausted, she falls asleep.

* * *

Madge wakes up to the sound of a phone ringing.

It takes her a moment to place herself, but when she sees the mountains through the window in the room she's in she remembers everything that's happened. She hurries to her feet and finds the sources of the ringing, the phone on the wall in the hallway.

She lifts it. “Hello?”

There’s silence on the other end. “Madge?”

Madge blinks hard. “Hazelle?”

“Madge!” Hazelle cheers. Madge shifts on her feet, readjusting the phone against her ear with a tiny smile. “I didn’t expect to hear your voice! I just—I heard about the bomb in 2 and couldn’t help but worry. You’re okay? Is Gale okay?”

“We’re both fine,” Madge tells her. “He’s out on patrol, or something, so he’s not here. But I’ll tell him you called.”

“Please, and have him call me back.” She sighs. “That was not something I wanted to wake up to this morning.” Madge hums in agreement, leaving out the fact that she herself was _very_ close to the bomb. Also it’s in this moment Madge wonders if Hazelle knew about the train explosion they were involved in. She thinks that Gale would keep it from his family, much like Madge had from her father, considering there weren’t any complications or anything awful that resulted in it. They weren’t supposed to be in 6 anyway. But the bomb in 2, that’s more close to home. Madge should call her father. “So you’ve moved in with Gale? That’s fantastic!”

Madge opens and closes her mouth. “Yeah,” she finally says. “Sort of. It’s—well…” Madge trails off, leaning backwards against the wall. “He was worried,” Madge tells Hazelle. “After the bomb. So he brought me to his apartment. It’s nicer than mine—safer.” Hazelle doesn’t want to pry too much, and after a while and a few questions about the baby she lets her go.

The second the phone is on the hook Madge calls her father, telling him how she’s at Gale’s and how she’s safe. They don’t talk long but he’s happy to hear her voice, and she promises to call again soon. Then she calls Peeta from the new number he left, not really thinking about of Gale would like the Mellark’s to have his home number or not, and they too talk for a bit. His letter mentioned the terrorists but she doesn’t think he’ll have had the TV on much after that. So she doesn’t mention them. Just wanted to let him know she’s staying at Gale’s for a bit. And begrudgingly, she calls Lora. It goes to voicemail.

“Hey, it’s Madge,” she says. “I’m calling from Gale’s number—there was an attack last night a few blocks from our apartment. It was at the clinic, so I could see it from our living room. But um, I’m staying with him. Might be for a while. Everyone’s fine. Didn’t want you to worry.” Madge wrinkles her nose a little bit. “Hope you’re having fun.”

She hangs up and goes to make another cup of tea before dialing work, letting them know she won’t be in. Her calling in and checking in with everyone becomes compulsive, and so after that she dials Doctor Paige’s number. It goes to voicemail too. Not wanting to leave a message she hangs up and calls Iris, who thankfully answers.

“I knew you lived close,” Iris says, “I just wasn’t sure how close. I’m so relieved you’re okay!” Iris tells Madge that she lives in _North_ 2, which is closest to the Capitol and therefore the nicest part of the district in general. “Would you like to meet up later for lunch? Get your mind off of it? No baby talk unless you want!” But Madge isn’t feeling up to leaving the apartment, something Iris understands, and they decide to make plans for another day instead.  

Quickly, however, Madge re-discovers that Gale doesn’t really have any food in his apartment. She finds a loaf of bread that looks good and uses his toaster (because he has one of those!) so she can get something in her stomach. She’s sipping on some more tea when the phone rings another time and she hurries off to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Gale says on the other end. He sounds tired but relieved to hear her voice. “How’re you? Did you sleep?”

“For a little bit,” she tells him. “Your mom called to make sure you were safe – I told her you were but she wants you to call her again when you have a free chance.” She can practically hear Gale nodding. “Also there’s no food here.”

“Shit.” Gale, on the other end, is dragging his hand through his hair. He’s back in his office now, sitting at his desk with his head propped up by his elbow. “I’ll pick something up. I should be back soon—they don’t need me anymore for the moment.” Madge sips on her tea as Gale scans his office. Benny is frantically typing up notes into his computer. “What’re you hungry for? I can stop somewhere.”

“You need groceries in general,” Madge tells him. He can tell she’s smiling. “What on earth do you eat, Gale?”

“I survive,” he murmurs back. Lots of take-out food, mostly. Lots of coffee. A lot of his pills make him not as hungry, so it’s never really been an issue for him. “I’ll stop at that soup place,” Gale says another time. “Should be home by 1:30, maybe 2. Think you can hold on until then?”

“Mm-hm,” she hums. “How’re things there? Benny?”

Gale looks over at his partner again with a tired smile. “We’re both exhausted. Can’t talk about it over the phone but I’ll let you know when I get there.” Gale scrubs at his eyes. “I should go. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am,” Madge says. “Thanks to you.” Gale smiles a little bit again, though he can’t really vocalize a response. “See you soon.” Madge hangs up and Gale sighs, dropping the phone down to the receiver. He looks over at Benny again who spins to look at him.

“Madge alright?” Benny asks.

“Fine. Sal?”

“Sal was always fine,” Benny responds with a laugh. “You know,” he says, turning back to where he’s frantically typing, “it’s funny how I ask about Madge and your response is to ask about my _fiancé_. Who I am marrying and love very much.” Gale rolls his eyes very dramatically before turning to his own computer. Benny snickers. “You going to tell her?” he asks. “About what happened?”

Gale squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “Not all of it.”

Benny stops typing at once, turning to face his partner. “You mean you’re going to tell her that two guys have been apprehended,” Benny says. “But not that it was us that got them?” Gale doesn’t respond. “Or that they shot at us? That you could’ve been shot?”

“She doesn’t need to know that,” Gale grits out. And he doesn’t need to think about it. Because he _wasn’t_ shot, so it doesn’t matter.

“Gale—”

“She doesn’t need to know,” he snaps. That’s the end of their conversation.

* * *

Madge didn’t have time to marvel in the beauty of Gale in his Mockingjay uniform when he first arrived to take her to his apartment. But when he enters, tired and disheveled, still donning the dark blue uniform, her heart does a million somersaults. His hair is messy, sticking up in all directions. The sleeves of his shirt have been rolled up to his forearms. His eyes are dark. He has a sleepy smile on his face.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hi,” she responds a little too fast. He drops his keys in a bowl by the door and smiles at her again from where she’s sitting on the couch. “Oh my God,” she says, standing and leaving her book on the couch. “That smells heavenly.” He’s brought back some groceries but also some soup that’s already been made, which is great because Madge hasn’t eaten all day.

He gestures to the island adjoining the kitchen and she nods, walking over and climbing onto one of the stools. Gale lets her choose out of the two different soups he got which one she’d like and then they start to eat. They’re both silent at first considering they’re eating but soon Gale turns to her.

“So, suspects have been apprehended,” he says. He enjoys the way her face lights up. “We’re 98% certain they’re involved in the bombing. They’re both… young,” Gale says. Seventeen, eighteen. It’s not something Gale can think about right now. “But they’ve admitted to having ties to Panem’s Protectors which at least gives us a start.”

“And they’re locked up?” Madge asks.

“Locked up,” Gale confirms. She seems relieved, as she should. These terrorists are starting to get too extreme, they’re taking more risks and getting more people hurt. This is the first solid lead they’ve had in a long time. “It’s not part of my department anymore,” Gale carries on, “but they’re being questioned and hopefully it’ll take us somewhere.”

“So that’s what you’ve been up to all morning,” she says.

Gale shifts a little. “Benny and I were just doing normal rounds,” he responds. “Not really involved in any of it. But I thought you should know.”

Madge doesn’t need to know Gale was at the forefront of it. That there was gunfire. It’s easier for him to ignore this because she doesn’t question it.

“Thank you,” she says. “For everything. For letting me know.”

Gale nods, and they go back to eating their soup. He looks at her from the corner of his eye and his heart does a funny twist. God, why does looking at her make him feel so _different_? Benny tried to put a word to it earlier, _love_ , but that can’t be it. Gale can’t love her. And yet…

“I’m all in you know,” he says suddenly. Madge nearly chokes on a noodle. She looks at him but he shakes his head. “I was all in before this—before the attack,” he carries on. “I was going to tell you today. I want to be part of this, part of Pearl’s life. Not just now, but once he’s born.” Madge dabs at her mouth with a napkin, nodding ever so slightly, unable to even explain the relief that’s filling her entire body. “And I’m—I’ve told you before that I don’t think I’m going to make a good father, and even now I’m not so sure. So I need you to bear with me through it, okay? Because I’m going to make mistakes and I’m going to freak out.”

“Me too,” Madge says simply. “That’s what happens when you have a baby.”

“No, Madge I just…” he trails off with a sigh. “I’m going to need you to ground me,” Gale tells her. “Help me find my balance.” Madge isn’t sure what he means. “I’ve been through… a lot…” he says, his voice dropping. “And it makes me unsteady sometimes. I don’t know how else to say it.” That’s a lie, Gale knows plenty of ways to say it. He has panic attacks. Sometimes he has visions. His anxiety can get a bit out of control. But he _can’t_ say it, is more like it. “And you’re really good at reminding me where I am.”

Her face feels warm. “I am?”

“You are,” Gale confirms. She reaches out, resting her hand atop his, and Gale struggles to let out a breath.

“Okay,” Madge whispers. “You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say this, Gale.”

“But just I—I want to be clear,” he forces out. “That this is for _Pearl_. That I’m in this for the betterment of _Pearl_.” He doesn’t say it, but Madge hears it. _Not for you_. She pulls her hand away from his quickly. When he looks up at her it feels like he’s been smacked across the face. Because she understands this, and it’s written in her eyes. “Madge,” Gale starts, but she shakes her head.

“No, I understand. I understand.” They’re not going to one big happy family. He’s going to be here for Pearl. And she’s going to be here for Pearl. And sometimes they’ll be together, but they won’t be _together_. “No, it’s—that’s—yeah, that’s fine,” she says, but her throat feels thick. Madge knows she shouldn’t have gotten any slight hopes up about this, but something deep inside her has been longing for it this whole time. She’s known it. She’s always known it. She didn’t expect it to hurt this much when put out there in the open though. “I understand,” she says again.

And it’s not even that Gale doesn’t want to be with her. Benny was right, he _does_. Gale wants to be with Madge. He wants to kiss her and hold her and keep her safe. He wants to love her. But he can’t. He just can’t. He’s not ready for that. Not _yet_. And she—Madge doesn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t love her anyway. That’s what she said. He wants to clarify that for her but again he struggles to find the words. That being in this for Pearl doesn't mean not being in it for Madge.

Instead he pushes himself away from the island, hardly looking at her, feeling the worst for not being able to speak his mind. “I’m gonna call Ma,” Gale murmurs. “Tell her I’m okay.”

Madge nods quickly and turns away from him as he walks away. Tears sting her eyes but she shakes her head and takes a deep breath, determined not to let them fall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter was fun! I hope it was worth the wait. We have some pretty good moments but some not so good moments too. I love hearing your thoughts! The response to last chapter was amazing, so many people were worried about Madge! I love that you all comment things like "Tomorrow is NOT kinder!!!" or something because it makes me laugh. We'll get there. Eventually.... Love you all!


	20. Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 22 Weeks Pregnant

“For the millionth time,” Gale mutters from his place at the counter, “you _are not_ a burden!”

It’s been five days since the attack in South 2 and Madge doesn’t feel like she belongs in Gale’s apartment. In fact she would’ve left Friday night only Gale insisted it wasn’t safe and that there was still a traveling hold on the area, so she stayed put. But the more time passes the quicker they fall into a routine and the harder it is for Madge to actually leave.

“I can find another place,” she tells him. “A hotel, or something.”

“You’re not staying in a goddamn hotel,” he huffs. She’s making a cup of tea to take to work. “Just _stay here_ ,” he says. He’s been saying it all weekend. “I have a spare bedroom,” he reminds her, “that has a very comfortable bed, or so you’ve told me so, and I can drive you to work, and you don’t have to pay anything. Madge it just _makes sense_.”

Logically, of course, it makes sense for Madge to stay. But every time she looks at Gale her heart feels funny and she doesn’t like it. She knows that they’re allowed to be friends, that they _are_ friends. But the part of her that’d been quietly longing for something more hasn’t shut up since Gale made it clear there won’t be any cuddling anytime soon. They’re friends, maybe even just partners, and that’s all there is to it.

But he wants her to stay, and she _wants_ to stay, it’s just so hard for her to sort out her feelings.

She’s also been feeling a little faint recently, and she isn’t sure if that’s because Gale’s around or because of her baby hormones.

They’ve contacted Doctor Paige, thankfully, who lives in a part of South 2 that wasn’t affected by the bombs and have agreed to meet with her at her new location soon. She’s been moved to a place in East 2, one that Gale likes a lot better than the old clinic anyway, and is just a few minutes away from Gale’s apartment. So they’ll be going there on Friday for a usual checkup only this time Iris will be coming too.

Another little thing that’s changed is that instead of going to POP on Mondays, Gale and Benny are going to start going on _Tuesdays_. It isn’t the biggest difference, but apparently with the capture of two terrorists they had a lot to sort out on Monday.

“We’re going to be late,” Gale finally grumbles, because today _is_ Tuesday, and her work is temporarily his work. “But I don’t know why you’re arguing this.”

Together they climb into Gale’s car and he drives them off toward her work building. Gale keeps glancing at her from the corner of his eye. He figured telling her that he wanted to be part of Pearl’s life would make things easier, but in fact it’s like the opposite has happened. Madge has closed up all of a sudden. Her smiles are less sincere, her mind is always somewhere else. He’d thought that involvement was what she wanted—that was what she _said_ , anyway. He can’t dare think that maybe Madge wanted more…

“If you won’t let me pay rent,” Madge says as they pull up to her building, “then I have to do something. Like, laundry. Or dishes. Okay?” Gale sighs, shifting his car into park and killing the ignition. “That’s the deal, Gale. I’ll stay if you let me help out.” He doesn’t seem to like this. “Laundry, dishes, groceries. Deal?”

He frowns. “Fine.” And then, “We can go to your apartment to night to pick up your stuff.”

* * *

Benny’s been in a pretty good mood since his engagement, which means he and Madge have been laughing a lot more. But today at work Madge doesn’t feel like laughing and Benny notices it right away. He gives her a look when Gale’s scribbling down something in a file that she quickly shakes off.

But Benny’s persistent.

When Gale steps out to use the bathroom he turns to Madge immediately. “You okay?” he asks. “Still shaken up?”

“I’m fine,” she answers. Benny makes a face at her. They only have a limited amount of time, considering it doesn’t take Gale an hour to take a piss. “I’m moving in with Gale,” she tells him. Benny’s face lights up. “But not—don’t look like that,” she sighs. Madge turns toward the door. “It’s great—it’s—whatever. Temporary. Until Lora gets back.”

“Well, still,” Benny says. “That’ll be great. You two can actually get stuff sorted out about Pearl.” Madge’s throat goes thick. Of course she wants that. But still, she wants more. “Unless that’s not what you want?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Madge waves him off again. “Gale wants to be involved in Pearl’s life. That makes me happy.” But he made it clear that it was Pearl’s life he wanted involvement in. Not Madge’s.

“Then why do you look so sour?”

Madge doesn’t answer in time, and Gale re-enters the room by then. He doesn’t seem to notice that the two of them had been talking.

* * *

After picking up some stuff from Madge’s apartment they head back to Gale’s. She murmurs something about an assignment she has to work on and shuts herself off in her room, causing Gale to once again feel uncertain. It’s not like he and Madge are the best of friends or anything, but he did figure that saying he wanted to be involved with Pearl would allow them to become closer.

And if Benny’s right, if Gale _does_ love her (which can’t be true, absolutely not), he has to know her first. To be friends with someone before falling in love, that would be ideal. To be closer friends with Madge. For her to know that he has her back, that he supports her, that he trusts her. And then love. That would be it.

But it’s like she doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. Which is confusing.

Just as he decides he should probably talk to her, explain at least _some_ of this to her, the phone rings. Gale answers it quickly considering he’s right in the hallway. “Hawthorne.”

“Gale?”

“That’s me. Who’s this?”

“It’s me,” the girl says. “Lora.” Gale turns and looks down the hallway. The phone has a cord so he can’t go get Madge but he can set the phone down first. “Is Madge there?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Just give me a—”

“Wait,” Lora cuts him off. “No, it’s—she’s probably busy. I just wanted—she’s moving in with you?” There’s something in Lora’s voice that Gale recognizes as uncertainty. He’s been feeling a lot of that lately.

“You haven’t talked to her?” he asks. Madge has been in his apartment for a few days now, almost a week, he figured that she’s been talking to Lora at night or something. “I picked her up after the bomb, she’s been here since,” Gale carries on when Lora doesn’t respond. “She’s staying until you get back – I didn’t want her alone out there. I think she feels the same.”

Lora sighs. The phone’s a little static-y. “And she’s okay?” Lora asks. “She’s not hurt?”

“She’s fine,” Gale answers. This phone call feels wrong. Why hasn’t Lora spoken to Madge about any of this? “Haven’t you talked to her?” he asks again.

“Been busy,” she says. “I’ve got to go. Thanks for letting me know.” She hangs up before Gale can get in another word.

With his previous conversation topic temporarily shoved to the back of his mind, Gale walks down the hallway and knocks on Madge’s door. She calls for him to come in and Gale finds her unloading her clothes into the drawers. She looks over her shoulder at him from where she’s sitting on the floor and smiles, but again, it’s not the same.

“Need a hand?” Gale asks.

“No. Thanks though.”

He tips his head. “Lora just called,” he says. Madge visibly tenses. “Didn’t seem to know that you were staying here. Or if you were okay.”

Madge turns back to the dresser. “She knew I was fine, I told her that.”

“Well she didn’t sound so sure.” Madge huffs, shaking her head slightly. “Are you two fighting?” Gale asks. Madge doesn’t turn to look at him. “Do you want to talk about it?” Madge feels tears coming to her eyes. She shakes her head, not trusting her voice. “Okay,” Gale murmurs. “Well if you do,” he says, leaving it open ended.

_I’m here if you do. I’ll listen. I’m a pretty good listener, actually._

She nods, still not looking at him. He lets out a soft sigh and Madge presses her lips together to stop her chin from quivering. When he tells her that he’ll leave her be and shuts the door, Madge feels like she could fall to pieces.

She doesn’t know that last time she’s felt this alone.

* * *

Madge wakes up in the middle of the night, partly from a horrible nightmare and partly from the worst cramping she’s ever experienced in her life. She sits up in panic, throwing the blankets off of her to find the sheets are soaked in blood.

And then she’s screaming, and soon Gale’s there, and all of it happens so fast she’s not quite sure how she’s ended up at a nearby hospital. I

But one moment she was asleep and now she’s here, in a too bright, too white hospital room with an unfamiliar doctor. It feels like a dream but there's a certain clarity to everything, the extreme panic in Gale's eyes and his messy bed-head, the sick glow of the room, the cold leather underneath her. Madge knows this is real. This is real.

It’s nearly three in the morning. Madge learned that somewhere between Gale’s apartment and the hospital. She doesn't know the last time he looked so worried. There're bags under his eyes but other than that he's completely alert. He won’t let go of her hand.

The cramping has stopped but Madge’s crotch is still stained red. In the panic they didn’t bring a change of clothes, they just hurried to Gale’s car. Madge is so exhausted, overwhelmed with stress, that she can’t even bring herself to cry.

“Well,” the doctor, Doctor Greg, a short handsome man with thick blond hair, says to them. They’re in a nicer part of the district so there’s no machine like Doctor Paige used. Instead there’s a round ball that the doctor rolls across Madge’s protruding stomach and is looking at the screen just like Doctor Paige had done. No cold cream involved. “It appears, Miss Undersee, that you’re just spotting.”

“Spotting,” Gale rasps. “Not a miscarriage?” He looks to Madge to find her staring at the floor, he wonders if she’s even listening. Gale squeezes her hand. “Madge,” he murmurs. Her eyes dart back up to the doctor.

“Just spotting,” the doctor says again. “Which is perfectly normal. Look here,” he says, motioning to the screen. “Little baby is still here. Fingers. Toes. There’s the head.” Gale nods and finds Madge staring at the screen. “Here,” he twists a knob like Doctor Paige would, and the room is filled with a quiet _thrum thrum thrum_. “Heartbeat.”

“Is it supposed to be this bad?” Gale asks. “The spotting.” He doesn’t remember his mother ever spotting, but he was young. He might not’ve been paying attention. “Madge was screaming.”

“I had cramps,” Madge says. “But I don’t…” it’s all a little fuzzy. It hasn’t even _really_ set in that she’s in the hospital. “I was having a bad dream,” she murmurs. Was the screaming from that? Or was she in a lot of pain? She was cramping for a little bit, she knew, but maybe… “I don’t know,” she finally says, her voice breaking.

Gale reaches up with his other hand, resting it on Madge’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” he says gently.

“Bad dream, you say?” Doctor Greg is still rolling the ball Madge’s stomach every now and then, but the baby on the screen is… moving. Awake. Not going anywhere. “Have you been under a lot of stress lately?” Madge feels tears coming to her eyes. Gale shifts a little uncomfortably. “That could lead to the spotting, Miss Undersee. What sort of stress?”

“She lived near the attack,” Gale answers for her, knowing how she won’t want to answer. “From about a week ago?”

“That’ll do it,” Doctor Greg says.

Madge rubs at her eyes and tries to swallow, finding it hard to do so. Not only did she live near the latest attack but she survived a train explosion, and together this has brought up memories of all those years ago, the night in which they bomb District 12. Add in a fight with her best friend, and the aching in her heart from maybe never getting close to Gale in the way she wishes, Madge is a mess. She’s _more_ than stressed.

“So what now?” Gale asks. “If Pearl’s okay, what do we do now?”

Doctor Greg turns off the machine and starts to clean off the tool. “Rest,” he answers. “Miss Undersee, you should be on bed rest. That means no work, okay?” Hesitantly, she tips her head forward. Doctor Greg removes the ball to place on a rack and Madge tugs her shirt back over her stomach. “A week at the minimum. Can you do that?”

Madge can work from home. “Sure.”

“I’ll go and get you some clean garments,” he says, “and then you two are free to go.”

Gale gives his thanks to the doctor who leaves before turning back to Madge. There’re tears in her eyes still and his entire body aches at the sight. He reaches forward, sliding his thumb below her eye. “Talk to me,” he whispers. “What’s on your mind?”

Her chin quivers. Too many things. She can’t tell Gale about her fight, or about her fears regarding him, but she can talk about the Panem Protectors.

“I thought it was over,” she whispers back. “The fighting. The war. I mean—I knew…” Madge trails off, reaching up to swat at her own eyes and tilt her head from Gale’s grasp. “I knew it would never be completely over, I guess. But I never thought that there would be _terrorist_ attacks still. Especially this bad.” Finally her eyes find his and she lets out a shaky breath. “Is it ever going to end, Gale?”

“Of course it is,” he answers immediately. And he believes that. “Every day we get closer,” Gale tells her. “Every day we get _safer_.” She sniffs, but nods her head slightly.

“If I knew Pearl would be coming into a world still riddled with bombs and war…” Madge trails off, not sure how to finish her statement. Gale isn’t sure he wants to hear the rest of it, if there is any.

“C’mere,” Gale murmurs. He stands closer to the side of her bed and opens his arms, allowing Madge to rest against his chest. She sniffs again and he holds her tight. His fingers toy with the ends of her hair as he rubs her back soothingly. “It’ll be okay,” Gale promises. “I mean that.”

And the conviction in his voice leads her to believe him.

* * *

They don’t get back to Gale’s apartment until it’s nearly four in the morning. He tosses her soiled clothes into the wash while she leaves a message for her bosses at work saying that she won’t be in tomorrow, that she’ll call in the morning with more details.

Gale pokes his head out into the hallway as she hangs up. She looks tired. “They don’t know,” Madge finally murmurs, turning to him. “That I’m pregnant.”

Gale’s eyes dart to her stomach, clearly sticking out slightly. “No?”

“I wear those… loose shirts. Or dresses,” she answers before putting her hands on her stomach. “To hide the bump.” Madge lifts her shoulders into a shrug. “I’m worried they’ll treat me different.” Gale frowns before standing up a little taller, entering the hallway instead of just peering out at her. “That they’ll think I can’t handle as much as I can, or something.”

“That’s crazy,” Gale tells her. “You can clearly handle anything.” There’s a teasing lilt to his voice that Madge wasn’t expected for. It brings a smile to her face, and one to his as well. “I mean it,” he adds softly. “You’re so strong.”

“Not by choice,” she responds. Madge looks to the ground, trying to imprint the memory of him smiling at her into her brain. He doesn’t smile enough. But when she looks back up he’s still smiling, just not as brightly. It’s soft and muted, and he’s looking at her like he could do so forever. Her face feels warm. “Can you sit with me?” she asks. It’s a ridiculous request, but it’s come out before she’s realized what she’s asking. He shifts on his feet, his eyebrows coming together in confusion. “Just until I fall asleep. I’ve been having trouble falling asleep.” And staying asleep, but one monster at a time.

“Now?” he asks.

Madge didn’t expect this response. “I mean, if you want.” Gale lifts his shoulder into a small shrug. _Sure, why not?_ “It’s just—I keep… I keep thinking about when they bombed 12. When I lost my mom.”

Gale shrugs his one shoulder again. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I understand. I’ll sit with you.”

Suddenly Madge is nervous, like this is some sort of secret thing they’re about to do. Like it’s not allowed. In actuality, Madge nestles down under her covers and Gale climbs onto the bed beside her, his feet above the blankets with his back against the headboard. It’s not that big of a deal.

But even with him there Madge struggles falling asleep. Her brain is occupied with thoughts of Lora and Pearl and her mother and bombs. “Talk to me,” she says. “ _Sing_ to me.”

Gale snorts. “Sing to you?”

“Yes,” Madge says. She’s curled on her side facing him but her eyes are closed. “We’re having a baby. You’ve got to know some lullabies.”

“I’m not a singer,” Gale responds.

“Join the club. But like I said, we’re having a baby.”  She peels open her eyes to look at him and finds Gale watching her. “I won’t laugh.” Gale wrinkles his nose. “Don’t you _know_ any lullabies?”

Gale sighs deeply. Of course he does. He knows a lot of them. “Close your eyes,” he mutters.

It must be because he’s sleepy. Or maybe because he’s worried about Madge. But when her eyes flutter shut he takes a deep breath and begins to sing.

 _Rain will fall upon the hills_  
_On trees, and meadow grounds_  
 _Lightning strikes so loud and bright_  
 _and goes with thunders sounds_

He stops when Madge presses her lips together tightly. “Aw, come on,” Gale says. He can’t help but smile when a grin splits her tired face in two. “You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

She peeks her eyes open and giggles. “I didn’t! You have a nice voice.” Gale scoffs and rolls his eyes but his smile is just as soft as hers. “I mean, it’s not a voice for radio, or anything…”

“Thanks, Undersee,” he says as she trails off, shaking his head. “You’ve officially crushed any and all confidence I have ever had with one sentence.” Madge giggles again and reaches out, nudging his leg.

This moment feels precious. “Keep going,” she whispers, her eyes fluttering shut. So he does.

 _The troubled times are closing in_  
_And fear it clouds my mind_  
 _But I know the storm it soon shall pass_  
 _And tomorrow will be kinder_

 _Tomorrow will be kinder_  
_It’s true, I’ve seen it before_  
 _A sunny day is coming our way_  
 _Yes, tomorrow will be kinder…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this concept of the two of them learning that they're allowed to tease each other and be friends. It's so fun to play with the idea that they can joke with one another now, that it's not always these hard stares or direct communication. Friends! They can be friends. And they're learning that and I really love it and I hope you do too. 
> 
> Obviously the spotting/cramping is not good but I swear I'm not just purposefully putting Madge through a bunch of crap. I mean yes it happens but like, all the stress is not good for her which she's learned from this. Pearl is okay, I promise! But so many bad things have been happening it would only make sense for Madge to have an adverse reaction to it.
> 
> The lullaby (and the fic title!) is based off of the song Tomorrow Will be Kinder by the Secret Sisters. If you wanted the tune of the lullaby it's the same as the song, I've only changed some words around. Most are the same though. I like the idea that a song written for THG series could be a song in the future, just some words lost in translation or something haha. 
> 
> Sorry for the later update than usual. You all rock!


	21. Chasing What You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 23 Weeks Pregnant

Madge hates being on bedrest.

To be fair, she’s still doing a crap-ton of work. Thanks to her tablet she’s able to access all of her work files and keep working on the plans for District 7, she just has to do it from bed. But she hates it. She misses human interaction and she misses seeing other people at work. Being alone in Gale’s apartment puts her in a dark place, makes her think of Lora and the fight, of terrorists creeping in the streets.

Iris called the night before, told Madge that around this time in her pregnancy her brain would start to get fuzzy and she’d be more distracted, and that’s proven so. Madge’s feet have also began to swell up and maybe they were there before but she’s just now noticing some bright purple stretch marks on her hips and thighs. She feels hideous and bloated and tired all the time.

Just as she decides she needs a break from the map she’s looking at she hears a knock on the front door.

Gale’s never mentioned being friendly with his neighbors so she isn’t quite sure what to expect. She slowly makes her way out to the front room and looks through the eye-hole, surprised to find Sal on the other side with a few bags of groceries in her hands. With a grin she pulls open the door to greet him.

“Sal! It’s so nice to see you!”

“Hi, hey,” he returns, giving her a quick hug before skirting inside. “I brought some soups and some teas Gale said you’d been craving.” Madge makes a face and Sal looks sheepish. “Well I was visiting Benny at work,” Sal carries on, starting for the kitchen, “and Gale mentioned how you’re stuck on bed rest and how lonely you must be and _I_ had nothing to do I asked if he minded if I came over and well… here I am!”

Madge smiles again. “He said I’m lonely?”

“I’d be lonely too,” Sal shushes her. “Can I start a pot?”

* * *

Sal reminds Madge a lot of Peeta from the old days. He’s kind and sincere and makes jokes about himself more than anything (even though Madge with her bloated tummy and sore feet are a prime target). He keeps the conversation light, smiles more than Madge has in days, and makes her feel as though they’ve known each other forever.

“So what’s it like living with Gale? Benny’s told me a million stories about him – doesn’t seem like he’d be the best house mate.”

“It’s fine,” Madge says. “He keeps to his room, I keep to mine. He sets his laundry out every morning so I can do laundry and actually contribute. He doesn’t really… joke around all that much, but he is a good listener.”

Sal smiles, flashing his white teeth. “Also you’re in love with him.” Madge feels her face go hot. “I needed to see about seven seconds of you two together to figure it out. Benny says the same thing.” Madge looks down at her cup of tea but doesn’t respond to him, not sure how to answer. Of course she’s not in love with him. “Aren’t you?”

“I mean, I could be,” Madge murmurs. “One day. But he doesn’t want that.”

Sal scoffs. “Prove it.”

“He said so.”

“He _said_ so?”

“He said he was in this for Pearl, not for me,” she says. Sal rolls his eyes. “No, he did, and that’s—it’s fine.” Madge sets her mug of tea down and rests her hands over her baby bump. “For him to be in it for Pearl is better than not being in it at all. And we’re friends, I guess. And that’s—it’s good. We work like this.”

Sal shakes his head at her. “You shouldn’t settle,” he says. “If you want something, if you want _more_ , you should go for it.” Madge drums her fingers on her stomach. “Benny and I have been dating for three years,” he tells Madge. “But it wasn’t—it wasn’t easy at first. There’s obviously still a crap-ton of stigma about same-sex couples and I was scared. But I liked him, and I prayed to God I was reading the signs right and he liked me, and I wanted _more_ than our flirty friendship. So I asked him out. And I’m the one who asked him to move in with me. And I’m the one who asked him to marry me. Because I wanted more.”

“Greedy,” Madge murmurs with a sly smile.

Sal laughs. “Incredibly. But he—Benny wanted all of those things too, he was just more nervous than I was to go after it. And now we’re getting married and we’re both happy and none of that would’ve happened or would be happening if I settled.”

Madge sighs. “Maybe I’m just not as brave as you,” she says.

Sal shrugs. “You _can_ be.”

* * *

Benny insists that with Sal hanging out with Madge that the two of them can afford to go to the bar and get a quick drink before heading home. “And you can pay,” Benny persists, “to congratulate me on getting engaged.” Gale reminds him that he had an entire  _engagement party_ but Benny scoffs. “Am I not worth my own personal drink and congratulation?”

So that’s how they end up at the bar a few blocks away from Gale’s apartment.

He has a lot on his mind. At some point today Delta called him into her office with a sharp look on her face.

He wasn’t even seated before she asked, “How’s your girlfriend?” Gale tensed up and hesitated before actually taking the seat across from her desk. “I’m assuming that’s who you went to rescue when the bomb went off in South 2?” Gale took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to answer her question. “Using nation-wide resources to check on _one person_ is not acceptable, Lieutenant. If you could not even focus for one night without putting her first then how are we expected to root out the Panem Protectors, hm? How are we supposed to end this war?”

“She’s pregnant with my child,” Gale murmured, barely being able to look her in the eyes. “And I admit I was distracted and it was not a good use of our resources or our time, but we caught two guilty men in the end so it shouldn’t matter.”

Delta arched a cool eyebrow at him. “She’s pregnant?” she asked. Gale tipped his head forward. “For how long? Before or after you started working with her in the Panem Outreach Program? Gale this is _highly_ unprofessional behavior and to not even _inform_ your chief—”

“Again,” Gale cut her off sharply. “I’ve been doing my job to the best of my ability, handling my assignment with Benny and Madge at POP, and have been doing exceedingly well. Her pregnancy and our relationship does not affect my work ethic while I’m there, or while I’m here.” Gale didn’t know if he was lying or not. Whenever he was in the office he always managed to get work done. It was only when something horrible had happened, the bomb or the train explosion, did he put Madge first. Right? “If you have any doubts about my abilities then please, ask General Waters, and he can confirm I’ve been focused.”

Delta didn’t look to happy with him. “If you need another assignment—”

“I don’t,” Gale snapped. Part of it was anger with Delta in general, but another part of it was fear of what _assignment_ she had in mind. This one, working with the Outreach Program, was mostly hands off (except for the training of the recruits which wasn’t real action) and he wouldn’t _dare_ be moved somewhere more involved in the seeking of the terrorist organization. It would tear him apart. “I feel more effective where I am now,” Gale told his boss, “over everything I’ve done in the past four years. Please, Chief.”

She sat backwards in her seat. “Your case will be reviewed and discussed. Don’t get comfortable with POP though, Lieutenant.”

Benny seems to notice that Gale’s mind is elsewhere. At the bar he snaps his hand in front of his partner’s face a few times. “Maybe I should get _you_ a drink,” he says, and Gale waves him off. He orders two drinks, one for the both of them, before sitting down on a stool. As though Benny’d been reading his mind he asks, “What’d Delta call you into her office for?”

Gale considers lying. But after tipping back some of his drink he clears his throat. “She knows we went into South 2 to get Madge and now she knows that Madge is pregnant. Says it’s unprofessional to keep working at POP.”

Benny scoffs. “If anything it makes us a stronger team.” He shakes his head. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” Gale remains silent, drinking a little bit more of the brown liquid in his glass. “She’s just trying to get under your skin,” Benny tells his friend. “She’s in a shitty marriage and whatever was going on with you two must’ve been good and—” Gale holds up his hand with a deep sigh, pleading wordlessly for Benny to stop talking. Thankfully he does. “It’s not right how she treats you different.”

“Thanks, Benny,” Gale murmurs.

They spend the next hour or so talking about things that aren’t work, which is crazy. Gale’s learning more things about Benny than he’d ever expected to know. About his family, about his life in District 2 before the war, about his role _in_ the war. Sometime in the middle of their second drink an old friend of Benny’s from high school shows up and the two instantly dive into a conversation.

Gale resolves to finish his glass and head back to his apartment. He hasn’t had too much to drink, the servings were small, and he doesn’t feel impaired at all. He tests his balance on his walk to the restroom to take a piss and on his way back out runs into someone who he vaguely remembers.

“Hey there, soldier.” It’s a woman his age, tall, pretty, with long wavy brown hair and bright brown eyes. “Remember me?” Gale stands up a little straighter and makes some sort of face, because he _kind of_ remembers her, but _not really_. “It’s okay,” she says with a little laugh. “Kori,” she reminds him.

“Ah, right. Kori.”

“Gale,” she recalls, and he nods his head. A smile fills her face. “I was over there with my friends,” she says, gesturing to a group of girls sitting at a table. “And saw you and remembered about that one time we… you know.” Gale makes another face, this one less unsure, and tips his head forward. “What do you say?” she asks, leaning forward to rest her hand on his shoulder. “Round two?”

Gale jerks away as though he’s been burned. “Ah, sorry,” he says. “Gonna have to go with no.” She looks upset but also like she understands. “Sorry, Kori. You’re beautiful. But I’ve got someone…”

“Don’t need an explanation,” she says airily before smiling and starting back toward her friends. “Just thought I’d give it a shot!”

Gale watches her until she’s with her friends before he quickly makes his way back to Benny. After saying he’s going to head home and paying for the drinks he’d ordered and making sure Benny is good to drive or find a way home, Gale leaves the bar as fast as he can.

How long has it been since he last slept with someone? It used to be so easy, so natural. It gave him comfort. It was another one of his coping methods. When had he stopped? Driving home Gale tries to remember when the last time he hooked up was. Back in District 4, the night before Madge told him she was pregnant. He didn’t remember making the decision to stop – but it made sense. Of course he wouldn’t go out having sex with strangers when he had a child on the way. And now, knowing Madge, he could _never_ …

Back at his apartment he’s surprised to find that Sal’s still there. He’s on the counter browsing a tablet with dim lighting and makes some sort of _shhh_ face at Gale as he enters.

“She’s asleep,” Sal murmurs, gesturing to Madge curled up on the couch. Even with the dim lighting he can make her features out. Her soft golden eyelashes. Her long golden hair. God, she’s so beautiful. Gale lets out a short breath. With Madge in the picture how could he even _try_ looking elsewhere? If he ever allowed himself to… she would be as good as it gets.

He rakes his hands through his hair before turning to Sal. “Thanks for staying,” he murmurs. “She doesn’t get a lot of visitors.”

“It’s been fun,” Sal admits. He powers down the tablet—Madge’s, Gale can see now—and scoots off of the chair he’s been sitting on. “Figured I’d hang around until you got back. She was doing some work and just…”

“Yeah,” Gale says with a small smile. “She gets really into it.”

“Yeah,” Sal echoes. His smile makes Gale think he knows something. “See you later,” Sal says before dipping his head at Gale and starting for the door.

After Sal leaves Gale just watches Madge for a moment. He doesn’t have words to describe her. Her presence in his life has changed him dramatically and it hasn’t even been that long. She’s brought a calmness to him that he’d thought was gone forever. A light where he’d thought he’d gone all dark. Hell, she got him to sing her a lullaby. He’d never, in his entire life, expected he’d do that again.

Finally he crosses the room and stoops down to her side. “Madge,” he murmurs gently. He shakes her shoulder as softly as he can. “Madge, c’mon, you can’t sleep on the couch.” She blinks a few time and sits up, rubbing at her eyes. “Morning, Princess,” Gale says with a smile.

She squints at him in the dim light. “What are _you_ so happy about?” she asks.

He laughs. “What?”

“You’re smiling,” she says sleepily. “You never smile.” Gale laughs again as she sits up more, swinging her legs over the side. She looks grumpy and her hair is a mess. It’s annoyingly adorable. “Stop,” she warns him, a smile starting to creep onto her face. “It’s seriously freaking me out, Gale.” He laughs again and stands before she murmurs, “Ow.” He looks down at his feet making sure he hasn’t accidentally stepped on her toes before she sits up a little straighter. “What the…”

“Madge?” Her hand moves quickly to rest atop her stomach. “Madge,” Gale says again.

“Shhh.” Her eyebrows come together as though she’s focused on something very intensely before she gasps. “Oh my God!” Her hand flies forward to grab Gale’s and soon she’s pulling her shirt up over her belly, forcing his hand to spread out by her belly button. Gale’s entirely confused until he feels a little _thwack_. “Did you feel it?”

“Is that—”

“I think it is!”

“But isn’t it too early?”

“Iris said everyone’s different!” Madge covers his hand with her own and looks up at him with wide blue eyes. “You felt it though? You felt him kick?”

“I felt him kick,” Gale breathes. “Oh my God.” _Thwack_. “Holy _shit_.” And then Madge’s other hand is on Gale’s cheek, her thumb swiping below his eye. Is he crying? “That’s our baby,” he rasps. Madge is smiling so brightly it’s like her face could split in two. She nods her head. “That’s our baby, Madge,” he says again.

“That’s our baby,” Madge repeats. “That’s Pearl.” _Thwack_. Madge laughs a teary laugh and Gale reaches up with his free hand, swatting at his eyes. They’re like that for a moment, waiting for the small kicks of their baby, when Madge finally pulls away. Something flickers in her eyes that shatters the moment at once. “I should, um…” she grabs Gale’s hand that’s on her belly and returns it to him before standing. “I should get to bed.”

Gale doesn’t want this to end. He wants her to stay close. He wants to talk about Pearl. This reminds him…

“Ever since I said I wanted to be in Pearl’s life,” Gale blurts, “you’ve been distancing yourself.” Madge stands up a little straighter, looking at him curiously. “Right after the bomb we sat at the counter and I said I was all in. And since then you’ve been… you’ve been distancing yourself.” Madge meets his eyes only for a moment before looking away. “I don’t…” he trails off softly. “I don’t understand. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“It was,” she says. “It _is_.”

“Then why…?”

“You said you were in it for Pearl.” Madge lifts her shoulders into a little shrug. “You said you wanted to be _clear_ that you were in it for _Pearl_.”

“But that doesn’t…” Gale trails off again, shaking his head. “That doesn’t mean _not_ for you?” He reaches up, dragging a hand through his hair. “When I said I was in this for Pearl I didn’t mean I wanted nothing to do with you.” Madge still isn’t looking at him, her eyes are by his feet. “I _want_ us to be friends, Madge. I _want_ us to be close.”

Her eyes dart up to his. “Then why did you word it that way?”

“I don’t know." Yes he does. Because _admitting_ that he's in it for Madge... that he hopes that  _maybe one day_ , when he's all rewired and not so dark... It's just so much easier to distance himself than to be honest. To admit he _wants_ her. He drags his hand through his hair again. “Of course I care about you,” he carries on. “Of course you’re important to me. That’s true with or without Pearl in the picture. I thought you knew that.” Madge isn’t sure how to respond. “I’m not—I…” he scrubs at his face. Gale doesn’t know how to word what he wants to say. “That’s what I can give you for now,” he says. _Friends_. “But that doesn’t mean…”

Madge thinks she understands. She dips her head into a nod. “Okay,” she whispers.

“Just don’t… please don’t shut yourself off from me.”

“Okay,” she says again. “Then you can’t either.” Gale doesn’t respond right away and she reaches forward to grab his hand. “You can’t either,” she repeats with force, squeezing his fingertips.

He nods his head. “Okay,” he returns. “I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex Positive strangers are great! Not everything needs to be a big deal. Lady saw Gale and was like "hey I had great sex with him wonder if he's up for round two" and he was like "nah" and she was like hey at least I went for it. That's how the world should operate in my opinion haha. 
> 
> Gale, just a dude with feelings that scare the crap out of him. Typical. But we had some good moments! And progress! And Sal!!! Let me know what you think, friends! Hope you enjoyed it!


	22. From District 2 to... Somewhere Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 24 Weeks Pregnant

“They need a new name,” Benny mutters, rubbing at his eyes. Word just came in that another attack, this time in District 4, happened in the late hours of the night. “Panem Protectors,” he snaps. “When we call them that we _validate_ them. It’s not okay. They aren’t protecting Panem.”

“Panem Terrorists works fine for me,” Gale says in response. He called Annie’s house the moment he found out only to find out she was still staying with Johanna in 7. “That doesn’t validate them, it calls them what they are.”

“I’m making a motion,” Benny says. “It’s a good thing our trained people were out there. They caught three more men.” Gale sighs but nods in agreement. What is the _purpose_ of these lunatics? What are they trying to _prove_?

Gale wasn’t involved in interrogating the boys caught here in District 2 but he did hear a bit of their results. The attack in South 2 was meant to cause the poor and the homeless to feel more estranged from society, to blame the richer parts of 2 for not lending a hand. It backfired, because after the clinic was blown up so many people came out to help them rebuild and clean the streets. The entire purpose of the terrorists is to start a class war and to make people feel unsafe. But  _why_?

“If they can orchestrate cross-district attacks,” Gale says, mostly to himself, “how big _are_ they?”

* * *

At the Panem Outreach Program, Madge looks to Lora’s desk with a twisting in her stomach that has nothing to do with Pearl. Her friend will be home soon and they haven’t spoken in weeks. She tries to focus on her work for District 7 considering they’ll be heading there sooner rather than later but she’s just so distracted. She’s happy, at least, to be back in the office.

“Madge?” she hears. She turns to find one of her three bosses, Richie, the chubby balding man, motioning for her to join him in his office. Nerves bubble up in her stomach as she stands and makes her way over to the office. When she arrives she finds her other two bosses, Patricia and Dottie, in there as well. She sits and looks around at the three of them. “Welcome,” Richie says brightly.

So she’s not in trouble. “Hi,” Madge returns.

“As you know we already have Lora out in Augmentum, establishing trade connections and personal connections, things like that,” Richie says, and Madge nods.

“I’m sure you talk to her often but she’s doing a wonderful job out there. We should be set to start actual trades in a few weeks or so, bringing in spices and different plants and a whole boatload of things Panem doesn’t have,” Dottie continues. “Which is incredible. It’ll be the first time Panem has a trade established outside of the country since before the Dark Days. It’s not with all of Augmentum, just a few select countries, but regardless it’s a perfect start.”

“That does sound incredible,” Madge says quietly.

Patricia leans forward now, “With the success of these trade agreements being forged we’ve started contacting other countries as well, namely in Pecuniam.” Madge perks up a little bit. That was the continent Gale was telling her about, out East across the Ocean. “You’ve heard of it?” Patricia asks.

“A little bit,” Madge admits. “I haven’t done too much research because Augmentum was our original priority and since then I’ve been working with Safety and Defense, but yes.”

“Wonderful,” Richie says with a grin. “There’s a position opening up to establish more trade agreements with some countries over there. Now, if you accept it’ll be a three-month solo journey, just you, and—”

“Wait, wait,” Madge stops him, sitting up. “You’re offering—me?”

All three of them nod. “You,” Patricia says. “We thought you would’ve been perfect for Augmentum but with the attacks we figured someone with at least a basis of knowledge in government should stay back and work with Security and Defense. But now that the basis of that joint program is established the work can easily be passed on to someone else in the department. And _you_ can go to Pecuniam.”

“We know how much you want to travel,” Dottie carries on, “and though Panem is amazing, going off to another _continent_ would be something to sate your wanderlust.”

Madge feels lighter than she has in months. She was supposed to go to Augmentum in the first place—they wanted _her_. And now they’ve constructed a job _just for her_ to go to Pecuniam! To travel, to set up trade routes, to making connections overseas! This is more than she could’ve ever hoped for! She opens her mouth to respond when there’s a hearty _thwack_ in her belly. With the kick it’s as though she’s been popped. She deflates at once.

“It’s… an amazing opportunity,” she murmurs. All three of her bosses tilt their head at her, narrowing their eyes ever-so slightly. “But I—I’m sorry, I just can’t accept.”

They all exchange a glance before Dottie clears her throat. “We don’t understand,” she says simply. “Ever since you started working with the Outreach Program you’ve shown phenomenal results, have been great at establishing connections, expressed a desire to travel, and—”

“I’m sorry,” Madge says softly. “It’s incredible and I’m so honored that you want _me_ to be that person. And if things were different then yes, absolutely I’d go, but I…” she trails off, shaking her head slightly. “I just can’t do a three-month solo trip.” She looks down at her stomach and then back up at them. “Because I’m pregnant. And I need to stay here.”

All three of them look surprised. “You’re pregnant?” Patricia asks.

“Almost 25 weeks,” Madge responds. She isn't the biggest, and she supposes if she hasn't been in their line of vision frequently they wouldn't have suspected. Madge knows some people in the office must have an inkling of an idea but no one's said anything, and she's glad. 

“Madge!” Dottie lights up. “That’s incredible! Congratulations!”

“If we’d known we could’ve thrown you a shower!” Richie continues. “That’s amazing!” Madge feels lighter again, but not at the prospect of traveling. Instead because her bosses don’t see this as a bad thing. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I was worried,” Madge admits. “That maybe you’d see me of less of a worker.”

Patricia scoffs and laughs. “You? You’re kidding, right? You’re the best damn worker we’ve got.” Madge smiles, looking down at her hands. “Who’s the father? Anyone we know?”

“Um,” Madge figures she shouldn’t lie. “Lieutenant Hawthorne, actually.”

“Hm,” Richie says with a smile. “Family business, then. Setting up a nation-wide defense system.”

Madge laughs now, looking up at them. “You don’t mind?” she asks. “That we’re working together?”

The three exchange a look before all simultaneously shrugging. “You do incredible work,” Dottie says. “Doesn’t bother me.”

“Or me.”

“Same.”

Madge smiles at them. “Thank you,” she says quietly. “For—for everything. You three really make me feel valued. And the position—it sounds incredible. I just hope—I hope one day I really _can_ travel to another continent, explore other countries. Just now isn’t that time for me.”

Patricia reaches across the desk and grabs Madge’s hand. “We’ll make sure you get your chance,” she tells her. “Swear it.”

* * *

That evening Madge is doing some dishes when she hears her tablet ringing. She turns off the sink and hurries to the tablet, confused when she sees Lora’s name there. Lora’s calling her. She dries her hands and gets situated at the counter before answering. Gale ran out for some groceries so she doesn’t mind sitting in the open space.

Soon Lora’s face comes into view and Madge sits up a little straighter. She’s a lot tanner now and her hair seems to have lightened, probably from spending so much time in the sun. Madge isn’t sure what to say.

Lora forces an awkward sort of smile and says, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Madge says.

It’s quiet again for a moment before Lora lets out a short breath. “I, uh, I wanted to call before I came back. Because I don’t want things to be awkward when I get home.” Madge dips her head, though she doesn’t respond. “I mean—I was… I was clearly wrong, and I’m big enough to admit that. Gale came for you after the attack and has been supporting you and it wasn’t right for me to say he wouldn’t do those things. He clearly cares about you.”

“He does,” Madge confirms.

“I was just worried about you,” Lora carries on. “I mean you’re pregnant and being pregnant without being married these days isn’t the greatest and I didn’t want you to get your hopes up and get hurt again. Because I feel like that happens to you too often.”

Madge softens a bit, looking elsewhere. “Yeah, well.”

Lora sighs after a long silence. “Are we going to be okay?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” Madge admits.

Again there’s a long pause. “Are you going to move back in?”

“Maybe,” she says. “I have a routine here and it’s nice being around Pearl’s father so we can talk about baby stuff.” Lora dips her head. “We’ll see how it is once you’re back.”

“Okay.” They’re both quiet again, not sure what to say, when Lora shrugs. “I have a boyfriend," she says. "He lives here in Recentia, where I’m stationed for now.” Madge lets out a soft laugh, almost like she’s exhaling. “His name’s Zain.”

“Well congrats.” Madge hears the locks on the door turning, meaning Gale’s home, and she turns back to the tablet. _Don’t get your hopes up,_ she wants to say to Lora. To throw it back in her face. But she doesn’t. “I’ve got to go. See you soon.”

“Wait,” Lora blurts before Madge can hang up. “Miss you,” she says quietly.

Madge sighs. “Miss you too,” she murmurs. She hangs up before Lora can say anything else. Just in time, because the door swings open and Gale’s on the other side. “Let me help,” Madge says quickly, grabbing a few of the lighter paper bags from Gale’s hands to carry into the kitchen. He smiles at her gratefully and kicks the door shut behind him. “How was the store?”

“Fine,” he answers. “Did I hear you talking to yourself, or am I losing it?”

Madge smiles at him over her shoulder. “I was on the tablet. Lora called.” Gale arches an eyebrow but Madge shrugs. “She apologized, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I don’t know.”

“What were you two fighting about, anyway?” he asks, but Madge doesn’t answer. “Ah, okay, silent treatment. Sure. Fine.” Madge makes a face at him and she’s pleased with he smiles another time. “Reminds me,” he murmurs, “can I borrow it? Your tablet?”

Madge shrugs. “Sure. Why?”

“I uh,” Gale reaches down to dig through one of the bags. “I’m gonna tell Ma,” he says. Madge heart twists. She knows Hazelle already knows, but Gale finally wants to tell her? She presses her lips together firmly to keep herself from smiling. “Figured it’s about time, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Madge agrees. He looks up at her and finds her still smiling. It makes him feel less nervous. “I can sit with you?”

“That’d be great,” Gale says with a nod. "Thank you." 

* * *

An hour later they’re settled on the couch in the living room, ringing Vick’s tablet ID and hoping for an answer. Soon enough Vick’s face appears on the screen and he grins at them. “Hey, you two,” he cheers. “Pose! Look who it is!” They hear rapid footsteps and then Posy materializes on the screen.

“Hi! Hi!”

“Hey guys,” Gale says with a smile. Madge will always be amazed how much he absolutely lights up when his siblings are involved. His eyes get brighter and squinty like he's looking into the sun. His smile is so wide and pure that Madge feels like she could melt. “Ma around? I want to talk to her.”

“We _have_ a house phone,” Posy reminds him.

“Well I wanted to video,” Gale returns. “Can you grab her?” Posy runs off and Vick stays on the screen. “How you been?”

“Good,” Vick answers. “Actually, Ma wants to come visit. So it’s a good thing you called.” Gale glances at Madge who only shrugs. She actually talks to Hazelle on the phone almost once a week but she’s never mentioned this. “Rory’s getting close to leaving school and might want to tour the districts. Would be nice to start in District 2, I think is Ma’s thinking.”

“Not much here,” Gale mutters. “And it’s not safe. With the terrorists?”

“There’ve been terrorists around Panem my entire life,” Hazelle says, appearing on the screen with a smile. “Only they used to be called Peacekeepers and Gamemakers. If anything, these terrorists are less scary because they’re breaking the law and going to be punished for it.” She grins at the two of them. “Hi honey. Madge.”

“Hi,” Madge says.

“Hey Ma.”

“How’re you two? What’s going on?”

“I just, uh,” Gale glances toward Madge who gives him an affirming look. “I wanted to talk to you about something but I figured it wouldn’t be good to do over the phone,” he says. Madge reaches out of camera view and rests her hand on Gale’s knee, squeezing once. He isn’t sure how to feel about carrying on this conversation with two out of three of the kids there, but he powers through. “So, Madge is—” he falters for a moment before clearing his throat. “Madge is pregnant.”

Posy gasps, forcing her way into view. “What?!”

Vick grins. “Nice!”

Hazelle smiles knowingly and relief fills Gale’s body. "Gale that's..." she trails off, shaking her head a little as her smile grows. "Wow! Congratulations,” she says gently to the two of them. “Wedding bells in the future, I hope?”

“Uh,” Gale laughs a little awkwardly, and Madge grins, shaking her head. “We… have done things a little… backwards.”

“Tell me about it,” Vick grins. He starts to sing an old rhyme, “ _First comes love, then comes marriage,_ then _comes the baby in the baby carriage!”_ Gale looks to Madge as his family sort of talks amongst themselves, shushing Vick and asking more questions. Madge swears she sees Hazelle wink but decides not to say anything. “Well this is _perfect_! Now we really have a reason to come visit.”

“Visit who?” they hear, Rory’s voice from out of view. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Gale and Madge,” Posy answers. “Madge is pregnant!”

“Well that’s not news,” Rory mutters. “Katniss told me like, a month ago.”

Gale deflates a bit, turning to Madge. “You told Katniss?”

“I told Peeta,” she corrects. “And Delly, I mean… I figured you would’ve…”

“Not that trip,” he admits tiredly. “I should call her.” Madge nods in agreement as they turn back to Gale’s family. Rory doesn’t once appear on the screen. “I just wanted to let you all know. Figured it was about time.”

“Well thank you for telling us, Sweetheart,” Hazelle says brightly. “And congratulations! That child is going to be _such_ a stunner. I mean Gale you’re so handsome and _Madge_ so beautiful! I can hardly wait to see what this baby looks like.” Gale laughs a little but it’s not the same, he’s still knocked down a peg learning that Katniss knows about the baby. He tells his family he loves them and hurries off to call Katniss, and Madge stays on the tablet for a moment. “Things are going well, then?” she asks.

“Very well. Iris, our midwife, she’s so helpful.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Hazelle says.

Vick pushes her out of the way. “Okay,” he whispers. “I totally knew too. Rory told me. I think Posy was the only one who—”

“Hey!” Posy shouts. “That’s not _fair_! Is it a boy or a girl? How round are you!” Madge laughs and talks to the Hawthorne siblings and Hazelle for a little bit while Gale goes off to call Katniss. Madge hung the Mellark’s phone number on the wall by the Hawthorne’s and with a heavy hand he lifts the phone to dial.

It’s a few rings before someone answers, and it’s Peeta. “Hey,” Gale says. “It’s Gale. Katniss there?”

"Gale," Peeta says slowly. "She... yeah, she's here." Peeta seems hesitant to hand the phone over but Gale insists.

“It’s about the baby, alright?” And so Peeta caves, passing the phone to Katniss. "Katniss? Listen, I know you know. About Madge." Somehow it's easier to talk to her over the phone. If he was telling her this in person, or even over video, he's not sure it would feel like this. "I wanted to be the one to tell you."

Katniss is quiet on the other end for so long that Gale feels his stomach tightening into knots. "Why didn't you?" Katniss finally asks. "And why now?"

"I just told Ma and the kids.  _Just now_. Because I-I wasn't ready. I hadn't been home, and..." he trails off, shaking his head. This is too complicated. Having a baby is complicated enough without all of this extra drama. "I wanted to tell them when I was. And I wanted to tell  _you_. We hadn't talked for years and adding that I got Madge pregnant didn’t seem like the best way to rebuild a bridge.” Katniss sighs. “I’m sorry. Madge is pregnant.”

She snorts. It's a sound Gale hasn't heard in such a long time. “Yeah.”

“It wasn’t planned," Gale adds.

“Obviously.” The phone shifts on the other end. “You two hate each other.”

“Eh,” Gale makes a noise of disagreement. “Maybe before. And you know—not even really. You knew it wasn’t _her_ I hated.”

“Just her position,” Katniss carries on tiredly. “Yeah. It’s still... yeah.”

“Yeah,” Gale agrees. Because it is weird, and complicated, and intricate. Never in his life did he expect to end up this close with Madge Undersee. But he doesn’t regret it. “But I really do care about her," he says gently, turning to look at Madge in the living room. She's laughing at the tablet, still talking to Posy and Vick, and her face is lit up as though she couldn't be happier.

Katniss sighs loudly. “I mean, if you’re happy, then that's... what matters.”

Gale sighs too. “I’m working on it.”

* * *

Over dinner Madge turns to Gale, gnawing on her bottom lip. He notices it right away but doesn’t say anything for a minute, hoping she’ll say whatever’s on her mind. When she doesn’t he bumps her elbow with his and makes a face that says  _spit it out already_ .

“I know we’ve already sort of talked about it,” she says. “But today when you found out Katniss knew about Pearl…”

Gale swallows the stew that Madge has made before answering. “We were friends for a long time,” Gale says. “And I miss that. That sort of friendship.” Madge nods as he talks. “But there’s nothing there. And I don’t wish there was. Not… romantically.” He shrugs slightly. “Katniss never wanted kids, anyway. You know that.” Madge nods again, because she does know that. “I’m… glad it’s you.”

Madge’s face feels hot. She’ll settle with this, wait until later to try and get the conversation going more. Instead she decides to change the subject, holding this information in her clutches and in her heart. “I was offered a job today,” Madge says after taking a bite of the stew. And while Gale’s happy she’s helping out around the house, helping cook, she really should get Hazelle to send some recipes their way. Not that it’s awful, it could just be _a lot_ better. He inconspicuously tries to add a bit more spice. Tomorrow he’ll give her tips instead of doing work. “To go to Pecuniam.”

Gale arches an eyebrow. A sly smile fills his face. He knows how badly she wants to go. “Yeah?”

“I had to turn it down.”

He swivels in his stool to face her. “What? Why?”

“It was a three-month solo trip and I’m having a baby soon.” Gale sighs loudly and Madge lifts her shoulders into a shrug. “I’ll get a chance to go. Eventually.” Gale knocks her elbow with his. They’ve been sitting at the counter for meals as to not waste space. The dining room table it huge anyway and there’s no use in sitting there unless it’s a special occasion or more people are over. “I will,” she insists.

Gale's quiet for a moment before he says, "I'm sorry." Madge shrugs her shoulders. She really does believe she'll get to travel one day. "If it weren't for this huge mess..." Gale trails off, shaking his head. Madge knows what he's saying.  _If we hadn't slept together, if you weren't pregnant, if Pearl wasn't here_... 

"Gale," Madge turns to him. "It's-don't blame yourself for this?" His eyes are down on his bowl and he swirls his spoon around without responding. "I don't  _blame_ you for this."

"Of course you don't. But that doesn't mean-"

"Stop," she cuts him off. "I'm happy." The words are so forceful that Gale looks up from his meal and over at her. "And I'll get to travel. But now I'll get to do it with  _Pearl_. That's amazing to me. I'm willing to wait." The hold each other's gaze for a long time before Madge repeats, "I'm happy." 

Gale's quiet another moment before he answers, “I believe you.” 

The words are small but they mean to much to Madge. It resonates in her chest and she quickly looks back to her food. “And I want to see this work with the police force finished," she carries on, "you know?” Gale tips his head into a nod as she spoons another bite of stew. She has to change the subject. She can't let Gale feel guilty for this, not when it's something he can't possibly feel guilty for. “Are you thinking of staying with Security and Defense forever?” she asks.

Gale’s eyebrows come together. “I… haven’t thought about it,” he admits. “I mean I don’t really know what else I would do.”

“Are you kidding?” Madge swivels to face him. “You could work in architecture and build things because you’re great with schematics and plans. Or you could work outdoors, preserving nature or utilizing it, cataloging the lands. Gale there’s so _much_ you could do besides working with security.”

Gale feels his ears go hot. “I just haven’t really thought about it,” he murmurs again. This time Madge knocks him with _her_ elbows. “One thing at a time, I guess. Police force now.”

“Something else later,” she finishes for him.

“Something else later,” Gale confirms.

* * *

Gale dreams about Finnick.

It’s not the first time, but it is the first time in a long time. They’re in an empty room, Gale sitting in a cool black chair with the hair on his neck standing on edge, and Finnick is standing in front of him. His green eyes are lifeless, empty, and he circles Gale like a vulture waiting to devour its prey. Gale can’t hear his footsteps but he knows he’s walking, walking, walking. Gale feels like he’s tethered to the chair, like something is holding him back, something tight around his throat.

Finally Finnick stops. He stands in front of Gale directly and smiles. “It was easy, wasn’t it?” he asks.

Gale sits up in a rush as he gasps for air. His bedroom eases to life before him but it’s not over, it’s never that easy. Cool green eyes stare at him from the dark corners, waiting, watching, coming closer. Gale throws the blankets off of himself and darts to the closet, slamming the door shut without daring to look back. _It was easy, wasn’t it?_ It echoes in his head. Gale squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. He shakes his head. He tugs at his throat as though there’s still a strap there holding him back.

He slams his head backwards against the wall. They can never follow him into the closet. Gale’s alone with his thoughts in there.

_It was easy, wasn’t it?_

Gale’s fist meets the wall like greeting an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feel I get from the Panem Outreach Program is really lax and they just kind of do their own thing, trying to make Panem better by working with other programs, like a small little family just going day by day. It's a big contrast to Gale's work, I think, where they're so uptight about everything. Besides, Madge deserves some love from those employers, she's a hard worker! 
> 
> I feel like Katniss, when it comes to Gale, is kind of resigned at this point. In my head she understands that she doesn't know this new version of him, just as he doesn't know the new version of her, and while neither of them are really /okay/ with it they're still relearning how to be friends. Peeta's still hesitant about Gale entirely, but he's working on it! Happy to bring in the Hawthorne's, they're always so fun. And might be visiting in the future? Interesting... 
> 
> Happy Friday, friends! x


	23. Lora Comes Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25 Weeks Pregnant

Gale’s acting strange in the morning and Madge notices it right away. He shuffles in a way that his back is always to her, he doesn’t use many words when greeting her, and it seems like he’s still asleep. It isn’t for a few minutes until she finally catches sight of his swollen, bloody knuckles, does she realize why he's been so quiet.

“Gale!” she shrieks. He leaps at the sound, spinning around to face her in the kitchen with eyes wider than the moon. “What the hell happened to your hands?” Gale’s eyes dart down to his knuckles and he quickly moves them out of view. “Did you get in a fight?” she asks.

“No.”

“Well your hands weren’t like that when we went to sleep last night!” She marches over to him and grabs his wrist, though he recoils at her touch. _What is wrong with you?_ she wants to shout. Instead she reaches for him again, this time slower. “Are you okay?” Madge asks quietly. Gale doesn’t pull away this time, and when she tugs him to face her he does so. “What happened?” Gale doesn’t respond, and she huffs. “Fine,” she snaps. “Let me at least clean this.”

“ _Madge_ ,” he tries to tear his wrist from her but she holds tightly. “It’s nothing,” he mutters. “It’s just…” but it’s clear Gale trails off with no real plan to finish. Madge pushes him so his back is against the counter before she rifles through one of the cabinets, pulling out a small first-aid kit she noticed a while back.

He winces as she dabs alcohol from small square packets on his knuckles, and again as she dabs cream on the wounds. He’s tense as she works. But his hands are gentle as she tugs his fingers upwards to make it easier to wrap on a bandage. When she looks up at him she finds him watching her, that same gentleness in his touch now reflected in his gaze. His lips are slightly parted and he shakes his head almost unnoticeably, as though there’s a thought he wants gone.

“You should be more careful,” she whispers.

Gale clears his throat. “Don’t want you to be late,” he forces out. “We should leave.” He nudges his hips past hers, leaving her in the kitchen to grab his things for work.

* * *

“I have something to do this evening,” Gale tells Madge as they pull up to her building. “So I can’t pick you up.” He turns to look at her as she opens her mouth and he instantly points his finger at her. “You’re not taking the bus. Benny said he could drive you.”

Madge groans. “It’s out of the way.”

“It isn’t. Christ, Madge, do you _really_ want to take the bus?” Madge makes a face at him and he pauses, turning to her with an eyebrow raised. “Well? I mean—you’re an adult. You can make your own decisions.” He looks so goddamn incredulous that Madge has to bite back her smile. “Do you want me to send Benny or not?”

Madge looks down at her hands and smiles. “I’ll wait for Benny,” she says. She reaches across to him, resting her hand on his forearm. “Thanks, Gale.” His eyes follow the motion but he says nothing, that sort of disbelieving and gentle look in his eyes from earlier watching her now. She squeezes once, makes one last look at his knuckles, before letting go. He reaches out quickly though, catching her fingertips before she’s too far gone. “What is it?” she asks.

Gale’s pulled back now but the feeling of his touch remains. “Lora’s back today,” he reminds her. She dips her head. She’s been thinking about it a lot. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he says softly. _I’m going to be here for you whatever happens_. She smiles at him gratefully before exiting the car completely.

* * *

When Madge gets off the elevator on her floor, she’s not surprised to see that a blob of people have already started congregating around Lora’s desk.  _I was supposed to have that job_ , Madge thinks bitterly, but swallows the feeling.  _Next time. Next time_ . She carefully takes her time crossing the room to her desk. She’s nearly halfway there when Lora pushes her way outside the blob of people.

Seeing Lora in person makes Madge feel teary. So they fought. Whatever. But that’s Madge’s _best friend_. Lora crosses the room quickly with a bright smile and outstretched arms and greets Madge with a big hug. Neither of them say anything until Lora finally pulls back. “It’s like you’ve got a ball growing in your stomach!” She looks at Madge’s belly and laughs a little, and soon laughs too. “Hey, Madgey.”

“Hey,” Madge responds softly.

And it feels like, maybe, things are going to be okay.

* * *

Everything seems to fall into place as the rest of the day carries on. Lora asks Madge to fill her in on her life (the bombing, living at Gale’s, baby Pearl) and surprisingly doesn’t talk too much about her time in Augmentum. Which Madge appreciates. A lot.

“It’s so _strange_ being back,” Lora hums, spinning in her swivel chair. “But it’s… nice, you know?”

“Not really,” Madge admits. “I mean, I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“One day!”

“One day,” she agrees.

And while it feels right, _normal_ , to have Lora back, it also feels kind of wrong. It’s the little things. Like the fact that Lora won’t hold her gaze for more than a few seconds. Like the fact that Lora’s almost _always_ looking at Madge’s baby bump. Like every time they get close to one of their old conversations, their old level of teasing, Lora just kind of shuts down and goes back to work.

Thankfully the day passes faster than Madge could’ve hoped. She’s packing up her things when Lora stops by her desk again gnawing on her bottom lip. Madge looks up and Lora hesitates.

“I’m living alone in South 2,” Lora says kind of quietly. Again her eyes won’t meet Madge’s, and Madge blames it on nerves. They haven’t broached the subject yet. “Should I look for a new place, or are you coming home?”

Madge waits for Lora to look at her. To _really_ look at her. And when she does, Madge shrugs. “I’m not sure,” she admits. Lora looks frustrated, but the kind of frustrated where she’s clearly not trying to show that she is. “I don’t know, Lora,” Madge says a little sharply. “You only called me when you realized you were coming back and didn’t have a roommate anymore.” Lora shakes her head slightly as though that wasn’t the reason, but Madge _knows_ it was. At least part of it. “I just need more time. And clearly we do too.”

Madge expects to hear Lora snap. _Whatever_. But instead her friend just shrugs and settles back into her seat. “Sure,” she mutters. “But I can’t pay rent on my own so it’d be nice if you could figure it out soon.”

“Of course,” Madge answers.

She collects her things and says a quiet, quick goodbye before hurrying to the elevator. Benny should be here now and if not, Madge won’t mind sitting in the lobby of the building for a few minutes. But when the elevator opens Madge sees Benny waiting in his car. As she walks out she readjusts her bag, finding it lighter than she expected. Once she get to Benny’s car she rifles through with a huff.

“What is it?” he asks.

“I forgot my tablet,” Madge says. Lora was distracting her as she was getting ready to leave. “I have to run up and grab it.”

“Oh, come on,” Benny says with a smile. “You can go a night without doing work.”

“One, no I can’t.” Benny snorts. “We’re going to District 7 soon and I want to make sure everything is sorted out. And two,” Madge says, dropping her bag on the floor so she can go back up without it. “My tablet is more than just work stuff. Hazelle might call.”

“Mama Hawthorne,” Benny says with a nod.

Madge remembers, suddenly, that Benny has _spoken_ with Hazelle. “Don’t act like you don’t know anything about _Mama Hawthorne_ ,” she says a little sharply. Benny arches a curious eyebrow at her and Madge extends her hand in his direction, pointing at his chest. “I’ll be right back,” she says.

Thankfully the elevator is still on the ground floor of the building so she doesn’t have to wait to get back upstairs. She readjusts her jacket around her and sighs when Pearl kicks her in the bladder.

“Can you at least wait until we’re home?” Madge mutters, resting her hand over her bump. There’s another kick and Madge groans. “You’re a brat,” she says, though she can’t help but smile. She’ll dart to the bathroom and then grab her tablet and then head back to Benny.

But when Madge arrives back in her office, she sees a group formed around Lora’s desk. She’s only been gone for a few minutes, she’s surprised that so many people have gathered around again. There’s something about the way they’re standing, or the way their voices are too soft, that make Madge nervous. It’s like Pearl senses this too because he stops kicking her damned bladder.

Instead of starting for the bathroom, Madge lingers a few steps behind the clump of people. “I mean some of us were talking,” one of the girls from the graphic design section says. “We _knew_ she was pregnant. She just told Richie and Patricia and Dottie though. So it’s confirmed.”

“Well obviously,” Lora says.

“And you’ve known this whole time?” one of the guys asks. “That Madge is pregnant?”

“I mean, yeah,” Lora continues. Madge is still lingering, unsure or not if she wants to hear this conversation. But it’s too late now, she’s in too deep. They’re all so focused on Lora that they don’t even notice her slowly approaching. “I’m her roommate after all.” A few people nod their heads or murmur something else, but then Lora throws her arms up in the air. “I just don’t _understand_ it!” Everyone looks at one another. “To keep an accidental baby when there’s still so much out there to see? I mean—it’s… it’s just downright _stupid_! It’s a childish choice, and she wasn’t making it thinking logically. She was being a goddamn idiot. And now she’s stuck with the thing.”

Madge feels like she’s been punched in the chest. _It’s a childish choice. She was being a goddamn idiot_. She fights off angry tears as she marches to her desk, ignoring all of them completely, and shoving someone out of her way. _And now she’s stuck with the thing._ She opens her drawer and grabs her tablet before slamming the door shut. Someone gasps and everyone turns to find Madge collecting her things.

“Oh,” one of the girls says. “Madge, we were just—”

“Don’t worry, I heard what you were _just_ ,” she snaps. She looks Lora dead in the eye. “I’m not coming home,” she says clearly. Lora’s lips are parted, her eyes wide in fear? Panic? Madge isn’t sure. She doesn’t stick around to find out. She readjusts her bag on her shoulder and marches away without turning back. Even when Lora calls her name.

She hurries to the elevator and slams the ground floor button as she sucks in sharp breaths. Why would Lora say that? She’s always been supportive of Madge keeping the baby. She blinks hard. She can’t cry, not until she’s home. Not until she’s away from Benny. She doesn’t need him asking questions. And dammit, she still has to pee!

In the car she’s silent. Benny doesn’t notice that Madge’s demeanor has changed. He misreads this. He drags his hand though his hair and lets out a deep sigh. “Look,” he says. “I didn’t reach out to her, she reached out to me.”

Madge blinks hard. No tears. Not yet. “What?”

“Gale’s mom,” Benny says. “And it’s not—it wasn’t like we were gossiping or anything. She’d just—she’d call every month or so, ask how he was.” Madge ignores the thrumming of her heart and tries to focus on this. “My mom can’t even look at me anymore, Madge,” Benny says softly. “So when Gale’s mom reached out, when she showed me that she still cared—that she wanted him to have his space just wanted to know how he _was_ …”

“Benny, I understand.”

“I just don’t want you to think I was sneaking around, or something. The conversations were like, five minutes each.” He sighs again, still dragging his hand over his head. “I know Gale wouldn’t like it,” he murmurs.

“I won’t tell him,” Madge says.

“And once you all went home—she doesn’t call me anymore.”

“I understand,” Madge says another time. He dips his head, almost shamefully. “Benny, you care about Gale,” Madge says. If she can focus on this she doesn’t have to think about Lora, about the way her heart is aching. “I know that. And I know how much Hazelle cares about him. There was nothing malicious about a phone call every once in a while to make sure he was doing okay.” Again he dips his head. “I won’t tell Gale,” she finishes.

He sighs. “Thank you.” They drive in silence for a few more minutes before Benny finally continues. “It’s just—he and I, we’re really friends now, you know?” Madge tips her head to look at the man beside her. “Before we were just partners. But now he’s my friend. I’m his friend. At least, I think I am.”

“Of course you are.”

“And I don’t have too many friends.” Madge arches an eyebrow at Benny and he catches her look. “I’m serious. They find out about Sal and slowly creep away.”

“Gale’s not like that.”

“I know.” Benny shrugs. “That’s why he can’t know I had monthly conversations with his mom.” Madge smiles a little then. “You know how he gets.”

“I do,” Madge confirms. Gale closes himself off. He distances himself. Madge does the same. They pull up outside Gale’s apartment building and Benny smiles at her. “Thanks for the ride,” she says.

“You want me to come up? Wait until Gale’s back?”

“No,” she says quickly. Too quickly. Benny doesn’t seem to notice. For once, she _needs_ to be alone. She needs a minute by herself to gather her thoughts, to cry, to scream without anyone else there to judge her. “See you soon,” she says.

Benny tips his head and Madge climbs out of the car.

The elevator takes too long, and soon she’s in Gale’s apartment with the door locked. Her bag is forgotten by the door. She kicks off her shoes and hurries in, digging through his cabinets until she finds what she’s looking for. God, she just wants to _forget_. She doesn’t want to think about it. She doesn’t want to be forced to think about it. And soon, the bottle of whiskey is in her hands. And all she wants to do is forget.

* * *

Gale feels like his session with Doctor Carlson was a good one.

Even after his dream about Finnick, Gale’s not ready to talk about that year. About what he did. But they take steps, and they get closer, and Gale feels like _soon_. He’ll be able to talk about it _soon_. He’ll get that weight off his chest _soon_. He’ll be able to breathe again _soon_. Just not yet. Not now.

He did talk about his dream, but only briefly. He almost hoped Doctor Carlson would prescribe him some new sleeping pills. But he didn’t.

“You can’t use violence to ground yourself, Gale,” Doctor Carlson said. It’s what Gale does. He has a vision. He goes in the closet. He hits the wall until his knuckles bleed so he knows he’s real. That he’s awake. That he’s alive. “It’s not healthy, you have to find something else.”

“It’s all I know,” Gale answered.

“I guarantee it’s not.” He gave Gale a few other alternatives but Gale can barely remember them now.

He parks his car and slowly makes his way to the elevator, feeling better than he did this morning. Madge kept touching him this morning, comforting, soft. She was gentle with him. Sometimes Gale doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to have someone be so gentle with him. But she was. And it made him nervous. Not necessarily a bad kind. Just nervous. He wishes he could give it back to her. The soft, comforting touches that she gives him. God knows she needs them. She needs all the support in the world and Gale doesn’t know how to give it all to her.

When he opens the door to the apartment, the air feels thick. It’s a gut feeling, something Gale’s gotten used to ever since fighting in the war. That something is wrong. He sees Madge’s shoes by the door next to her bag, toppled over, and worry strikes his core.

“Madge?” he calls. There’s no response. He strides into the apartment at full speed, calling her name another time. “Madge, you here?” And then he finds her. She’s in the living room. There’s a bottle of whiskey on the table and next to it is a glass filled with the brown alcohol. Her head is in her hands. Her shoulders are moving slightly. “Madge,” he says gently. She turns to look at him slowly. There’re tears in her eyes. “Did you drink any of that?” he asks. His voice is soft. That’s the only softness he can give her.

“No,” she rasps.

“ _Madge_.”

“I didn’t,” she croaks. Madge drops her head back into her hands. “But _God_ , I want to.” He rushes over, ignoring the relief in his chest because he knows something else is wrong. Madge hiccups for air. “God, I want to,” she says another time, crying into her hands.

Gale settles on the couch next to her and hesitates before sliding his arm around her waist. She leans against him and sniffles another time. “Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers. She shakes her head. “Talk to me,” Gale murmurs. His hand rubs circles on her back. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Madge looks up at him, tears still in her bright blue eyes, before she gasps for another breath of air. “Can you drink it?” she asks. Gale leans back, his eyes darting to the drink she poured for herself. “For me? Because I can’t? And I really want to?”

“Madge…”

“You don’t have to,” she adds quickly. Her eyes widen and she looks back. “Oh, God, that's _awful_ I'm so sorry, I—”

“No, I…” Gale’s not worried about the drink. He’s had more and been fine. Alcohol has always made things numb. And to him, numb is better than pain. It’s Madge he’s worried about. The fact that she’s asking him to do this. “Sure,” he says. He reaches over and knocks back the drink in two glugs, placing the glass back on the coffee table. Madge’s eyes are still wide and Gale shudders. His hand is still on the small of her back.

“How was it?” she asks.

Gale swallows a few more times, trying to get rid of the taste. “Bitter?”

“Okay.” She sniffles a few times. "I used to drink when I wanted to forget something," she tells him weakly. "And I just..." 

Gale swallows again and reaching up, cupping her cheek with his other hand. “What happened?” he asks again. Madge tries to look away but Gale pulls her chin back. “Talk to me.”

Her eyes fill with tears again. “It’s stupid,” she confesses. She blinks hard, finally pulling away from him so she can rub at her face. “It’s so—it’s _stupid_ , Gale!”

“If you’re upset,” he murmurs, “then it’s not stupid.”

Her chin quivers and Gale feels the alcohol already humming through his body. He hasn’t eaten in a while and the bottle Madge pulled out was some hard stuff he rarely ever drank. She swats at her eyes. “It’s just—it’s Lora,” Madge says. She shakes her head another time. “It’s so stupid. I just—I never expected her to _say_ something like that, and she _did_ and it was worse because it was behind my back! It’s just so _petty_ and I feel so… so…” Madge trails off, still shaking her head.

“What’d she say?” Gale asks.

Madge’s face morphs in anger, disgust. “That keeping the baby was a _childish choice_. That I was being a _goddamn idiot_ and now I’m _stuck with the thing_.” Hot flashes of anger streak through Gale’s core. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. But he sits up a little straighter. “She was talking to _coworkers_. People I have to see _every day_. She didn’t—she didn’t know I was there, but…” Madge trails off, her eyes filling with tears again. “That makes it worse, you know?”

“That’s shit,” Gale snaps. Madge spins to look at him. “That’s so _shitty_ , Madge.” He reaches up again, wiping below her eyes with his thumb. “You deserve better than that.”

She keeps talking. “And it makes me feel so… so _small_ , Gale,” she whispers. “After everything I feel _small_ and…” Madge trails off, still blinking away tears. “Alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Gale answers instantly. And then that anger comes back. “And you’re not _small_.” He pulls away from her and stands so he can pace. “Shit, Madge, you’re one of the bravest, _strongest_ people I’ve ever met.” Her eyebrows are creeping together like she doesn’t believe him and Gale holds up his hand. “I’m serious.”

Madge shakes her head another time. “I’m not.”

“You _are_ ,” he insists. Gale’s still pacing and holds up his hand to count on his fingers. “When the bombs dropped, you ran. You got the hell _out_ of there. That much can’t be said for nearly the _entire District_.” Madge watches him pace. “Especially those from Town. But you got out, and you _lived_.”

“That was luck, Gale.”

“It was more than that.” He just keeps going. “And then in District 13, shit, everyone was just waiting. They put us in classes and gave us food but you did more than that. So many people were just _ghosting_ there, but you _worked_. Right? In medical?” Madge nods slightly, surprised that he knows this. “The world had ended, our entire district was gone and your mom was gone, and you went to _work_. You went out after the war was fought and you _fixed people._ Like you weren’t hurting yourself. And then—shit, Madge! After that you just left! You knew you wanted to work in outreach and you came to District 2 and demanded the job and they gave it to you! Because you’re strong, and you’re brave, and you are anything but small.” He stops pacing now, turning to look at her. Now it’s his turn to shake his head. “You are _anything_ but small.” Her gaze makes him feel hot and he licks his lips. “I mean, you’re a little short, but—”

Madge scoffs and laughs at the same time, reaching up to wipe her eyes. “I’m not strong, Gale,” she says, but there’s a soft smile on her face now.

She sniffles another time as he returns to the couch by her side. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” he argues. He slumps backwards beside her as she continues to wipe at her eyes. “And you don’t deserve people who are going to treat you as anything less than you deserve to be treated.”

Madge looks up at him, still trying to fight the tears off for good. “She’s my best friend,” Madge whispers.

“Friends don’t talk crap about each other, Madge.”

That makes her cry. But Gale doesn’t regret it. Because it’s true. He opens his arms to her and pulls Madge closer, letting her cry. Letting her weep into his chest until all of her tears are gone. He strokes her back gently, teases the tips of her hair, and ignores how warm he is where her own arm has crossed his waist to hold him back.

“Keeping Pearl,” Gale murmurs to her. “It’s not idiotic. It’s not stupid, or any of that bullshit.” She isn’t crying anymore but his shirt is still wet with her tears. “It was a choice made out of love.” She sniffs, nodding slightly. “Because it was what you wanted. And doing what you want, despite what other people think, is brave.” Madge peels back to look at him. Her face is red from her crying but her eyes are bright and clear.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone,” Madge says back.

“Exactly.” He reaches up to brush her hair from her face.

She thinks for a minute. “D’you think I hurt her?” Madge asks.

“I don’t know,” Gale admits. “Maybe she’s jealous. Maybe she wants what you have.” Or maybe she’s just awful, pretending to act one way while thinking and feeling another. “But that’s not an excuse to hurt _you_ , Madge.”

Madge looks away from him again, burying herself back into his side.

Gale likes this. Well, he would if she hadn’t spent the past half-hour crying. But curled on the couch together with Madge by his side, this is nice. He wants more of this.

“Gale,” she whispers.

“Hm?”

Her voice shakes slightly. “Can I move in with you?”

He swallows the little laugh that tries crawling up his throat and nods his head. "Absolutely," he tells her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta get this posted before I go to class, so sorry if there're any mistakes!! lots of things happened, tell me your thoughts!! x


	24. Brunch Solves Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 26/27 Weeks Pregnant

Gale keys into Madge’s apartment quietly.

It’s early in the morning. He has a stack of flat boxes tucked under his arm and the money for rent for the rest of the month in his back pocket. Madge insisted that she could go, that she could load boxes full of her stuff and leave, but at the last minute she changed her mind.

“I can go alone,” Gale told her. It’s a Saturday, he doesn’t work. “I don’t mind. Really.” But she fussed and fussed, that she should be able to go and get the rest of her things from her apartment.

“If I don’t go then she wins.”

“It’s not a win or lose situation, Madge,” he said. “If going will hurt you more than staying here, then I can go alone.”

So that’s how he ends up alone, keying into her apartment. It’s just as gross as he remembers it but even more so. Madge had a way of making it feel homey, and because Lora hasn’t been home in such a long time the smell has gotten bad. Madge used to burn candles or _something_. He wrinkles his nose and shuts the door quietly. First he places the money Madge gave him on the counter and then he crosses for her bedroom, trying not to make any noise. If Lora’s here she’s probably sleeping. And he doesn’t want to see her. Not even for a second.

He takes the flat boxes from under his arm and folds them so they’re square and sets them on her floor. Madge’s room is a mess. They came back once after the bombing to get a few more things but it was rushed, and it’s clear because she has clothes scattered all over the place. Gale starts heaving her clothes into the boxes. They can go through them later, there doesn’t need to be a rhyme or reason to it now.

“Everything else is replaceable,” Madge had said. The kitchenware she bought, some things to hang on the wall in the living room. “I just want everything from my bedroom.”

So that’s what Gale does. He works quietly, methodically, to fit everything she has left into the boxes he brought. It’s sad to see her room gradually empty. But Gale knows it’ll be better in the long run and he’s going to be here to support her.

“Madge?” He’s nearly done when he hears Lora’s voice. “That you?” He takes a deep breath and leaves the box he was working on, sticking his head out of her door so Lora can see that it’s him. “Oh,” she deflates a little when she sees Gale. “Madge with you?”

Gale shakes his head. “Didn’t want to come.”

“Oh.” Lora fidgets with her hands, looking from Gale to anywhere else in the room constantly. “She moved her desk. At work. So I don’t really… I have to go out of my way to see her. But she goes out of her way to avoid me, so…”

Gale has to swallow the anger in his voice. “Can you blame her?”

Lora deflates again. “No. I guess not.” Gale returns to Madge’s room and suppresses the urge to roll his eyes when he hears her footsteps following him. “Gale,” Lora calls out. He crouches down, continues his work. “Can you… can you tell her that I’m sorry?”

“No.”

She’s standing in the doorway with a frown. “What?”

Gale looks up from his box. “I’m not telling her that you’re sorry,” Gale clarifies. She opens her mouth to say something but Gale holds up his hand to stop her. “You made her feel awful,” he snaps. “All she’s ever done is love and support you, and you _shattered_ her.” The words hit Lora all at once and she slumps forward slightly. Gale turns more to face her. “I don’t know what happened with you,” Gale carries on, “and honestly? I don’t care. Because you hurt her. You were one of the only people that she had and you _hurt_ her.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Lora says.

“Yeah,” Gale mutters, looking back to his work. “You just wanted to talk shit behind her back to people she has to see every day. I get it.”

“Gale, I don’t—I don’t know what came over me, I just—”

“I don’t _care_ ,” Gale cuts her off. “I don’t. I really do not care whatsoever about your shitty sob story. We all have one.” Lora slumps backwards more. “You got the job she wanted and you rubbed it in her face. And then you broke her heart. So I don’t _care_ what you have to say.” Lora swats at her eyes just as Madge has spent a lot of time doing in the past few days. “Rent money for the next month is on the table,” Gale mutters.

Lora leaves in a huff. Gale still doesn’t care.

* * *

Snapping at Lora made him feel a little less angry. He doesn’t have the time to sit and pick her brain, the time to sit and think about why she’s been so two-sided to Madge. All he knows it Madge is hurting because of her which means he wants nothing to do with her. He finishes packing her things and then carries the boxes two at a time down to his car.

He doesn’t say goodbye to Lora. He has a feeling it’s not the last time he’ll see her, anyway.

Gale decides to only carry a few of the boxes up when he returns to his apartment. He doesn’t feel like making the trips (though at least _he_ has an elevator) and it’ll give him something to do a little later. When he arrives back home he tries opening the door without setting the boxes down. It’s harder than he anticipated, and he’s relieved when the door swings open for him.

“There he is!” Iris cheers. Gale smiles. He likes Iris. She’s fun and Madge needs a little fun. She holds the door open all the way so Gale can walk in and he tips his head at her. “I made hotcakes if you want some.”

“It smells great,” Gale says. Because it does. And he’s hungry. Madge is at the counter when he arrives, smiling that small grateful smile she has, and he tips his head at her. He sets the box down and gestures to Madge’s face. Around her lips is something white. “You got a little…” he trails off.

She turns pleasantly pink. “Powdered sugar,” Madge answers, quickly wiping her mouth. “We had it back in 12 on special occasions.”

Iris is already making a plate for Gale. “Is today a special occasion?” he asks.

“No,” Iris answers. “But I firmly believe that you shouldn’t save things for special occasions. If you want to pour sugar and syrup on your hotcakes, then by all means. Never know what day will be your last.” She holds up a bottle of syrup and hands it to Gale, allowing him to make his own hotcakes. He isn’t sure if he wants to drench them in syrup and sugar.

“Let me try yours,” Gale says, looking at Madge’s plate. She cuts him a little bite and feeds it to him. The moment it touches his tongue his eyebrows shoot to his forehead. It is _sweet_. So sugary. After swallowing he licks his lips. “This counts as breakfast?” he asks.

“Brunch,” Iris cheers. Madge laughs a little and Gale puts a limited amount of syrup on his, choosing to stay away from the powdered sugar.

Madge cuts herself another bite from her plate. “Was she there?” she asks. Gale’s settled in the seat beside her while Iris goes back and forth in the kitchen, cleaning though Madge insist she shouldn’t have to. _I made the mess, I can clean it up_ , Iris said. “Lora?”

Gale swallows another bite, turning to Madge and shaking his head ever so slightly. He can spare her this. “No.”

Madge nods. She pushes her hotcakes around on her plate. “Sorry I didn’t go with you.”

He knocks his elbow against hers. “It’s okay. Besides, if you’d come then I wouldn’t have returned to food.” Madge smiles at that and Gale bumps her another time. “Some of your stuff is still in the car. I didn’t want to make too many trips.”

“I can help before I head out,” Iris offers. “I have a real appointment to talk about real baby things in like half an hour.” She makes a face. “I much prefer making hotcakes.”

Madge laughs at her. “Well you’re welcome to make hotcakes any time. I’m not the greatest cook and Gale’s too nice to say anything.” She gives him a look and he shrugs sheepishly, and then Iris laughs too. “And we _did so_ talk about baby stuff. Sort of.”

“Sort of,” Iris agrees.

“Like what?” Gale asks.

“Just the sort of stuff Doctor Paige would normally go over,” Madge answers.

“Like that little Pearl’s eyes are probably opening,” Iris hums as she continues to clean. “If you have a flashlight you can shine it on your stomach,” she carries on. “Pearl might kick back. If you’re bored. And also his brain’s thinking now.” Gale arches an eyebrow and shovels another bite into his mouth. “Means he can hear stuff and respond. Usually with kicking. Or not at all.”

Gale swallows his hotcakes. “We can talk to him?”

There’s a glint in Iris’s eyes. She nods. “Yeah. I mean, he’s not going to have any idea what’s going on. But he can hear you.” Madge is looking at Gale too, that small smile has returned. “Also just mom stuff.”

“Mom stuff,” Gale echoes.

“Like how my stupid belly button is normal,” Madge mutters. Gale isn’t sure what she means so she lifts her top a little. He’s surprised to find her naval protruding just a little. “I hate it.”

Iris laughs. “It’ll go away eventually. And plenty of people have outie belly buttons as it is!”

“I miss my innie,” Madge says, yanking her shirt back over her belly.

“Also that she’ll probably have trouble sleeping,” Iris carries on, ignoring Madge’s silly comment. Gale frowns at that. Madge has enough trouble sleeping as it is. “So I gave her some tips that’ll help.” Gale nods slightly, cutting another bite of hotcakes. “ _Also_ ,” Iris adds, “that you should massage her feet. Because her feet probably hurt.”

Gale turns to Madge. “Do they?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“They’re super swollen,” Iris adds.

“—you don’t have to rub my feet, Gale.”

He shrugs, swallowing another bite. “I don’t mind,” he says.

Iris sighs loudly, smiling at them from across the counter. “God, you are a blessing,” she says airily. Gale ignores the pink on Madge’s cheeks, and the knowing smile that Iris gives them.

* * *

Iris, true to her word, helps Gale carry in the rest of Madge’s boxes. “You shouldn’t be lifting anything,” Iris tells Madge as she prepares to help. “Just hold open the door and that’s enough.” And on the elevator Iris looks at Gale, then hums, then looks at him again.

Finally he shakes his head at her. “What?” he asks. There’s humor in his voice and she just continues to hum. “What!” he demands, this time with laughter.

“I am just _waiting_ ,” she says.

“For?”

“For a wedding invitation, or _something_. Christ.”

Gale snorts. “Then keep waiting.”

“Oh, I will. You have no idea how long I am capable of waiting.” 

* * *

Once Iris is gone the apartment seems to settle into a comfortable quiet. Madge has moved from the counter in the kitchen to the couch and is working on something for their trip to District 7 next weekend. There was talk of returning to District 4 after the latest attack but they have their trained people there, and instead Delta decided it was best to just send a few to see what was up. Now they have to get into the idea of stopping attacks before they start, or implementing the system before something bad can happen.

Gale settles on the couch next to her, peering over her shoulder. She gives him a look.

“Am I not allowed to see?” he asks with a little laugh.

“I don’t like people reading over my shoulder,” she responds. Her lips are pressed together playfully and she moves the tablet out of his view.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. Makes me anxious.” Gale scoffs and leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. “It makes me feel like my work is being judged,” Madge says.

“Who’d be stupid enough to judge your work?” Gale asks as she lowers the tablet again. “Certainly not me.” Madge arches an eyebrow at him. “Your work has literally always been above and beyond what’s expected, Madge,” he says. She rolls her eyes at him. “Christ, you never believe me when I compliment you.”

“Oh, was that a compliment?”

“You’re a brat.” Gale stands as Madge’s mouth hangs open in a laugh. He grins at her from over his shoulder as he reaches to grab one of the books on his shelf. “I mean it. You are. And Pearl is most certainly going to be.”

“I am not a brat.”

“Are too.” Madge grabs one of the pillows from nearby and tosses it at him. With a laugh he says, “You’re proving my point!” Gale settles back down beside her and decides not to toss the pillow back. Instead he cracks open the book he grabbed, one of his many textbooks that he’s acquired, and looks for the last place he bookmarked. He doesn’t have much time to read these days. “What else can you expect from the mayor’s daughter?” he asks, browsing for the page.

When he looks over at her, her smile’s gone. He lowers his book at once and opens his mouth to apologize but her eyes are back on her tablet.

“Some things never change, I guess,” Madge murmurs.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did.”

“Madge, I didn’t.” He isn’t sure if she does it on purpose but she starts to curl away from him ever so slightly. He sighs, reaching up to drag a hand through his hair. “We grew up in different worlds,” Gale says, hoping that she listens. “And you had more money, and more food, and I knew that. And I didn’t like it. But I didn’t hate you back then. And I didn’t think you were a brat. I knew it was a rigged system.” He waits until she looks up at him before he says, “I’m sorry.”

They’ve come so far, Gale thinks.

Madge reaches out for another pillow and flings it at him, full force. He gasps in surprise. “If anyone’s a brat it’s you,” she says. The tone of her voice lets him know that he’s forgiven.

* * *

Madge should’ve known she couldn’t avoid Lora forever. A week was way too lucky.

She pees literally twice an hour, sometimes three times, and she isn’t surprised to eventually find Lora waiting outside the door for her. Madge takes a deep breath and tries to walk past her but Lora follows.

“I’m sorry,” she says loudly. Madge tries to ignore her. “I don’t know what came over me, Madge. Honest. And I _miss_ you. I just want—” she stops when Madge turns, glaring at her over her shoulder. “I just want to talk to you again,” Lora says.

“That’s unfortunate.”

“ _Madge_.” Lora follows as Madge continues speeding away. She wasn't going to be petty and tell her bosses about Lora and ask Lora to move her desk. Besides, she didn't want to see all of those people anyway. She was moved to another section of the office, away from Lora and those who gossiped with her. “You _know_ I love you! You’re being ridiculous. We’ve been through so much together!” That isn’t an excuse. Madge knows it isn’t an excuse. She’s been through a lot of things with a lot of people, it doesn’t mean she wants to keep them in her life. “You know I care about you. _And_ Pearl.”

“Don’t,” Madge snaps. She turns to face Lora with a hot chest. “I don’t want to hear that name in your mouth.” They both stop in the hallway and Madge makes herself stand as tall as she can. “I don’t know what I ever did to you,” Madge says. “But I can’t do it anymore. I spend a day with you and feel like shit at the end of it. And I wish I could take the blame for it, but I can’t. Because it’s always something you say. You say something and it makes me feel like shit. And for once, for _once_ I’m happy. And you’re not taking that from me.”

“Madge,” she says again, but Madge shakes her head.

“Just don’t,” Madge tells her.

* * *

Madge is more than ready to go to District 7 for the weekend.

She’s never been and the photos are beautiful, with trees so tall it’s like they go on forever. Plus, they’re not staying at a hotel. Gale’s made some arrangements to they’re staying with Johanna Mason instead. Which, okay, Madge isn’t _too_ terribly excited about, but she’s sure the ex-Victor’s house is going to be amazing. Annie Odair and her son will be there too, and that’s something Madge is looking forward to.

They take a hovercraft again because, though there’s been no train attacks since the one in District 6 (partially thanks to the technology developed immediately after), Gale still doesn’t trust the rails. Also a hovercraft is faster.

It isn’t until they’re in the air though does Madge remember Gale isn’t the biggest fan of hovercrafts either. He looks nervous and grips the armrest as they take off. His eyebrows are forced together as though he’s in pain. Madge bites back her smile.

“Why don’t you like heights?” she asks. “Or flying?”

Benny’s in the seat by her side, and he too turns to hear the answer. Gale doesn’t respond. Not right away. It takes him a moment to figure out the words he wants to say.

“It’s more falling I’m not a fan of,” he finally says. “The idea that it could all break and we’d just…” he trails off, shaking his head as though ridding himself of the though. “I don’t want to think about it.”

“We have parachutes in the back,” Benny teases. “In case something goes wrong.”

“Not helpful,” Gale mutters.

* * *

When they land, Gale’s eager to get his feet on the ground. Like Madge and Benny so helpfully pointed out, being in the sky makes him antsy. The air in District 7 smells amazing. It’s fresh and woodsy and makes Gale tingle with relief, with excitement. He turns to help Madge down the walkway and she, too, looks like she can smell the difference.

“Wow,” she murmurs. The landing port in District 7 is, as most things are, in the middle of a forest. The trees nearby are thick and green and it gives them the feeling that they’re isolated. Truthfully town is only about a ten minute drive away.

“Hawthorne!”

Both of them turn to find Johanna Mason waving her hands at them. Her hair’s grown out a bit since the last time Gale saw her and is slightly past her shoulders now. She looks better too just in general. Her skin has color again, her eyes are clearer. She strides toward them as Benny makes his way out of the hovercraft as well. Gale strides out to meet her halfway and Madge watches as they stop a few feet from one another.

Clearly not the hugging type.

“I always forget how fucking tall you are,” Johanna says.

“Good to see you too,” Gale returns with a smile. He looks back over his shoulder. “You know Madge? Undersee?”

“Spent a lot of time helping Peeta recover,” Johanna says with a tip of her head. They were never friends. Or friendly. But they did know one another in passing. “Pregnant. Nice.” Madge’s hands automatically come to rest on her stomach, but she smiles at Johanna anyway.

“And that’s Benny. General Waters.”

“Yeah, yeah, save the fancy names,” Johanna says. Benny and Madge walk over together and Johanna looks Benny up and down. “Nice.”

“Taken,” Gale answers.

“Dammit.” She pins a bright smile on her face and turns on her heel, and Gale makes a motion for Madge and Benny to both follow. “I’m sure you’re all excited to be staying in my house,” Johanna says as she starts walking toward her jeep. “Keep in mind I don’t cook. So you’re on your own for food. And sometimes it takes a while to the hot water to turn on so be _patient_. Also Noah’s a nosy bastard, so be mindful what you say around him yeah?”

“Noah?” Benny asks.

“Annie’s kid,” Gale clarifies. “How long’re they staying with you?”

“As long as they want,” Johanna says.

* * *

Gale’s never been to Johanna’s home before and he’s amazed at how _normal_ it is. It’s very large, sure, but there are shoes piled by the front door and a messy coatrack and dirty dishes in the sink. It feels like a home. He thinks that must be partly due to Annie and Noah, but he keeps this thought to himself. Johanna gives them free range of the house and Benny and Madge quickly hurry upstairs to claim bedrooms while Gale lingers back to talk with Johanna.

“Annie and Noah are out,” she says, as though that’s what she thinks Gale will question. “They go into town a lot. There’s a pond around here somewhere that they feed the ducks at.”

“We’ll see them soon, then.”

Johanna looks up at Gale and crosses her arms over her chest. She leans backwards against the wall and arches a curious eyebrow at him. “What?” she asks.

“The baby’s mine,” Gale says. “Madge’s.”

Johanna’s face lights up with a mischievous smile. “Interesting.”

Gale quickly carries on. “I’d appreciate it if the jokes or teasing or whatever was kept to a minimum?” Johanna’s still smiling mischievously, and it isn’t a look that makes him feel any better. “Please?”

“Sure, Hawthorne,” Johanna says with a laugh. She shakes her head at him. “What, did you think I was looking to hook up with you? Dream on. Been there, done that.” Gale rolls his eyes at her. “Not as interested as you think. Congrats on the kid, I guess, if you can handle that shit. I love Noah to death but every day I’m happy he’s not mine.”

“I just know that you and I—”

“Jesus, Gale,” she cuts him off. “We had sex like, twice. I knew there were no strings there.” She makes a sort of face at him before shaking her head. “Damn. You’re having a kid?” Johanna whistles, loud and low. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Suddenly, before Gale can express his gratitude for the apathy of Johanna Mason, there’s a shriek upstairs. It’s coming from Madge and Gale turns suddenly, panic swooping in his stomach.

“Also,” Johanna says with another mischievous grin before Gale starts for the stairs, “we have a lot of spiders here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lora Incident isn't over completely, so we'll see more of her. Also I really wanted to include some sort of mayor's daughter quip just to show how far they've really come. Gale doesn't say it maliciously or even to make her feel bad and in the end Madge knows that. Iris is an angel and I love her and she'll be back, hope you like her too!
> 
> Get ready for some District 7 time! Hope you liked the chapter!


	25. Visiting District 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27 Weeks Pregnant

Annie and Noah show up about an hour after they all arrive at Johanna's home. And because the team doesn’t have to check into a hotel they have time to hang out and relax. Their assignment doesn’t technically start until tomorrow morning when they meet up with their respective groups which is refreshing, to have a nice night off.

Gale’s heart feels heavy when he sees Noah. Sometimes Annie will send him a photo in the mail but to actually _see_ the boy causes him to ache. He looks like a miniature Finnick Odair, the same bright eyes and messy hair, the same knowing smile.

They all greet with hugs and of course Annie insists on hugging Madge and Benny too despite the fact she knows neither of them (except maybe Madge through Peeta).

“And I see you’ve got a little one on the way,” Annie points out after hugging Madge. “Congratulations! Children are miracles.”

Johanna snorts. “Speak for yourself.”

Noah looks wide-eyed at Madge. “You’ve got a baby in there?” he asks, touching Madge’s belly. Gale watches as Madge smiles, bending down so she can be on Noah’s level. “Bet it goes, _blub, blub_. Like a fish.”

“Takes after his mother,” Johanna murmurs to Gale. Which is code for: Noah can be a little weird. Gale doesn’t mind, and Annie clearly doesn’t as she beams at her boy.

“It probably does,” Madge says to him with a little laugh. “Sometimes the baby will kick. If he starts to kick I can show you.”

Noah’s still pretty wide-eyed. “Mama says kicking is bad, though.”

“Not for babies,” Annie says gently. “It’s very _good_ for babies.”

“I’m still a baby,” Noah says.

Annie shakes her head at him. “You are _not_ , Poseidon. Don’t go getting any ideas.”

* * *

The afternoon slips into evening, and the evening into night. While Gale’s busy watching Noah build the tallest tower possible out of some blocks he doesn’t realize that Madge has disappeared. After looking around he catches Benny’s eye from across the room who seems to know he’s looking, and then he tips his head toward the back porch. Gale smiles gratefully and Benny smirks, that same knowing smirk that Gale saw on Sal’s face a while back, and quickly crosses the room.

He finds Madge on the porch swing, her hands folded over her stomach. She smiles at him when he steps outside and scoots over on the swing so he can join her.

“You okay?” Gale asks.

“Pearl’s got the hiccups,” Madge answers. She reaches for Gale’s hand once he’s seated and spreads it across her bump before Gale feels the telltale sign of hiccups. “It’s driving me insane,” she says with a little laugh. Gale doesn’t move his hand, just feels for Pearl’s little baby hiccups. They’re both quiet for a moment. It’s not exactly cold out but sometimes the wind will blow and Gale can feel his arms prickle with goosebumps. “It’s beautiful here,” Madge says after a moment.

Gale finally removes his hand from Madge’s stomach and stretches his arm behind her so he can sit back on the porch swing. “It is,” Gale agrees, looking out across the dark shadowy backyard of Johanna’s home. As usual his eyes tip upwards to the stars. Madge seems to notice and follows his motion, looking up. There’s a clearing in the backyard so they can see through the trees for a bit before the woods take over the sky again. “I’ve always liked the stars,” Gale tells her.

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hm.” His eyes scan for something familiar. “They were something everyone could have. You didn’t have to be rich, or poor, and you didn’t have to go in the woods to see them. Anyone had the stars, I liked that.” Madge presses her lips together to keep from smiling. “The Capitol was always so… pressed, to keep us away from the beautiful things.” The mountains, the forests. “But not the stars.”

“That’s really… that’s beautiful, Gale,” she murmurs.

Gale’s eyes flicker to her, but then back to the sky. “My dad taught them to me when I was younger,” he says. Finally his eyes catch one. “There,” he says, extending his hand. Madge cranes her neck to follow his finger. “You see the five stars that kind of make a W?” Madge blinks a few times before she nods. “That’s the Cassiopeia constellation.” A small smile takes Madge’s face. “There’s some sort of legend or story behind it but my dad could never remember. I think there are legends behind all of the stars.”

“Cassiopeia,” Madge echoes quietly. “It’s pretty. It’d make a pretty name.” Gale turns to look at her. “Don’t you think?”

They haven’t talked names yet. In fact, he’s surprised she sounds so taken with it.

“I mean, sure,” Gale says with a small nod. “But I—I kind of figured you’d want to…” he trails off and Madge arches an eyebrow. “I thought if Pearl was a girl you’d want to name her after your mother, maybe.”

“Oh.” Madge shrugs slightly. “No, I never thought about that,” she admits. She believes her Aunt Maysilee had a pretty name, but to Madge both her mother and her Aunt Maysilee are already so definitive in her life. She doesn’t want to name Pearl after them, she wants to Pearl to be _Pearl._ “Did you want to name Pearl after someone?” Gale looks a little hesitant so she pokes his side. “Well?”

Gale’s voice is a little muted. “Asher. If Pearl’s a boy.” There’s a moment of silence. “After my father.”

Again a moment of silence. “I like it,” Madge tells him. Gale turns to face her, finding a tiny smile on her face. “I’ve never—I mean, naming Pearl after someone, that’s not important to me. But if it is to you.”

“It is,” Gale admits. And then a small smile takes his face as well. “In a way even a name like Cassiopeia would be honoring him,” Gale says. “Considering he’s the one who taught me the stars.”

“And you really want to do that?” Madge asks. “Honor him, someway?”

“I do,” Gale says softly.

He knows what question is coming next but it feels heavy when he hears it anyway. “Why?” she wonders. Not in an accusatory way. Obviously Madge understands that honoring family is important. But the conviction in Gale’s voice, this wish of his, it feels important on a different level.

Gale takes a moment to collect his thoughts before answer. “He was the man I’ve always wanted to be,” Gale says slowly. “Did a job he hated to keep us alive, and did it with a smile. A great man. A great _father_. Took one day at a time. Always found a way to balance the struggles out in our lives with a smile, with a song, with _something_.” Madge is watching Gale speak has he scans the sky, maybe looking for another constellation. “Sometimes I can’t look at myself in the mirror,” he admits in a low, raspy voice. “But when I think about the ways I might’ve made him proud, that changes.” Along with that though are the ways Gale might’ve disappointed him. But that’s a conversation for another day. “I just hope to be as great as he was, is all.”

Madge takes his hand in hers and Gale startles at the contact. “You _are_ great,” she says gently. “I mean, I never knew him. But I know _you_ , Gale. And I’m sure that he’d be proud.”

She can’t possibly know how her simple, soft words affect him. Gale feels like his heart has swollen in his chest and is ready to burst. For the hundredth time he wants to ask _how?_ How does she see the good in him? How does she always know the right thing to say? How did he get so _lucky_ that Madge Undersee is the one he’s going to be tethered to for the rest of his life in some way?

She squeezes his hands and he smiles. “I don’t know,” he finally forces out. “Madge, there are…” his throat feels tight. “There’re still some things you don’t know about me.”

“Like what?” she asks. Again, there’s no way she can possible know the weight behind these words. This question.

But she deserves the truth.

He pulls his hand out of hers and exhales deeply. Again his eyes are drawn to the sky. He can’t look at her while he speaks, not now. “Right after the war,” Gale murmurs. He licks his lips. He shakes his head. He’s _scared_. What will she think? It could ruin everything. “I had another job for a bit,” he says. Madge seems to know that this is hard for him because she doesn’t push, or pry, she just waits. “While I was _doing_ the job I never thought about…” he trails off with a little sigh. “I never thought about the consequences, or the repercussions, or the validity behind what I was being asked to do. I just did it. Because I thought it was right.”

They’re both quiet for a long time. Madge must only ask because she doesn’t think he’ll continue, and if she _hadn’t_ asked he doesn’t think he would’ve.

“And it wasn’t?” Her voice was quiet. “It wasn’t _right_?”

“No,” Gale answers. It was wrong. What they had him do was horribly, incredibly, disgustingly wrong. “I didn’t realize that until it was too late, until I’d already hurt people, hurt myself.” Again Gale shakes his head slightly. “This probably isn’t making any sense,” he grumbles, mostly at himself.

 _Just tell her_ , he thinks. _Tell her the entire truth, not pieces of it. She deserves that. Madge deserves that_. But he can’t bring himself to do it.

Her next question is softer than the one before. “Do you regret it?” she asks.

“Every day of my life.”

Madge reaches out for his hand again and he's startled once more. Both of her hands can only cover one of his. “That’s what matters,” she tells him. “That you know you did something wrong, that you know you made a mistake.” Gale isn’t sure if this is true. Of course he knows he made a mistake, but the fact that he _made_ it is what matters. Not that he regrets it. “And that you’re trying to make up for it.”

“I am,” Gale rasps. And then softer, “ _God_ , I am.”

“I believe you,” Madge says. And the way she says it, Gale knows it’s true. “Gale, we’ve all been through horrible things. Some more horrible than others. But I really, truly believe if you regret the bad things you’ve done, if you want to make it better, that’s what counts.”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs. “Madge, I really don’t.”

She reaches up then, cupping his cheek and pulling him so he has to face her. “Then you have to trust that I _do_ ,” she whispers. He searches her eyes then, pure and clear and blue, and wants to. He wants to trust that his regret and desire to be better is enough to make him a good man. He wants that more than anything. “Gale,” she says gently. “I never feel safer than when I’m with you. I never feel more _hopeful_ than when I’m with _you_. Because you embody those things.” His breath catches in his throat as she talks. “You want a safer future, you want a better tomorrow. You’re willing to do what it takes to get us there. And I respect and admire that.”

Gale leans into her palm and closes his eyes. She’s too damn good for him.

“Thank you,” he forces out.

Her thumb brushes across his cheek. “When you’re ready to talk about it,” Madge says gently, “you know I’ll listen.” Gale nods slightly, opening his eyes again. “Until then…” she trails off and carefully lowers her hand before turning to look at the sky. “Cassiopeia?”

Gale can’t stop the smile that blooms on his face. “It’s nice.” His hand extends then to another constellation. “That’s Andromeda there,” he adds.

“Andromeda,” Madge says, testing the name on her tongue. “Also pretty.” Madge leans a bit into his side and Gale pretends like he doesn’t notice. “Are there more?”

“Plenty,” Gale breathes.

* * *

The work day seems to fly by. The already established police forces in District 7 know that the threat of the Panem Terrorists is a real one and they’re eager to help implement the new system. There’s hardly any resistance but rather he and Benny are met with excited, hardworking citizens who just want to make the district safer. When he returns back to Johanna’s home in the mountains he’s surprised to find that Madge is already back as well. Benny comments something about needing a cup of coffee and disappears off to the kitchen to brew one but Gale finds Madge in the living room and can’t seem to pull his eyes away from her.

He lingers in the doorway as he watches her with Noah. She’s sitting on the ground, her belly round and very visible, beside Noah who’s again stacking blocks higher and higher and higher. “That’s great, Noah,” she says with a little laugh, and Gale literally feels his heart stumble in his chest. “Good work.”

Noah cheers heroically as the tower topples over and then Madge laughs again, reaching over and brushing back the boy’s wild curly hair.

She’s going to make a great mother. She really, really, is.

“I can build it higher,” Noah tells her. “Want to see?”

“Yes, of course!”

Gale leans against the wall with a small smile on his face, watching as the boy scrambles for the blocks again. He isn’t sure how long he just watches the two of them, building toppling tower after toppling tower, before Benny joins him at his side. Gale turns to his friend with a small smile before looking away, and Benny gives him quiet encouragement with an elbow nudge.

Neither of them say anything, but Gale’s sure he knows what Benny must be thinking.

* * *

It isn’t until later does Benny actually get around to  _saying_ something, and it isn’t even to Gale but rather to Madge.

She had to excuse herself from the living room for a few minutes because she was watching Gale and Noah together and her heart was threatening to burst. He sat on Gale’s knee while Gale attempted to play an old harmonica. “My dad had one,” Gale told the little boy. “He taught me a little bit when I was younger.” And then Gale proceeded to, very badly, play the harmonica. Noah thought it was hilarious, giggling and grinning and asking if he could try himself.

That was when Madge stepped out, when Gale held the harmonica to Noah’s mouth and showed him where to blow. Benny followed her shortly after. They’re in the kitchen now, distant sounds of laughter and bad harmonica noise ringing through the air. Madge is sitting on a stool with a mug of tea in her hands and Benny’s sitting beside her. He’s quiet for a moment.

But then he asks, “You love him, don’t you?”

Madge stares down at the mug in her hands and presses her lips tightly together. Love is such a big word, but it’s also a word with so many meanings. Loving someone can be so terribly simple, and so terribly complicated all at once. Of course Madge loves him. Of course Madge loves Gale. To what extent? She isn’t sure. But does she? Yes. Yes, absolutely.

“Would that be the worst thing in the world?” she whispers back. “Loving him?”

“Far from it,” Benny answers. When she turns to him, he’s smiling. It a smile of comfort, of relief, and Madge finds herself echoing it on her own face. She quickly looks back down to her mug. “If you do,” Benny says, “ _love_ him, then…” he trails off with a little sigh. “You’ll have to be the one to do something about it, Madge.” She blinks a few times, turning to him. “Gale, no matter what he feels he’ll never admit it unless you do first.”

Her eyebrows collide. “What do you mean?”

“Gale doesn’t think he deserves someone like you,” Benny tells her. “You can’t pretend like you don’t know that.” But still, Madge’s eyebrows are together. “He’s been through a lot and seen a lot and he thinks he doesn’t deserve _anything_ good. Especially you.”

Her mouth feels dry. “Did he say that?”

“He didn’t have to.”

* * *

“Auntie Jo says that the baby is your baby.”

Gale’s surprised when Noah stops playing the harmonica abruptly and turns to face him, this sentence escaping him. Gale shifts Noah on his lap and combs back his messy curly hair slightly before tipping his head forward in a nod. His eyes flicker to the kitchen where Madge and Benny have gone away to, and then across the room to where Johanna and Annie sit side by side on the couch talking about their day.

“It is,” Gale confirms quietly.

“Mama says that you were in the big war with my daddy,” Noah adds then. Gale’s surprise at the change of subject so suddenly eases when he remembers that this is Annie’s child. A curious and well-loved boy. “Did you know him?”

“I did,” Gale says with a quiet nod. His throat feels thick. He’s only spoken about Finnick with Annie, and that was mostly only over the phone. Finnick’s been mentioned a few times in therapy too but talking about the man makes Gale feel smaller, powerless. “He was very brave,” Gale tells the boy after swallowing the lump in his throat. “And very kind. And a good friend.”

Noah nods like he knew this, or expected it. “So will you tell your baby about the big war?” Noah asks. “And my daddy?”

Noah’s looking up at him with curious, bright green eyes. Finnick’s eyes. Clear and inquisitive. Innocent. Gale shifts a little bit and resettles Noah on his lap. “I think so,” Gale rasps. He takes a deep breath. This little boy doesn’t need to see him as a mess. “One day.” Hopefully. If Gale’s not still aching, hiding in closets, bruising his knuckles. If Gale can look at the war as a victory rather than just another trauma. “When he’s older.” Gale watches as Noah’s eyebrows come together. He’s thinking. It’s a thinking sort of face. His lips pucker to the side a little and a crease forms on his forehead. “What’s wrong?” Gale asks.

“Mama says the bad guys are still out there.”

The terrorists. Gale sucks in a sharp breath. “No,” Gale says, as softly as he can. “These are different bad guys.” He needs Noah to know this. “Your dad, he helped the other bad guys go away.”

“But there are still bad guys?”

“Different ones,” Gale tries again. Noah is still clearly trying to come to terms with this. “And I…” Gale starts, but his voice catches. “I’m working hard to catch the new ones.” Not directly, of course. He’s not on patrol teams, or in intelligence, or anything like that. But setting up the new police force, it’s part of it. “And then there won’t be any bad guys.”

“And me and Mama can go home,” Noah says.

“Exactly,” Gale murmurs. His voice is still thick. “You can go home.”

 _And so can I,_ he thinks. _So can I._

* * *

After passing Noah back to Annie so she can put him to bed Gale wanders into the kitchen. Madge and Benny are sitting close, talking in quiet voice, and his mind dips somewhere dark. Jealousy? That can’t be it. Madge turns when he enters and a smile graces her face, and just like that any dark thoughts he had are gone.

“Hey,” Gale says softly.

“Going to sleep?” Madge asks, and he dips his head. His feet carry him over to her and he stands, placing his hand gently on her shoulder before massaging it lightly. “I think Annie said she wants to make breakfast for us,” Madge tells him, leaning into his grasp. Benny’s eyes watch the motion but he doesn’t say anything. “Don’t forget.”

“Won’t forget,” Gale murmurs. He reaches down with his hand not on her shoulder and lifts her mug of tea to his lips before taking a sip. He winces. “This is cold,” he tells her. “And bad.” Gale feels his heart stumble at the smile Madge gives him. He sets the mug back down and leans at the same time, kissing the top of Madge’s head. “Night,” he says softly.

Her voice is incredibly soft as she responds, “Night.”

Gale doesn’t even realize what he’s done until he’s upstairs.

* * *

Madge is quiet after Gale leaves.

It’s the little things like that, those little moments, that make her heart race. Benny doesn’t tease her or anything of the sort though it definitely looks like he wants to. Instead he presses his lips tightly together to keep from grinning. If she doesn’t say something she feels like she’s going to explode.

“Benny,” she says suddenly. He arches a playful eyebrow at her as she fumbles with her mug. “I was talking to Gale last night,” Madge says. “About his year before he worked for Security and Defense.” Benny’s eyebrow is still arched but any hint of playfulness is gone completely. 

“He told you?” Benny asks. There’s actual surprise in his voice.

“Not specifics,” Madge admits quickly. She doesn’t want to weasel this out of Benny, no matter how desperate she is to know. “But you… you know what he did, don’t you?”

Benny looks away from Madge before he slowly nods his head. “I do,” he answers. His voice is soft. Maybe even sad.

“Don’t tell me—that’s—I want him to. Eventually. But just… is he past redemption like he thinks he is?”

Benny thinks about this for a moment. The silence is so long, so heavy, that Madge feels her heart turning to stone in her chest. It’s impossible. Gale can’t be past redemption. If he was then Benny would’ve given him up a long time ago. If he was past redemption, he wouldn’t kiss Madge on the top of her head like it’s the most natural thing in the world. If he was past redemption…

 “It was bad,” Benny finally admits. “But he fell on the right side of it in the end. The way it was set up…” he’s clearly choosing his words carefully. “It could’ve been worse, I guess. And I… I understand it, somehow. It’s complicated. Bad. Not irredeemable though. Not to me.” He shakes his head ever so slightly. Madge is running through a million different things, wondering what Gale could’ve _possibly_ done that makes him see himself as such a monster. “It’s a matter of opinion though, to be honest. Someone else could look at it and think…” Benny sighs. “Gale wasn’t all there right after the war. And what he did made it worse. They took advantage of his messed up mind and it… if you know _that_ , that he was suffering through PTSD and depression and anxiety…”

“If you know that there’s more to the story than whatever it was?” Madge asks.

“Exactly,” Benny says. “Then you know he’s not past redemption. That—at least in my eyes—he’s already redeemed himself.”

Madge can’t stop herself from shaking her head. She doesn’t understand why anyone would do that, why they would take advantage of a broken boy. Madge didn’t know much about Gale’s state after the war but if what Benny says is true, and it must be, suffering PTSD and depression and anxiety all at once? Her heart is aching. More than anything she wants to race upstairs and pull him into a hug, remind him that he’s _not_ broken. Or, okay, maybe he _is_ , but that’s okay too.

“Thanks Benny,” Madge says softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the update came a little later than usual - today was SO busy! We have some soft tender moments that I just really love and hope you do too. x


	26. Intelligence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27/28 Weeks Pregnant

Their last day in District 7 is cut short due to the announcement of another attack, this one in District 1. Benny seems to be completely distracted by this announcement and Gale can’t seem to figure out why. Benny doesn’t have family there, Gale’s not even sure Benny’s ever _been_ there unless it was for a work related matter. No other attack has stressed him out as much as he looks stressed out now.

Delta calls them back in to HQ and they’re forced to pack quickly. Johanna drives them to the hovercraft port in a sort of heavy silence after a boatload of hugs from everyone and Annie telling Madge multiple times to call her if she ever has _any_ questions ("Or just in general, because I like to talk."). Even once they say goodbye, thank Johanna for hosting them, and climb onto the hovercraft, Benny still seems distracted. Thankfully Madge notices it too. She leans toward him, reaching out.

“Are you okay?” she asks Benny, her voice unsure and curious. “Is there someone in 1 that you’re worried about?”

“Sorry,” Benny says, shaking his head. “No. I’m fine.” Madge’s eyes flicker in Gale’s direction as though looking for quiet confirmation that Benny’s acting weird. Gale shrugs one of his shoulders. “Sometimes I forget, is all,” Benny says. “That there’re terrorists out there.”

“We’ll get them,” Gale tells him, and Benny nods.

The rest of the ride is mostly silent thought. Thankfully the trip from 7 to 2 is short, especially via hovercraft. Gale helps Madge with her bags, still shooting her questioning looks as though they can figure out why Benny’s acting strange. But she looks just as lost as he does. They climb from the hovercraft and start off for where Gale parked his car.

“I’ll just drop Madge off at—home? You want to go home? Or into your office?”

“We’re closed on Sundays,” Madge tells him. “Home works.”

“Alright.” Gale turns back to Benny. “I’ll drop Madge off at home and meet you at work, yeah?” Before Benny can answer Gale a car zooms up to the three of them with a screech. Out of instinct Gale steps in front of Madge, his arm coming out by her chest to block her from getting any closer. But then Sal pops out of the car with a sheepish smile and Gale lowers his arm. Gale shoots Benny a look, and then looks back to Madge. “Sal?” he asks, turning to the man at the car.

“Get in,” he says to the three of them.

Benny doesn’t hesitate, climbing into the passenger seat at once. “My car’s just over there,” Gale says.

“Get _in_ ,” Sal says again, a little more force to his voice. Again Gale looks at Madge, and again she looks just as lost as he does. But she starts for the car and Gale follows after her. Confusion is rolling through Gale in waves, wondering why Sal could possibly be here. After buckling their seatbelts Sal speeds away from the hovercraft port. Gale spots his car through the window with a frown.

“What the hell is going on?” Gale asks, his voice tighter than he expects it to be. All at once a feeling he doesn’t like has washed over him. He doesn’t like not knowing things. “Why is Sal here?” he asks, his question directed to Benny. Madge must notice the hitch of panic in his voice because she reaches out for his hand, lacing their fingers together quickly and squeezing. Again he looks to her, still finding her just as confused. “ _Benny_ ,” Gale snaps.

 “Just give us a minute,” Sal says dismissively. They parking lot fades behind them and they turn onto the road, taking a direction away from HQ, away from Gale’s apartment. There’s a lump in his throat. Something is wrong. Something is wrong and Sal and Benny know what it is. Gale’s mind jumps to the darkest thought without any warning, that the two of them are in on this shit show of terrorism, that they’re double agents. He feels like he’s going to be sick. But in the rearview mirror he sees that both Benny and Sal look… worried. Stressed. Not malicious. Gale reminds himself to breathe, and so does Madge as she squeezes his hand another time. “Almost there.”

“Almost _where_?” Madge asked, and Gale’s relieved to hear that there’s no panic in her voice. She’s calm, despite her wide eyes.

Sal holds up his hand as to say _just a minute_ again and Gale lets out a short breath.

Finally they’re in a parking lot outside of an abandoned factory. Sal reaches for something on the dashboard, a switch it looks like, and flicks it. And then he kills the engine. He turns around to face the two in the back and Gale feels his heart racing. “Madge,” Sal says.

“Sal,” she echoes, looking confused.

“Remember when I came to Gale’s apartment a few weeks ago?” he asks. Madge nods. “And you fell asleep?”

Madge nods again. “Yes,” she says. “Why?”

“You let me use your tablet before you fell asleep,” Sal says. “Remember?” Again, she nods. Sal takes a quick glance at Benny who nods once, and then looks back at the two sitting close. “I don’t actually work as part of an agricultural program,” he says. “I work for Paylor. In Intelligence.”

Gale startles at this information. The knots in his stomach seem to dissolve at once. “You’re Security and Defense?” he asks.

“In a way, but not the same as what you two work with,” Sal tells him. “I have mostly free range but lately Paylor’s been asking our unit to get our claws into Security and Defense. It was a secret operation because we think someone in your branch is corrupted.” Gale feels his face fall slack. That’s impossible. Everyone who works for Security and Defense is highly trained, goes through rigorous tests to get to where they are. “But it could be someone at POP,” he adds, looking to Madge.

Sal says POP the same way Madge does, pronouncing every letter.

“I don’t—I’m confused,” Madge admits. “What does this have to do with my tablet?”

“I installed a program while I was there,” Sal says. “It changed all of the information you had about your trip to District 7 and instead listed it as District 1. The only person who still saw the original work was you.” Madge’s face lights up with recognition. She sees where this is going, and so does Gale. “So someone else who has access to your files, POP or S&D, is working with the terrorists.”

Madge shakes her head at once. “It can’t be anyone at POP,” Madge says. “The only people who have access to the same files as me are my three bosses, and I get notifications when they check in. And all of them are saints!”

“Well I could say the same thing about Security,” Gale murmurs. He doesn’t even know who he’d _begin_ to suspect. But still, Madge is shaking her head. “Could someone have hacked in?” Gale asks. “From outside of either of the programs?”

“It’s highly unlikely,” Benny chimes in. “There would’ve been some sort of trigger set off and we would’ve known.”

“Wait a minute,” Madge stops them. “Are we—are we the only ones that know about this?” Madge asks. Sal hesitates. “That’s why you’ve kidnapped us, because we’re the only ones who know.”

“We didn’t _kidnap_ —”

“ _No_ ,” Madge cuts him off sharply. Her voice is shaking. Her voice is finally shaking. The calmness she had just a moment ago has disappeared completely. “ _No_ ,” she says again. “I didn’t—I didn’t sign _up_ for this!” And again, at once, Gale understands. The four people in this car are some of the only people to know that there’s a mole. His heart plummets into his chest. “I’m not hunting down a terrorist organization, Sal! Absolutely not!”

Benny jumps in at once, “We’re not asking you to.”

“Benny,” Gale murmurs, also shaking his head. He feels like he’s in pain. Too many thoughts are running through his head. “You can’t do this me,” he nearly croaks. Madge is squeezing his hand so tightly it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. Benny’s eyes flicker over to Gale, and then back to Sal. “Please.”

“It’s not—we’re not hunting anyone down,” Benny tries again. “Paylor knows, and select units and people know—that’s how they caught the group in 1 so fast. But outside of the people in this car, when it comes to our programs…”

“We just want you both to keep an eye out,” Sal tells them. “For anything suspicious. That’s all, we swear. It’s just better to have more eyes open.” Gale sighs, forcing his gaze outside. “I wish we could’ve warned you both but until we were sure…” Gale feels like he’s going to be sick.

He yanks his hand from Madge’s and jerks the door handle open before stumbling outside, listening to the calls from Madge that ring out for him. He doesn’t go far. He just shuts the door and rests against the side of the car, breathing in and out slowly. The air is chilly today, it’s refreshing. He isn’t sure how long he’s standing there, breathing in and out, before the door opens again and out climbs Benny. Gale shoots him one look before shaking his head another time and clenching his teeth to keep from saying anything.

“Gale,” he starts, but Gale stops him at once.

“I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” he rasps. “You _know_ I want as little as possible to do with those people. You _know_ that!”

“This is different,” Benny insists. There’s a sadness and a desperation to his voice so strong that it causes Gale to pause. “You know I’d never ask you to be directly involved in this, Gale. And I’m _not_. Neither is Sal—that’s not what we want.”

“Then _what_ do you want?”

“Like Sal said,” Benny says. “Just to keep an eye out. Let us know if you see anything. We’re _this much closer_. And you don’t have to be involved in the actual process of it. We’re not asking you to go into the field.” Gale wants to say something else but he can’t. God, he feels like he’s going to be sick. But Benny notices the hesitation. “What is it?”

“You’re with Intelligence too,” Gale says. “Aren’t you?” Benny doesn’t respond. “You’ve been with Intelligence this whole time.” Gale steps away from Benny before whipping back around to face him with guilt on his face. “I don’t even know what to say to you,” Gale rasps, extending his hand to point at him. “You _lied_ to me?”

“It’s different,” Benny tries, but Gale shakes his head. This was a lie. This was a _lie_. “Nothing I’ve done has been a lie! I just have a different unit to report _back_ to sometimes!”

The question comes so swiftly Gale’s surprised he even gets it out. “Are you reporting on me?” Gale asks.

Benny freezes. His eyebrows come together. “Excuse me?”

“Are you sending Paylor updates about _me_?” Gale asks again.

“How could you even _think_ that I would do that?” Benny tosses back, anger creeping into his voice. “I didn’t tell you I’m in Intelligence because I wasn’t _allowed—_ but Jesus Gale are you fucking serious? You think—after _everything_ we’ve been through! You think I would do that to you?”

Gale’s voice is thick. “I need you to say it.”

Benny stares at him for a long moment before standing up, squaring his shoulders. “I’m not reporting on you,” he says clearly. That anger is still there. That disbelief that Gale would even assume. “And if someone is, I wouldn’t know about it.” Gale lets out a shuddering breath before turning his back on his friend again. He commands himself to swallow. To breathe. To think for a minute. “We have to get to HQ,” Benny finally says after some time. Gale lets out another breath. “I didn’t like keeping that from you, Gale. You’re my partner.”

“You’re my best friend,” Gale forces out, turning back to look at him.

Benny’s entire face is contorted with sadness. “And you’re mine,” he finally says back. Finally Benny looks away, his eyes to the ground. “We have to go,” he says again, and Gale nods.

It takes a minute but soon he’s back in the car, sitting next to Madge who’s asking so many questions with her eyes. “So we’re all good here?” Sal asks as he starts the engine.

Madge reaches out for Gale but he leans away from her. “I’m not making any promises,” Gale grunts. “But I’ll keep my eyes open.”

* * *

After dropping Madge off at their apartment Gale has to head back to HQ. There are knots of anxiety in his shoulders, every move he makes feels wrong. _Someone here is one of them_ , he thinks, his eyes constantly scanning. _Someone here is dangerous_. But thankfully the morning moves fast and then Delta sends them all home after a short debriefing.

“A total of ten subjects have been apprehended from District 1,” she says to them. “Most of them are middle aged but there were two teenagers. They’re being moved to an interrogation facility soon.”

 _Interrogation facility_. Gale knows what that means, and he wants no part of it.

When he’s allowed to leave he does so quickly, without even a goodbye to Benny. It’s too hard for him to swallow and his brain feels heavy, like his thoughts way too much. When Gale gets back to the apartment he finds Madge sitting on the couch with her tablet in her hands, scanning the District 7 notes with puckered lips.

He just watches her for a moment.

She knows he’s there. Her eyes flickered over to him briefly when he first entered and she offered him a quick smile, but she went right back to work. God, sometimes he can’t believe that she’s real. Madge is everything he’s not. Calm, beautiful inside and out, just a light in general. What he wouldn’t give to pull her to him. What Gale wouldn’t give to kiss her, a kiss just for them instead of for someone else. What he wouldn’t give to _love_ her. The way she deserves to be loved.

She deserves so much better than him.

“You just gonna stare at me all day?” Madge asks suddenly, pulling him from his thoughts. He sighs and debates internally for a moment before crossing the living room and sitting down next to her. “I tried going through the file again,” Madge says. “Looking at the access records. But they’re all coded and I’m not a code person. I’m going to give it to Sal to look at.” Madge sighs too. Gale stretches his arm out around her shoulder and she leans into him. He focuses on her body pressed to his. “I know you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t,” Gale confirms.

“But I just—I think that…” she trails off, lowering the tablet and scooting a little closer to him. “If this is what we can do to help, then we owe it to them.” She hesitates. “We owe it to Pearl.”

Gale clenches his teeth. “I know,” Gale forces out. Because he does. He knows that feeding what information they can to Intelligence will help everyone in the long run, will help his _child_ live in a safer tomorrow. “I just don’t have that fight in me anymore, Madge.” She looked up at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “I’m not…” he starts, and stops, wondering how to word it. “I’ve done my fighting,” Gale says. “Hand to hand stuff, being in the field… it’s hard for me.” It takes him somewhere dark. Somewhere he doesn’t want to be. “So I’ll feed them information, if that’s what they want, but that’s all I can do.”

“And that’s enough,” Madge tells him. She looks away so she can bury herself closer against him. Gale closes his eyes for a brief moment, allowing himself to be selfish. To think he could have a life like this. A life with Madge. A life where there aren’t terrorists. A life where he can tease the ends of her hair like he is now without there being repercussions. “Are we mad at them?” she asks softly.

“What?” Gale asks.

“Sal and Benny,” Madge says. “Are we mad at them?”

He forces his eyes open so he can look down at her. “We?” he asks.

“We,” Madge echoes. “You and me.”

He pulls back slightly and she turns to look up at him. “What do you…” he starts, and stops, surprised at the smile that’s finding his face. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well they’re your people,” Madge says. “If you’re mad at them because they lied to us, I’ll be mad at them too. Because they’re yours.”

Gale lets out a breathy laugh. “You can make your own decision about that, Madge.”

But she shakes her head. “They kept something from us, and clearly it upset you.” Gale’s eyes shift somewhere else, away from the brightness of Madge. “And you’re _my_ person. So if you’re mad at them, I’ll be mad at them too.” Gale’s breath catches in his throat. _You’re_ my _person_. “So are we mad at them?”

It takes Gale a second to respond. “No.” Madge leans back into his arms. He wants this. Moments like this. So many moments like this. His chest feels infinitely tight. “How much did you hear?” he asks, thinking back to the car.

“Bits and pieces,” she responds softly. Gale nods. “Why would Paylor want someone to report on you, Gale?” Madge asks. Again, it takes him a second to respond. And before he can even get out a word she asks, “Because of that job before Security and Defense?”

He lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”

Again they fall quiet. He wonders if she’ll push the subject. But instead she says, “Sal took us to that abandoned factory because apparently there are blocks there.” Gale resumes toying with the ends of her hair. “Like, static in the air, or something. So people couldn’t eavesdrop with wiretaps or something. I think he—I think Sal’s pretty high up.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Gale tells her.

After another moment of silence Madge asks, “How dangerous is it? Working for Intelligence?”

Gale shrugs. “About the same as working for Security and Defense,” he says. “It depends on the assignment. Why?”

Madge hesitates. “I was thinking. About… about asking them to be Pearl’s godparents.” Madge peels back then, slightly out of his grasp so she can look up at him. “What do you think?” Gale opens his mouth to respond but no words are coming. He doesn’t know. He isn’t sure. “But if…” Madge leans back further, a hint of regret crossing her face. “If that’s not—if you don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“No,” Gale cuts her off. “No. I mean—yeah, it—I don’t—I don’t even know if they want kids,” Gale says. “But if Intelligence is dangerous, I mean. I don’t know. I really don’t know.” Madge nods, looking down. “Did you—did you have anyone else in mind?” he asks.

“Well, yeah,” she says with a little nod. “But I wasn’t—I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.” He makes a sort of gesture as to say _go on_ , and Madge looks back up. “Thom and Delly,” she tells him. “I—I don’t know how often you talk to Thom but Delly and I write letters. And I don’t know if we—you and me—would be staying in 2 or I don’t—that’s a different conversation. But Thom and Delly are _home_ , and then Pearl would get a chance to be with our parents too, you know?” Gale sits on the idea for a second. “And it’s—it’s not like I’m expecting anything to happen to us. But they’re both—they’re both parts of us, I guess, is how I was thinking. And Delly’s the kindest person I’ve ever met, and Thom’s always been kind too. And they’re—I mean they just moved in together and I feel like they’re going to make it, you know? Get married. And—it’s just an idea.”

Listening to Madge ramble, Gale’s entire body feels warm. She’s so… she’s just everything. Madge is everything. He can’t fight the smile on his face.

“Well who do _you_ want?” he asks. “Sal and Benny? Or Thom and Delly?”

Her eyes find his and then a nervous sort of smile takes her face. “I want your advice,” she tells him.

“I want whoever’ll make you happiest,” he returns. The way her eyes lit up take his breath away.

Does she know? How he feels? He wondered, in times like this. With her looking at him as though he was the ocean, impossible and fascinating and endless. And was it possible, he also wondered, that she felt the same? His fingers itched with need but the voice in his head was crying out again. _Don’t do it. Don’t ruin this._ He can’t give himself to her, not yet. Maybe not ever. But God, Gale wants her.

“I guess we sit on it then,” Madge finally says.

 _What’s stopping him?_ He searches his mind for something, some sort of reason for keeping Madge at an arm’s length when it comes to his feelings for her. But it keeps getting harder and harder to find that reason.

“I guess so,” Gale murmurs back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really only two scenes, but two scenes I think are pretty important. I hope I'm accurately portraying the confliction in Gale, how he wants to be with Madge but still isn't sure if he deserves it. Oh Sal and Benny, coming in with their secret missions. Give Gale and Madge a break, dang it!
> 
> <3


	27. Worst Case Scenario

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 29/30 Weeks Pregnant

Gale paces the small space of the white room as he tries to keep his mind occupied. Madge is laying on the examination table before him, watching as he moves back and forth while they wait for Doctor Paige. Iris is sitting in a nearby chair, flipping through a baby pamphlet. He isn’t sure why he’s so nervous, but there’s a nagging feeling in his stomach that tells him something is wrong. It’s the feeling he used to get before he’d get the call that he needed to come in. It was the feel that sunk in his bones right before he turned the corner to find a shooter. It isn’t a good feeling, and he doesn’t like that he has it now.

“Gale,” Madge murmurs. She stretches her hand out to him and he tries not to frown as he crosses to her. Iris looks up momentarily to watch the motion and then smirks before looking back at her pamphlet. “Will you stop pacing?”

“Why’s she late?” Gale says in response.

At his question the door opens and Doctor Paige walks in. “Sorry, sorry,” she says to the room. “My last appointment ran over, they just had _so_ many questions.” She looks brightly at Madge, her hands resting on her belly, and smiles. “Well don’t you look pregnant!” Madge laughs and Gale feels the tension in his shoulders easing away. Doctor Paige looks to Iris who stands. “It’s good to see you again,” Doctor Paige says as she starts to the girl, extending her hand to shake. “We’ve worked together before,” she says to Gale and Madge after greeting Iris. “And if I do say so myself, we’re a pretty good team.”

“That we are,” Iris agrees.

“Today we’re going to be doing some final tests,” Doctor Paige says to Madge, “just to make sure everything is going smoothly.” She reaches out then and grabs Madge’s hand, squeezing once. “Almost there,” she says. Madge smiles, and again Gale feels that bit of tension inside of him slipping away.

* * *

The visit seems to be going well until about halfway through. Doctor Paige is all smiles as she and Iris catch up and Gale sits by Madge’s side holding her hand as she gets blood drawn. His thumb brushes her knuckles gently, slowly, and she seems to be thankful that he’s so close. But at one point Doctor Paige and Iris exchange a look and then their smiles are too bright. Too forced. Doctor Paige excuses herself from the room for a moment and Iris sits up a little too straight.

Madge doesn’t seem to notice.

But Gale’s been taught to read people, and the way her eyes look makes him feel nauseous. Madge is rambling about something work-related (“District 10 doesn’t get as much love as it should! Really, Gale, the photos are so _beautiful_ …”) and Gale catches Iris’s eye. And she knows that he knows that something’s wrong. Iris jerks her head to the side slightly. Despite the way his mind is screaming at him that something is wrong something is wrong, he doesn’t ask. He waits. He waits for Doctor Paige to return and tell them whatever it is that’s wrong.

Gale’s hand reaches out to rest on Madge’s stomach and she smiles, continuing her story while covering his hand with her own. It takes longer than he wants it to but soon Pearl kicks and Gale’s relief is instant. He sighs and feels Madge squeeze his hand, looking a little confused but still utterly happy with her near him.

Finally Doctor Paige returns with a square device in her hands and a stack of papers in the others. Madge pauses her conversation with Iris when Doctor Paige returns and suddenly Madge must realize that something is wrong too, because she stills. “Something’s wrong,” she says lowly, and Doctor Paige nods. Gale twists his hand so he can lace his fingers with hers and she sits up slightly. “What is it?” she asks. “Just tell me.”

“There is no use in beating around the bush,” Doctor Paige admits with a soft sigh. She comes closer, fiddling with the things in her hands. “Let’s start with saying there’s nothing wrong with Pearl,” she says. “Pearl is healthy and happy and going to be so beautiful.” Madge is frozen and Gale feels like his heart is in his throat. “But during the ultrasound today I noticed something that was a little concerning.” Doctor Paige goes on to explain the way the technology works how they’re able to spot difference in blood flow and abnormalities in comparison to the typical womb. “After doing a blood test,” Doctor Paige went on, gesturing to the files in her hand, “we’ve confirmed that Madge has a very high chance of excessive bleeding during labor.”

Madge’s voice is quiet as she asks, “Doesn’t everyone bleed during labor?”

“Not excessively,” Iris says in response, just as soft. “This is… dangerous,” she tells the two of them.

“Our technology has gotten very good at predicting this condition,” Doctor Paige says slowly. “So we caught it early. Which is very good.” Gale’s been trained to read people, yes, but Doctor Paige has been trained to talk to them. She’s using a voice like Gale would when he was approaching wounded animals. “But you two must know that because the chance that Madge has for excessive bleeding during labor is high,” she says, “from that…” she trails off, her eyes darkening slightly. “The chance of death is higher too.”

The light drains from Madge’s eyes, as though she’s only just now realizing that this isn’t a happy conversation. “Death?” she echoes. “What do you—what do you mean? _My_ death? Or Pearl? Or…” _both?_

“Yours,” Iris answers lowly. “In this situation the baby would be delivered just fine.”

“I d—I don’t understand,” Madge says, panic creeping into her voice. “What do you—death? What do you mean?”

“It’s mostly genetic,” Doctor Paige explains, pulling up a panel with all of the information from the tests. “And from the ultrasound we’ve gotten some key insight into how things could go. Now, of course, it sounds very scary.” Madge scoffs, trying to mask how terrified she truly is. “But we’ve got an incredibly well trained staff. Both Iris and I will be there as well as surgeons if that becomes necessary. Keep in mind that just because the chance of this sort of bleeding is this high doesn’t _mean_ —”

“What are the odds?” Gale cuts her off. His voice is thick. Everyone turns to look at him but he’s looking at Doctor Paige. “What are the odds in this situation?” he asks another time, getting louder. “What are the odds that Madge is going to die?”

“Gale—” Madge tries.

“Tell me!” he roars, forcing himself to his feet. Doctor Paige shrinks backwards slightly, her happy façade crumbling.

“Sixty-forty,” she says, reading off the square device she brought in. “In our favor. But that's only if—"

“Sixty…” Gale trails off, his eyes darting to Iris before looking back at Doctor Paige again. “There’s a forty percent change that Madge is going to die giving birth to this baby?” Gale croaks. His entire body feels weak. He shifts on his feet but his knees wobble. “There’s a…” he can’t even finish the sentence. The world feels heavy.

“That’s _only_ if the bleeding is uncontrolled,” Iris cuts in, “And there’s not even a guarantee that she _will_ bleed excessively. And even if she does bleed more than someone normally does, the chance of it getting _out of control_ is so slim, Gale.” Gale sinks back into his seat beside Madge, feeling the energy seeping out of him. “All of these are ifs on ifs on ifs. In actuality the chance is _much_ smaller. This is worst case scenario.”

“What’s…” Madge’s voice is shaky. “What’s the most _likely_ scenario?” she asks.

“Bleeding,” Doctor Paige answers. “But because we’ll be on standby it’ll easily be resolved. Perhaps minor surgery.”

“Not… not dying,” Madge says.

“No,” Iris confirms. “Not dying.”

The room is painfully silent for a moment. “I have the specifics all written out in detail here,” Doctor Paige says, gesturing to the folder another time. “For you two to read over. You have my number for any questions and I’m sure that Iris is also willing to—”

“Can you give us a minute?” Madge cuts her off. She looks between Iris and Doctor Paige, signaling for them to leave. “Please?” The two women nod and quickly move out of the room, leaving Madge and Gale alone. She turns to him in her seat and not even looking at her Gale can tell without even looking at her that she’s shaking. “Gale.” She reaches out for him, finding his hand. “Gale, it’s ifs on ifs on ifs,” she says, repeating Iris’s words despite her quivering voice. “Worst case scenario.”

The words rush out of him. _“Can’t lose you.”_

“Gale, _look_ at me,” Madge pleads, tugging his hand again. The angle is awkward but he finally does and finds tears in her eyes. “Of—of course I’m scared,” she croaks. “But… the odds are in our favor,” she reminds him. “Right? Tell me that they’re in our favor.”

“The odds are never in our favor, Madge,” he rasps. Prim was reaped. The district was bombed. Madge got pregnant after one night. They were on a train that got blown up. Madge was in the part of the city that got bombed.  The odds have _never_ been in their favor. “I can’t lose you,” he says again. Gale moves his hands from her and fixes their angle so he can cup her cheeks. “I can’t _lose_ you,” he whispers.

“You won’t,” she says. “You think—you think I’m not scared?” His thumbs brush below her eyes as tears trail down her cheeks. “You think I’m not terrified I won’t get to see our baby? Of course I—I’m—” Madge makes a gasping noise as she swallows, clearly trying to hold back her sobs. “I’m not going anywhere,” she says as firmly as she can. “They said they have doctors ready and we—we’re going to be okay—I believe that.”

“Madge—”

“No,” she croaks. “No! Gale, I need,” her chin quivers as she struggles to find her voice. “I need you to b-be strong for me b-because I c-can’t…” she’s trying so hard not to cry that she’s in pain, her face squished as she attempts to stop herself from sobbing. “Please, I n-need you to—” and she cracks, shattering into pieces and throwing herself at him. Madge buries her face into his chest and Gale realizes he’s shaking too. He struggles to pull Madge in his direction, allowing her to cry.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, his words coming out as though his voice is thick with gravel. “I’m _sorry_ , you’re right, _I’m sorry._ ” God, he’s being selfish. He needs her. He knows he needs her. But she needs him too and he’s… “I’m so sorry,” Gale says again, feeling her shaking her head side to side. “It’ll be okay,” he commands himself to say, whether or not he believes it. “Like you—like you said,” Gale carries on, carefully stroking her hair. “They have doctors and you—you’re the strongest person I know. It’s—worst case scenario, right? That’s what they said. The odds _are_ in our favor. We’ll be okay. _You’ll_ be okay.” He bends down and presses her lips to the top of her head. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I’m sorry. We’ll be okay.” He kisses her forehead another time. “I’m sorry.” And again. “We’ll be okay.”

* * *

That night is particularly quiet.

After Iris and Doctor Paige returned, looking just as worried as Gale felt, and debriefed them on all the different safety checks in place, Gale and Madge went home. Gale feels incredibly guilty for what he’s said. Like somehow this is his problem and his problem alone when clearly that isn’t the truth. Madge is more than scared and for him to only think of himself was just _wrong_. She was right, he needs to be strong for her. And that’s what he’s going to do.

Gale makes her tea and sits by her side as she blinks back tears and goes over work things. He drapes his arm over her shoulder and pulls her close, allowing her to sniffle and curl into his side while he strokes her hair. He prays to a God he’s only heard about in passing, begging someone out there, _something_ out there, for the two of them to get through this.

“I should get to bed,” Madge finally says at one point, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Gale blinks a few times before furrowing his eyebrows together. “I have work in the morning.”

“Work?” Gale echoes. “Madge—”

“Don’t,” she stops him, peeling away from his side as she stands. Her eyes are rimmed with red, but still bright. “I’m not dying today,” she says. “Or any time soon,” she adds a little sharply, despite the way her voice quivers. “Worst case scenario. Remember? And even if I was, that’s no excuse to not go to work.” Gale sighs, sinking backwards on the couch as Madge pauses a few feet away from him. “I’ve decided I’m not dying,” Madge tells him plainly as she sets her jaw.

“That simple, huh?”

“I’d appreciate it if you also decided that I’m not dying,” she says, vehemently trying to stop herself from tearing up and failing. “Okay?”

“You’re not dying,” Gale tells her. And he’s desperate to believe that. If she needs him to believe that, then he’ll try his hardest. “You’re too stubborn to die,” Gale tries to tease, but his voice cracks. The small smile he gets in response is enough though. “Ifs on ifs on ifs.” He blinks hard and forces himself to swallow. “Goodnight,” he whispers.

Madge echoes it gently and then she’s gone, creeping off quietly to her room and closing her door with a gentle click.

The second he’s sure she’s gone Gale lets himself shatter, sinking backwards on the couch and allowing his heart to break. _Can’t lose her, can’t lose her, can’t lose her_. His eyes burn and he knows he’s crying but he can’t stop himself. _I know I’ve made mistakes_ , he thinks. _But she’s not one of them. Please. Please._

Somehow he makes it to the phone, dialing blindly until a voice on the other end answers.

“Hello?”

Even just hearing her makes Gale feel a little less broken. “Ma?” he whispers.

“Gale,” she responds brightly, too bright, and Gale leans against the wall. His eyes flicker to Madge’s door, closed, and he wonders if she’s already asleep. How could she possibly sleep? “How’re you?”

“Ma, something…” he tries to keep his voice soft just in case it travels down the hall so Madge can hear. “Something’s happened,” he says. “And I—I’m…” Gale takes a deep breath. “I’m _scared_ ,” he whispers into the phone, so softly he wonders if his mother’s even heard him. “And I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Sweetheart,” Hazelle says gently. She is the peak of comfort and Gale turns, pressing his forehead against the wall instead of his cheek. “What is it?”

The words come out of him in a rush. Madge’s diagnosis today, how things with Pearl haven’t always been a piece of cake exactly like the night Madge was spotting but he never expected _this_ , that something he thought was so precious could take away the one person who grounds him and reminds him who he has the potential to be. He barely stops for air, certainly doesn’t stop for a second to allow Hazelle a second to speak. He speaks on the odds, how he hates the odds, how he’s always hated the odds. His chest feels tight and he’s been swallowing all of sobs so when he pauses he has to gasp for air. Gale’s silence lasts a long time.

“Gale,” Hazelle finally says softly. “It’s going to be okay.”

“ _Okay_ ,” Gale echoes weakly. “I know I—I have to be strong for her but I—I don’t—I’m _terrified_. They say it’s worst case scenario but nothing—nothing is _ever_ typical for us, and—”

“Gale.” Hearing his mother say his name keeps him focused. “District 2 is one of the best trained in terms of medicine and health care,” Hazelle tells him. “Because they worked so closely with the Capitol before the war it meant they had access to safer, more efficient technology. Just the fact alone that you know there might be a problem is a miracle. They’ll have people waiting on standby _just in case_.”

“But there’s a forty percent chance—”

“Don’t do that,” she cuts him off carefully. “You can’t think about it that way. Sweetheart, listen. Madge’s mother was sick a lot of her life, this is something that runs in their _family_. But Madge’s mother—she still survived and pushed on despite it all. You can _bet_ that Madge will do the same. She’s a fighter. And she _loves_ …” Hazelle trails off, as though her words are dangerous. Gale feels them deep in his stomach. “The will to live is strong,” Hazelle says. “It’s gotten her this far. And she’s not going anywhere anytime soon, I believe that.”

Gale sniffs and blinks hard before reaching up. He’s told Madge earlier and thought it before, but he says it to his mother now. “I can’t lose her,” he whispers. “She’s… Ma, she’s…”

“I know, Honey,” Hazelle says. And Gale understands that Hazelle truly _does_ know. “I know.”

* * *

The morning is just as quiet, but things seems different. Madge smiles more as though all she really needed was a night of rest. Either that or she’s an _excellent_ actress. Maybe she really does believe that the worst case scenario isn’t an option. And more than anything, Gale wants to believe that too.

As she crosses past him into the kitchen Gale reaches out for her, tugging Madge in his direction and wrapping his arms fiercely around her. “You know I’m with you,” he whispers as her arms wind around him to. “Right? That no matter what happens, I’m _with_ you, Madge.” She buries her face into his chest and he sighs when he feels her nod. “God, you’re so fucking strong,” he murmurs. “And brave. Jesus, Madge.” She seems to squeeze closer, then, and Gale focuses all of his attention on her. “You’re everything,” he tells her. And he believes that firmly. That Madge is everything. She is brave and strong and powerful and bright and positive and just… miraculous. “And we’re going to be okay.”

“We are,” she murmurs into his chest.

 _We_.

When Madge pulls back her eyes travel up Gale’s chest until they’re holding one another’s gaze. He reaches down and brushes her hair gently from her face before cupping her cheek. Only when Gale watches Madge’s eyes drop to his lips does he pull away, his fingers caressing her as he does. “Let’s get you to work,” Gale says gently.

* * *

Madge feels like it’s her responsibility to let her three bosses know that there’s a chance she could die giving birth to Pearl. It’s not going to happen, no way in hell is she dying, but there’s a chance. A kind of high one, if one thing goes wrong that leads to another thing that goes wrong. But stranger things have happened to them. So a chance.

Yesterday may have been one of the worst days of her life. She walked into her appointment feeling happy, like things were on their way to working out, only to find out that she could be dead in a few weeks. After escaping death so many times, after getting to a point in her life in which she’s _hopeful_ for the future, it gets yanked out from under her. After the grief overtook her, she decided it didn’t matter. Because she wasn’t going to die. She refused. And like Iris and Doctor Paige both said, it was unlikely. Very unlikely with all of their trained staff.

Madge still had so much to do. She wanted to see the face of her son or daughter. Hear his or her first words. Watch his or her first steps. Madge wanted to get out of the country, to see the world outside of Panem. She wanted to kiss Gale. A lot. Just the two of them. So it’s not a show for anyone. So it’s not fake. A real kiss. She wants to tell him how she feels about him, more than anything, whether or not he feels the same. And then she wants to _know_ how he feels.

So, no.

Madge isn’t dying anytime soon. She rests her hands over her stomach as Pearl kicks. “Not going anywhere,” she murmurs to her baby. “Not until I get to scold you for kicking the crap out of me.”

She goes to their office (taking the long way to avoid Lora’s desk—she has _no_ time for that today) the second she arrives inside. She cried herself out the night before so after gathering them together and explaining the situation, she doesn’t shed a tear. But once her story is over, all of the news she learned in the previous day, the room is so silence that it feels heavy. Madge looks around at the three of them and waits for someone to say something.

“You seem so... Zen,” Patricia says, and Madge lifts her shoulders into a little shrug. “Is there anything we can do to support you? Do you need some time off?”

“No, no,” Madge says, shaking her head. “Of course not.” Working keeps her mind busy, and if she thinks too much about her potential death then she’s absolutely going to lose herself again. “I just figured I should… tell you.”

“Madge,” Dottie reaches out for her and grabs her hands. “We’re all here for you. You know that, don’t you?” Madge nods her head. All of them look so concerned. Worry is bright in Richie’s eyes, concern is written over Patricia’s face. She _knows_ they care about her. And that makes her feel braver. Stronger. “Anything at all,” Dottie says. “ _Please_ let us know. Please.”

“I will,” Madge insists.

* * *

The week passes and Gale treads carefully around Madge. He finds as many excuses to touch her as he possibly can. His hand on her shoulder, his fingers brushing hers from across the dinner table, a hug goodnight before bed. She doesn’t seem to mind.  When she calls home to talk to her father Gale sits by her side with their hands laced together, gently rubbing his thumb across her knuckles as she explains the situation to him.

“Iris is going to pick me up from work early on tomorrow,” Madge tells him Thursday night. They’re settled on the couch, a book in Gale’s hands and a giant mug of tea in Madge’s. “So you don’t have to worry about it, okay?”

Gale frowns. “What for? If you’re going to an appointment—”

“I just need to leave work early, Gale,” Madge says gently. “I’m not sneaking around behind your back.” His frown deepens into a scowl and Madge smiles at him. “Iris is our midwife, but she’s also my friend, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Madge nudges Gale with her elbow and he sighs. “I’m allowed to be invested in what you do,” he murmurs, pretending to read his book again.

“I _know_ you are,” Madge says. “You should _also_ know that I will _always tell you_ if I’m going to an appointment.” She reaches out with her free hand and rests it on his forearm. “Okay?”

Gale’s eyes drift to her hand and he dips his head into a nod. “Okay.”

“But I’ll be back when you get off,” Madge says, her fingers lightly curling against him. She’s been touching him a lot, too. He doesn’t mind, either. “For dinner. Unless you have plans?”

“No, I’ll be here.”

She brightens. God, she’s bright.

“Good,” Madge says.

* * *

Madge can’t stop pacing. She thought this was a good idea but now she’s nervous. Incredibly nervous. Iris has been supportive, giving her a ride and helping her pick out the groceries while she bubbled with excitement. Madge has never been the best cook so Iris helped with stew and cooking the deer they bought while Madge advised. The room smells heavenly, and she hopes Gale thinks so too when he enters.

She’s been thinking about this ever since her appointment. How she has to tell Gale how she feels. It just took her a few days to work out the details.

“This is so exciting,” Iris had said as they cooked. “I’m so excited about this! You’ll have to call me and tell me how everything goes down. Which will be in your favor. I’m sure. Because…” Iris trailed off with a happy hum. “The way he looks at you…”

“We’ll see,” Madge said. Because she hopes. She hopes so badly that this works out. Gale can shut down sometimes and shut her own, and she’s praying this isn’t going to backfire and be awkward and horrible. But Iris is right. Gale will look at her and Madge’ll feel so… _powerful_. So beautiful. So _everything_ , in Gale’s own words. “I just need him to know,” Madge had said. “I just need to _talk_ about it. You know?”

Iris has been gone for about half an hour now, leaving Madge with just pulling the cooking out and setting it all on the table. Gale should be home any minute and the anticipation is—

There’s a key in the door and Madge startles, standing to full attention as it swings open. Gale’s face lights up when he walks in and Madge grips the chair she’s standing behind, forcing a bright smile as he pauses by the door. “Hey,” Gale says. His eyes shift to the dining room table and then to Madge who’s across the table. “You cooked?” he asks with a little laugh.

“Iris helped,” she says. “Hungry?”

“Incredibly,” Gale says with a nod. He peels his jacket from his arms and hangs it on the hook by the door before kicking off his boots. “It smells amazing,” he says sincerely which alone causes her to smile considering she _knows_ she’s not the greatest cook. “Special occasion?” he asks.

“I mean, no,” Madge shakes her head. Her heart is racing in her chest. Her hands are sweating. “I just—I figured we could talk.”

Gale freezes with his hand on the chair closest to him which he was going to pull out before Madge added that last bit. “Talk?” he asks, the smile sliding from his face. “About… what?”

Madge is gripping the chair so hard her hand hurts. She shrugs slightly. “About us?” she asks.

There’s no way for her to figure out what the blank look on Gale’s face could mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deepest apologies for not getting this out earlier! It's still Friday in my book though. I've had a pretty busy day in terms of RA life and spring break stuff. I hope the weather is nice where you are and that you're enjoying it -- I sure am!
> 
> I wanted to let everyone know right now that there won't be any character deaths in this story, so please don't be deterred from the heavy subject! I tried to make it so Iris and Doctor Paige were very clear that this was worst case scenario situation, but Madge and Gale kind of just cling to the fact that it's a possibility. After everything they've been through it can be hard for them to be hopeful. (But they should be...)
> 
> Love you all! I hope you enjoy it, thanks for reading!!


	28. Time to Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 Weeks Pregnant

“You want to talk about… us?” Gale asks, echoing Madge’s statement slowly, and she nods. His face is still unreadable. Blank. And that scares her. Because it makes her think that he’s building up walls, that he’s ready to shut down whatever she’s about to say. And part of her… part if her is okay with the two of them sitting side by side on the couch, his fingers tangled in her hair while he reads a book and she drinks her tea. That familiarity without anything else. But a bigger part of her wants more. “What about us?” he asks.

Madge is still standing behind the chair at the dining room table, despite the fact that her legs feel weak. She clutches the arch of the chair and lets out a soft breath.

“Come on, Gale,” she says gently. “Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” He remains frozen, but his lips part slightly. God, she wishes she knew what’s going on inside his mind. He hasn’t looked away from her yet, his eyes full of gray intensity like a storm on the horizon, and she knows she had to say something else. “I just… I’ve been wanting to say something for a while, but everything with us is so…” she trails off, unsure of the right word. “Complicated.”

He lets out a short breath. “Yeah.”

“I don’t—I don’t want it to seem like I’m ambushing you,” Madge adds quickly. “Because I know that—I know it might—it feels… but this isn’t out of nowhere.”

Gale swallows, tipping his head forward. “Okay.”

“It’s…” Madge doesn’t know where to start. “It’s you told me—you told me not to distance myself. And even—after the diagnosis, the odds—” Gale looks away then, his eyebrows coming together. “—that’s not what this is about. This isn’t some… I’m not afraid I’m going to die so I thought I had to do this. I just have to do this.”

“Do _what_ , Madge?”

“Tell you how I feel.”

Gale’s still looking away, his eyebrows still furrowed. “No you don’t,” he says lowly, and Madge feels her heart start to crack.

“Yes I do,” she says, ignoring the way her voice shakes. “Because Gale, I… I can’t pretend like I don’t have feelings for you anymore.” Already it feels as though this is not going where she wants it to go but she can’t stop, not now. “I know that… I know that you told me that being friends was all you could give me,” she says. “But since then I’ve felt—I mean, you look at me, and I… it feels like there’s _something_. And _please_ tell me if I’m wrong, but God, Gale, if there’s even a _chance_ that you and I could—”

“Madge,” he stops her.

“And it’s not—” she continues despite his protest. “It’s not just about Pearl. Because of course I love how you are when it comes to Pearl. Cautious and excited, but that’s not—”

“ _Madge_ ,” Gale nearly pleads, looking up again.

“I want to be with you,” she says. Plain as day. And having the words out there gives her the smallest bit of relief. She meets his gaze and he looks so… she can’t even put a word to it. She isn’t sure if she’s ever seen him like this. His eyes are wide and wet, his eyebrows haven’t yet collided but are still moving toward one another. “I want to be with you,” Madge says again. “You make me feel like the person I want to be. You remind me that I’m brave, and strong, and Gale, I want that.” She’s still gripping the chair tightly but it’s out there now, she can’t take it back. “I just want that chance.”

Something on his face shifts, and Madge can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“Say something,” Madge says softly, her voice creeping toward a whisper. “Please.”

But he doesn’t. In fact, he turns on his heel, and he walks out the door.

* * *

He’s gone for at least five minutes before Madge moves, and when she does it’s on unsteady feet. She races for the phone while forcing herself not to cry, not to cry, not to cry as she dials one of the numbers pinned to the wall beside it. It rings and rings and finally she hears Sal’s voice, “Hello?”

“Sal?” she croaks. “Is Benny…”

“Yeah, yeah,” his voice is hurried, clearly hearing the urgency in her voices, “hold on a second Madge.”

And then Benny’s there, “Madge?” His voice is gentle. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She tries to swallow back a sob but she can’t, it claws its way out of her anyway. She manages to get out something slightly coherent, how she made a mistake, how she thinks she needs a place to stay… “Hey, hey,” Benny is so incredibly soothing. “You want me to come get you? We have a spare room here.”

“I h-have to pack a bag,” Madge manages to croak. “I’ll call you in fifteen mi-minutes. And th-then you can leave, o-okay?”

“I can leave now,” Benny insists. “Help you pack. Whatever it is—”

“No!” No. Madge needs a minute to herself. She needs to collect herself, figure out how she’s supposed to face these next few months now. She was sure, she was so _sure_ … “I’ll call you. Please just wait.” Despite Benny’s reluctance and protest, he finally agrees to wait until she calls to leave to come get her. He doesn’t ask any questions but she’s sure he will once he picks her up.

Madge hangs up the phone and sucks in a few more breaths, trying her hardest not to break down sobbing. How could Gale have just walked out like that without saying anything? After everything they’ve been through, doesn’t he at least owe her some sort of explanation?

She settles in her room, digging around for her bag before yanking open one of her drawers with another weak cry.

* * *

Gale left without shoes.

Which is good, considering it made him pause in the hallway instead of climbing into the elevator and leaving the building. He rests backwards against the wall and tries to get the beating of his heart under control. He knew, the second that he turned on his heel, that he was doing the wrong thing. And he knows that he’s going to return to Madge the second he can.

But he couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t remember the last time his anxiety was that overwhelming. It was sticky in his veins, thick and dark and he couldn’t _breathe_. If he didn’t get himself out of that room that felt like the walls were closing in, he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done. So he left. Without his shoes. Knowing it wasn’t what he wanted to do.

Gale takes a deep breath and focuses on where he is. He can feel the cool wall of the hallway behind him, the bead of sweat on his forehead. The air smells sterile, like someone from a cleaning crew had been through earlier in the day and wiped down the walls with disinfectant.

 _She wants to be with me_.

It hums in his head like an anchor, grounding him his spot. It’s a terrifying concept. Completely terrifying. But she’s put it out there and Gale would be an idiot to ignore that, to walk away from Madge. He just needs to breathe. He needs to breathe. Because he wants to be with her too. God, he wants to be with her. But it’s terrifying. So much of it is terrifying. Being with her is _terrifying_.

He isn’t sure how much time passes before he returns to his, no, _their_ apartment. The air is still warm from the oven and smells delicious too, but there’s no sign of Madge. Considering he was in the hallway he would’ve known if she left and she hadn’t, so she must still be here somewhere. His feet carry him until he’s just outside her door, listening to a shuffling sound and a muffled…

He pushes open the door without knocking, finding her shoving things dramatically into a bag. She startles at the sight of him. “Gale,” she gasps as his eyes dart around to the clothes strewn across her room. She has a suitcase open on the bed and it’s stuffed to the brim with her things. “What—”

“What the hell are you doing?” he rasps.

She pauses, reaching up to swat at her eyes. She’s been crying. Gale feels his heart drop into his stomach. “What?” she asks.

“You’re—packing?”

Madge’s eyebrows come together in confusion. Maybe in anger. “I thought you left,” she croaks.

“I just needed a second,” Gale says as he shakes his head. “You were going to leave?” He strides into her room to wedge his way between her and the bag she’s currently packing. “Madge, no, I—” he reaches toward her and cups her tear-stained cheeks and despite the confused look in her eyes that would normally deter him from making anymore moves he doesn’t pull away. “I—no, _no_ ,” Gale shakes his head, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

“Wh—what?”

“I’m sorry,” Gale forces out, his voice as thick as the anxiety that was in his veins. “God, Madge—I, I’m so _sorry_ , I shouldn’t have walked out like that. That was wrong it was—that was so goddamn stupid of me.” Her lips part as she tries to unravel what he’s saying but even he can’t get it out. “You’re so—fuck, you’re everything and I just—you’re too bright and I needed a second to—to…”

Her chin quivers. “Gale w-what are you saying?” Her eyes are so hopeful and they fuel Gale a step forward.

“ _Madge_ ,” he breathes. “I want to be with you too.” Madge nearly melts, a cry of happiness so pure escapes her that Gale can barely focus. “But I—” Madge surges forward then, her hands gripping his shirt and tugging him down toward her so she can kiss him. Gale forgets any and all arguments that were on the tip of his tongue and leans in, groaning into her mouth as he kisses her back.

Every kiss they’ve shared since that night, the very first night that got them where they are today, has been for someone else. It’s been part of an act or part of a show. But not this. This is for them. That fact alone edges Gale’s fingers sliding into Madge’s hair, curling slightly in desire. Her lips are warm, salty from her tears but welcoming and needy. And God, he needs her too. He’s scared that if he’s too rough, too forceful, that she’ll break under his calloused hands.

So instead Gale is careful. He moves her gently, stepping slowly until she moves with him, back against an empty wall. His hips edge forward so he can keep her there and she doesn’t relent, her hands still clinging to him as though she’s terrified he’ll leave the room again. But he can’t, he can’t. His tongue slide across her upper lip and the whine she gives is enough to make him crumble.

“Madge,” he rasps, pulling back before she opens her mouth for him. “Wait, wait.” He presses his forehead to hers and dips enough that their noses brush.

“What is it?” she asks. Her cheeks are still pink, partly from crying but also, Gale thinks, from the exhilaration of this. That this is happening. That he’s holding her with no desire to let her go. Her hands tighten on his shirt. “Gale,” Madge whispers. “Don’t go,” she pleads.

“No, no, no,” he shakes his head, desperate for her to understand that. “I’m sorry I walked out,” he rasps. “I shouldn’t have walked out.” Feeling her cheeks beneath his hands, his thumbs upon her skin. This is what he’s wanted. This. This. _This_. Their noses brush again as she shakes her head, a silent forgiveness for his mistake of walking away. “I just, I needed to think for a minute,” Gale breathes.

“Think?” Madge breathes. He leans in, stealing another kiss. She’s going to go broke the way he’s taking them but he can’t make himself stop. “About what? Why?”

Gale pulls back again but not too far. He rests his forehead against hers again, wishing her eyes could give him the answers he so desperately needs. But his lips taste like her and he can’t even stop to think about how bad this is, how bad of an idea this is. How he’s been fighting this for as long as he can remember. Because now all he wants is more. Infinitely more. To never, ever stop. Now that he knows she wants him too…

“You scare the shit out of me,” Gale finally settles. Madge blinks a few times and then does he pull back. Her hands are latched to his shirt so again he doesn’t get too far, but he does look away as he tries to sort out his thoughts. Despite the way his throat feels tight Gale knows he has to say it to her, that he has to make her understand. “I never… I never expected to feel like this about someone, the way I feel about you.” Madge clings to him and tugs him closer. “You… Madge, you said that I make you feel brave but my God. You make me feel _whole_. You make me feel like the person I’ve been terrified I’ll never get to be.”

“Gale, no,” Madge tries. “You’re so _good_.”

“See that—” he sighs, shaking his head. “You see the best in me and it _terrifies_ me. Because I _know_ I’m not good enough for you.”

“Gale,” she protests.

“And because I can’t give you what you _want_.”

“Gale, what I want is _you_.” 

His heart swims in his chest. “Then what you _deserve_ ,” he tries to correct. But he’s already melting. He can’t walk away from this. Half of his body is screaming to leave, to end it. _She’ll get hurt. You’ll hurt her. You’re a fucking burden_. But the other half is sweet, desperate. _She wants you. Flaws and all. She doesn’t want anything else_. She doesn’t hear his feeble protest anyway, that he’s broken and shattered and scared. Instead she tugs him down and presses herself on her toes, needing another kiss. He gives it to her. God, he’d give her anything she wanted. “Madge,” he pulls back after a moment.

But he doesn’t know what else to say. She reaches up, brushing her thumb over his lip.

“Don’t be scared,” she pleads. Gale leans his head into her palm. “I want you.”

“I want _you_ ,” he echoes. More than she’ll know. More than she’ll ever be able to know. He’s wanted to hear her say it for so, so long. “So much,” Gale rasps.

And this his lips are on her again. Madge sighs into his mouth, still using one of her hands to pull him closer by his shirt. Gale’s hands move down her body and bring her closer. Closer, closer, they both try and get as close as they possibly can. Madge’s baby bump gets in the way a little bit but Gale doesn’t mind. How could he? Because this is what he wants. He wants Madge and he wants Pearl and he wants _this_ , more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.

But he’s still so scared. “I’m not enough,” he forces out, and Madge shakes her head. “You don’t _understand_ ,” Gale tries.

“I do,” Madge whispers against his lips. “You’re broken. It’s okay. _It’s okay_.” He leans in again, his hands getting lost in her hair as he kisses her with everything he has.

“Tell me to stop,” Gale pleads, knowing there’s no way he can walk away from this despite the tangible fear that is weighing him down already.

“I could _never_ ,” Madge rasps back. “Never, never, never.” Gale tries to push the fear out of him and focus on the warmth that Madge brings and with each second he spends with her it gets a little easier. “ _Want_ you…” she forces out and Gale groans again, unbelieving that he deserves someone like Madge’s affection.

They’re like that for a while, pushing and pulling like the currents of the ocean, desperate to feel each other, to breathe one another in. But soon the phone rings and they pull apart. They’re both breathing heavily and Gale once again rests his forehead on hers.

The ringing echoes through their apartment but neither of them speak. They just hold each other’s gaze, blue against gray as the weight of the night settles in.

“I should get that,” Gale finally says.

Madge’s eyes widen slightly as though she’s only now realizing where they are, what they’ve done. “I think it’s for me.” She wedges past him quickly and Gale takes a deep breath, licking his lips, tasting her again. He leans backwards against her wall and breathes. _Don’t ruin this_ , he thinks. _Don’t run from this._ “Benny?” he hears. After another deep breath Gale walks out into the hallway. “Yeah, no—I’m—I’m sorry! I got…” she glances over her shoulder as Gale emerges from her room. “Distracted.” Despite himself a smile sneaks onto his face, and the grin that Madge returns is worth it. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry! Jeez, I’m _sorry_ , Benny.” Gale can hear his friend’s voice, loud and worried, as muffled static. “I’m staying here. Yeah, I’m sure. I’m _sure_.” He wants her. He wants to be with her. Gale strides across to her and wraps his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Mm-hm,” she breathes. He swears her voice catches. “I’ll explain tomorrow. Yeah. Yes. Okay.” Gale leans in, pressing a warm kiss to Madge’s neck. “Yeah. See you… see you then.” And then another one. “Okay. Bye.” Madge spins to hang up phone and then turns to him, finding a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

“You called Benny?” Gale asks.

“I thought…” Madge trails off, attempting to look away before Gale cups her cheek and pulls her up again. “I thought I ruined what we had,” she whispers. “That you wouldn’t want me to stay. I panicked.”

“I would never ask you to leave,” Gale tells her. Never ever. Even if he hadn’t reciprocated her feelings on the same level, there was no possible way he couldn’t asked her to go. She’s lost so much, and so many people. Gale refuses to be one of them. His thumb glides across her chin. “Is he mad?” Gale asks.

“Just worried,” Madge answers. Her eyes drop to his mouth before crawling back up to hold his gaze. “He’ll be okay. I must’ve scared him.”

“He cares a lot about you,” Gale says gently, and Madge nods, knowing this. “I’m sorry,” Gale says again. “For walking out…” but again, she shakes her head. Her hands slide down his sides and Gale swallows. Even just her touch is a grounding feeling. “It won’t happen again,” he rasps. “I swear.”

“Gale,” she whispers, and his eyes close at the sound of his name. “I trust you.”

Again he melts, wanting to kiss her more than anything. So he does. Again. And again. And again. She doesn’t seem to mind.

* * *

Somehow they manage to pry themselves away from one another and settle back down at the dining room table. They have to reheat some of the food but most of it’s still warm. Despite the warmth, the butterflies, the sheer  _joy_ from how things have turned out, they still have so much to talk about.

“I agree that it would be too fast,” Madge says as she tangled their fingers together from across the table. She swallows down a bite of mashed potatoes before continuing. “Getting married…” she trails off, her eyebrows coming together as she shakes her head.

She told him once before that she didn’t want to marry someone she didn’t love, or someone who didn’t love her. Gale doesn’t know where she falls on this now, but the way he feels about her…

“No rush,” Gale murmurs as he pushes his food around with his fork. “We’ve done everything so…”

“Backwards,” Madge suggests, and Gale dips his head. “Fitting for us,” she hums. “Don’t you think?” Gale doesn’t know if he’s smiling because it’s the truth, or if it’s because it’s coming from Madge. He’s definitely running on a high, and that scares him. If he thinks about it for too long he’ll realize that with every high comes a _low_ , and he doesn’t want to forget this feeling anytime soon. “I just want you to know,” Madge says again, “that this wasn’t just about Pearl.”

Gale twists their hands. “I know,” he says. “For me, either. Of course Pearl… of course he’s a factor in how I feel for you but…”

“Without him we’d never even…”

“I know, I know,” Gale exhales gently. He lifts her hand and kisses her knuckles. They look in her eyes as he does so is so _warm_ that with absolute certainty, Gale believes that they can do this.

* * *

Somehow they end up in Gale’s bed, just lying next to one another. The dishes have been cleaned and put away, all the leftover food wrapped up. Madge just wants to look at him. He’s so beautiful, so soft. Her fingers trace across the features of his face and he watches as though he’s content to do so for the rest of their lives.

“I see someone,” Gale says suddenly. His voice is as soft as he is in this moment but still it startles her. “A therapist. About once a week.” Her hand curves around his jaw. “Because there’s still so much I struggle with.”

“That’s okay,” Madge tells him. “I went to one right after the war.”

Gale looks like he doesn’t know what he wants to say next. “You did?” he asks, and she nods her head. She had the hardest time trying to sleep that she was even prescribed sleeping pills. He sighs a little. “That was years ago though.” Her fingers resume tracing across his face. “But I still _need_ to talk things out.”

“That’s okay,” Madge says again. “You went through so much more than I did.” His eyes fall shut. “Just the fact that you know you need help still, that you’re willing to admit it and seek it out, Gale that’s brave.” She leans down to press her lips to his forehead. “You’re _brave_ ,” she reminds him.

“There’re still things…” he sighs, opening his eyes again. “I want to tell you. What I did. But I can’t.” Madge dips her head slightly. “Soon,” he tells her. “Because then maybe you’ll understand…”

“Nothing can change my mind about you,” she whispers. “If that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“Partly,” he admits. “Part of it is just saying it out loud.”

She leans forward again, kissing his forehead once more. “When you’re ready,” she says, and Gale nods.

“Soon,” he says another time.

They lay like that a bit longer before Madge exhales deeply. “I should get to bed,” she says, pulling her hand from her face. Despite the fact that she wants to stay like this, close. “We don’t want to go to fast, yeah?”

Gale blinks a few times before shrugging slightly. “You can stay,” he says softly. “If you want.”

“It’s not too much?” she asks.

Gale hesitates. Because maybe it is, too much. But the truth is that he hasn’t felt this stable in months. This bright. This hopeful. And he wants her to stay. He wants to wake up next to her in the morning, to confirm that this hasn’t been a dream. But at the same time, she’s right. They don’t want to go too fast. She cups his cheek another time and kisses him softly.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Madge whispers before kissing him again, and when they pull apart he’s smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. She climbs from his bed, waving over his shoulder before disappearing off to her own room.

* * *

Madge is awake before he is, but for the first time in a long time Gale doesn’t wake up exhausted. He wakes up feeling hopeful. There’s been so much  _hope_ inside of him for the last 12 hours that it terrifies him. Something’s bound to go wrong when they get so hopeful.

But Madge smiles brightly at him when he enters the kitchen and Gale forgets that he should worry. “Morning,” she says. “Sleep okay?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he admits.

She grins. “Me too.” She already has a mug of tea in her hands and Gale crosses to her, carefully removing it from her hands to set on the counter behind her so there’s nothing in their way. “Gale,” she says, her voice high, and he quickly cups her cheeks. Madge sighs into his mouth as he kisses her, again wanting more and more and more. When he pulls back and rests his forehead against her she’s the prettiest pink he’s ever seen in his life. “Hi,” she breathes.

“Hi,” he returns softly. Again her grin returns and Gale feels his face following the same movements as he goes to lean in another time. Before his lips can reach hers there’s a loud knock on the door that startles the both of them. Gale peels back, glancing toward the door before looking at Madge. “Benny?” he wonders, and Madge shrugs.

“I told him I’d see him Monday,” she said. “He never said anything about coming over.”

Gale moves away from her quickly. “Iris, maybe?” he suggests, and Madge shrugs another time. Madge reaches for her mug of tea while Gale moves through the apartment to get to the door. He pulls it open without looking through the peephole and startles at the sight of the people on the other side of it. “Wha…?”

Hazelle Hawthorne, with Rory and Vick and Posy crowded behind her, are standing in his hallway.

“ _Surprise_!” Hazelle cheers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some of the very first scenes that I ever imagined for this story, so it was amazing to finally get them out! I hope you like it! I also hope that I'm portraying Gale's confliction well enough. But when you care so much about someone and find out they feel the same, that feeling kind of overpowers everything else (; 
> 
> <3 <3 love you all!


	29. The Hawthorne Family in District 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 31 Weeks Pregnant

The surprise of Hazelle and the kids arriving in District 2 wears off right away. Gale is scooped into his mother’s arms in a quick hug before she bustles into the room, calling out Madge’s name. And then Vick and Posy throw themselves at him too for two more hugs, while Rory just wedges his way past him without even making eye contact.

“It’s so good to see you!” Hazelle cheers, clearly having found Madge in the kitchen. Gale ushers his siblings inside before pushing the door shut and quickly hurrying to the kitchen, finding Hazelle holding Madge tightly. “Gosh, you’ve gotten so _round_ ,” she says as she pulls back, and Madge can’t help but laugh. Madge’s eyes find Gale’s and he shrugs, and she shrugs back.

“Ma,” Gale says as the kids drop their bags off in the living room. “Not that I’m not happy to see you,” he says. “Because I am. But, um—”

“Why am I here?” she asks, cutting him off. Hazelle turns to face her son, crossing the kitchen back to him in just a few steps. “ _Some_ one called me sounding very, very distressed,” Hazelle says, poking him in the chest. “And I, as a mother, decided it was in everyone’s best interest for me to come out and see you both.”

Madge pipes up, “You called her?” Gale moves past his mom in her direction. “About that appointment?” she asks.

“I was worried,” Gale murmurs as he reaches Madge. “I didn’t— _you_ didn’t want to talk about it, so I just—”

“It’s okay,” Madge says gently. “I just—I didn’t realize you were still so upset.”

He reaches out, his hand cupping her cheek. “Don’t be stupid,” Gale sighs, and she leans into his touch. Of course he was still upset. Doctor Paige told them that there was a chance of Madge dying when giving birth to Pearl. That was _terrifying_. “Ma,” Gale says, forcing himself look away from Madge’s soft blue gaze. “I’m—we’re _okay_. You should’ve called.”

“Rory wanted to see the district,” Vick chimes, poking his head into the kitchen. Posy appears a few seconds later. “He’s all done schooling soon and wants to tour the districts.”

“I didn’t want to see District 2,” Rory mutters from out of view.

“Well. Ma figured it would be a good place to start,” Vick says. He grins. “Hi Madge.”

“Hi Vick,” she returns with a smile of her own. Posy rushes into the room and throws her arms around Madge too, finding some difficulty due to her baby bump. “Hey,” Madge laughs, cupping the back of Posy’s head. “How was your trip?”

“Did you get a hotel?” Gale asks before they can answer, and Madge shoots him a look. “I just—” his throat is slowly closing. “Sorry,” he forces out, “but I—I just wasn’t…” Madge reaches out for him as though knowing his heartbeat is starting to race. “I’m just surprised,” he murmurs as Madge laces their hands together.

Hazelle’s eyes flicker to the motion, a smile gracing her face. “That was the point, dear,” she says.

“We have enough space here,” Madge says softly. “If you’re okay sharing a bed,” she adds to Gale.

“You don’t share a bed?” Vick asks.

“That’s fine,” Gale murmurs, trying to hurry this conversation along. “Ma and Posy can take your room, Vick and Rory on the pullout couch.” Vick nods his head with a grin and retreats back into the living room while Posy darts out to check out the bedroom she’ll be staying in. Hazelle lingers in the kitchen, arching an eyebrow at her son who’s frowning. “Some warning would’ve been nice,” he says with a sigh before pressing a kiss to Hazelle’s forehead.

* * *

After Madge sits down with Hazelle and pulls out the folder that Doctor Paige gave her explaining the odds of something going wrong during birth, Gale corners her in the hallway. He’s spent the past half hour or so changing the sheets in Madge’s room so his mom and Posy have fresh ones, as well as getting the pullout couch together. Madge has spent that time listening to Hazelle talk her down, explain the truth behind the numbers that Doctor Paige had said as well.

“The odds _aren’t_ as bad as Gale made them out to be,” Gale overheard as he was setting up in the living room. “But gosh, he scared me with that call.”

“Something could still go wrong,” Madge had responded. “Apparently if I start bleeding, which I mean I’m _going to_ because that’s what you _do_ when you give birth—”

“Oh, stop it,” Hazelle cut her off. “You can’t think like that. I’ll tell you what I told Gale. District 2 has the most advanced medical knowledge out of all of Panem…” Gale forced himself to zone out then, instead listening to Rory and Vick bicker over who could use the tablet that they brought with them.

But now he has Madge against the wall. Her bright blue eyes look hopeful and soft and Gale knows that he should be more careful about the two of them moving into this relationship but he kisses her anyway. “I’m sorry,” he whispers against her lips and she frowns, resting her head backwards. “That they showed up.”

“I love your family, Gale,” she says. He leans again, his lips grazing hers. “It’s probably a good thing they’re here,” she breathes. “Or we’d do this all weekend.” His lips curve into a smile as Madge reaches up, gripping his shirt in her hand. “Not that I’m complaining…” Still grinning Gale kisses her again, his hand sliding around her waist as she kisses him back. “They’re only here for a few days,” she adds breathlessly, and Gale nods. “It’ll be okay. “

* * *

It isn’t even noon by the time Rory and Gale have their first fight.

It doesn’t start out that bad. Rory and Vick and Gale are all on the balcony, looking at the mountains that his view provides. “Why’d you pick this place?” Rory asks as he looks around. There’s a tinge of bitterness to his voice, but Gale knows to look past it and be honest.

“It’s close to work,” he says. “And the view reminds me of home.”

Rory scoffs.

“It’s really nice, Gale,” Vick says, ignoring his other brother. “Do you ever go hiking?”

“I used to,” he admits. “Rock climbing, too, but I don’t have much time for that anymore.” Rory mutters something angry under his breath. “It was mostly to relieve stress,” Gale adds, his eyes toward Rory as he keeps his voice even. Which again, is the truth. He had too much inside of him and the only way to get it out was through exercising. Or sex. But he knew hiking and rock climbing was a better coping method. “I’m pretty busy these days though.”

“Sure.”

Gale grips the railing of the balcony. “Rory,” he starts.

“I just think it’s funny,” Rory says before Gale can add anything else. “You had time for rock climbing and hiking and God knows what else, but not time for us.”

“ _Rory_ , that’s not—”

“You couldn’t even send us a fucking letter,” Rory snaps. Gale reaches out for him, sensing that Rory’s going to bolt, but his brother’s gone before Gale can even lift his hand.

He exhales deeply and closes his eyes tightly. Talking to Rory would be so much easier if he actually _let Gale speak_. “Hey,” Vick says quietly, nudging him with his elbow. Gale tips his head to look at his brother and tries to scrounge up the best smile he can. “Rory shouldn’t be so rude.”

“Vick, it’s fine,” he says. “If you all hated me—”

“I could never hate you,” Vick cuts off his brother. Gale sighs again but Vick turns to him, shaking his head. “Maybe it’s because I wasn’t old enough to realize that you were gone, that you chose to leave. I guess maybe I just thought you were still fighting in the war. But Gale, you—you’re my brother.” He reaches out, resting his hand on Gale’s forearm. “And I know now that—the war was hard. I mean, it was a _war_. We learn about it and school and it just—it amazes me that you were part of that, you know?”

“Vick,” he tries again. “I’m not a hero. And Rory knows that.”

“Rory’s full of it,” Vick mutters. “You’re a hero to me.”

* * *

Though they mostly spend Saturday hanging around the house, Sunday is a day meant for exploration. Because Rory’s graduating soon he’s expected to choose a profession, apply for something. According to Hazelle he’s really been thinking about district hopping for a bit, finding a place somewhere else. Gale spends the morning driving his family around (Madge stays home and gets some work done) so they can look at the sites. They see the mountains and they drive past some government buildings (including Madge’s work which Posy finds _fascinating)_. They get lunch at the soup place Madge recommends before wandering around a bit more.

Rory’s grumpy the entire time but Gale does his best to give a comprehensive district tour anyway. The rest of his family is happy to be around despite Rory’s insistent grumbling and Gale latches onto that to keep himself going.

The sun’s beginning to set when they return home and Madge is waiting for them, saying that they should walk down the street to get some ice cream, and Posy immediately perks up. Gale should know that Madge is up to something by the way she smiles so sweetly at him, but truthfully he doesn’t mind when she gets a little mischievous.

 When they leave for the ice cream parlor Madge stations herself in the back of their small crowd so she can speak with Rory.

“I think it’s neat,” Madge tells him honestly when they’re alone. “District hopping. It’s something no other generation got to do, you know? Just go around to the districts, see what’s there.” She nudges Rory who’s walking beside her and offers him a smile. He’s a bit of a brat, but not to her. She figures maybe she can get through to him. “It’s kind of what I do now. For work.”

“Yeah?” Rory asks. “Where’s your favorite?”

“We just got back from District 7,” Madge says. They’re toward the back of the group (being pregnant makes her slower, and also her feet hurt) and Madge kind of enjoys their private moment. “It was really beautiful there. But I’m going to be cliché. I really love District 4.”

“Because of the ocean,” Rory says, and Madge nods. “How do you like it here?” he asks.

“District 2? Oh, I love it here.” Madge glances upwards. They’re in the middle of a busier part of the district but the mountains are still towering on the outside of the city. She feels like she’s wrapped around them. “It reminds me of home without, you know, being home.”

Rory wrinkles his nose slightly. Up ahead the rest of his family is entering the ice cream parlor considering they’re a few yards in front of them. “What’s wrong with home?” he asks her.

“Nothing,” Madge tells him. “District 12 is beautiful too. But my mom died there. And I lost a lot of friends that night.” Madge shrugs slightly. “It’s not my home anymore.” Rory looks away at this, but it’s the truth. Being in District 12 isn’t what it used to be for Madge, and she hopes that Rory knows that it’s the same for Gale. The memories that are tethered to a place can be strong and painful and it’s good that they’re away from there. That both she and Gale are somewhere else, that they can start over.

She and Rory get their ice cream and go off alone again. It’s nice to talk to him when he isn’t acting as though Gale’s ruined his life. Because she’s tired she suggests to Rory that they head back early, and despite Gale’s curious eyebrow that’s arched in their direction he says he doesn’t mind when they leave. On the walk back they’re talking about districts again, but Madge knows she has to broach the real subject she wants to talk about before the rest of the family returns to them.

“Rory,” Madge finally says when the apartment building is in view. “You should give him a break.” Rory’s jaw clenches immediately. His eyes darken as though she’s betrayed him, as though he can’t believe she decided to bring up Gale. But he should’ve expected it, truthfully.  “Gale’s _trying_ , you know. And it’s not…” he tips his head, his piercing gray eyes meeting hers. “It isn’t as hard as it used to be,” she says. “When Gale raised you we were basically in the middle of a war. The Hunger Games were still happening. You could get _shot_ for hunting. Gale _did_ get whipped for being caught. It’s just—you have it a lot easier than he did.”

Rory’s eyes drop for a minute. “You don’t understand,” he says. “It’s still hard,” he mutters. He drags his feet across the concrete. “Harder because he left.”

“I’m not denying that,” Madge says after taking another lick of her ice cream. “But you don’t have to fear for your life when you hunt for your family, you’re not breaking any laws. You don’t have to take out tesserae anymore, you don’t have to fear being reaped, fear _starving_ or getting _sick_.” Rory’s shoulders slump slightly. “You’re angry with him because he left, and that’s okay, but you can’t paint it so your situation is worse or harder than his was when he raised you.”

“It was right after the war,” Rory grits out.

“I know, I know,” Madge says before he can start a tangent. “I told you I wasn’t denying that it’s hard for you. But you should still give him a break.” Rory lets out a short breath. “He was broken,” Madge tells him softly. “He didn’t want you all to see him like that.”

“He left me,” Rory tries to growl, but his voice gives out.

“Not because he wanted to.” They reach the apartment building and head for the elevator. Madge doesn’t speak again until the elevator is moving them upwards. “I just think that you should give him a chance, you know?”

“A chance to what?” Rory mutters.

“Explain. Talk. You just—you always march away before he gets a chance.” Rory finished his ice cream cone on the walk over so his arms are free to cross over his chest now. “You can’t hate him forever,” she says softly.

He turns to her, his eyes dark, and bares his teeth. “Watch me.”

* * *

“I talked to Rory,” Madge says as Gale sits on the edge of his mattress. She’s already in bed considering they got back a lot earlier than the rest of everyone else, a book in her hands, but she’s been waiting for him to come in after spending some more time with his siblings. She’s… nervous. About sharing a bed with him. Because while she’s slept with people and dated people, she’s never been with someone like _Gale_ . He’s so _much_ and maybe it feels a little fast. Just last night they decided to have Madge stay in her own bed. This is their first time sleeping side by side. “I know you didn’t ask me to,” she adds as he glances over his shoulder at her. “But you refuse to be mean to him and he’s being a brat.”

Gale lips quirk into a soft smile before he sighs, shaking his head slightly. “I deserve every shitty thing he says to me,” Gale murmurs.

“Oh, stop it.” Madge closes her book and sets it on the nightstand before climbing to her knees, carefully crawling across the bed to him. “You left them, but not forever. You didn’t abandon them.” Gale sighs again as Madge leans into his side. “And you can’t take it back. You can only move forward. And he just wants to keep going back, digging his heels into the ground like a stubborn child.”

“He _is_ a child,” Gale reminds her lightly. He turns his head and dips down, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’ll… talk to him. Or try to. I don’t know.” Gale exhales again, nudging Madge off of him so he can stand and get ready for bed. “I don’t want to think about it right now. Okay?”

Madge bites her cheek to keep from pouting. “Sure.”

* * *

Falling asleep with Madge by his side is easy. She’s warm and beautiful and they whisper softly back and forth before sleep overtakes them. But it’s the _sleeping_ that’s the hard part.

Gale hadn’t realized how much Rory’s anger at him had affected him. Visions of Finnick swarm his mind and he wakes up in a sweat, panting and gripping the sheets and trying to place himself. His eyes dart around the room for Finnick because this is when he comes, in broken glowing glory, angry and betrayed and disappointed. But the shadows don’t move, not yet, but he can’t risk it. Is he even awake? Or is this still a dream? He needs to ground himself, he needs to focus…

Before he can slip out of bed and make his way to the closet, Madge shifts beside him. “Gale?” she murmurs. He freezes. He forgot that she was here. “You okay?”

Anxiety creeps into his chest and squeezes at his heart. He glances around the room again. He needs to hit the wall. He needs the pain to ground him.

“I’m…” Gale forces out, still searching the shadows. He has to get out of bed. _Now_. But her hand wraps around his forearm as she sits up. _You have to find another way to ground yourself_ , Doctor Carlson had said. _There has to be another way, other than physical pain_. “Madge,” he croaks.

“Hey, I’m here,” she says gently. He takes a deep breath. “Bad dream?” she asks.

“No,” he lies. “I just…” Gale tries to focus on Madge. She’s so warm, she’s always so warm. “No.”

“C’mon, lay back down.” She nestles back down into the blankets and groans a little. “Ow.” Gale blinks, confused, and Madge grabs his hand and tugs him down. “Shh, lay down,” she says again, resting her hand over her stomach. “Baby’s awake.”

“Sorry,” Gale rasps.

“Ah, he’s always been a kicker,” Madge says with a smile. “Lay down,” she says another time, and Gale does, distracted by the little _thwack_ against his hand. “Can’t wait,” Madge says sleepily, “when I can tell _you_ to deal with the baby. And I can crawl back into bed…” she trails off with a happy smile and closes her eyes, turning so she’s facing Gale. _Thwack_. “Mmf.” Gale sinks into the blankets and pours all of his attention into Madge, into Pearl. _Thwack_.

Of course there’s something other than physical pain. Of course something other than physical pain can ground Gale, can keep him focused, can make him present.

 _His family_.

 _Thwack_. Gale leans in, pressing his lips to Madge’s forehead, ignoring the racing of his heart. He squeezes his eyes shut and listens to Madge’s steady breathing. He can be okay. They can be okay.

* * *

Waking up next to Madge is a blessing. He’s up a few moments before her. The sunlight that streams through the window makes her glow and Gale knows, with complete certainty, that this is how he wants to spend the rest of his life. Waking up beside her. He reaches out, carefully brushing a few strands of her curly hair from her face. Her eyes flutter open when he brushes his knuckle across her cheek and he offers her a soft smile, one that she returns.

“Mm…” she shifts, stretching in her spot, before opening her eyes again completely. “Morning.”

Yeah. He can spend every day like this.

Gale leans in and kisses her gently. “Morning,” he whispers back. “Tea?”

“Please.” She throws the blankets off of herself then and Gale arches an eyebrow, watching as she moves to her feet. “I have to pee,” she mutters, and Gale tips his head back in a laugh. “Think it’s funny, do you?” she asks as she starts for his personal bathroom. “That your child is pressing on my bladder constantly?”

“Maybe a little,” he teases.

* * *

When Monday rolls around Madge insists that Gale call in and ask for the day off so he can spend it with his family, and finally he does so. She calls Benny and he says he doesn’t mind picking her up, so twenty minutes pass before she’s sitting in his car with him. They haven’t even pulled out of the parking lot when he asks, “So what the hell happened?”

Madge rolls her eyes at the bluntness of it, but smiles anyway. “It was a misunderstanding,” she says.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Benny says, finally shifting the car into drive. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

“We’re together,” she answers. Benny tenses, jerking his head over to look at her. She’s lucky they didn’t slam on the breaks. “Well. Kind of. I think. We, um, kissed a lot.” When Madge works up the courage to look over at Benny he’s positively beaming. She hasn’t seen him look this happy in… forever. “We’re figuring it out,” she says, ignoring the heat in her face.

“Madge,” he reaches out for her, resting his hand on her knee. “That’s amazing. Really?”

She laughs. “Yes, really.”

Benny fist pumps and Madge laughs again. “Fucking finally.”

* * *

Monday is spent hiking. Gale feels less guilty about it because Madge isn’t sitting at home (she can’t hike while pregnant anyway, she’s clumsy enough as it is) and is happy to show his family around. They leave in the afternoon and spend most of it in the mountains. The day is fresh and bright and clear and they spend time just soaking it in.

It’s amazing.

It’s the after-part that Gale isn’t too thrilled about.

After they drive home everyone heads inside and Rory goes straight for the shower. The second he’s in the bathroom with the door shut Hazelle takes Vick and Posy and _leaves_. “We’re going to look at that school down the street,” she says. “I think it has a playground. You stay here!”

She’s forcing Gale and Rory to spend time together.

Twenty minutes later Rory emerges from the shower, clean and dressed, and he immediately realizes that they’re alone. “Where are they?” he mutters, marching past Gale who’s in the hallway.

“They went for a walk.”

“Sure they did.”

“I didn’t _plan_ this,” Gale murmurs, struggling to look at his brother. God, he looks just like Gale did. Long arms and long legs and dark eyes.

“You should’ve just gone with them,” Rory mutters in response. He strides right for the living room and stops, turning back to him. “Why didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone,” Gale says. And Rory snorts. _I wasn’t going to leave you alone_. Gale tries not to sigh and forces his eyes to find Rory. His hands are balled into fists, like he wants to physically fight, and Gale can’t necessarily blame him. Even after Madge spoke with him the other day (which Gale still doesn’t think was _necessary,_ even if Rory was _slightly_ less awful toward him while hiking today) there’s still the resentment there, and it’s not going anywhere. “There’re terrorists,” Gale finally says. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Well that’s new.”

“ _Rory_ ,” Gale sighs loudly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. What more do you want from me?” He steps toward his brother, extending his hands out to him. “I’m trying as hard as I can to make things right—I can’t _take back_ the fact that I left! No matter how fucking bad I want to, _I can’t_! So tell me—for the love of _God_ just _tell me_ what you want from me!”

“I want to know!” Rory roars back, striding toward his brother. And he shoves. And Gale lets him. Forceful, angry, _broken_. “I want to know why you couldn’t come home!” Rory says, his voice cracking. And Gale sees it now, full force. The broken boy that’s inside of Rory. The one who was abandoned, or at least felt as though he was. As though he wasn’t good enough for his own brother. The boy who survived a war and hardly had anyone to help him fit his pieces back together. “I want to know why you _left_!” Rory pleads now, and Gale finds himself nodding.

“Okay,” he breathes.

Rory sucks in a sharp breath. “Okay?”

Rory deserves to know. What Gale did. Why he couldn’t come home. Rory deserves to know that it wasn’t _Rory’s_ fault that Gale was gone, but his own.

“I’ll tell you what I did,” Gale says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry that I'm the worst and didn't update last week! School is stressful, and I haven't been in a very Gadge-y mindset lately (which, if you follow my blog, is pretty evident. Sorry! It's so hard to write for a couple you love when you're not inspired, and I'm just... not.). Secondly, this isn't really proofread because I'm tired and wanted to get it out to you all. Thirdly, YES we're actually going to find out what Gale did in the next chapter! This is not an April Fools joke! We will finally know. Hope it lives up to whatever you're all picturing! Sorry for the delay, you guys are great and I'm super thankful to have people who enjoy reading my things. I hope you all have a lovely day.


	30. When is a Monster Not a Monster?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 31 Weeks Pregnant
> 
> tw: violence/torture

The room is tense when Rory finally sits down on the couch, angry but curious eyes trained on Gale who’s standing across from him. He should sit down too. Gale knows that he should sit down. But the heels of his feet feel heavy, anchoring him to the spot that he’s standing in. And looking at his brother, Gale knows that this is the right choice. Gale knows that telling this story to Rory is the right thing to do.

But he’s scared.

Rory doesn’t talk. He just waits. And Gale knows that Rory _won’t_ talk, not until Gale does. He takes a deep breath, inhaling as much courage as he can. And he begins.

“Right after the war ended,” Gale starts, “I was broken.” His voice is crisp in the silent room, nothing but the heater humming in the background. “You know what happened with the bomb,” Gale says. “Right? With… Prim?”

Rory tenses, but nods. “You designed a bomb,” Rory says. “Coin dropped it on the Capitol kids. Prim was there.” Gale’s chest feels tight and he lets out a short breath. “We talked about it in school,” Rory tells him. “Not that—not that you designed it, but I know anyway.” Gale clenches his jaw. Prim would be the same age as Rory, with long willowy arms and wispy blonde hair. Probably studying to be a doctor. Living with Katniss and Peeta in District 12. _Living_. “You never wanted to use it on kids,” Rory forces out angrily. “I know you, Gale.”

“It doesn’t matter what I wanted, Rory,” Gale responds tersely, “that’s what happened.” Rory huffs, annoyed, but he doesn’t argue. So he must know that it’s the truth. “Katniss knew that,” Gale says, his voice wavering, “and she shut me out. And I understood. But you know I—” _loved her._ “She was important to me,” Gale starts again, “and I was part of the reason she was so fucked up, and she shut me out. And after the—fuck.” Gale drags his hand through his hair. “The war, Rory, you have to know how _bad_ it was.” It was like another Hunger Games, with all of their traps and weapons, with melting skin and lizard mutts. “I saw things that still haunt me to this day. And it was—it was more than just seeing it. I was so angry for everything that had happened to us, for how we lived, the things we’d been through, it didn’t sink in until _afterwards_ that I’d _killed people_. I’d taken someone’s life. And then, back then it wasn’t—it was easier. Because it was Capitol citizens. And if I had to kill a hundred of them to save someone I love I’d still do it, but I—it…”

It was still too much. It still felt like too much. Why was it up to Gale to decide who lived or died?

“So I was broken,” Gale finishes quietly, his voice ragged. “I didn’t have plans to come home right away, but I did have plans to come home. I just needed… I needed to be on my own for a bit. For a couple of months. I thought—I thought that if I stayed back and helped clean up the mess from the war in the Capitol, that it would be me playing my dues, in a way. For the people that I’d killed. For the families that I’d broken in the Capitol’s fucked up game.”

“But you didn’t,” Rory says. “You didn’t come home.” Gale lets out a long breath. Rory’s voice is dark. “What. Happened.”

Gale shifts on his feet. He’s still standing, and Rory’s still sitting. “A company picked me up,” Gale says. “They sought me out.” Plucked him from the streets of the Capitol and made him feel important again. “They brought me here, to District 2. So I could work for them.” It was good, for a time. To feel important again. To feel slightly less broken, donning the Mockingjay uniform. “Their goal,” Gale starts again, “was to weed out the high-ranking Capitol supporters. People who were likely to start up resistance groups, people who had money and were going to fund extremists. It was supported by the new government, it had approval, I thought it was good. I thought it was a good thing. Stopping the threats before they began, you know?”

Gale falls quiet again, the memories flashing through his mind. The hands that he shook, the smiles that he gave. _And this is Gale Hawthorne_ , someone would always introduce him as. _Raised in District 12 but was on the Star Squad. Helped bring down the Capitol._ Like he was infinitely important. Like he wasn’t expendable. But he was, and he still is.

“They must’ve known,” Gale murmurs. “That I wasn’t all there, that I…” he exhales. “That I wasn’t sleeping, that I couldn’t think straight, that I was… that I was weak and tired and still so fucking scared, Rory, that this freedom we’d just gained was going to be ripped out from under us.”

“Stop beating around the bush,” Rory snaps.

“They had me torture people.”

The silence that follows Gale’s announcement causes the room to quiet. It feels like even the heater has stopped humming. Rory blinks a few times before sitting up a little straighter in his seat. Gale tries to swallow but his throat is sticky and it’s hard, it’s hard.

“They had me torture people,” Gale says again, his voice cracking with every word he speaks. His eyebrows collide as a cold sweeps over him. He remembers the dark room, the pleather chair that people were strapped to, the terror in their eyes as he approached. “I wore a headset,” he carried on. “Someone spoke into the room through a loudspeaker. Asking questions. And if it wasn’t what they wanted to hear…” he trailed off. “I snapped fingers.” His eyes lift to Rory. “I ripped off fingernails as people pled for mercy. God, Rory, they screamed and I just…”

He kept going. Broken fingers and missing fingernails weren’t the worst of it. Broken collarbones. Fractured ribs. Electric shocks that put people past the point of no return, shifted them into insanity.

“They told me to do whatever I had to do to get them to speak.” Drills. Knives. If it worked, if they spoke, Gale was rewarded. Praised. Treated like the hero that he couldn’t be. “I never thought about it,” Gale carries on in a rush, “because I thought it was okay. You know? Weeding out the bad ones. But they… Rory…” Gale shakes his head turning on his heel to take a deep breath. “They weren’t all bad, they weren’t. A lot of them, _a lot of them_ were innocent. And it was—it was just the same fucking thing. Trying to take out the bad guys and hurting _innocents_ …”

“Gale,” Rory says carefully. “That’s not—it’s not good, but it’s not that _bad_.”

“Sometimes when they were fished with them,” Gale spits out, “they were mine to deal with.”

His fingers twitch. He was so angry and he was so tired and he was so broken and none of it’s an excuse. None of it’s an excuse. He lost count, how many people had died by his hands. Due to their injuries. Due to a bullet. Due to Gale’s fingers wrapping around their throat until they took their last gasp of breath. He always thought they were guilty, he always thought they’d done something wrong. But they hadn’t. Rory’s eyes widen as this processes. That for months, Gale played executioner. That for months, Gale took the lives of people for no reason other than the belief that _maybe_ he was stopping _something_ that _might_ happen in the future.

And it didn’t matter anyway. Because there’re still terrorists out there, calling for death and revenge against what happened at the Capitol.

He didn’t change a thing. All he did was ruin more lives.

“Gale…”

“These people,” Gale forces out. “They—a lot of them were stepping stones. To finding the big guys. I didn’t know that until I left, until it was over.” Until he’d squeezed so tightly that people broke beneath his hands. Until he’d cut and carved and let people bleed out through his fingers. “And part of me,” Gale carries on, turning again so he doesn’t have to look at his brother. “Part of me knows that’s horrible, but the worst part?” He forces himself to swallow before turning to Rory again. “It was easy,” Gale whispers. “It was so fucking easy, Rory, I wanted to do it.”

“ _Gale_.”

“Because I’m fucked, Rory,” he chokes. “And that’s—fuck, _that’s_ why I didn’t come home.” For them to see him like that? Angry and so full of hatred? First at the world, but secondly at himself? And then the waves of depression and guilt that suffocated him when he learned the truth, that these people were innocent? Pain so tangible it anchored Gale to his bed for weeks unable to move, to think? Sadness so blue that it was suffocating him? Regret so hot he couldn’t breathe? His family didn’t deserve that. And he doesn’t deserve them _now_. “And—you know what?” he asks, his voice cracking. “It’s okay you that you hate me. Because I hate me, too.”

Gale turns to leave but before he can take a step Rory’s throwing himself off of the couch in Gale’s direction. He prepares for a fist, or an open hand for a smack, but instead Rory wraps himself around him. Gale shatters. Hot tears burst from Gale’s eyes as Rory squeezes him and Gale shakes his head. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness, not from anyone, not from Rory. But he’s weak and crumbling and he snakes his arms around Rory too. Something like an apology is clawing it’s way up Gale’s throat but it’s mangled between sobs.

“You’re not,” Rory says firmly in response to Gale’s cries. _I’m a monster. I’m a fucking monster_. “You’re _not_ ,” Rory says again, still holding him. “You died. But you’re alive again, Gale.”

“No, no, _Rory_ —”

“You’re alive again,” Rory says.

And Gale so desperately wants to believe it.

* * *

Madge isn’t sure how long she stays pressed against the door. But soon enough the two brothers in the living room fall quiet and she knows she has to make her presence known. She clatters her keys loudly and re-opens and shuts the door, trying to make it seem as though she’s just gotten home. She hears some sniffling and some shuffling around and when she enters the living room she finds the two of them wet-eyed.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

“Fine,” Rory answers, his eyes flickering to his brother before back to her. “How was work?”

Madge’s eyes flicker to Gale for a moment too before they drop to his hands. Hands that have always been so gentle with her, with long calloused fingers that make her feel warm. He tenses before she can even look back up. Madge forces a smile. “Work was okay,” she says. “Benny drove me home too,” she says to Gale, swinging her bag off of her shoulder and placing it on a nearby chair. Maybe she can pull out her tablet and go over some more notes. “Said it was boring without you,” she says to Gale, who’s still looking tense. His face his red from crying, and Madge’s heart hurts inside her chest.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” Gale murmurs.

“He’s your whiney best friend,” Madge says, waving her hand dismissively. She starts off for the kitchen. She should cook something. She knows she’s being antsy, moving too much, but if she doesn’t then things will fall apart. “What else can you expect?” she calls over her shoulder. She starts pulling out pots and pans. Maybe she can get some cooking tips from Hazelle while she’s here. Speaking of which, “Hazelle? Vick? Posy?”

“They went to the school,” Rory calls before entering the kitchen. “Should probably be back soon, I guess. I mean it’s getting dark…” Madge turns to look at him and he swats at his eyes another time. “Need some help?” he asks. “I help Ma at home all the time. She says she’s preparing me for the real world.”

“I’d love some help,” Madge says.

Gale never enters the kitchen.

* * *

The rest of the night, even when Hazelle and the kids return, is strangely tense. Hazelle must sense it, but at least Rory and Gale aren’t shouting at one another anymore. Madge excuses herself to bed early, grabbing her table before she darts off so she can get some work done in bed. She isn’t even there for twenty minutes before there’s a gentle knock and Gale enters with dark eyes and his jaw set.

He lets the door click shut behind him and Madge lowers her tablet so she can look at him.

“You got home early tonight,” Gale says hoarsely. “Didn’t you?” Despite the fact that it’s a question, Madge knows he isn’t asking. She holds his gaze for a moment before she tips her head into the slightest of nods. “How much did you hear?” he asks. Madge drops his gaze and presses her lips together. “Madge,” he nearly growls.

“Almost all of it,” she whispers back. “At least, I think.”

“Then you understand,” he mutters, shaking his head. There’s disgust in his voice and Madge knows it isn’t meant for her. It’s meant for himself. “You understand why this isn’t a good idea. Why I’m going to be a shit father. Why _you_ are…” Gale trails off for a long breath. “Too good for me,” he finally continues.

Madge moves her tablet from the bed to the side table and sits up completely, folding her legs under her as she shakes her own head. “I’m not afraid of you, Gale,” she says. “And I don’t think you’re going to be a shit father. You’re a _good man_ ,” she says with a shaking voice. “I believe that.”

“No,” he snaps. “How the— _fuck_ —how the fuck do you always do that!” Gale’s voice is louder now, angrier. He strides into the room with his hand outstretched to point at her. “Jesus _Christ_ , Madge! I’m _not_ a good man!” But she meant it when she said she’s not afraid of him, and Gale raising his voice doesn’t make her back down. “If you heard—then you _know_ —I can barely look at myself in the mirror—I’m— _repulsed_ by myself.”

Madge shakes her head. “They took advantage of you.” Gale scoffs, turning away from her. “They _did_ , Gale,” she says. “You said it yourself! That you were broken and that they _knew_ that. They _used you_ to do their dirty work!”

“Don’t make excuses for my mistakes,” he growls.

“It’s not an excuse,” she snaps back, “it’s the truth.” Gale drags his hands through his hair frantically as though searching for something to say. “Besides,” Madge adds loudly, trying to get him to stop for a second, to _listen_ , “that’s not who you _are_ anymore!” In her opinion that’s not who he _ever_ was, but Gale wouldn’t believe her if she said that. “You did bad things. I’m not denying that, but—”

“I _killed_ people,” he says, spinning back to face her. Gale’s voice is urgent. “Say it. It’s not just a _bad thing,_ Madge, it was murder.” She holds his gaze and finds a broken boy in his eyes. “ _Say it_ ,” he pleads.

“You killed people,” she says. Gale’s face crumbles and he looks down at the ground. She stretches out her hand, feeling tears springing to her eyes as well. “You were part of a horrible thing,” she says as she beckons for him. Madge grabs his hand when he’s close enough and slowly he lowers himself to the edge of the mattress. Madge scoots up to his side and presses herself against his arm. “But you deserve forgiveness,” Madge whispers.

“ _Why_?” he croaks.

“Because from the moment you found out that you were part of something wrong,” Madge says, “you left. And you’ve been doing everything you can since then to fix it.” Gale shakes his head weakly, but she knows it’s in disbelief. In disagreement. “Because you don’t think you deserve to be forgiven, which means you know you did something wrong.” She reaches up to cup his cheek but he pulls away. “ _Gale_.” Madge wants him to look at her. “What can I do?” she whispers. To make him believe this?

What was it that Benny had said? _They took advantage of his missed up mind and it… if you know_ that _, that he was suffering through PTSD and depression and anxiety… Then you know he’s not past redemption. That—at least in my eyes—he’s already redeemed himself_.

“Get as far away from me as you can,” Gale rasps. “I only ruin things, Madge. I don’t want to ruin you, too.”

“We both know,” she says gently, “that I’m not going anywhere.” Gale turns to look at her, his chin quivering, and this time when she reaches up he doesn’t pull away. “I’m not going anywhere,” she says again.

Gale leans into her touch, and then he cries. Tears stream down his cheeks and he leans in more, out of her touch so he can pull her into his arms. Madge lets him and holds him back, his body shaking as he cries. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ , whispered again and again into the crook of her neck. She drags her fingers through his hair and holds him closer, closer, trying her hardest not to cry too.

* * *

Pearl is kicking up a storm that night, and Madge knows Gale probably isn’t sleeping, so they lie together in his bed for a long time in silence. Their hands are laced together in between them but Madge thinks he’s scared to get any closer. No, she can’t deny that he’s done horrible things. She can’t deny that he’s broken. Madge can’t deny that the choices that he’s made have been hard, and terrible, and bad.

But she can’t deny how she feels for him either. And she can’t deny that he’s growing every single day, trying to be better.

“You have to think about intention,” she whispers into the darkness. Gale shifts, but doesn’t respond. “When I was sixteen,” Madge tells him, knowing that he’s listening, “I didn’t buy strawberries every Sunday because they were my favorite.” She lets that settle for a second. “I bought them because Katniss was one of the only friends I had ever had, and I wanted to support her in the only way I knew how. That was my intention. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love strawberries. But my intention wasn’t to be greedy or spoiled, it was to help you and Katniss.” She pauses, a smile finding her face. “Seeing you was always a bonus too.”

“Madge…” he finally exhales.

“Your intention,” she carries on, “while working for these people, wasn’t to break people. It wasn’t to cause more pain.” He lets out a deep, painful sigh. “Your _intention_ was to stop threats before they became too big. Your _intention_ was to keep Panem from falling apart again.” She squeezes his hand when his fingers fall flat. “That isn’t what happened,” Madge whispers. “I know that. But that’s what your _intention_ was.”

They’re both quiet for a long time. “It doesn’t feel like enough,” Gale whispers after the pause. “I don’t know how to move on.”

“You already have.” Maybe not mentally, but Gale’s so _far_ from being someone who tortures people. That isn’t who he is. But he sighs, and Madge squeezes his hand again. “You have to talk to your therapist,” she says. “And you have to be willing to accept the fact that these aren’t mistakes you’re making anymore.”

“I’ll always be that person,” he rasps.

“I don’t think you really believe that,” Madge responds. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t have told Rory why you didn’t go home.” Madge tugs on his hand and lifts it to her mouth, pressing a warm kiss to his knuckles. “You know you made a mistake,” she adds quietly. “And you’re still going.”

“Pearl,” Gale whispers. “He…” Gale’s voice his thick. “He’ll have to know, one day. What I’ve done.”

“Not today,” she whispers back. “Not anytime soon.” She squeezes his hand another time, and kisses his knuckles once more. “And I’ll be there with you when you want to tell him. Every step of the way.”

“Madge,” Gale tries again. But he doesn’t say anything else.

What else is there to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this was a tricky chapter for me to actually write out, and even after putting it off and editing it for a few days it still feels.... not right with me. part of me wants Madge to be enraged and confused, but the Madge in this story that I've written is continuously forgiving and I truly believe that she forgives him. and me myself as a human people, with all things considered, forgives Gale as well. so I don't know. it's just weird. I feel weird. I also think part of it might be that Madge has never physically /seen/ that violent side of him, so it's easier for her to believe that he's just as he is with her now, a good man with a big heart. and I also believe that Gale truly is those things. war does crappy stuff to people. 
> 
> on another note: I suppose it's time for me to stop kidding myself and say that I'm going to update consistently. clearly I'm very bad at it. so while I can't promise weekly updates anymore (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry), I do promise to keep updating as best as I can. love you all, thanks for sticking around.


	31. Healing is a Process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 31-33 Weeks Pregnant

Gale goes into work the next day but Madge stays home, considering the Hawthorne's are leaving soon and they want to spend some time with her as well. She and Hazelle dance around the kitchen as they make breakfast for the kids (who're sleeping in, so they're making sure to be quiet).

"Gale looked a little rough this morning," Hazelle says as she flips a pancake. Madge stays quiet, watching from a distance. "Everything okay?"

"He had a long night," Madge says. "I think he and Rory are… getting somewhere. But."

"Yeah," Hazelle agrees softly. "But." They're quiet again and Madge dips her head out into the living room, watching as Vick and Rory snooze. The morning sun is starting to creep through the sliding glass door so it's sure to wake them soon, but she doesn't mind letting them sleep now. "They fly through them," Hazelle says, adding another pancake to the stack. "Growing boys, and all. Posy, too. My children are vacuums." Madge laughs and Hazelle smiles at her, adding more batter to the pan. "You two are together now," Hazelle says.

Madge's smile slips from confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You and Gale," Hazelle says. Madge feels something inside of her pop as she knows where this is going. "You weren't when you came to District 12." Hazelle doesn't look to Madge, she just slides the spatula under the pancake and checks to see if it's ready to flip. "But you are now."

Opening and closing her mouth, Madge isn't sure what to say. "We didn't mean to lie to you," she says.

"I'm a mother," Hazelle answers. "I always know." She looks over at Madge, a smile on her face. "I'm not _angry_ ," she says. "I know your father is traditional, and it made more sense to go into it together. But it was strained between you two, and now it's not." Madge feels her face go warm and she nods, slightly guilty for keeping the truth from Hazelle. "That makes me happy," Hazelle carries on. "I mean, I've known ever since finding out that you brought him morphling that you two—"

"Oh, _Hazelle_ ," Madge stops her.

"Hmmm?" Hazelle glances over her shoulder at Madge. "He doesn't know yet?"

"Of course not," Madge murmurs. She crosses her arms over her chest and Hazelle goes back to cooking. "That can't—ugh, I always forget about that."

Hazelle laughs. "You forget you saved his life?"

" _Stop it_ ," Madge says, with feeling.

She never thought of it that way back when she did it, and she doesn't think of it that way now. Gale wasn't even _friendly_ with her back then, but she couldn't let him die. Part of it was due to her own feelings, a small crush that had nestled its way under her skin. But more than that, she knew who Gale was and what he meant to the people of District 12. To Katniss. His death would have shown District 12 that they weren't strong enough to win the war, it would've caused Katniss to shatter. And maybe he wasn't friendly with her, but he surely didn't deserve to die for trying to feed his family.

"Are you ever going to tell him?" Hazelle wonders.

"I don't know," Madge admits. Only if she's sure that he's here because of _her_. Not because of anything that she's done, or because he thinks he owes her. "Maybe."

* * *

"For a man who's finally getting to kiss the woman he's in love with," Benny says, leaning over onto Gale's desk, "you don't look so hot." Gale rolls his eyes but a soft smile finds his face anyway. He doesn't feel the greatest. He didn't get much sleep, and when he did it was restless. Even waking up next to Madge didn't help much. "You okay?"

"They know," Gale says.

Benny leans back, arching an eyebrow. "Alright, Mr. Cryptic. Who knows what?"

"Madge and Rory," Gale says. "They know what I did." Benny seems to slacken, and Gale sighs. "I don't want to hurt her," Gale rasps. "Benny, she's so… and I'm…"

"Have you talked to them?" Benny asks. And Gale wants to deflate. Because he knows what Benny's going to say and where he's going to go with this. And yet still he nods, waiting for his friend to carry on. "What'd they say?"

"You already know what they said," Gale murmurs. Because it's the same thing that Benny said. Because it's who Madge is. Because that's what family does, even after being abandoned. They've all forgiven him, abstained him of his sins, reminded him that whoever the man was that did those things isn't the man Gale is anymore.

But that doesn't make it hurt less, and that doesn't make him less afraid. Because that's who Gale was at one point, and that means he's still capable of those things.

Benny studies Gale for a moment before leaning back in his own seat, off of Gale's desk and giving him his own space again. Gale waits for the same speech, same story, same line, but it doesn't come. Instead Benny just stares at him and waits.

"I like Madge," he says. "I think she's a good person." Gale blinks, confused. Benny shrugs. "From the day I met her I knew that she was a nice woman, you know? She's always been so kind."

Gale blinks again. "Where're you going with this?"

"Why do I have to be going somewhere with this?" Benny asks. "Madge is nice. I like her."

Despite the confusion, the shallow ache in Gale's chest that Madge knows about the monster that he is, he can't help but agree. "Me too," he says. Benny gives him a smile, a soft one that says _obviously_ , and though it isn't much, Gale feels like it's easier to breathe.

"I know," Benny says. "Because I said that you're getting to kiss the girl you love. And you didn't correct me."

* * *

Gale goes to his therapist that evening, right after work. Part of him is aching to wait longer but he knows, _he knows_ that he has to get out what he's done. He has to get this story out of him. It's been weighing him down for years, and it's been heavier ever since he told Rory and Madge, and he just wants it _out_.

The story rushes out of him without pause. Gale knows at one point that he's crying because Doctor Carlson offers him a tissue, and then again because his eyes are _burning_ , and then again because he can't breathe he can't breathe. And finally everything becomes silent. His words hang in the air, words filled with so much poison it makes the room feel toxic, and Doctor Carlson is just sitting there looking at him.

"Gale," he starts. "There is nothing I can say that's going to make you change how you feel about yourself." Gale tries to breathe evenly and he can't. Everything is aching. His heart and his bones and his soul. "All I know is surrounding yourself in people who you love and people who love you is going to be the best sort of healing."

"I can't stand myself," he rasps. "I don't know _how_ …"

How to be the person everyone expects him to be. How to be a good father. How to put this behind him and _move on_.

"I can't figure that out for you," his doctor tells him. "The only person who can figure out how to move past this is _you_."

* * *

The apartment is quiet when he finally makes it home. It's too early for everyone to be asleep and panic instantly settles in Gale's stomach. He strides in with heavy steps before finding Madge on the couch, paging through a book in silence, and thing ease a little.

"Did they leave?" he asks.

Madge rolls her eyes a little. "No." She folds down the corner of the page she's on before standing and crossing to Gale. "Hazelle figured you'd want a bit of quiet. She took them to that park down the street." Gale lets out a strangled breath and Madge crosses to him, holding out her hand. He looks at her fingers, long and pale, and hesitates.

He doesn't want to talk about this. About his mistakes, about his past.

Gale asks, "When's the last time you played the piano?"

Madge seems to startle at this question. She drops her hand but Gale reaches out quickly to grab her wrist, preventing it from falling back to her side. "It's been a while."

"Do you think you'll ever play again?" he asks.

She's quiet. He doesn't know what she's thinking, but she's studying his face as though trying to figure him out. "I hope so," Madge admits. Gale's still holding her wrist, his fingers gently circled around it, and she doesn't pull away. "Why?"

"I always remember how beautiful you sounded."

Madge reaches up with her other hand to clasp Gale's, the one holding her wrist, and he lets out a short breath. There's more to say, they both know it, but neither of them are even searching for the words anymore. They let the silence linger over them as they hold one another's gaze.

He can see it in her eyes, the sadness and confusion that's there. It's deep and dark and heavy. It makes him ache again but Gale can't look away. And he's sure that she sees it in his eyes too, that sadness and confusion, that desire to say something else, that longing for _healing_. And she can't look away either.

"Gale," she starts. But stops.

Because sometimes there just aren't things to say.

And Gale realizes in this moment that maybe that's okay.

* * *

Madge doesn't expect things with Rory and Gale to just be okay again, but when his family returns back to Gale's apartment after their night at the park Rory nods at him and Gale nods back, and it feels like maybe things will be okay. It'll just take a bit of time. And Madge has always believed that the best things take some time.

She goes to bed before he does but stays up, waiting for him to join her. She wants to say again that she's not going anywhere, that Madge is going to stick with him through these dark times no matter how much he thinks she's going to vanish or that she's afraid of him. She knows she shouldn't say it again, he's probably sick of it, but Madge wants him to know. Regardless, the night trickles on and on and it gets later and later. Finally in the wee hours of the morning after Madge has nearly fallen asleep, Gale quietly creeps into their bedroom.

"Took you long enough," she murmurs, rubbing at her eyes.

Gale startles. "You're still awake?"

"You were hoping I'd be asleep?"

He settles on the edge of the bed, shaking his head. "No, I just was _expecting_ you to be asleep." He starts unbuttoning his shirt and looks at her over his shoulder. "I should've told you I'd be up late." Madge sits up straight and watches as he peels his outer shirt from his body, tossing it toward the hamper. "I didn't…" he begins to say something, but changes his mind. "I don't want to hear it anymore."

"Hear what?"

"That things are going to be okay," Gale says. "Or that you're going to be here. Because I know you firmly believe both of those things." Madge shifts slightly and he scrubs at his face. "And I want to believe those things too. But I can't, not yet, okay? So I don't want to hear it anymore."

Madge wants to fight him on this, but instead she nods. "Okay."

"Okay." They're both quiet again. Gale bends down to pull of his socks. "I went to my therapist today," Gale says. His voice catches. "I told him everything."

Madge nods again. "Okay."

"He said there's nothing he can say that's going to fix me." The way that Gale says this, so full of pain and frustration, makes Madge's chest ache. Because she knows that's true, too. Despite wanting to believe it, she knows there's nothing that she can say that's going to fix Gale either. "That I have to do it on my own."

"I mean, in a way," Madge tries. Because Gale's never going to fully be on his own. He'll have Madge, and Pearl.

"I have to quit Security and Defense, Madge." She sits up a little straighter and waits for him to turn to her. "I'm never going to—I won't be able to move on if I still have to be in these circumstances every day. I can't do it, I—fuck." He drops his head into his hands. "I want this country to be safe," he rasps. "I want to help get it there. But I can't, I can't…" Madge clambers across the bed to him and places her hands on his shoulders. "I don't know how else to help," Gale rasps.

"There's so much you can do," Madge tells him. She reaches over him to kiss his temple and then settles behind him. "Gale, there's so much you can do outside of Security."

His breathing is uneven so Madge stays close. "What'll people say?" he asks. "Gale Hawthorne leaving…"

"Who gives a crap?" Madge asks. Something that might be a laugh rumbles in Gale's chest. "You certainly never did." He turns then so their foreheads bump and Madge inches away. "Leave Security," she tells him. "Leave and never look back. That's okay."

He holds her gaze again and she sees for the second time today just how _sad_ he is. "It won't be right away," he says. "I can't leave right away."

"Then put in your request to leave as soon as possible," she tells him. Gale nods slightly. They're still looking at each other. "Preservation," she says.

Gale's eyebrows draw together. "What?"

"Why don't you work in some sort of environmental preservation?" Madge asks. They talked about it once before but it feels so long ago. He should be reminded of the options that he has. Gale eases away but not to get away from her, just so he can get a better look at the girl before him. "You've always loved the outdoors," Madge says. "Working in nature. And with—the way the economy is, so many new things are being built. We've got sectors of government working to make sure we're keeping woods around, parks. Why don't you see if you can work with them?"

Gale's tongue darts out to lick his lips. "That's not…" _enough_. She can hear it in his voice. That working in the wilderness isn't _enough_.

"Why not?" she asks. "Don't you want Pearl to grow up in a country where he can roam the woods like you used to?" Gale blinks hard and Madge reaches up. "We've got to invest in the environment just as much as we've got to invest in Security, Gale. And it's something you love." She cups his cheek and he leans into her touch, his eyes drooping slightly. "Why _not_?"

* * *

They send the Hawthorne family off in the morning.

There's a lot of long, lingering hugs, and a promise that they'll all see one another soon. Rory squeezes Gale so tightly that it's like he's trying to fit Gale's broken pieces back together for him. "You don't get to walk away again," Rory says gruffly.

"I missed four years of your life," Gale responds. "I wouldn't even dream of walking away." Not now that he has his family back, his brother, no matter how strained Gale knows it's going to be. "If you want to district hop," Gale says when they pull away, "you know you've got a space here you can crash."

A smile quirks on Rory's face. "I've still got some time to decide," he says. "But I'll let you know."

* * *

Gale marches straight to Delta's office. He knows that he should be humming with nerves, that his skin should feel two sizes too big, that his heart should be racing. But he's not panicked at all. In fact, he feels almost Zen. Like things are finally going to be okay, okay, okay.

And he tells her that he wants to leave.

"It's the best thing for my mental health," Gale says, ignoring the startled look on her face as he explains his reasoning. "Working for Security and Defense, it's a noble job. And I've been lucky to work beside General Waters, Benny, he's my best friend. And working with POP, that's been—it's great. Setting up this police force nationwide. But, Chief, I just can't do this anymore."

She studies him as he speaks. Twirls one of her fingers through her fiery curls. "I wish it was that simple," she says after a long pause.

And that's when Gale's anxiety starts twisting inside of him again. "Why isn't it?" he asks.

"You're under contract, Gale." And Gale knows that this is true, that he's under a contract. Multiple ones, technically, considering he's doing a joint operation with the Panem Outreach Program. But just this once, couldn't they bend the rules? Cut him some slack? "I'll go through it another time," she says, and it sounds like she's upset. "See the earliest we can get you out. But until then…"

"Delta." His voice is rough. His eyebrows draw together. Gale grips the armrests of the chair that he's sitting in. "I'll work until my contract's through, and I'll do the best damn work I can. But I'm begging you." He forces his eyes open. "If you're trying to keep me around for selfish reasons—"

"Selfish reasons?" she cuts him off. Delta sits a little taller in her seat. "Like what, Lieutenant?" Gale commands himself to swallow. "Selfish reasons like I'm trying to fuck you again?" she asks. It feels like someone's punched him in the chest. He clenches his teeth. Swallows again. "Or selfish reasons like having _War Hero Hawthorne_ at my disposal?" She shakes her head. "I do what's best for my squad," she says, and there's fire in her voice.

The war had never broken her like it had broken Gale.

"That isn't what I meant," he tries.

"If anything's selfish," she says sharply, "it's leaving before a job is finished because you're too weak to see it through." The air is knocked from his lungs. Gale stays in his seat. He lets her words wash over him, angry and horrible and _true_. Because this, leaving Security and Defense, it's a selfish thing. "You're a good soldier," Delta carries on. "You're a good _leader_. A good Lieutenant, a good fighter, a good strategist. And you want to throw all of your skills away for the entire country because… why? Your _mental health_?" She says it like it's a joke, like he's making this up.

If Gale tries to say anything else he know his voice will break. So he sits there.

"You can't sleep a couple of nights," Delta continues, "and you get a little nervous on the field, and suddenly your entire mental health is at risk? Sure, Gale."

He clears his throat. "You used to understand," he says. Delta used to know when she was having panic attacks, used to know how to talk him down, how to remind him to breath. She was good at that. Especially when they were together, all that time ago.

"You used to care more about the safety of this country," she tosses back.

"You think I _want_ to do this?" Gale asks, finally finding his voice. "I _know_ I'm good at this. People've been telling me that for years. I _can't_ , Delta. I _can't_ do this anymore."

She shakes her head at him. The disappointment, the disgust, it's rolling off of her in waves.

"I'll look at your contract," she says. It's in her voice, too. How repulsed she currently is by Gale, by this choice that he's making. "I'll see what I can do."

And then he's on his feet, out of her office as fast he possibly can be.

* * *

That night, Gale tells Madge what Delta said. He tries not to repeat it word for word but he's still stinging from what she said, his chest still tight.

"Maybe she's right," he says once he's finished. Gale's pacing the living room, his hair a mess from the number of times he's dragged his hands through it. "Maybe I'm being selfish." Gale pauses, turning to look at Madge for her input, and finds her absolutely fuming.

"How dare she," Madge hisses. She's on her feet in an instant. "How _dare_ she say those things to you!" Gale's never seen Madge look like this, boiling with anger, her words louder than before. "Mental health isn't a _joke_ , Gale, it's a serious thing! And you—you wanting to leave a place that's toxic for you— _fuck her_!"

He blanches at her words. "Jesus, Madge."

"That's not selfish!" She's practically heaving for air, her hands balled into fists as she scans the room as though she's looking for something to break. "Oh, that little—that's so unprofessional, saying that to you. I can't believe she would even _dare_ …" her words come out in bits and pieces, fragmented thoughts she can't figure out how to finish. " _Selfish_ , stupid… no right to say that…"

"Madge," Gale crosses to her. The aching in his chest has been quickly replaced with more breathing room than he'd ever anticipated. He never expected Madge to react like this. "It's—she's…"

"Don't defend her," Madge snaps. Gale rests his hands on her shoulders. "That's horrible, Gale," Madge says. "That she said that to you." She's practically shaking. "You have to take care of yourself. You can't let her _guilt you_ into staying in that place!"

" _Madge_ ," he tries again. One of his hands eases from her shoulder to cup her cheek. "I… I'm not staying there. Okay? Hey, relax. Talk to me."

Madge meets his eyes and tears spring to them. "It's just not fair," she bursts. Suddenly she's swatting at her eyes. "I know—you think I'm an emotional wreck—it's stupid… hormones, but—Gale, she's—she's supposed to be your supervisor and care about your wellbeing and…" Gale tugs Madge close she continues to blink her tears away. "She's supposed to be someone you can trust, someone you go to when you need help, and that, it's not acceptable for her to treat you like that. It just isn't."

And then she's hugging him, and a strangled laugh crawls up Gale's throat. He returns the hug, his hand gently drifting up and down her back.

"You okay?" he asks after a beat of silence.

"Are you?" she asks.

* * *

Despite clearly not being happy about it, Delta manages to pull Gale from his in-field training of the recruits that they've been sending to the various districts. It's a relief. Gale no longer has to don his training uniform, has to shout orders at recruits. Benny's taken his spot and he doesn't mind it for a second. But until every district has a steady police force, Gale has to stick around with Security and Defense.

"It's not so bad," Madge tells him once he tells her all of this a week later. "It could be worse. You know?" She digs around for her tablet and pulls up some of her work files. "We've already gotten through 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, and 9. That's over half." They haven't had to travel to all of the districts to make sure they've been set up, but all seven of the districts that they've sent people to have been reporting positive results. "That's five left," she says. "And we won't even have to go to all of them, either."

Gale sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face, and nods. "I know. And I… I do want to see this through to the end, you know?" They've already been making tweaks to the teams they've been sending out. Body cameras are on all of the officers now for a double reinforcement in case something is to go wrong, a step they hadn't even anticipated in the beginning. Madge is still staring at the tablet, her eyebrows suddenly furrowed. "What's wrong?" Gale asks.

She shakes her head. "I don't know."

"I just want to be rid of it," Gale adds. "Put it in the past." But Madge's eyebrows are still drawn together. "Hey," he reaches out, tugging her chin toward him. "Still thinking about what Delta said?"

Madge's eyes snap over to him in an instant. "Well I _wasn't_ ," Madge mutters.

"I'm okay, Madge," Gale says, and he means that. Madge's reaction (overreaction?) to what happened made him feel better. "Honestly. Five more districts and then I don't ever have to even see her again."

Madge tugs her chin from his grasp and nods. "I'm still filing a complaint," she murmurs, looking down at her tablet again. "But that's not what I'm…" she trails off still furrowing her eyebrows. "Remember when we were in District 7?"

"It wasn't that long ago," Gale says.

"Okay. Right. And we had to leave early because there was the attack on District 1." Gale nods as she talks. "But District 1 was attacked because in the notes we made, whoever was looking at them, thought we were going there." Gale shifts his gaze to Madge's tablet, trying to get in the same mindset that she's put herself in. Sal and Benny had made the program read so anyone looking at Madge's notes thought she and her team would be in District 1. "So I'm just—I'm wondering… was District 1 attacked because they thought _we_ would be there?"

Gale blinks hard. "What?"

"Whoever attacked District 1, they waited until they thought POP and Security and Defense would be there. Right? Because if not, they would've attacked any other night."

Gale shakes his head. "What're you trying to say?" He sits up a little straighter. "You think someone's trying to attack us? Me?"

"No, no," she quickly reaches out for him. Her touch instantly dispels the amount of anxiety that's building inside of him. He lets out a short breath. "Just the police force," Madge says. "Someone's trying to get there before we can."

Gale shrugs his shoulders a little. "Okay. And?"

"Do you know anyone that's not a big fan of the police force?" Madge asks.

* * *

Lora shows up at Madge's desk the next week. She looks nervous.

Madge looks at her briefly and then drops her gaze, looking down at the things she's working on for District 12, their next stop. They'll be going there this weekend. But if anyone was to inquire, they'd be going for a return visit to District 6. That's what all the files are reading, anyway.

"I'm leaving again," Lora says. Madge looks up at her and then back down. "Madge," Lora tries to place herself in Madge's line of sight and finally Madge sighs, looking up at the person she used to consider her best friend. "I, um." Lora shuffles on her feet. "I'm headed back to Augmentum for two months this time." Still, Madge says nothing. "I… won't be here. For the birth."

Madge's eyebrows pull together. "Didn't realize I'd invited you to that," Madge mutters.

"Listen," Lora sighs loudly and looks around. Ever since Madge has moved to a quieter part of the office it's been nice. If people have rude things to say, they don't say them due to the fact that others could probably overhear. Madge gets a lot more work done. "I can't apologize enough for what I said. And even if I could apologize enough, it wouldn't make up for it." Madge sits backwards in her seat. "But I can't leave until I try one more time."

"You don't have to," Madge insists.

But Lora's already speaking. "You always got everything that I wanted," she started. Madge tries her hardest not to roll her eyes. "This outreach stuff, it's always been natural for you. Building connections and things like that. And when I got the promotion and you didn't, I don't know. I thought maybe I was good at this after all. It wasn't a competition then, really. It was never a competition with you. But I just thought maybe finally I'd shown everyone that I could do what you did, too."

"Really," Madge tries again. "You don't—"

"And then I found out that everyone had originally wanted you in this job anyway and that—it sucked, okay? And it's not an excuse, I know it's not an excuse, but just, of _course_ it was you winning again. Because you always did." Lora throws her hands up a little. "I overheard that they basically created a job for you to travel to Pecuniam just because you wanted to travel. Like—they don't do things like that for me!"

Madge sinks a little in her seat. "That isn't my fault," she says.

"I know," Lora agrees. "I know that. I just—I was frustrated. And I said things I didn't mean, And I can't take them back."

"You said I was stuck with this thing," Madge reiterates, resting her hands over her baby bump. "That I was being a _goddamn idiot_." Lora winces as she hears the words she spoke about her friend. "You're right, you can't take them back." She shakes her head slightly. "I'm going to give birth to this baby, and he's going to be more beautiful than you could ever imagine. And then me, Pearl, and Gale, we're all going to travel together. And we're going to be happy. Because I'm good at what I do, and I love my family, and you can't take any of that from me."

"Madge."

"Have fun in Augmentum," she says. "Maybe I'll see you there one day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, hey! It's been a while! For starters I'd like to thank everyone who's still sticking around, y'all rock. Secondly, I'd like to stress the fact that my views do not line up with Delta's whatsoever. It's not selfish to distance yourself from the things that are hurting you, absolutely ever. Miss y'all, hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	32. Time Flies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 34-39 Weeks Pregnant

“I need you to look into something for me.”

The question comes from Gale while he and Benny are in Benny’s car. The work day has just ended and Gale followed his friend, making a stern face in response to Benny’s questioning one as he trailed him. Benny didn’t question him vocally, but when they reached Benny’s car he simply unlocked the door for Gale to join too.

“Anything,” Benny answers.

They sit in silence a beat longer as Gale works up the courage to say what’s been bothering him. “I need to know something,” Gale says. “Before I can put this behind me.” Benny doesn’t question what the _this_ is, though truly it could be a dozen things. “The program I was part of. Before I joined the office here.” Benny tips his head at Gale, waiting. “I need to know it’s gone. That it doesn’t exist anymore.”

It was a government funded program. Gale was recruited _from the government_. It was people in charge who were allowing him to be a monster, who were _encouraging_ him to be one. They used torture to get information. And that is not the country that Gale wants to be a part of. He needs to know that it’s over, that things have changed. Because if they haven’t, if there’s still someone out there breaking fingers and burning wrists to get information, then Gale can’t leave Security and Defense. Not at all.

“I’ll look into it,” Benny confirms.

It was top-secret. Only a few people knew about it, only those involved. But if this sort of thing is still happening then Gale’s going to have to go to the media or something. He can’t be part of a country that’s thriving on things like that, he can’t.

“Thank you.”

* * *

The next month passes in a blur.

Madge keeps up her doctor visits with both Doctor Paige and Iris. Benny looks into things for Gale. Gale keeps in touch with his family. Everyone keeps their head down and gets their work done.

The world of terrorism is achingly quiet. While there are no bombings, no shootings, no one taking the lives of innocents, there’s also no new lead. It’s a painful process, not necessarily wanting bad things to be happening but wishing that they could _do_ something.

At night, Gale wraps his arms around Madge and holds her close. And he believes her. He believes that in time, things will sort themselves out. He believes that in time, he’ll forgive himself. He believes that he’s working to be a better person. As long as he holds her and looks into those bright blue eyes, he truly believes that things will be okay.

“Any news about getting out of your contract?” Madge asks one night. They’re in bed early, as Madge gets tired earlier and Gale doesn’t like waking her up if he comes in late. “Anything from Delta?”

“No,” Gale admits. Before Madge can say something he presses forward, kissing her gently. “When our project is over,” he murmurs, “then I’ll push more. I will.” Madge doesn’t seem to like this answer, but she doesn’t push him more. “Baby’s due soon,” he reminds her.

Madge nods, and that wrinkle between her eyebrows slowly disappears. “Yeah.”

“We want to decide on names? Officially?”

She smiles at him, the type of smile that Gale is still getting used to. So warm and bright and full of hope. Full of love, though he can’t think about that for too long without feeling like he’s going to explode. That someone like Madge could love him. “I thought we had,” she said. “Cassiopeia for a girl. Cassie for short. Asher for a boy.”

Gale kisses her again. “That simple, hm?”

“Any other names you want to discuss?” she teases.

“No.”

“Well, then, yes, that simple.” Again he kisses her and Madge’s smile widens. They’ve spent the past month getting the spare bedroom ready, the one that Madge used to sleep in. They’ve been sharing a bed ever since the Hawthorne family was by and Gale thought it was important they start making arrangements for their little one. With soft yellow walls painted with stars and an endless amount of toys sent in from all across Panem where their family and friends live, Gale things that they’re ready. “I talked to Delly,” Madge says after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“About her and Thom being Pearl’s godparents.”

Gale wants to spend the rest of his life kissing her. “Thom told me he proposed.”

“Delly told me she said yes,” Madge adds. The feeling of warmth that rushes over him at this news makes his heart swim. He’s known that Thom asked, and that Delly’s said yes, but hearing it again just gives him hope. Hope is such a strange, curious feeling. Gale likes it more than he should. “Sal and Benny are great,” Madge says. “But I think we should ask Delly and Thom.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean. Benny and Sal, they both have pretty dangerous jobs.” Gale brushes his fingers through Madge’s hair as she speaks. “And Thom and Delly, they’re both parts of us. Friends from long ago. And if anything happened to us, Pearl would have a piece of our home with him. A piece of 12.” Gale leans in another time and Madge indulges him. She’s always indulging him. “What do you think?”

“I think that’s a great idea,” he whispers. “I’ll talk to Thom.”

“I’ll talk to Delly.”

* * *

Madge enters Gale’s office a bit tentatively. She knows that Gale’s out, and she knows that if he knew she was here he’d probably be upset, but Madge is being eaten alive by the thought of him stuck here and she can’t push off the feelings anymore. She asks someone by the door where Delta’s office is, and with steps more sure than she is, Madge walks down a long hallway to find her.

She knocks, and soon the door swings open. Delta looks at Madge, her eyes lingering on her belly, before she opens the door and invites her in.

“Lieutenant Hawthorne isn’t in,” Delta says as Madge enters.

“I’m here to talk to you,” Madge says.

The sneer Delta wears is cruel. “Of course you are. What can I do for you Miss Undersee?”

Madge takes a seat across from Delta at her desk. She tries to figure out what it is she wants to say. She’d been thinking of it for what felt like forever, but now that she’s here all of her words feel wrong. She takes a deep breath. “I know that Gale’s spoken with you,” Madge says. “About leaving.” Delta arches her eyebrows, but other than that she doesn’t respond. “I think it’s unfair of you to try and stop him from doing so. Or guilt him into trying to stay.”

“Gale is a decorated war hero. He’s a lieutenant. He’s a strategist. He’s good at what he does.” Delta shrugs. “You can’t honestly expect me to let him go that easily.”

“The fact that you don’t care about his mental health makes me sick,” Madge says, frustrated that her voice comes out sharp.

“One man’s _mental health_ compared to the wellbeing of all of Panem?”

“Is Gale that important?” Madge challenges.

“You tell me,” she counters. “Is he?”

“To me as a person, yes,” Madge says, without hesitation. “To the entire country? I don’t know. He’s a strong leader and like you said, he’s good at what he does. But there are dozens of people who could take his place in terms of strategy or planning.” She lets out a long breath. “If you cared about him then you’d let him move on. He wants more.”

Delta falls quiet. She looks up at Madge for a very long time and studies her with an intensity that makes Madge want to squirm. Delta is incredibly beautiful, with piercing eyes and so much power that Madge can feel it coursing through the room. But something passes over her face in this moment, something shifts from anger to something gentle, something vulnerable.

After the silence carries on for at least a few minutes Delta says, “I envy you.” Madge blinks, narrowing her eyes at the woman across from her. “I had my chance with him and ruined it.”

“Because you’re married,” she says.

“Because I’m married,” Delta agrees. “Gale was, no, is, a good man. He’s a good man.” Delta looks away, letting out a long breath. “I don’t know what he’s told you, I’m sure you know we were together briefly. But it was just after the war. And he was always so patient with me. And me with him.” Delta shakes her head. “My husband, he’s not a good man. Not like Gale.”

The shift of this conversation comes so suddenly and so abruptly that Madge is struggling to keep up. “I don’t understand.”

“He said the same thing,” Delta carries on. “That I was being selfish, wanting him to stay with Security. And I called him out. But it was true. I was being selfish.” She shakes her head again. “Part of me just wishes that I had a man like him, strong and brave and always trying to improve.” Madge doesn’t trust this conversation, suddenly. She sits up a bit straighter but Delta is still looking elsewhere. “Of course I’ll release him from this job when his time is up,” Delta said. “Of course I will, he’s earned it. My anger at him was misguided.” Madge makes a noise of confusion and Delta finally looks up. That cruel sneer she wore earlier is gone. “Is this not the way you thought this conversation would go?” she wonders.

Madge hesitates. “I thought there would be more yelling. I was ready to yell.”

Instead, now Delta wears a smile. It’s small, and hesitant, and maybe slightly sad, but it’s there. Delta lets out another long breath. “The fact that you’ve come in to speak for him—it really speaks volumes about my own behavior. I never wanted to be that person. But war does things to people. And unhappy marriages do things to people. But those aren’t excuses.” She gestures to Madge. “He has a family now. He has you. He wants… _more_. As you said.”

“And you’ll give him that?” Madge asks.

Delta shakes her head. “No, _you’ll_ give him that. I’ll just make sure he can get out of his contract.”

* * *

When Gale returns from his meeting Delta calls him to her office straight away. There’s a knot in his chest that bubbles up every time she wants to speak with him, but still he makes his way down the hallway to her. Gale knocks before entering and shuts the door behind him, finding Delta sitting in her chair looking at him.

“Your girlfriend came by today,” she says.

Gale’s stomach drops. “Madge was here?”

“Mm-hm.” Gale waits for something to snap. For Delta to get angry. For her to yell. Instead she says, “I like her.”

Gale feels the world shift below his feet. “Sorry?”

“Madge,” Delta says. “I like her. She has spunk.” His mouth goes a little dry. “Came in here talking about how it’s unfair how I treated you. And she was right.” Delta drops her hands onto her desk, palms down. “She was right,” she says again. “I’m sorry.” Delta lifts one hand to point at him. “If you would’ve stood up for yourself maybe I would’ve realized it sooner,” she says, but there’s… teasing in her voice. Delta is teasing him.

Gale is confused. “I’m confused,” he says.

“I’ve been going through your contract ever since she left. Gale Hawthorne, when you finish your project with the Panem Outreach Program, you are officially allowed to depart from Security and Defense.” Delta stands slowly. “Still as a decorated war hero and lieutenant.”

He shakes his head. “What’s the catch?” he asks.

“No catch.”

Gale drags his hand through his hair and takes a step backwards, running into the door. “Delta,” he says carefully.

“Despite everything,” she says, not letting him carry on, “you’ve been a hard worker. You’re a good leader. You’re a good friend. You’ve given so much to this department. I told her, and I’ll tell you, I was being selfish. My anger was misplaced. And I don’t want to be that way anymore, I don’t want to feel like that.”  He opens and closes his mouth, but no words come. “Gale,” she says with a sigh. “I care for you. I always have.”

When the train flipped and she was worried. When his anxiety spiked and she reached out. Of course she’s cared for him.

“Thank you,” he finally manages.

“You deserve it,” Delta responds.

And he believes her.

* * *

Madge is working when Gale gets home, like always, perched on the stool by the counter near the door. Gale swoops in and wraps his arms around her, nuzzling into her neck. She lets out a breathy laugh as he kisses her collarbone, nibbling his way toward her shoulder.

“I don’t know what you said,” he murmurs. “But thank you.”

“I’m not really sure what I said either,” Madge admits. She turns to look at him, reaching out to cradle his cheek. “I was… very surprised. In how she reacted.”

“You shouldn’t have gone,” Gale reprimands her, but there’s not much force. In fact, he’s smiling, which totally wipes out all aspect of him being angry.

“You weren’t going to say anything. So I figured I should. And then she was… nice?” Gale leans into her hand and Madge presses forward to kiss him. “Surprising,” she says.

“Yes,” Gale agrees. He kisses her again and when he goes to pull away Madge chases his lips. He smiles and deepens the kiss.

It feels like the world is giving him a chance to breathe. For once, he doesn’t fear tomorrow.

* * *

“Will Pearl call us _Uncle_ Sal and _Uncle_ Benny?” Sal wonders from his spot on the couch beside Madge. Gale and Benny are there too, across the room, all of the men with drinks in their hands. “Because that’s my favorite thing ever.”

“Yeah, if we can’t be godparents at least let us be uncles,” Benny agrees.

“Uncle Sal and Uncle Benny it is,” Madge agrees with a smile.

“And when we adopt,” Sal carries on, “you will be Aunt Madge and Uncle Gale.”

“You’re thinking of adopting?” Gale asks.

Benny nods deeply, turning to his friend. “We’ve been talking about it a lot. Once all of this terrorist bullshit is over and we can breathe for a bit.”

“Sometimes it already feels over,” Madge says.

Sal shakes his head. “It’s not.”

“Thanks Mr. Intelligence,” Madge says. She knows that their apartment is safe to speak in, so she doesn’t worry about dropping this line. “Makes me, the pregnant one, feel _super_ safe.” Sal reaches out with a smile and drops his hand on her shoulder. “Any news on your front?” she asks.

“Well your fancy police force has been catching people left and right,” he tells her. “As I’m sure you know.”

Madge _does_ know that. There’re only a few districts left where they have to instate their police force and then Gale’s free from his contract. They stayed up late last night on Madge’s tablet, scrolling through different job opportunities for him. _I’m sure it won’t be hard for you to find work_ , Madge said. _What with your incredible resume and all_. But until they’ve gone to all to instate them, Gale’s still with security and defense. And the police force, it’s been catching baddies. But not necessarily terrorists.

“Not what I meant,” she says.

Sal lets out a long breath and gives Benny and Gale a look. When Gale shrugs, looking tired, Sal turns back to Madge. “We just know there’s something big in the works,” he says. “We’re not sure what or where, just that it’s big.”

“Like I said,” Madge murmurs. “Makes me feel _super_ safe.”

“Our decoders are working like crazy. But they have Capitol-level coders on their end, too. So it’s a pretty balanced match.”

Gale stands from his seat and crosses the room before lowering himself on the couch by Madge’s free side. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, pressing a kiss to her temple. “We’ll be okay,” he tells her. Madge turns so he can really kiss her and he nods as he pulls back. “Really.”

“I know.”

Madge eases into his side for the remainder of the night, the four of them moving away from the topic of terrorism and into something else. They talk about possible adoption for Benny and Sal, future things they want to do with Pearl, potential jobs for Gale. It’s a nice night, the four of them hanging out.

A bit into the night Gale switched to water so he could drive home. When Madge starts dozing off Gale decides that they should head home. The two stand to gather their coats but before they can leave, Benny and Sal stop them.

“Uh, Gale,” Sal starts. “Benny and I’ve been looking into that thing for you, you know?”

Madge gives Gale a look. He turns to her to elaborate, “I asked Benny to look into the program I was part of a while back,” he says, knowing that Madge will understand. The program that broke him, that turned him into something dark. “It’s fine,” he says to them, letting them know he doesn’t mind that Madge is listening. “Go on.”

There’s a touch of hesitation. “It wasn’t a government sanctioned program,” Benny says. Gale narrows his eyes in confusion. “The general—okay, the general _program_ of it all was. But the sub-branch that you were part of, all records that I can find describe it as something else completely.”

“The more we look into it,” Sal says, “the more we believe that it was a cover up. That whoever was running it told Paylor and other higher ups that it was something different.”

“Well who was running it?” Madge asks, her voice sharp. “Is it still being run?”

“No, it was found out,” Benny says. “Few months after Gale left, actually. Shut down completely. The whole thing. The whole program.”

“But…” Sal picks up where he pauses. “It’s complicated. Even in the aftermath it doesn’t look like the ringleader was charged. I can’t seem to find any solid answers or get anything out of my contacts.”

“Who was running it?” Madge asks again.

Sal and Benny exchange a look. “Percy Dracis,” Benny finally says. Madge squints, because that name sounds familiar. “Delta’s husband,” Benny clarifies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hasn't been proofread - sorry! just wanted to get it out to y'all. also sorry for my complete lack of updating. I appreciate anyone still reading! I do hope to finish this in time.


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